Forgive & forget? ( Archived) (99)

Forgiving takes time, and it isn´t easy, but forgetting is nigh on impossible. What we do is tuck it away and put it on a back burner hoping it will dry out and be tossed away in the trash eventually.

It doesn´t get tossed away, but it does dry up....in time.

Okay - Whoa - you lost me again

Indeed, a part of me wishes I could forget - while another part of me warns myself not to

Missed this post before - well said

I think that if we come to terms with what happens to us, then the incidence slips into unconciousness, and so is forgotten to all intents and purposes.

The mind usually keeps all trauma and traumatic events for future reference though, because it is part of the survival process. The lessons we learn from being hurt are aften very valuable, and could save our lives in the future, so it is important that they be remembered on some level, even a subconcius one.

Why are you wasting the energy to keep bringing it up to yourself to see if you still remember or not??? Some things are easier to forgive than others, but life is too short to go round and round in circles in my mind. There is so much more to life, and if I was paying attention to it instead of being in a corner licking my wounds and taking account of who has hurt me, and when it was last they hurt me, and how I can get back at them,, what a waste of lifes time...your doctor tells you today you have cancer--you have 3-6 months to live, are you seriously going to worry about it, and be so really f@#%n concerned?! Unreal!! Forgive and forget and move on..that is your gift in life, the ability to move on. You can't change what happened, you can't undo it, you can embrace it, look at it see how valuable it really is to hang onto in life, there are things you like about that person, they are upbeat and positive, and you had fun with them, sometimes they do have better ideas, so what--how great!! MOVE on..forgive and even if they did something really crass--an exboyfriend or girlfriend, carma is like a hunter seeker, it will find that person everytime...and maybe when you don't expect it, but it comes round, always faithful to find....but forgive them, or it comes to find you too...promise...

G-R-E-A-T post Joyfullspirit !

It’s refreshing to read and compare the differing viewpoints on a subject which I think affects each of us at some point in our lives…. sometimes as far back as from childhood through to our adult life……

My last employment was a post working for a bunch of scientists who specialized in neuropharmacology, and although not a scientist myself, the post offered me ample opportunities to get a very enlightened feel of how the brain works! Yes, I totally agree that it is neurologically impossible to simply forget at will

Personally, most of the hurt I have experienced in my life has been dished out by people I have loved and trusted unconditionally, vis-à-vis relationships and family members. It is in my nature to forgive and move on… not always easily accomplished, because it is just as easy to allow the hurt to fester into self-pity, especially if the offending party seems quite unaware or unaccepting of the hurt inflicted by his/her actions.

However, having forgiven, I never forget. I think it is impossible to simply tuck the hurtful incident away somewhere in the back of our head/brain/mind/wherever or wipe it clean like a computer hard drive, and then carry on as if that incident has never happened!

What I strive to do, is to learn something positive from each hurt, whether I am victim or offender, move on (not always easy with the best will in the world) , and try and focus my energy elsewhere…..

My answer to your question: Does the fact that I still remember mean I haven't truly forgiven? Is… yes, you have forgiven but you haven’t forgotten, and in my book that is a normal human reaction, and not one that you should continue to beat yourself up about …. Turn the page over honey, move on to the next chapter in you life and enjoy!

Some of the comments in this thread have been truly enlightening and give a lot of food for thought
But no one has mentioned a breakup where children are involved
I have had two previous long term relationships that i managed to get over even though it wasnt easy,but i did forgive ,and not forget, and it was easier with no children involved
But i do find it difficult to understand how your partner can unintentionally inflict the pain of a family breakup on your son or daughter, and deprive them of a stable upbringing with their mother and father,just because they were bored.

Adults are very resilient and have grown up to learn and accept hurt in adult life ,but the last thing a young child needs is to see their world blown apart because their parents are splitting up

I know there are cicumstances where this is inevitable,if the parents were violent to each other, for instance,or because of adultry or other extreme marital problems

But when you hear that old chesnut "its not you, its me ",you think,why ?

I know people will say if someone is not happy in a marriage why stay together ?

I personally think bringing a beautiful child into this already disfunctional world is reason enough ,without the trauma they will have to suffer because of their parents inadequaties