I didn't really know what category to put this in, because it really doesn't fit into one.
As many of you know I was critically ill for a few days in the hospital, and progressively got a little better each day. Since being home it's been difficult and trying at times, but I get better each day. All your thoughts, positive energies and prayers are not only appreciated, but I'm truly grateful to you all. You're all s in my book.
The first 3 days in the hospital (or about that I'm gathering) seemed touch and go for me. I remember closing my eyes on that first day and everything went black. Maybe it was the pain that I was in that made it happen, maybe not but I just wanted to go. I saw my entire life play out like a movie and I began to let go of it all. I don't know how long it was, nor can I even try to put a time frame on any of it. What I do know is that there was a voice when I decided to let go that told me to hang on, it's not time yet and that I would get through it. I just needed to hang on a little longer and I would be ok.
It's changed me in a lot of ways and I can't even begin to put it into words. I'm sure many of you that know me have been wondering why I've been quiet and haven't really been "myself" so to speak. This is why. I have been mulling this over and talking to some very close friends about it and I've had to process it all in order to be able to start moving on from it. I'm slowly beginning to make changes in my life in order to do the things that I need to do as well as start taking action on the things I need to take action on. It's going to be a process for me and I know it's going to take some time, but know that whether I'm here in the forums or not, you are all in my thoughts.
Most of you know that I'm not one to mince words, shy away from facing something head on, or not be brutally honest about things that may be happening. This is one of those times. Just know that I'm adjusting to a new path for myself and that whether I'm here or not, I'm here.
I'm beginning to ramble at this point and I'm at a loss for words (Go figure )
hmm- not quite like that- but i was admitted to hospital ( christmas day- great timing with all those bikes to be put together! ) and can remember really not caring about what happened to me- all i wanted to do was sleep, and couldn't even think abut anything or anyone else- i like to think that is because i knew my boys were being looked after, not just that i didn't care. Hope you are fully better now.
I was given a choice. I could enter Nirvana, or come back to teach.
Despite what hard heads people have, I chose to come back and teach. Sometimes I kick myself, but being a teacher is not something you really choose, its something you are.
Hope this perspective gives you some hope. Everything happens for a reason. I hope you find your reason, and soon, so the bad karma can go bye bye...
(Had I known how much the hospital visit was going to cost, I might have made a different choice. ::mumbling: )
mbcaseyNorth Myrtle Beach, South Carolina USA16,449 posts
Cris, you went through an ordeal, and what you are saying makes sense. It might take some time for you to figure it all out. I am so glad you are home and back on CS, but take all the time you need to process this and move forward. Just know your friends are here for you and we understand....
Serenity1971: I didn't really know what category to put this in, because it really doesn't fit into one.As many of you know I was critically ill for a few days in the hospital, and progressively got a little better each day. Since being home it's been difficult and trying at times, but I get better each day. All your thoughts, positive energies and prayers are not only appreciated, but I'm truly grateful to you all. You're all s in my book.
The first 3 days in the hospital (or about that I'm gathering) seemed touch and go for me. I remember closing my eyes on that first day and everything went black. Maybe it was the pain that I was in that made it happen, maybe not but I just wanted to go. I saw my entire life play out like a movie and I began to let go of it all. I don't know how long it was, nor can I even try to put a time frame on any of it. What I do know is that there was a voice when I decided to let go that told me to hang on, it's not time yet and that I would get through it. I just needed to hang on a little longer and I would be ok.
It's changed me in a lot of ways and I can't even begin to put it into words. I'm sure many of you that know me have been wondering why I've been quiet and haven't really been "myself" so to speak. This is why. I have been mulling this over and talking to some very close friends about it and I've had to process it all in order to be able to start moving on from it. I'm slowly beginning to make changes in my life in order to do the things that I need to do as well as start taking action on the things I need to take action on. It's going to be a process for me and I know it's going to take some time, but know that whether I'm here in the forums or not, you are all in my thoughts.
Most of you know that I'm not one to mince words, shy away from facing something head on, or not be brutally honest about things that may be happening. This is one of those times. Just know that I'm adjusting to a new path for myself and that whether I'm here or not, I'm here.
I'm beginning to ramble at this point and I'm at a loss for words (Go figure)
Anyone else have experiences such as this?
Heard that knock. A difficult time indeed, and while I have no specific date for its return have come to grips with its inevitability. I tired to look at it as right of passage. Oh for sure when I heard the knock, I was majorly freaked out, but after that passes and reason prevails I've come to understand living in more ways than I'd imagined.
Congratulations! You have now "been through the fire." Im sorry for your suffering, of course, but I've learned from my own experience that people who have been through this extreme are also "gifted" with a whole new understanding. There are many lessons learned and if you're like me, you will be "processing" them for a long time! All the best!
I know that there are things that need to be done and taken care of. There are also things that are unfinished as of yet. All of these things have been revealing themselves and I've had to make some pretty tough choices in the process.
I already knew that life was short and that it was precious, but it's now become even more clear and evident to me. Not regretting the past now has more meaning to it, and I need to right some wrongs that I was unable to do previously for whatever reasons.
I just know now that there are many things that I understood and made sense to me before, but now they are crystal clear and now have more meaning to them.
Galactic_bodhi: I think what I learned from my experience is not to begrudge the bad, but to really appreciate what's "Good" and, also, not take life for granted.
If life is an accident, why aren't we supplied with spiritual air-bags?
Very true...If I never believed it before I definitely do now. I've always said "Tell the ones you love that you love them every time you possibly can, because you never know if you'll ever be able to tell them again"
A friend of mine had a really bad accident, he fell off a boat and got badly damaged between it and the quayside - he was in intensive care for weeks but completely out of it for two weeks - his over-riding memorey of it all (ICU) was that he was approaching a bright light and coming through it from the other side, was an old woman, he said she was like a witch and she was asking if he wanted to give up or to carry on with the fight - he carried on of course and lived to tell the tale.
I had a head on car accident about 5 years ago and was lucky to make it , spent about 6 weeks in hospital and came home in a wheelchair where i spent the next 6 weeks. It did change my view and made me realize the things i had always taken for granted,
PeachesandRayConcord, North Carolina USA1,358 posts
morganlee: I had a head on car accident about 5 years ago and was lucky to make it , spent about 6 weeks in hospital and came home in a wheelchair where i spent the next 6 weeks. It did change my view and made me realize the things i had always taken for granted,
Yes as bizarre as it may sound sometimes a "near death" experience can be a "blessing" for it really teaches us who & what is "truly important" to us
I am happy for you Serenity that you were given the opportunity to stay alive and with all of us your CS family , as you share your experience with others, you will make a difference in their lives that no one but one who has walked where you have walked could share.... ok, enough philosphy
mbcasey: Cris, you went through an ordeal, and what you are saying makes sense. It might take some time for you to figure it all out. I am so glad you are home and back on CS, but take all the time you need to process this and move forward. Just know your friends are here for you and we understand....
Yes you have and you know everyone here cares. Even a rookie has a sense of compassion for others. You process things on your own accord and here's to looking out for you.
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As many of you know I was critically ill for a few days in the hospital, and progressively got a little better each day. Since being home it's been difficult and trying at times, but I get better each day. All your thoughts, positive energies and prayers are not only appreciated, but I'm truly grateful to you all. You're all s in my book.
The first 3 days in the hospital (or about that I'm gathering) seemed touch and go for me. I remember closing my eyes on that first day and everything went black. Maybe it was the pain that I was in that made it happen, maybe not but I just wanted to go. I saw my entire life play out like a movie and I began to let go of it all. I don't know how long it was, nor can I even try to put a time frame on any of it. What I do know is that there was a voice when I decided to let go that told me to hang on, it's not time yet and that I would get through it. I just needed to hang on a little longer and I would be ok.
It's changed me in a lot of ways and I can't even begin to put it into words. I'm sure many of you that know me have been wondering why I've been quiet and haven't really been "myself" so to speak. This is why. I have been mulling this over and talking to some very close friends about it and I've had to process it all in order to be able to start moving on from it. I'm slowly beginning to make changes in my life in order to do the things that I need to do as well as start taking action on the things I need to take action on. It's going to be a process for me and I know it's going to take some time, but know that whether I'm here in the forums or not, you are all in my thoughts.
Most of you know that I'm not one to mince words, shy away from facing something head on, or not be brutally honest about things that may be happening. This is one of those times. Just know that I'm adjusting to a new path for myself and that whether I'm here or not, I'm here.
I'm beginning to ramble at this point and I'm at a loss for words (Go figure
)
Anyone else have experiences such as this?