Income difference and relationship (80)
TulefellGothenburg, Vastra Gotaland Sweden104 Threads 5 Polls 3,306 PostsChesneyChrist: Income's never really been an issue although my second girlfriend did leave me for a man with a million pound in the bank. I thought to myself I'm going to need to print a lot of newspapers to compete with that so I got a better job. And now I only consider longer term relationships with the working class. The working class and immigrants.
Lower income than yours, eh?------ This thread is Archived ------
Tulefell: It’s known that financial strain doesn’t improve relationship. But let’s talk about difference in incomes. Would it create some strain? Money is power in our world, after all.
So how much difference in income between you and your partner would be comfortable for you? (Could be expressed as percent of your income.)
money is a tool. i don't think income should make a difference if both partners are on the same page, and committed to the relationship. there are lots of ways to contribute to a relationship. where it becomes an issue is when the relationship is one-sided with one partner not really committed to the relationship and seeking more for self, and using or taking advantage of the other.So how much difference in income between you and your partner would be comfortable for you? (Could be expressed as percent of your income.)
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ChesneyChrist: Income's never really been an issue although my second girlfriend did leave me for a man with a million pound in the bank. I thought to myself I'm going to need to print a lot of newspapers to compete with that so I got a better job. [b]And now I only consider longer term relationships with the working class. The working class and immigrants.
Hmmm... but isn't that like wanting a woman who is inferior so she won't leave you?------ This thread is Archived ------
I like my man to earn at least 50k more than me 
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o baby come on down!!!
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What a man earns is none of my business as is my earnings is none of he's business..
If I was in a relationship it would be residing in our own homes for starters..Just go halves when we go out or pay for ourselves..
If I was in a relationship it would be residing in our own homes for starters..Just go halves when we go out or pay for ourselves..
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Lasagna: Hmmm... but isn't that like wanting a woman who is inferior so she won't leave you?
That's what it sounds like alright.------ This thread is Archived ------
Cranky_Geezer: Say some men or most men. Saying men implies all. My ex-wife earned three times as much as me. I was fine with that.
As you got to spend it all?------ This thread is Archived ------
Howzit654: As you got to spend it all?
You are so cute:Please don't take it seriously!
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The strain comes in when parties don't agree on how the combined finances should be spent.
Or when withdrawals are made without the other one's knowledge.
Or when withdrawals are made without the other one's knowledge.
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jono7: money is a tool. i don't think income should make a difference if both partners are on the same page, and committed to the relationship. there are lots of ways to contribute to a relationship. where it becomes an issue is when the relationship is one-sided with one partner not really committed to the relationship and seeking more for self, and using or taking advantage of the other.
Well... if you google some, both money and lack of commitment come within the first 10 reasons for divorce. But I think that before you decide to commit, you'd know how much you both earn, so decision won't be built on unbiased grounds.------ This thread is Archived ------
Mercedes_00: What a man earns is none of my business as is my earnings is none of he's business..
If I was in a relationship it would be residing in our own homes for starters..Just go halves when we go out or pay for ourselves..
One pays for oneself in Sweden, at least at the dating stage and even further into an established relationship. But what if your partner can only afford cheaper places? Instead of, say, a 2-weeks holiday in Italy - Florence, Milan, Venice - museums, opera, shopping, all he can allow himself is to take you to the nearest shopping mall to ride elevator, 2 stories up and then 2 stories down, lots of fun. Fine with you to downgrade activities?If I was in a relationship it would be residing in our own homes for starters..Just go halves when we go out or pay for ourselves..
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Howzit654: You are so cute:
Please don't take it seriously!
No one takes seriously anything here :)Please don't take it seriously!
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Tulefell: One pays for oneself in Sweden, at least at the dating stage and even further into an established relationship. But what if your partner can only afford cheaper places? Instead of, say, a 2-weeks holiday in Italy - Florence, Milan, Venice - museums, opera, shopping, all he can allow himself is to take you to the nearest shopping mall to ride elevator, 2 stories up and then 2 stories down, lots of fun. Fine with you to downgrade activities?
And what happens if they suddenly lost everything? Would you dump them and go looking for some one else? Is your loyalty really only contingent on their being able to pay for stuff? I'm not saying you would by the way, but going by the above it sounds like you might. :)
How would you feel if it were you ...and you were given the elbow as a result?
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jono7: money is a tool. i don't think income should make a difference if both partners are on the same page, and committed ...
I’m going to throw this out there and see what comments I get back: let’s say one partner earns $2900.00 per month (take-home) and the other earns $1900.00 per month (take-home.) each pays an equal percentage (instead of halving everything). For instance, let’s say the mortgage, taxes, and insurance on the house come to $1400.00 per month. The higher earner pays $800.00 and the other pays 600.00, or about a third of each income. However, the utilities, groceries, and club memberships, etc...would be 50/50. Piddly affairs would be each for his own. This seems fair to me, because in the first sense, the lower wage earner is likely working just as diligently; but it is not her ( or his) overall ‘fault’ that s/he earns less. In the second sense, those other costs would have to be absorbed singly if either were living alone, so the 50/50 rule would be fair. What do you guys think?
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blathin: And what happens if they suddenly lost everything? Would you dump them and go looking for some one else? Is your loyalty really only contingent on their being able to pay for stuff?
I'm not saying you would by the way, but going by the above it sounds like you might. :)
How would you feel if it were you ...and you were given the elbow as a result?
Give me elbow, then I will know :DI'm not saying you would by the way, but going by the above it sounds like you might. :)
How would you feel if it were you ...and you were given the elbow as a result?
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rohaan: I’m going to throw this out there and see what comments I get back: let’s say one partner earns $2900.00 per month (take-home) and the other earns $1900.00 per month (take-home.) each pays an equal percentage (instead of halving everything). For instance, let’s say the mortgage, taxes, and insurance on the house come to $1400.00 per month. The higher earner pays $800.00 and the other pays 600.00, or about a third of each income. However, the utilities, groceries, and club memberships, etc...would be 50/50. Piddly affairs would be each for his own. This seems fair to me, because in the first sense, the lower wage earner is likely working just as diligently; but it is not her ( or his) overall ‘fault’ that s/he earns less. In the second sense, those other costs would have to be absorbed singly if either were living alone, so the 50/50 rule would be fair. What do you guys think?
I think that the question was how much difference, if any, in income one would accept.Most of the participants, and I'm very grateful that you bothered, answered all other questions, but the original one :)
1 900 is 65% of 2 900 and if they are together, then this difference is comfortable for both. How the imaginary personages will distribute their income is quite another story.
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Tulefell: It’s known that financial strain doesn’t improve relationship. But let’s talk about difference in incomes. Would it create some strain? Money is power in our world, after all.
So how much difference in income between you and your partner would be comfortable for you? (Could be expressed as percent of your income.)
OK—you’re right about “answering the original” questionSo how much difference in income between you and your partner would be comfortable for you? (Could be expressed as percent of your income.)
I think I’d be fine with my partner earning, say, minimum wage (in Oregon it’s 12-ish per hour, higher in Portland and Eugene,) as long as they were working full or close to full time, or retired at a reasonable rate (also close to at least minimum wage). What I WOULDN’T be “OK” with would be not trying or paying at all. Oh, if the shoe were on the other foot, same thing—they could be making substantially more than me, as long as we could both be 100% positive it wouldn’t cause resentment. Again, home economics would be based on fair percentages, as far as possible; within reason. Hope this (finally!) answered your original post!------ This thread is Archived ------
Tulefell:
1 900 is 65% of 2 900 and if they are together, then this difference is comfortable for both. How the imaginary personages will distribute their income is quite another story.
Well-put. Your figuring is best...I was factoring in incidentals, I suppose, and thinking the higher earner should still get a bit of a break, too, but you’re more correct1 900 is 65% of 2 900 and if they are together, then this difference is comfortable for both. How the imaginary personages will distribute their income is quite another story.
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Tulefell: Well... if you google some, both money and lack of commitment come within the first 10 reasons for divorce. But I think that before you decide to commit, you'd know how much you both earn, so decision won't be built on unbiased grounds.
i think so. i don't think someone would keep their salary or finances secret if they were truly thinking about being in a committed relationship (whether common-law or marriage).
if the two people were at the point of thinking of making a serious commitment to being together... financial secrecy would certainly be a red flag. you're either in it for the 'us' or the 'me'.
honesty.
transparency.
informed choices.
commitment.
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