Visiting my soul
When I walk through my soul, what do I see?
I see a vision of a girl but she doesn't look like me!
I can walk right up to her, but she never speaks a word
She is quiet, scared and shy, but makes herself heard
Everytime I visit I know she will be there
I don't understand but I know that she cares
I wonder if this girl is me?
Maybe she is the person who I would like to be!
I know that she is not happy but niether is she sad
No longer does anything ever make her mad.
Time has not been kind there is a lot that she has seen
she has taken me to places I wish I had never been
I know just where I am I close my eyes and feel the pain
as she takes my hand today, I tell her I don't want to stay.
But she continues to lead me to places I have already been
This is when I knew my life would never be the same...
She shows me hate lives here, but hate I no longer fear.
hate is just a word to me, its what I always hear
I was shown contempt before, I will not allow me to feel this anymore
I hear all these things in your voice, I've seen them in your touch
when you once told me that you cared so much
which of them was not the truth? with these lies you stole my youth!
I no longer have hate for you,there is nothing more you could ever do.
even though what you did was wrong because of you I grew up strong.
I have fought my whole life to survive and I must have won
because I aam still alive. I occassionally wonder if it is a life worth living when all my past I have to keep well hidden.
For a long time now I have lived without remorse or regret
about all the things I can never forget
they make me the person I am, she is the one I understand!
No pain No guilt, just suffering, this is what indifference brings.
All my life I have been hurt by you If I can't let go what do I do?
I have become someone whom I should hate but I don't.
I do things to hurt myself, I punish myself but don't feel guilt.
I no longer have consequences,
because I can deal with what ever happens in my life
I am no longer afraid, I no longer wake up at night and scream
I no longer feel or care Whatever shall be shall be
So for everything that you did and all that I did after
Is now over
I am in control and you will never be again
You went through your life and received your punishment as little as it was you never felt any pain, regret or remorse..
You just go through life spreading your contempt.
I laughed a sour bitter laugh as you were making me just like you
But what makes me better than you is I would never cause the pain or heartache to anyone, like you have done to me.
I am a SURVIVOR
and your punishment is just that, to know you never won
You can not kill my spirit or my fight or my Soul
for she is part of me and to you I will never give them.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Aug 2012
About this poem:Off the path to destruction .. I was becoming the abuser/repeating victim.. I was letting someone make me this person ... I made a decision to fight back..
sorry it is a little disjointed I wrote this at 16