why are guys heartless (109)
sweetmaria242plymouth county, Massachusetts USA8 Threads 427 Postshang in there. you will eventually find someone to trust. I hope your baby is ok... . Male role models are so important to a oyung boy and yes the man was totally heartless. But not all men are like that at all... we just have to recognize the differences i guess. best to you both..
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I still think that no matter what risks, must be taken, however....The way to explain to a child may be different than what you may feel. With my children I now introduce the potential as a friend and what goes on "behind closed doors" is exclusive to myself and the prospective partner. My children just think it is a sleep over
I wish i had a few more of those, cause I can no longer make my children understand.....Why daddy has no friends?
I wish i had a few more of those, cause I can no longer make my children understand.....Why daddy has no friends? ------ This thread is Archived ------
Oh know, watch out. I hear kids don't miss much. You will have a lot of explaining to do if you have more of those sleep overs when they get older. you'll have to find a new approach and a new explanation but I think you will still be in trouble....
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I agree!!!!
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How long did you know this man before having him meet you kids? I ask as they suggest we not introduce them until we are really sure and that I think takes months. I know for myself, I am not introducing any man to my family until I know we are totally committed and then I will have him meet with a couple of my family members first and then maybe the rest of the clan.
I have heard tha men do that. It's good that you found this out before making any major changes in your life and your kids.
I have heard tha men do that. It's good that you found this out before making any major changes in your life and your kids.
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thats why I didn't say You should have more sleep overs....... you'll be exhausted by all that explanation...are you really ready for that? 
they'll look at you and say "Ya ok Dad what ever you say..." ------ This thread is Archived ------
that was for you speedy i clicked the wrong thing again..
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As distressing as your story is,,,your story is quite similair to many men and women.
Please learn that dishonesty,,,limited morality,,unbalanced sense of justice and the outright ability to totally *uck up a persons life is NOT JUST A MALE THING.
I have read posts here from men and women where their lives have been truly upset and the emoticional anquish has lasted for some time,,infact some do not repair.
It is far better to look for true answers to a situation like this than blame every good hearted man on the planet.
Use some logic woman...if your attitude reflects the fact that you think men are insensitive and cruel....WHY will the good guys try to date you.
Their logic is,,they are not wanted around you,,,because of the way you see them.
The insensitive types,,because they are insensitive will be your only catch.
Please learn that dishonesty,,,limited morality,,unbalanced sense of justice and the outright ability to totally *uck up a persons life is NOT JUST A MALE THING.
I have read posts here from men and women where their lives have been truly upset and the emoticional anquish has lasted for some time,,infact some do not repair.
It is far better to look for true answers to a situation like this than blame every good hearted man on the planet.
Use some logic woman...if your attitude reflects the fact that you think men are insensitive and cruel....WHY will the good guys try to date you.
Their logic is,,they are not wanted around you,,,because of the way you see them.
The insensitive types,,because they are insensitive will be your only catch.
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Oh goody, another men are pigs thread.
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men are heartless ,women are naive. On how many levels is this statement wrong?
All I know is a LTR , I am guessing this heartless man was making promises long before you agreed to moved in together. afterall this was a LTR. but if he just started making promises to your son ...Bells should have sounded off in your head.
Finally, 9 year olds are resilient, yeah I can only imagine the promises thqt a full grown childish man would make to a 9 yr. old. Your son will recover, probably quicker than you.
Consider taking the bullet on this one, tell the kid it was your fault... all your fault the man is gone... much in the way a mother throws herself in front of a car to protect her child.
Another option, allow the guy to make good on his promises. even if its only to attend a game or build a bike. thats the hardest part I think of being a single parent.... when LTR's go bad, the child's freindship with an adult is usually the one that get forgotten.... by both the adults who attempted the LTR. A sad thing and unnessasary.
I hope you can find a path to explain honestly what has occured. to your son.
All I know is a LTR , I am guessing this heartless man was making promises long before you agreed to moved in together. afterall this was a LTR. but if he just started making promises to your son ...Bells should have sounded off in your head.
Finally, 9 year olds are resilient, yeah I can only imagine the promises thqt a full grown childish man would make to a 9 yr. old. Your son will recover, probably quicker than you.
Consider taking the bullet on this one, tell the kid it was your fault... all your fault the man is gone... much in the way a mother throws herself in front of a car to protect her child.
Another option, allow the guy to make good on his promises. even if its only to attend a game or build a bike. thats the hardest part I think of being a single parent.... when LTR's go bad, the child's freindship with an adult is usually the one that get forgotten.... by both the adults who attempted the LTR. A sad thing and unnessasary.
I hope you can find a path to explain honestly what has occured. to your son.
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hahaha
Well to be fair, I think there are just as many heartless women out there.
Well to be fair, I think there are just as many heartless women out there.
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I am truly sorry to read about what happened to you, and it's very sad, but the door swings both ways when it comes to people being heartless.
How can someone say they love you and then turn around and destroy you so ruthlessly? Somebody please tell me that? I am not saying this to draw attention to me, but only to let you know things like this happen to everybody, no matter if you are a man or a woman..
The truly sad thing is when there kids invloved, because their minds aren't mature or experienced enough to understand what is happening
and why... It took me a long time to recover from what that woman did to me.. there is a lot more I could say but not going to..
Let's just say I understand, I truly do.. the only thing you have to help you now is time... sorry for what you had to go through...
How can someone say they love you and then turn around and destroy you so ruthlessly? Somebody please tell me that? I am not saying this to draw attention to me, but only to let you know things like this happen to everybody, no matter if you are a man or a woman..
The truly sad thing is when there kids invloved, because their minds aren't mature or experienced enough to understand what is happening
and why... It took me a long time to recover from what that woman did to me.. there is a lot more I could say but not going to..
Let's just say I understand, I truly do.. the only thing you have to help you now is time... sorry for what you had to go through...
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Im very sad to hear what happened to you and your dear son....but not all guys are like that babe One of my boyfriends treat my kids like gold ..he was kinder than their dad ......please dont let this one guy put you off !!
babsie------ This thread is Archived ------
The same thing happened to me a little over a year ago.. it reeeeeally put me off getting anyone else involved in my children's lives. He got on brilliantly with them and they liked him very much. But when it came to the crunch he wimped out.. The kids were gutted and like the OPs thought it was their fault. It really knocked them sideways for a while.
I'm really not sure how I would handle it next time. Like the OP ( I think) said.. what are you supposed to do? not tell the kids until you are practically living together.. or introduce them until they get on well.. but risk them being hurt? its not easy. hmmm.
The funny thing is.. that same man calls .. texts and emails me again now.. doing the *ole woe is me*.. I made a mistake etc.. but I'm just not interested any more. I wouldn't trust him not to do it again. He has no idea HOW much he hurt us.
I know he wants to be with me..
But he can pi$$ off
I'm really not sure how I would handle it next time. Like the OP ( I think) said.. what are you supposed to do? not tell the kids until you are practically living together.. or introduce them until they get on well.. but risk them being hurt? its not easy. hmmm.
The funny thing is.. that same man calls .. texts and emails me again now.. doing the *ole woe is me*.. I made a mistake etc.. but I'm just not interested any more. I wouldn't trust him not to do it again. He has no idea HOW much he hurt us.
I know he wants to be with me..
But he can pi$$ off
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I hope you don't mind me injecting some intellect into your judgment of me, but the name of the thread is "Why are guys heartless", keyword - Guys... as in plural. The OP got burned by one man in a specific situation, so she should address that person specifically, not all men in general... which is what she in fact opted to do.
Gender bashing annoys me. Ego doesn't have a damn thing to do with it, intelligence however, does.
Gender bashing annoys me. Ego doesn't have a damn thing to do with it, intelligence however, does.
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Well, I've had a quick read through the other replies and I do have to agree that it's NOT a gender thing. Some women do behave just as badly.
For what it's worth I lived with someone for 7 years many years ago who wasn't my sons real dad yet treated him really well. Even after we split up and I was on benefits for a few years with no money at all he used to buy him all his christmas presents and put my name on as well as his. He is still on good terms with my son now and its 12 years since we split. I also have a lot of male friends in the real world and also on here and I know they aren't heartless either. Hope you have better luck with your next man and hope your son feels better soon.
For what it's worth I lived with someone for 7 years many years ago who wasn't my sons real dad yet treated him really well. Even after we split up and I was on benefits for a few years with no money at all he used to buy him all his christmas presents and put my name on as well as his. He is still on good terms with my son now and its 12 years since we split. I also have a lot of male friends in the real world and also on here and I know they aren't heartless either. Hope you have better luck with your next man and hope your son feels better soon.
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Man I hate stories like this
I wish I knew what to say , in the future be careful how you choose the man.
And as many men have already told you , not all are like this.
Im sorry you have a bad experience .
Chaz
I wish I knew what to say , in the future be careful how you choose the man.
And as many men have already told you , not all are like this.
Im sorry you have a bad experience .
Chaz
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