She is leaving home...... (26)
kazstatic: My ex husband and I have been apart for 3 years now. During that time I have had our three children fulltime with him taking them every other weekend. My eldest is 13.5 years and has decided to live with her dad fulltime :(
Here is my questoin... the father walks away three years ago and leaves the children behind. Now 4 g/fs down the track that I know of, he decides to marry a woman he hardly knows. Now all of a sudden he wants our daughter to live with them and play happy families. What the??? I mean why does he think its okay to just take over after all this time? they are already spoiling here throwing money and gifts at her.....
I can't help but think this is all to do with property settlement... and getting a bigger share of the assets... as he did try to take my other two also.
Any comments...
Here is my questoin... the father walks away three years ago and leaves the children behind. Now 4 g/fs down the track that I know of, he decides to marry a woman he hardly knows. Now all of a sudden he wants our daughter to live with them and play happy families. What the??? I mean why does he think its okay to just take over after all this time? they are already spoiling here throwing money and gifts at her.....
I can't help but think this is all to do with property settlement... and getting a bigger share of the assets... as he did try to take my other two also.
Any comments...
Yes, let her go to him.
I feel for you, but let her go. SHe knows you are her mother and that will never change, never, you are her mother and nobody else can be that.
So you need to think about you, and her. Not what he is doing and thinking.
Talk with her, tell her you are not against the idea, that you love her and that she goes with your love.
In letting her go in this way, you will keep her close forever, I did it with my own children, they soon came home.
She needs to have her dad, regardless of his reasons, I am sticking up for him, at all, but your daughter does, she has that right to build a loving relationship with her father.
You try to go against this, you will erode your own relationship with her.
Don't let that happen, she is your child.
Not easy, I know, but do not burden her with having to choose between her parents, that is a burden way to big for her little shoulders.
The very best of luck.
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My daughter's father had asked me if he could keep her over the summer when she was about 14 or 15. I said absolutely not! Then, she started getting out of hand with me. I packed her up & took her over to him & his girlfriend. The girlfriend & I got along very well.
After about a few days of being there, with their rules & chores, she called me, begging to come home. I made her stick it out for about 2 weeks, to show her that the grass isn't always greener...
She never asked to live anywhere else again!
After about a few days of being there, with their rules & chores, she called me, begging to come home. I made her stick it out for about 2 weeks, to show her that the grass isn't always greener...
She never asked to live anywhere else again!
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im confused
how can a member post a thread and then remove themselves from the site?
holy cow
how can a member post a thread and then remove themselves from the site?
holy cow
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That is a tough one... 13 is young to be aware of the implications of her decisions. I guess my question is, is your ex a good dad? If he is a good dad who does the right thing, that's a little less troubling. If your not so sure, I say you make the decision for her... you are not keeping her from her father... just not letting her live there full time. Either way, it's a tough call.
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sweetowen: My daughter's father had asked me if he could keep her over the summer when she was about 14 or 15. I said absolutely not! Then, she started getting out of hand with me. I packed her up & took her over to him & his girlfriend. The girlfriend & I got along very well.
After about a few days of being there, with their rules & chores, she called me, begging to come home. I made her stick it out for about 2 weeks, to show her that the grass isn't always greener...
She never asked to live anywhere else again!
After about a few days of being there, with their rules & chores, she called me, begging to come home. I made her stick it out for about 2 weeks, to show her that the grass isn't always greener...
She never asked to live anywhere else again!
Great outcome.
How's the weather.
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I agree with Sommer and Owen on this one. It's a tough age, and she's feeling a need to go with him for whatever reason right now. Let her go, or you'll harm your own relationship with her. No, it's not easy, but in the long run I think you'll be happy that you did it.
Good luck.
Good luck.
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sweetowen: My daughter's father had asked me if he could keep her over the summer when she was about 14 or 15. I said absolutely not! Then, she started getting out of hand with me. I packed her up & took her over to him & his girlfriend. The girlfriend & I got along very well.
After about a few days of being there, with their rules & chores, she called me, begging to come home. I made her stick it out for about 2 weeks, to show her that the grass isn't always greener...
She never asked to live anywhere else again!
After about a few days of being there, with their rules & chores, she called me, begging to come home. I made her stick it out for about 2 weeks, to show her that the grass isn't always greener...
She never asked to live anywhere else again!
Kids are such opportunists!
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hey ooby
this topic is beyond me
i cry now at the thot of my daughter leaving in a few years when she 'should'-so hard to imagine life w/o...well life being different than this
and then i had a daughter kidnapped at 3 and found at 17-
however my boys are gone for some years now and i seem to love going to their homes and lying about and emptying their fridges and doing laundry
this topic is beyond me
i cry now at the thot of my daughter leaving in a few years when she 'should'-so hard to imagine life w/o...well life being different than this
and then i had a daughter kidnapped at 3 and found at 17-
however my boys are gone for some years now and i seem to love going to their homes and lying about and emptying their fridges and doing laundry
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It's difficult, but kids want to see their parents in a positive light and are willing to overlook deficiencies. Which, can be a good thing, I guess.
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Indyfella: It's difficult, but kids want to see their parents in a positive light and are willing to overlook deficiencies. Which, can be a good thing, I guess.
You're very right, Indy. My daughter wanted to believe that her father was always there for her & would provide for her. My mother always told me I shouldn't speak negatively about him to/in front of her... but I couldn't help it when I saw her suffer. Anyway, she is now 22 & refuses to call him Dad... she calls him by his first name. And it was of her own doing, not mine.
Bottom line, OP, is you have to know if the environment's safe for her, if they'll be good to her, etc. If you share custody, not sure if you have a choice. My ex & I never fought over custody. When we were still together, he told me, "If we ever split up, you can have her." Well, DUUUUUHHHH!!!
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kids DO overlook things
their perception is different than an adult
i wish the OP still was here to share with us...
their perception is different than an adult
i wish the OP still was here to share with us...
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well, try to think of it as a good thing that your daughter gets to visit her dad, if he's not a good father she will want to come back home, but you sound very selfish and possesive to me
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mindfful: kids DO overlook things
their perception is different than an adult
i wish the OP still was here to share with us...
their perception is different than an adult
i wish the OP still was here to share with us...
Me too MF, me too.
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He can because he is allowed to, unless proven otherwise.
kazstatic: My ex husband and I have been apart for 3 years now. During that time I have had our three children fulltime with him taking them every other weekend. My eldest is 13.5 years and has decided to live with her dad fulltime :(
Here is my questoin... the father walks away three years ago and leaves the children behind. Now 4 g/fs down the track that I know of, he decides to marry a woman he hardly knows. Now all of a sudden he wants our daughter to live with them and play happy families. What the??? I mean why does he think its okay to just take over after all this time? they are already spoiling here throwing money and gifts at her.....
I can't help but think this is all to do with property settlement... and getting a bigger share of the assets... as he did try to take my other two also.
Any comments...
Here is my questoin... the father walks away three years ago and leaves the children behind. Now 4 g/fs down the track that I know of, he decides to marry a woman he hardly knows. Now all of a sudden he wants our daughter to live with them and play happy families. What the??? I mean why does he think its okay to just take over after all this time? they are already spoiling here throwing money and gifts at her.....
I can't help but think this is all to do with property settlement... and getting a bigger share of the assets... as he did try to take my other two also.
Any comments...
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Thank you so much for you input....
She actually left today. I took so much on board from the forum.. thank you so much for replying.
At the end of the day I decided not to think about his motives and more about my daughter. I held her, kissed her, told her I loved her and she left.
A very special thanks has to go to my best g/f who came over and kept me company during the goodbyes and more importantly the aftermath.
The afternoon went well she left there were no tears just hugs.... I am just looking forward to seeing her in a couple of weeks when its time to visit mum again....
She actually left today. I took so much on board from the forum.. thank you so much for replying.
At the end of the day I decided not to think about his motives and more about my daughter. I held her, kissed her, told her I loved her and she left.
A very special thanks has to go to my best g/f who came over and kept me company during the goodbyes and more importantly the aftermath.
The afternoon went well she left there were no tears just hugs.... I am just looking forward to seeing her in a couple of weeks when its time to visit mum again....
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kazstatic: Thank you so much for you input....
She actually left today. I took so much on board from the forum.. thank you so much for replying.
At the end of the day I decided not to think about his motives and more about my daughter. I held her, kissed her, told her I loved her and she left.
A very special thanks has to go to my best g/f who came over and kept me company during the goodbyes and more importantly the aftermath.
The afternoon went well she left there were no tears just hugs.... I am just looking forward to seeing her in a couple of weeks when its time to visit mum again....
She actually left today. I took so much on board from the forum.. thank you so much for replying.
At the end of the day I decided not to think about his motives and more about my daughter. I held her, kissed her, told her I loved her and she left.
A very special thanks has to go to my best g/f who came over and kept me company during the goodbyes and more importantly the aftermath.
The afternoon went well she left there were no tears just hugs.... I am just looking forward to seeing her in a couple of weeks when its time to visit mum again....
Well done, you will miss her, I do mine, even though they are adults now and doing their own thing, but I know how you feel, the best we can do for our children is to show them that is ok to love both parents, if they have two and even when those parents are not together, it is ok for them to do so.
She will be back, and you can concentrate on all the lovely time that you will spend together.
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A very good phrase comes into my mind, which I read the other day in a profile (can't remember the site):
If you love something, let it go! If it comes back, it's yours, if doesn't, it never was!
Maybe too dificult for some people, just skip then!
If you love something, let it go! If it comes back, it's yours, if doesn't, it never was!
Maybe too dificult for some people, just skip then!
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In response to: My ex husband and I have been apart for 3 years now. During that time I have had our three children fulltime with him taking them every other weekend. My eldest is 13.5 years and has decided to live with her dad fulltime :(
Here is my questoin... the father walks away three years ago and leaves the children behind. Now 4 g/fs down the track that I know of, he decides to marry a woman he hardly knows. Now all of a sudden he wants our daughter to live with them and play happy families. What the??? I mean why does he think its okay to just take over after all this time? they are already spoiling here throwing money and gifts at her.....
I can't help but think this is all to do with property settlement... and getting a bigger share of the assets... as he did try to take my other two also.
Any comments...
Here is my questoin... the father walks away three years ago and leaves the children behind. Now 4 g/fs down the track that I know of, he decides to marry a woman he hardly knows. Now all of a sudden he wants our daughter to live with them and play happy families. What the??? I mean why does he think its okay to just take over after all this time? they are already spoiling here throwing money and gifts at her.....
I can't help but think this is all to do with property settlement... and getting a bigger share of the assets... as he did try to take my other two also.
Any comments...
My daughter left too a couple of months ago. She's 14. I let her go, just like you did, with a heavy heart. We communicated almost every day thru email and of course she doesnt talk about "women stuff" with Dad. So, that's what Moms are for (also). It's been 3 months now. She asked me if she can come back home at the end of this month, and she will.
It's hard when they come to you with the request to go live with Dad and your whole being says NO. But, I pulled all of my energy together, didn't make a fuss about it, and now she's coming back. She just needed to be with her Dad for some time.
And, we have to remember, that how bad the Dad is and how good of a Mom we are, the child needs both for reasons which are sometimes uncomprehensible to us, because we are subjective. Don't deny them their Dad's. Our children know how good we are! So, we don't have anything to fear.
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LadyMiniMe: My daughter left too a couple of months ago. She's 14. I let her go, just like you did, with a heavy heart. We communicated almost every day thru email and of course she doesnt talk about "women stuff" with Dad. So, that's what Moms are for (also). It's been 3 months now. She asked me if she can come back home at the end of this month, and she will.
It's hard when they come to you with the request to go live with Dad and your whole being says NO. But, I pulled all of my energy together, didn't make a fuss about it, and now she's coming back. She just needed to be with her Dad for some time.
And, we have to remember, that how bad the Dad is and how good of a Mom we are, the child needs both for reasons which are sometimes uncomprehensible to us, because we are subjective. Don't deny them their Dad's. Our children know how good we are! So, we don't have anything to fear.
It's hard when they come to you with the request to go live with Dad and your whole being says NO. But, I pulled all of my energy together, didn't make a fuss about it, and now she's coming back. She just needed to be with her Dad for some time.
And, we have to remember, that how bad the Dad is and how good of a Mom we are, the child needs both for reasons which are sometimes uncomprehensible to us, because we are subjective. Don't deny them their Dad's. Our children know how good we are! So, we don't have anything to fear.
VERY well put!!
I never doubted that my daughter knew I loved her & would ALWAYS be there for her. She still does. She calls me almost on a daily basis, just to talk. I consider her one of my best friends. And now that she's a mom, she can see how hard it is & appreciates me more for what I did for her & having to do it alone.
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Here is my questoin... the father walks away three years ago and leaves the children behind. Now 4 g/fs down the track that I know of, he decides to marry a woman he hardly knows. Now all of a sudden he wants our daughter to live with them and play happy families. What the??? I mean why does he think its okay to just take over after all this time? they are already spoiling here throwing money and gifts at her.....
I can't help but think this is all to do with property settlement... and getting a bigger share of the assets... as he did try to take my other two also.
Any comments...