What would you do... (58)
gypsykisses: think about how the op feels...I am not a violent person, I'd rather allow words to express how I feel-unpleasant as that may be. There's no way that man would touch me without getting served. Where's the kicking emoticon????
Jesus Christ, I need to sleep before I...
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A roommate of my Late Husband and I, grabbed me and kissed me one night as I was cleaning up the dinning room after a party. I pushed him away in shock and horror. I knew he was very drunk. I directed him to the couch and went to my Husband.
I could not sleep bc of the shock. John woke up to find me sitting in the chair instead of in bed. He asked me why. I did not lie to him told him the truth.
He got out of bed picked me up carried me back to bed and held me. He told me, that roommate had been having problems. We talked and agreed to talk to him together.
We had breakfast, woke his roommate up with some coffee. We all sat down and started talking. His gf arrived during the talk and was let in by another roomate. She walked in and heard the gist of what happened.
We stopped talking, thinking that she would be angry. MaryAnne, took off her coat. Came around the table and gave me a hug. She then told both John and I how sorry she was that he had done that.
She then turned to her Fiance and told him she had been expecting him to do something like this with the problems he had and the excessive drinking and drugs he was doing. That he had a choice to get help or she would say good bye.
They are still thogether and she and I are still friends. This IS rare, I understand.
I could not sleep bc of the shock. John woke up to find me sitting in the chair instead of in bed. He asked me why. I did not lie to him told him the truth.
He got out of bed picked me up carried me back to bed and held me. He told me, that roommate had been having problems. We talked and agreed to talk to him together.
We had breakfast, woke his roommate up with some coffee. We all sat down and started talking. His gf arrived during the talk and was let in by another roomate. She walked in and heard the gist of what happened.
We stopped talking, thinking that she would be angry. MaryAnne, took off her coat. Came around the table and gave me a hug. She then told both John and I how sorry she was that he had done that.
She then turned to her Fiance and told him she had been expecting him to do something like this with the problems he had and the excessive drinking and drugs he was doing. That he had a choice to get help or she would say good bye.
They are still thogether and she and I are still friends. This IS rare, I understand.
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Spill the beans. The truth hurts, but the truth is always right. My girlfriend came on to a friend of mine, and he didn't tell me out of fear that it would harm our friendship. Not knowing this allowed me to spend another two years with the girl that I would have and should have dumped when that happened.
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evilcoyote: Spill the beans. The truth hurts, but the truth is always right. My girlfriend came on to a friend of mine, and he didn't tell me out of fear that it would harm our friendship. Not knowing this allowed me to spend another two years with the girl that I would have and should have dumped when that happened.
Exactly. Anyone who would withhold something like that from a good friend is entirely misguided, in my opinion. It's rather patronizing and disrespectful to assume your friend isn't smart enough or lacks the character to hear the truth.
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Ambrose2007: Exactly. Anyone who would withhold something like that from a good friend is entirely misguided, in my opinion. It's rather patronizing and disrespectful to assume your friend isn't smart enough or lacks the character to hear the truth.
I also think it's rather self-indulgent, or just plain selfish, to withhold that kind of information in order to avoid a possibly negative response from one's friend.
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I believe telling the person it is inappropriate, not accepting advances, is the best action, with a response, "I could not live with the guilt it would cause, in relation to my best friend, your wife." There are at least two woman in this situation that will end up getting hurt, of one mans selfish desires.
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sweetowen: if the spouse of one of your best friends came onto you. Would you tell the friend? Would you just sweep it under the carpet & hope it never happens again? Would you tell him/her it was totally inappropriate & if they do it again, you'll spill the beans?
First I'd tell him that his behavior was inappropriate.
Then I would tell my friend that their husband was coming onto me.
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I've been in this situation, sort of...I can't call either one my "best friend", and none of my best friends are married.
However, almost a year ago today I was in the situation of having my late husband's best friend, who had been his witness at our wedding, and was going with me exactly one year ago today to scatter his best friend's ashes(which is how I know the timing, it was about a week prior to this day one year ago), came onto me. I made the mistake of thinking that he was listening to me out of sympathy and friendship, and we ended up coming here to talk after the club closed, since we were deep in the middle of a conversation then.
I've never said a word to his wife. I did make it very clear to him that I do not sleep with married men and that calling him either a dog or a pig would be an insult to those exalted animals...and he was still confused when he almost did not get to be part of the entourage accompanying me to scatter his late best friend's ashes.
I will never understand people like that. But I've never forgotten, thereby assuring that I'll never make the mistake of being alone with him again under any circumstances, but I've let it go.
However, almost a year ago today I was in the situation of having my late husband's best friend, who had been his witness at our wedding, and was going with me exactly one year ago today to scatter his best friend's ashes(which is how I know the timing, it was about a week prior to this day one year ago), came onto me. I made the mistake of thinking that he was listening to me out of sympathy and friendship, and we ended up coming here to talk after the club closed, since we were deep in the middle of a conversation then.
I've never said a word to his wife. I did make it very clear to him that I do not sleep with married men and that calling him either a dog or a pig would be an insult to those exalted animals...and he was still confused when he almost did not get to be part of the entourage accompanying me to scatter his late best friend's ashes.
I will never understand people like that. But I've never forgotten, thereby assuring that I'll never make the mistake of being alone with him again under any circumstances, but I've let it go.
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druidess6308: I've been in this situation, sort of...I can't call either one my "best friend", and none of my best friends are married.
However, almost a year ago today I was in the situation of having my late husband's best friend, who had been his witness at our wedding, and was going with me exactly one year ago today to scatter his best friend's ashes(which is how I know the timing, it was about a week prior to this day one year ago), came onto me. I made the mistake of thinking that he was listening to me out of sympathy and friendship, and we ended up coming here to talk after the club closed, since we were deep in the middle of a conversation then.
I've never said a word to his wife. I did make it very clear to him that I do not sleep with married men and that calling him either a dog or a pig would be an insult to those exalted animals...and he was still confused when he almost did not get to be part of the entourage accompanying me to scatter his late best friend's ashes.
I will never understand people like that. But I've never forgotten, thereby assuring that I'll never make the mistake of being alone with him again under any circumstances, but I've let it go.
However, almost a year ago today I was in the situation of having my late husband's best friend, who had been his witness at our wedding, and was going with me exactly one year ago today to scatter his best friend's ashes(which is how I know the timing, it was about a week prior to this day one year ago), came onto me. I made the mistake of thinking that he was listening to me out of sympathy and friendship, and we ended up coming here to talk after the club closed, since we were deep in the middle of a conversation then.
I've never said a word to his wife. I did make it very clear to him that I do not sleep with married men and that calling him either a dog or a pig would be an insult to those exalted animals...and he was still confused when he almost did not get to be part of the entourage accompanying me to scatter his late best friend's ashes.
I will never understand people like that. But I've never forgotten, thereby assuring that I'll never make the mistake of being alone with him again under any circumstances, but I've let it go.
And if his wife had been a good friend of yours?
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It really depends on how the girlfriend views your friendship. Maybe it would kill your relationship no matter if you tell her or she finds out by some sort of means, like overhearing him or some other way, or not. If she finds out from someone else or from another source, it might kill your friendship because you didn't tell her. I would just camouflage it in a normal conversation and bring it up with her saying hypothetically a friend on CS has posted a question regarding this issue and just casually see what her view is. I would also have "him" recorded when he is hitting on you, with you fighting off his advances telling him how wrong he is and how you can't do this to her. She may actually thank you for it. I don't believe you are his only desire and that he probably does this to a number of women as well. What if he succeeds with someone else, and then passes an STD to your friend? She will find out one way or another. I just think that my friends would accept the facts for what they are and it would make our friendships better and stronger. If you have or had a daughter would you tell her if her boyfriend was a scumbag, cheating on her or hitting on you? Real true friends can tell each other anything. JMO
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I agree. I would deal with him directly and let him know that I do not apperciate the come on and if it happens again he will leave me no choice but to let the cat out of the bag.
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Lagoona22: The latter....you can't just ignore it....that's just trashy...
Absolutely agree. So dirty!
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sweetowen: if the spouse of one of your best friends came onto you. Would you tell the friend? Would you just sweep it under the carpet & hope it never happens again? Would you tell him/her it was totally inappropriate & if they do it again, you'll spill the beans?
Were you wearing your thong again to your friend's place for dinner Sweet ?
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jvaski: Were you wearing your thong again to your friend's place for dinner Sweet ?
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sweetowen: Well, it happened quite a while ago, actually. But it was more than once. He's a huge flirt. She knows that. But he tried to kiss me one night & I pushed him off. Then he told me that if anything were to happen to her, I'd be the one he'd want to be with. She's one of my very best friends!
Just recently though, she did find out that he'd been having an affair. It's supposedly over now, but he still works with the girl. She's also married & her husband found out & made my friend's husband confess to her.
She's been working on trying to salvage the marriage. He's been little help. IMO, she should just cut her losses & move on. I'm sure the fact that they have a young child plays a huge factor in her decision.
As my minister had told me & my ex during one of our counseling sessions pre-marriage... marriage is not 50/50. It's 100/100. You both have to give it your all!
Now, the husband still grabs my behind & stuff like that. I just joke with him & shake my finger at him. But my other friend tells me I need to tell the wife & tell him to stop it.
I don't want to lose her as a friend, which given the situation, probably isn't likely to happen. I also don't want to be caught up in the situation.
Just recently though, she did find out that he'd been having an affair. It's supposedly over now, but he still works with the girl. She's also married & her husband found out & made my friend's husband confess to her.
She's been working on trying to salvage the marriage. He's been little help. IMO, she should just cut her losses & move on. I'm sure the fact that they have a young child plays a huge factor in her decision.
As my minister had told me & my ex during one of our counseling sessions pre-marriage... marriage is not 50/50. It's 100/100. You both have to give it your all!
Now, the husband still grabs my behind & stuff like that. I just joke with him & shake my finger at him. But my other friend tells me I need to tell the wife & tell him to stop it.
I don't want to lose her as a friend, which given the situation, probably isn't likely to happen. I also don't want to be caught up in the situation.
On the chance of losing your friend I would tell her as I would warn him.He sounds like a scumbag alright.
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sweetowen: if the spouse of one of your best friends came onto you. Would you tell the friend? Would you just sweep it under the carpet & hope it never happens again? Would you tell him/her it was totally inappropriate & if they do it again, you'll spill the beans?
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
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Ghoenkop: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
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I believe you should tell her - I've been in this situation myself and it did hurt much more my "best friend" not telling me anything.
Regards