Relationship patterns (55)
mmichaelm: "Many men and women know the definition of insanity (doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result) and in spite of this knowledge, they continue to date or marry the same type of person while expecting a different result." - Bob Grant, LPC
Have you ever found this to be true in your life? If so, why do you think it works out that way despite wanting it to be different "next time"?
It's not Knowledge until you accept it!Have you ever found this to be true in your life? If so, why do you think it works out that way despite wanting it to be different "next time"?
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maybe we changed but still want the same things. 
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mmichaelm: "Many men and women know the definition of insanity (doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result) and in spite of this knowledge, they continue to date or marry the same type of person while expecting a different result." - Bob Grant, LPC
Have you ever found this to be true in your life? If so, why do you think it works out that way despite wanting it to be different "next time"?
Have you ever found this to be true in your life? If so, why do you think it works out that way despite wanting it to be different "next time"?
Hi mm
Tis a 'learned behaviour' trait... and unfortunately most people cannot see that they replace what they really have found that does not work for them... with something similar but in a different guise...
Education is the key...
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Conrad73: It's not Knowledge until you accept it!
Oh it's knowledge alright but once you accept it, then it becomes wisdom.
BUT...the insanity definition only holds true if all variables are at your control and I would argue that where the definition may hold true for addiction or one's own behaviour, it cannot possibly predict the behaviour or motives of another human being.
We don't go off to a club and say...Oh she looks co dependant, I think I'll imprison her with my fear and insecurity or oh, he'll beat me senseless and deepen my victim mentality!
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Godsgift:
We don't go off to a club and say...Oh she looks co dependant, I think I'll imprison her with my fear and insecurity or oh, he'll beat me senseless and deepen my victim mentality!
We don't go off to a club and say...Oh she looks co dependant, I think I'll imprison her with my fear and insecurity or oh, he'll beat me senseless and deepen my victim mentality!
True..but do you think its possible to subconsciously attract or gravitate to those kind of people based upon one's inner belief system? Their beliefs about themselves and the world?
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the person himself has to progress or grow.
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Godsgift: Oh it's knowledge alright but once you accept it, then it becomes wisdom.
BUT...the insanity definition only holds true if all variables are at your control and I would argue that where the definition may hold true for addiction or one's own behaviour, it cannot possibly predict the behaviour or motives of another human being.
We don't go off to a club and say...Oh she looks co dependant, I think I'll imprison her with my fear and insecurity or oh, he'll beat me senseless and deepen my victim mentality!
BUT...the insanity definition only holds true if all variables are at your control and I would argue that where the definition may hold true for addiction or one's own behaviour, it cannot possibly predict the behaviour or motives of another human being.
We don't go off to a club and say...Oh she looks co dependant, I think I'll imprison her with my fear and insecurity or oh, he'll beat me senseless and deepen my victim mentality!
Hi K
No we dont verbally go to a club and say... Oh she looks co-dependent and I'll imprison her with my fear and insecurity etc.. but Generally, I think people do look for what is familiar and people seem to sense what is familiar ... therefore the pattern repeats itself.
And with lower socio eco groups.. and low standard of education.. well of course they are going to attract like minded... and there in lies part of the repeat problem...
Evening hun... nice to see ya.
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mmichaelm: True..but do you think its possible to subconsciously attract or gravitate to those kind of people based upon one's inner belief system? Their beliefs about themselves and the world?
Of course...
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well...in my case
i have tried to date a different type of person in order to obtain a different result, but...
it turned out that a different type of person is not attracted enough to me to arrive at any result...lol
so...it is not me, it is them...
i have tried to date a different type of person in order to obtain a different result, but...
it turned out that a different type of person is not attracted enough to me to arrive at any result...lol
so...it is not me, it is them...
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Merriweather: Hi K
No we dont verbally go to a club and say... Oh she looks co-dependent and I'll imprison her with my fear and insecurity etc.. but Generally, I think people do look for what is familiar and people seem to sense what is familiar ... therefore the pattern repeats itself.
And with lower socio eco groups.. and low standard of education.. well of course they are going to attract like minded... and there in lies part of the repeat problem...Evening hun... nice to see ya.
No we dont verbally go to a club and say... Oh she looks co-dependent and I'll imprison her with my fear and insecurity etc.. but Generally, I think people do look for what is familiar and people seem to sense what is familiar ... therefore the pattern repeats itself.
And with lower socio eco groups.. and low standard of education.. well of course they are going to attract like minded... and there in lies part of the repeat problem...Evening hun... nice to see ya.
Hi Merriweather
Generally I would agree with that. However, there have been case-after-case situations where that did not hold true. I have seen in many times with all kinds of people. Their education/background seem to contradict what they were actually living.
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mmichaelm: True..but do you think its possible to subconsciously attract or gravitate to those kind of people based upon one's inner belief system? Their beliefs about themselves and the world?
Oh I understand where you're coming from that dysfunctional people's shortcomings meet at a subconscious level and bond them in a very unhealthy and destructive way but there's a danger that you would lock yourself away and never have another relationship. Unless you have the tools to be introspective and self honest, it's damned near impossible. Having a relationship with yourself is the key.
Remember, 85% of all relationships are dysfunctional. Our model for relationships is dysfunctional and so we all aspire to be dysfunctional. It's what we are familiar with in our upbringing and we are attracted to what is familiar. We are comfortable with it!
Every generation, blames the one before
When all of their frustrations, come beating on their door...
Like I said...ignorance is bliss!
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lucynad: well...in my case
i have tried to date a different type of person in order to obtain a different result, but...
it turned out that a different type of person is not attracted enough to me to arrive at any result...lol
so...it is not me, it is them...
i have tried to date a different type of person in order to obtain a different result, but...
it turned out that a different type of person is not attracted enough to me to arrive at any result...lol
so...it is not me, it is them...
But of course..who else could it be?
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It takes a great deal of personal strength to identify poor attraction patterns and then challenge and change them.
I recently read an article on co dependency, the author stated that if you have co dependent tendancies, should you ever meet someone and think to yourself.. 'OH my GAWD this is my SOULMATE, we are so connected' ... you should RUN .. RUN away as fast as you can.
I recently read an article on co dependency, the author stated that if you have co dependent tendancies, should you ever meet someone and think to yourself.. 'OH my GAWD this is my SOULMATE, we are so connected' ... you should RUN .. RUN away as fast as you can.
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Godsgift: Oh I understand where you're coming from that dysfunctional people's shortcomings meet at a subconscious level and bond them in a very unhealthy and destructive way but there's a danger that you would lock yourself away and never have another relationship. Unless you have the tools to be introspective and self honest, it's damned near impossible. Having a relationship with yourself is the key.
Remember, 85% of all relationships are dysfunctional. Our model for relationships is dysfunctional and so we all aspire to be dysfunctional. It's what we are familiar with in our upbringing and we are attracted to what is familiar. We are comfortable with it!
Every generation, blames the one before
When all of their frustrations, come beating on their door...
Like I said...ignorance is bliss!
Remember, 85% of all relationships are dysfunctional. Our model for relationships is dysfunctional and so we all aspire to be dysfunctional. It's what we are familiar with in our upbringing and we are attracted to what is familiar. We are comfortable with it!
Every generation, blames the one before
When all of their frustrations, come beating on their door...
Like I said...ignorance is bliss!
There are self help tools a plenty... and courses... and counselling... but generally until a crisis comes along..most people think they can manage it alone... and some can and do it successfully, but not too many I think.?
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Merriweather: There are self help tools a plenty... and courses... and counselling... but generally until a crisis comes along..most people think they can manage it alone... and some can and do it successfully, but not too many I think.?
But there are plenty dysfunctional relationships which ok, you and I wouldn't want, but the folk in them are quite happy to blunder along and who's to say they're any worse off than we are!
Hi M! Good evening Australia!
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Shell225: It takes a great deal of personal strength to identify poor attraction patterns and then challenge and change them.
I recently read an article on co dependency, the author stated that if you have co dependent tendancies, should you ever meet someone and think to yourself.. 'OH my GAWD this is my SOULMATE, we are so connected' ... you should RUN .. RUN away as fast as you can.
I recently read an article on co dependency, the author stated that if you have co dependent tendancies, should you ever meet someone and think to yourself.. 'OH my GAWD this is my SOULMATE, we are so connected' ... you should RUN .. RUN away as fast as you can.
Hi Shellgirl...
Living in a co-dependent relationship is not necessarily being co-dependent... but finding a like minded soul mate .. I guess spells a recipe for mental and physical co-dependency... I reckon it would end up as one boring relationship...
What was the authors verdict.. beside RUN... ???
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Merriweather: Hi Shellgirl... Living in a co-dependent relationship is not necessarily being co-dependent... but finding a like minded soul mate .. I guess spells a recipe for mental and physical co-dependency... I reckon it would end up as one boring relationship...
What was the authors verdict.. beside RUN... ???
What was the authors verdict.. beside RUN... ???
In my dysfunctional relationships, I have been accused of many things but never of being boring! I think,'Emotional Rollercoaster" was the term used amongst others not to be repeated in polite company!
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Godsgift: But there are plenty dysfunctional relationships which ok, you and I wouldn't want, but the folk in them are quite happy to blunder along and who's to say they're any worse off than we are!
Hi M! Good evening Australia!
Hi M! Good evening Australia!
G'day to you up there...
I dont know about the 'quite happy' part... I think more that they keep stuff to themselves... and are resigned to the life they know and are comfortable in.. and justify themselves by being like one of their previous generations models.
I guess that if you saw on a daily basis what I see... I reckon we could talk about it til the cows come home..
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Godsgift:
Every generation, blames the one before
When all of their frustrations, come beating on their door...
Like I said...ignorance is bliss!
Every generation, blames the one before
When all of their frustrations, come beating on their door...
Like I said...ignorance is bliss!
Reminds me of when I was growing up in the hills of Tennessee. I actually knew people who would say things like..."My daddy was ignorant. His daddy was ignorant. If its good enough for daddy, its good enough for me"
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Created: Sep 2010
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Have you ever found this to be true in your life? If so, why do you think it works out that way despite wanting it to be different "next time"?