My heart is breaking. (18)
I am so sorry..Yes being a parent is very hard..and when something happens it breaks our heart and wish we could take all their pain away...
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Post me her address, and i'll visit the charmer for Xmas
Some people are just vermin, i'm sure i'm on the wrong planet.
Some people are just vermin, i'm sure i'm on the wrong planet.
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Its hard, but we both know that time heals. I also know you cant say that to her.
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Sorry Jan, and hugs to your daughter.
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You have mail!!!!!!!!!
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You have mail.
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I can feel for you being a mother of two daughters myself and have had the heart-wrenching episode you have described. My advice to my own two daughters was that sometimes we have to go through alot of weeds to find that one truly blooming romance. I've had them each write down things they didn't like about those relationships and the things they did and really look at and understand them. Then when you are in a new relationship you will automatically sense the red flags that may mean you should end it before too much emotion is invested and you will be looking for those good things that you want in a relationship. I also had them write down all the positive things about themselves to show themselves how much they have to offer someone and not to settle for less than they deserve. Just an expression of how one mother has coped with this situation.
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hi jan sorry to hear about your daughter and things hope all will get better soon for you all.
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im so sorry. theres just nothing that you can say to ease that pain, thats a part of life and growing up is something you cant shelter them from. my heart aches just thinking that i know mine will have to go through this someday too. my thoughts to u both 
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i'am truly sorry for you and her.
it is difficult when we love so easily and find our mates in the wrong doorways, all the bright lights go off in the day, and then we see all the dirty streets and the rust stained glass...
I know metaphors suck ...but it is the quickest comparison i could give to the situation.
i think it ill of anyone ..man or woman who would deceive someones hearts and the eyes of the heart.
maybe if you guys sit and you tell her of not so great experiences before you married (something she can relate to say wow Mom too)
and what it was that made you choose the man that became her Dad.
It is a subtle way of telling her the qualities she need be looking for ... Not just a pretty face or hard body or whatever.
tell her about men you admired when you were younger (her age) and why you admired them.
it will help ease her pain and give her a better view that hey Mom was a girlfriend to someone too at one time and she faced the same hurdles... we are really like kindred spirits... WOW wouldn't that be an eye opener.
Never try too hard to shield her and give her honest insight not some made up the world of daisies you do not even believe yourself.
hope this suggestion gives you something to think about, and i have seen it done... Me being a Man but my Mother came to me in this way when i thought the world had just stopped and dropped me off.
it gave me a lot of insight in both sides of the relationship thoughts...
the pain is still present but the understanding is so much more greater than i would have discovered on my own.
it is difficult when we love so easily and find our mates in the wrong doorways, all the bright lights go off in the day, and then we see all the dirty streets and the rust stained glass...
I know metaphors suck ...but it is the quickest comparison i could give to the situation.
i think it ill of anyone ..man or woman who would deceive someones hearts and the eyes of the heart.
maybe if you guys sit and you tell her of not so great experiences before you married (something she can relate to say wow Mom too)
and what it was that made you choose the man that became her Dad.
It is a subtle way of telling her the qualities she need be looking for ... Not just a pretty face or hard body or whatever.
tell her about men you admired when you were younger (her age) and why you admired them.
it will help ease her pain and give her a better view that hey Mom was a girlfriend to someone too at one time and she faced the same hurdles... we are really like kindred spirits... WOW wouldn't that be an eye opener.
Never try too hard to shield her and give her honest insight not some made up the world of daisies you do not even believe yourself.
hope this suggestion gives you something to think about, and i have seen it done... Me being a Man but my Mother came to me in this way when i thought the world had just stopped and dropped me off.
it gave me a lot of insight in both sides of the relationship thoughts...
the pain is still present but the understanding is so much more greater than i would have discovered on my own.
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Hi Jan
By your age, i assume your baby girl is young...?
We need some broken heart sometimes to value others feelings properly.
I had a boyfriend that never had a broken heart, was never left by anyone, he was/is the one who leaves the girls, including me. He dates girls for no special reason (he never knows why he loves or what is special about the girl he's dating) and the end, around 1 year and 1/2 for each, he just dumps girls, for no particular reason. After that time, he has enough...this is taking everyone for granted because you don't really know what's being without love, no matter what's the resource of it.
We always cry a lot, specially when it's about our firsts great lovers. But that normally turns us into beautiful people, mainly regarding to women. We need that experience to be strong. Yes it hurts, but all to say is that time is a healer...in 3 months, she will be fine if she is encouraged to understand that those things happen to everyone. I don't think that blaming him will help her. Maybe tell her that it's beautiful that she loves with all her heart, but doens't mean the other person may feel the same way? What she has to understand to grow stronger is that in love there is no guarantee...
She needs to feel that everyone had a broken heart before, she is NOT a victim, otherwise everyone would marry the first, second or third partner in life. But no. Tell her she will certainly love again, but she has to prepare herself for another broken heart!
Tell her about Halle Berry, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Julia Roberts...beautiful, smart, interesting women that are still falling for the wrong people or simple can't manage a relationship! Being in a perfect point takes time, "training"...and even so...it's never a guarantee!
Tell her it's not his or her fault...it's the wrong combination! Everyone is perfect for someone...she just needs to open her eyes to find the one that may adjust her well...like all of us here!
Don't be broken hearted Jan, your daughter is growing and as soon as she discoveres that life aint a dream, the sooner she gets stronger!
By your age, i assume your baby girl is young...?
We need some broken heart sometimes to value others feelings properly.
I had a boyfriend that never had a broken heart, was never left by anyone, he was/is the one who leaves the girls, including me. He dates girls for no special reason (he never knows why he loves or what is special about the girl he's dating) and the end, around 1 year and 1/2 for each, he just dumps girls, for no particular reason. After that time, he has enough...this is taking everyone for granted because you don't really know what's being without love, no matter what's the resource of it.
We always cry a lot, specially when it's about our firsts great lovers. But that normally turns us into beautiful people, mainly regarding to women. We need that experience to be strong. Yes it hurts, but all to say is that time is a healer...in 3 months, she will be fine if she is encouraged to understand that those things happen to everyone. I don't think that blaming him will help her. Maybe tell her that it's beautiful that she loves with all her heart, but doens't mean the other person may feel the same way? What she has to understand to grow stronger is that in love there is no guarantee...
She needs to feel that everyone had a broken heart before, she is NOT a victim, otherwise everyone would marry the first, second or third partner in life. But no. Tell her she will certainly love again, but she has to prepare herself for another broken heart!
Tell her about Halle Berry, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Julia Roberts...beautiful, smart, interesting women that are still falling for the wrong people or simple can't manage a relationship! Being in a perfect point takes time, "training"...and even so...it's never a guarantee!
Tell her it's not his or her fault...it's the wrong combination! Everyone is perfect for someone...she just needs to open her eyes to find the one that may adjust her well...like all of us here!
Don't be broken hearted Jan, your daughter is growing and as soon as she discoveres that life aint a dream, the sooner she gets stronger!
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So sorry Jan, bring her back to Spain with you for Christmas, it will cheer her up, the weather is still sunny and warm here
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There is nothing worse than looking at you kids with a broken heart.
Been there.
And at the time they don't want to hear how time is a healer and all the other stuff we say.
Hopefully she will put it behind her soon and bounce back.
Been there.
And at the time they don't want to hear how time is a healer and all the other stuff we say.
Hopefully she will put it behind her soon and bounce back.
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You know, i'm really beginning to wonder why it is that most of the good men get passed up for guys like that... it's a mystery to me
is it really so hard for a lady to really not see a good man when he's right there in front of her?
I'm really sory for what your daughter is going through Jan.. sometime we have to go through heart ache and pain before the right one finally does come along.. I would tell your daughter to look a little deeper into the man's heart and learn more about him before setting herself up to get hurt again...
is it really so hard for a lady to really not see a good man when he's right there in front of her?I'm really sory for what your daughter is going through Jan.. sometime we have to go through heart ache and pain before the right one finally does come along.. I would tell your daughter to look a little deeper into the man's heart and learn more about him before setting herself up to get hurt again...
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I find it actually gets harder,on are heart that is.
When they are wee we at least are there for them and are up to date on whats going on in there lives and some good ole TLC normally takes away there pain and dry's there little tears.
But when they are grown and on there own we know less of whats going on in there lives and when they hurt we hurt,and more times then not,aside from kind words and the comfort of a ear,there truly is nothing we can do for them.
We truly are parents til the day we die.
My heart goes out to you.
Will light a candle asking to give your daughter strength.....
When they are wee we at least are there for them and are up to date on whats going on in there lives and some good ole TLC normally takes away there pain and dry's there little tears.
But when they are grown and on there own we know less of whats going on in there lives and when they hurt we hurt,and more times then not,aside from kind words and the comfort of a ear,there truly is nothing we can do for them.
We truly are parents til the day we die.
My heart goes out to you.
Will light a candle asking to give your daughter strength.....
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Oh Jan,
I dread this with my daughters.
We're mothers. We try to fix things. Strive to make them happy or safe.
Its not like when they were little n a cookie or a dollar toy would cheer them right up.
I haven't read it, but there is a book out there called 'Smart Women, Foolish Choices'. Perhaps you could read it first and see if you think it might help her?
Hug!
I'm with you on this 100%
I dread this with my daughters.
We're mothers. We try to fix things. Strive to make them happy or safe.
Its not like when they were little n a cookie or a dollar toy would cheer them right up.
I haven't read it, but there is a book out there called 'Smart Women, Foolish Choices'. Perhaps you could read it first and see if you think it might help her?
Hug!
I'm with you on this 100%
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The first "big cry" I had with my daughter was when she thought she was "in love" and he chose someone else over her (he did end up marrying that other girl)...to know that someone else gave my daughter pain and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it but be there for her, hug her, wipe her tears, and somehow make her smile again, that was so frustrating! But I knew, as we all know by now, that love comes and goes and will arrive again one day...just be there for her...she will be stronger because of her life disappointments...things happen for a reason...all the time------ This thread is Archived ------
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Created: Dec 2007
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I am in the UK for a week to see family before I return to my home in Spain, and my daughter, for the umpteenth time, has been badly let down by a boyfriend.
She is truly beautiful, both outside and inside, independent, great job, her own house, good friends and a loving brother who tries to look out for her, yet she always ends up crying and I can't do anything for her other than hugs, kisses and kind words. She's funny, intelligent, doesn't take drugs has never been in trouble yet she seems to attract these low-lifes.
Today, I phoned her as we were going to go shopping together, she tried to be strong and said she felt unwell, but I knew there was something wrong and she eventually sobbed down the phone. I went to her house and all she kept saying was "What's wrong with me?" How it hurts me to hear her say this.
Being a parent never gets easier.