Dating a Widow or Widower (50)
Venus777
"Yes, I believe that you can date a widow or widower successfully, but you have to understand that they were bereaved, and there wasn’t a choice to it.
Sometimes I think that only a widower would really understand as they have been through it themselves.
As others have said , you don’t get over it , you live along side it.
I don’t want to forget about my husband , put away the photos and pretend that he didn’t exist.
He did, but he has gone and I want to move forward in a new relationship.
We all have a past and it would be a huge warning sign to me if somebody that I wanted to be involved with didn’t share their past.
Life is for living, and by the very nature that we are on this site leads me to believe that most people want to move forward in a positive way."
Thank you for admirable expressed feeling and understanding how new relationships can be created, I agree with each word and sentence after divorced marriage and widowhood.
"Yes, I believe that you can date a widow or widower successfully, but you have to understand that they were bereaved, and there wasn’t a choice to it.
Sometimes I think that only a widower would really understand as they have been through it themselves.
As others have said , you don’t get over it , you live along side it.
I don’t want to forget about my husband , put away the photos and pretend that he didn’t exist.
He did, but he has gone and I want to move forward in a new relationship.
We all have a past and it would be a huge warning sign to me if somebody that I wanted to be involved with didn’t share their past.
Life is for living, and by the very nature that we are on this site leads me to believe that most people want to move forward in a positive way."
Thank you for admirable expressed feeling and understanding how new relationships can be created, I agree with each word and sentence after divorced marriage and widowhood.
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galrads: Dating a widow or widower.......
Has anyone attempted to or successfully dated a widow or widower. I recently tried to make something of a relationship with a widow who was supposedly through the grieving after 10 years but I later discovered that I was often compared to a gold standard. Then shrines, photos etc resurfaced commemorating the deceased. It wasn't comfortable anymore.
Would you accept or move on if the dead idol comes between you at this point.
Do you even want to and can you compete with a dead idol and win, making the new relationship a priority instead?
Any shared experiences are appreciated here......
Irish widow joke.....
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda.
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda, no."
"No?"
"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
Has anyone attempted to or successfully dated a widow or widower. I recently tried to make something of a relationship with a widow who was supposedly through the grieving after 10 years but I later discovered that I was often compared to a gold standard. Then shrines, photos etc resurfaced commemorating the deceased. It wasn't comfortable anymore.
Would you accept or move on if the dead idol comes between you at this point.
Do you even want to and can you compete with a dead idol and win, making the new relationship a priority instead?
Any shared experiences are appreciated here......
Irish widow joke.....
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda.
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda, no."
"No?"
"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
I understand your point of view, but the grief process is a complex emotion, and most people do not properly dealt with the emotional side before they decided to start dating again (even divorce).
regarding "competing", anyone who views “late husband” as competition or a threat has some serious insecurities to deal with. it wouldn't bother me nor would it threaten my 'manhood, if she talked about him -having me in her life is never going to erase that person.
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Bogart_1960: I understand your point of view, but the grief process is a complex emotion, and most people do not properly dealt with the emotional side before they decided to start dating again (even divorce).
regarding "competing", anyone who views “late husband” as competition or a threat has some serious insecurities to deal with. it wouldn't bother me nor would it threaten my 'manhood, if she talked about him -having me in her life is never going to erase that person.
regarding "competing", anyone who views “late husband” as competition or a threat has some serious insecurities to deal with. it wouldn't bother me nor would it threaten my 'manhood, if she talked about him -having me in her life is never going to erase that person.
It is a pleasure reading what u have written.
U r so logical and straight forward.
U should start writing ur own threads ?
I would be glad to get involved with someone that will not feel my ex is a threat, and yes he isn't, even tho he still tries to be !!!
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Duromojon: what if the young children don't want any intruder around.
I wouldn't blame the young children how ever they feel ...and adults need to take responsibility in gradual slow introduction. I would suggest that it depends a lot from parent satting boundaries with children, as well it depends how much other person is suitable to show genuine care towards children to give them attention ....When meeting together with children it's important to make a fun day, to include children in fun activities as they get jealous if they feel being pushed aside and ignored. 
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rainbowdream2017: I wouldn't blame the young children how ever they feel ...and adults need to take responsibility in gradual slow introduction. I would suggest that it depends a lot from parent satting boundaries with children, as well it depends how much other person is suitable to show genuine care towards children to give them attention ....When meeting together with children it's important to make a fun day, to include children in fun activities as they get jealous if they feel being pushed aside and ignored.
My ex and myself waited a bit until the children were a bit older, to lessen the trauma.
We did not want them ti think it was their fault.
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aries1234: My ex and myself waited a bit until the children were a bit older, to lessen the trauma.
We did not want them to think it was their fault.
I have no idea how do you make it smooth to prolong living in marriage ...fully knowing it will end some times in the future.We did not want them to think it was their fault.
Perhaps one side keeps hope that it might never end ...until it eventually happen.
I've heard before that some women secretly made such decidion to wait until children grow up but haven't made their hasbuned aware for years ...which is probably harder because you have to continue pretending love and sleeping together.
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HexagonKeySet: The line from the movie that fits this situation is
" Run Forrest ... run ! "
" Run Forrest ... run ! "
A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian . He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian ,every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Brian . He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian , he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian ..."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died and I married his bloody widow "
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I didn't read through every thing. It would seem there's a lot there from others.
I have nothing since my divorce years ago. Little to no dating or any other experiences except for play time, work time, family, lots of time with my youngest, etc.
With that; what do I have to actually talk about out side of those activities and time used? Most are very short stories and maybe not even eventful unless you were there.
Would it be plausible, that the widow only has those years in her past to actually converse about? There are other areas and activities to be sure. What's still, always going to be the most prominent if a person has cut themselves off from any type of personal ties, maybe activities, for themselves with a significant other? Even a potential one? There still may be a lot of things the person hasn't been able to vent out of their system for various reasons. It's most likely not that they're stuck on the past as much as never able to achieve full closure with in themselves due not being able to get things out of their system. There could still be quite a bit pent up inside.
I would say that if you've spent a lot of time listening, maybe spend a little more intertwined with doing. First and foremost, people need to vent. Let them. It could be you that becomes the corner stone for their new found freedom and ability to move fully forward again.
Time will tell for certain if you're expected to live up to the past or the person that helped them to live again. If you're serious about the other person, time spent with them to know for sure, seems an endless supply if it brings closure or fruition. Even if it doesn't turn out like you hoped or wanted; you may have helped them in some other way for their road ahead.
I have nothing since my divorce years ago. Little to no dating or any other experiences except for play time, work time, family, lots of time with my youngest, etc.
With that; what do I have to actually talk about out side of those activities and time used? Most are very short stories and maybe not even eventful unless you were there.
Would it be plausible, that the widow only has those years in her past to actually converse about? There are other areas and activities to be sure. What's still, always going to be the most prominent if a person has cut themselves off from any type of personal ties, maybe activities, for themselves with a significant other? Even a potential one? There still may be a lot of things the person hasn't been able to vent out of their system for various reasons. It's most likely not that they're stuck on the past as much as never able to achieve full closure with in themselves due not being able to get things out of their system. There could still be quite a bit pent up inside.
I would say that if you've spent a lot of time listening, maybe spend a little more intertwined with doing. First and foremost, people need to vent. Let them. It could be you that becomes the corner stone for their new found freedom and ability to move fully forward again.
Time will tell for certain if you're expected to live up to the past or the person that helped them to live again. If you're serious about the other person, time spent with them to know for sure, seems an endless supply if it brings closure or fruition. Even if it doesn't turn out like you hoped or wanted; you may have helped them in some other way for their road ahead.
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A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"
Passenger: "Who?"
Can I book a cab ...
Passenger: "Who?"
Can I book a cab ...
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