The Aura of Female Mystery as it Relates to Communication (202)
almera03: Because I've learnt that what I deem as unimportant she could deem as very important.
venusenvy: Pretty groovy..Im in the great white working my butt off
What happened with Mexico???
Desertguy49: What happened with Mexico???
I always get out of Dodge for the rainy season...But this time Im thinking about staying
venusenvy: I always get out of Dodge for the rainy season...But this time Im thinking about staying
Well , best of luck to ya then...
Desertguy49: Well , best of luck to ya then...
Merci
Ambrose2007: Thanks, V. So...the million dollar question...what went wrong in those relationships? You make them sound so perfect!
For that info, you would have to meet me at the mailbox!!Ambrose2007: It has often been suggested that women in general have greater expectations of mind-reading from their significant others than men in general do - that is, they expect their mates to understand what they mean and what they want without explicitly expressing those meanings or wants.
Sometimes this is called "mind-reading." Lately, I've been wondering, as a sort of corollary, if women prefer vaguer kinds of statements and perhaps even an aura of mystery.
First, do you believe that women in general are more inclined to adopting a partial shroud of mystery, composed in part by more vague statements and other selective information-withholding, than are men?
My own experience with women is that this is indeed the case. I'm not sure, however, why it is. I have some speculations, but I'll leave them to later.
Sometimes this is called "mind-reading." Lately, I've been wondering, as a sort of corollary, if women prefer vaguer kinds of statements and perhaps even an aura of mystery.
First, do you believe that women in general are more inclined to adopting a partial shroud of mystery, composed in part by more vague statements and other selective information-withholding, than are men?
My own experience with women is that this is indeed the case. I'm not sure, however, why it is. I have some speculations, but I'll leave them to later.
Women are very intuitive. We read body language well, we pick up on emotions of others quickly. We don't know how we 'know' stuff - we just do. That's why we know a man is cheating - we know in our guts, driving to your house, before you even open the front door, that something is wrong. It's a blessing and curse.
It's fair to say that we probably forget that men aren't often this intuitive. It's normal for us - it's not an effort we have to make. Men and women are definitely different and I should point out - that's why we love men. The things that frustrate me about the male of the species are also the things that I adore.
amahlala: Since this is active listening and communication skills time: It's LALA!
I think many CS threads would greatly benefit from this skill. But to practice it does require some dedication, which in turn requires motivation.
Recently I was in a heated philosophy debate/discussion where accusations and misunderstandings were flying, and I recommended a David Burns variation of active listening. Strangely enough, several of the participants agreed, but one refused, and that was enough to destroy my would-be psychology experiment.
In order to enjoy this kind of communication you need both (or all) parties really working hard and with benevolent intent. They need to care about getting a good result. If someone has a bad intent, it ain't gonna fly.
leigh2154: For that info, you would have to meet me at the mailbox!!
Smart lady. A lesson some of us have learned a lot more slowly.
daisy333: Women are very intuitive. We read body language well, we pick up on emotions of others quickly. We don't know how we 'know' stuff - we just do. That's why we know a man is cheating - we know in our guts, driving to your house, before you even open the front door, that something is wrong. It's a blessing and curse.
It's fair to say that we probably forget that men aren't often this intuitive. It's normal for us - it's not an effort we have to make. Men and women are definitely different and I should point out - that's why we love men. The things that frustrate me about the male of the species are also the things that I adore.
It's fair to say that we probably forget that men aren't often this intuitive. It's normal for us - it's not an effort we have to make. Men and women are definitely different and I should point out - that's why we love men. The things that frustrate me about the male of the species are also the things that I adore.
Daisy - how about for fun we check out your and/or any of the lady's intuitions about the guys here? Based on the body language and expressions of our profile photos?
Hmmm...I think I just came up with a new thread idea!
Ambrose2007: Daisy - how about for fun we check out your and/or any of the lady's other ladies' intuitions about the guys here? Based on the body language and expressions of our profile photos?
Hmmm...I think I just came up with a new thread idea!
Hmmm...I think I just came up with a new thread idea!
Ambrose2007: I think many CS threads would greatly benefit from this skill. But to practice it does require some dedication, which in turn requires motivation.
Recently I was in a heated philosophy debate/discussion where accusations and misunderstandings were flying, and I recommended a David Burns variation of active listening. Strangely enough, several of the participants agreed, but one refused, and that was enough to destroy my would-be psychology experiment.
In order to enjoy this kind of communication you need both (or all) parties really working hard and with benevolent intent. They need to care about getting a good result. If someone has a bad intent, it ain't gonna fly.
Recently I was in a heated philosophy debate/discussion where accusations and misunderstandings were flying, and I recommended a David Burns variation of active listening. Strangely enough, several of the participants agreed, but one refused, and that was enough to destroy my would-be psychology experiment.
In order to enjoy this kind of communication you need both (or all) parties really working hard and with benevolent intent. They need to care about getting a good result. If someone has a bad intent, it ain't gonna fly.
Then I would hazard a guess that one should be taught active listening skills while young. It is not something that comes intuitively since we can all absorbed in "self" without meaning to.
Active listening, open communication and benevolent intent is hard if one does not want to learn. IMO
amahlala: Then I would hazard a guess that one should be taught active listening skills while young. It is not something that comes intuitively since we can all absorbed in "self" without meaning to.
Active listening, open communication and benevolent intent is hard if one does not want to learn. IMO
Active listening, open communication and benevolent intent is hard if one does not want to learn. IMO
You definitely have to be motivated, and it takes some patience to perform it in real life. But when "normal" arguments/discussions just don't work, even an "old dog" can learn new tricks, I think. Necessity (or desperation?) being the mother of invention and all.
In general men and women have different styles of communication and to an extent, different languages. I think there is less difference there than there is with the culture or subculture you were raised in.
I speak fairly directly because all of the women I was raised around did the same thing. Rose is not as direst as me and thought I was being rude and pushy with others sometimes when I thought I was just giving them the facts. She is more direct than many of the other women we know. Some of them can be fairly maddening to get any information out of.
Especially in a love partnership you have to learn to communicate with each other so you both don't end up going through hell over misunderstandings.
I speak fairly directly because all of the women I was raised around did the same thing. Rose is not as direst as me and thought I was being rude and pushy with others sometimes when I thought I was just giving them the facts. She is more direct than many of the other women we know. Some of them can be fairly maddening to get any information out of.
Especially in a love partnership you have to learn to communicate with each other so you both don't end up going through hell over misunderstandings.
katt1017: In general men and women have different styles of communication and to an extent, different languages. I think there is less difference there than there is with the culture or subculture you were raised in.
I speak fairly directly because all of the women I was raised around did the same thing. Rose is not as direst as me and thought I was being rude and pushy with others sometimes when I thought I was just giving them the facts. She is more direct than many of the other women we know. Some of them can be fairly maddening to get any information out of.
Especially in a love partnership you have to learn to communicate with each other so you both don't end up going through hell over misunderstandings.
I speak fairly directly because all of the women I was raised around did the same thing. Rose is not as direst as me and thought I was being rude and pushy with others sometimes when I thought I was just giving them the facts. She is more direct than many of the other women we know. Some of them can be fairly maddening to get any information out of.
Especially in a love partnership you have to learn to communicate with each other so you both don't end up going through hell over misunderstandings.
Hi, Katt! Not only through hell, but sometimes into a world of co-created madness, spiraling downward on vicious cycles of misunderstanding. Man, I hope I don't have more relationship nightmares tonight (last night I dreamed about an ex looking Linda Blair in her "crusty" phase of the Exorcist!).
amahlala: All I can say is that he lost out on a very wonderful relationship with his kids and with mine and that is a loss that he will have to deal with.
Even though we are divorced, my relationship with his kids and mine are still very strong and we all consider ourselves a family but unfortunately, he is still on the outside looking in.
Even though we are divorced, my relationship with his kids and mine are still very strong and we all consider ourselves a family but unfortunately, he is still on the outside looking in.
Wow...talk about missing out on a LOT.
Ambrose2007: Daisy - how about for fun we check out your and/or any of the lady's intuitions about the guys here? Based on the body language and expressions of our profile photos?
Hmmm...I think I just came up with a new thread idea!
Hmmm...I think I just came up with a new thread idea!
Sure, great idea.
I'm not sure how much I could tell you about anyone from a photo. For me, intuition about a person is mainly body language, what they say and more often, what they don't say. It's mainly about reactions actually, to me and the people around them.
The photos that people choose online for themselves are often interesting. I'm fascinated that some guys on dating sites have one photo of themself - and 8 photos of their cars and motorbikes lol.
Great thread ambrose, very thought provoking.
daisy333: Yes, a good point. I certainly do know some incredibly intuitive men and it may be that those guys simply have learned to pay attention to information or 'gut feel' instead of ignoring it.
From a female perspective, I can tell you that at a dinner party, most females will notice straight away which dinner guest is cheating on their spouse, unhappy or madly in love. They'll know straight away whose flirting with who and usually, which relationship is on its last legs.
Conversely, I have ex boyfriends who've told me their best mate was getting a divorce/split up with a girl and when I asked them why, they often said: "I don't know, I didn't ask him." :-)
Perhaps it simply comes down to what information/stimuli males and females place importance on.
From a female perspective, I can tell you that at a dinner party, most females will notice straight away which dinner guest is cheating on their spouse, unhappy or madly in love. They'll know straight away whose flirting with who and usually, which relationship is on its last legs.
Conversely, I have ex boyfriends who've told me their best mate was getting a divorce/split up with a girl and when I asked them why, they often said: "I don't know, I didn't ask him." :-)
Perhaps it simply comes down to what information/stimuli males and females place importance on.
I think you're right, Daisy. Women are clearly more interested, as a *general* rule, in what's going on in relationships than men are. I mean, if you've been around guys, even intellectual, well-educated guys, they don't spend a lot of time talking about their relationships (as a general rule, again!). You'll hear a lot of discussion of politics or sports or house repair. If you get a group of gals together...well, you get the picture.
I think women have some pretty strong evolutionary-biological reasons for being interested in men and being able to read them. For much of our history as a species, their very lives doubtless depended on accurate readings of the men around them, so it wouldn't surprise me if they were better at that than men.
daisy333: Sure, great idea.
I'm not sure how much I could tell you about anyone from a photo. For me, intuition about a person is mainly body language, what they say and more often, what they don't say. It's mainly about reactions actually, to me and the people around them.
The photos that people choose online for themselves are often interesting. I'm fascinated that some guys on dating sites have one photo of themself - and 8 photos of their cars and motorbikes lol.
Great thread ambrose, very thought provoking.
I'm not sure how much I could tell you about anyone from a photo. For me, intuition about a person is mainly body language, what they say and more often, what they don't say. It's mainly about reactions actually, to me and the people around them.
The photos that people choose online for themselves are often interesting. I'm fascinated that some guys on dating sites have one photo of themself - and 8 photos of their cars and motorbikes lol.
Great thread ambrose, very thought provoking.
I left out photos of my four-wheeler, rider-mower, and my scooter! Yeah, photos don't convey a lot of things, though I suspect they convey more than we might think? They certainly can be misleading.
I find the photos people choose to put up here to be pretty interesting. The distances they choose, the amount of blur, the angles and light - along with their expressions. I've seen some photos here that make me wonder - women's faces half-obscured in darkness. The "aura of mystery" thing?
Even the amount of effort to present a decent photo is itself surely significant, no?Thanks for your kind comments, D.
Ambrose2007: It has often been suggested that women in general have greater expectations of mind-reading from their significant others than men in general do - that is, they expect their mates to understand what they mean and what they want without explicitly expressing those meanings or wants.
Sometimes this is called "mind-reading." Lately, I've been wondering, as a sort of corollary, if women prefer vaguer kinds of statements and perhaps even an aura of mystery.
First, do you believe that women in general are more inclined to adopting a partial shroud of mystery, composed in part by more vague statements and other selective information-withholding, than are men?
My own experience with women is that this is indeed the case. I'm not sure, however, why it is. I have some speculations, but I'll leave them to later.
Sometimes this is called "mind-reading." Lately, I've been wondering, as a sort of corollary, if women prefer vaguer kinds of statements and perhaps even an aura of mystery.
First, do you believe that women in general are more inclined to adopting a partial shroud of mystery, composed in part by more vague statements and other selective information-withholding, than are men?
My own experience with women is that this is indeed the case. I'm not sure, however, why it is. I have some speculations, but I'll leave them to later.
I can't speak for other women; but when I dated; I also said what was on my mind. My thought was "lets cut the crap and get to the point." Guess I learned that from being around men so much in the military.
single4ever: I can't speak for other women; but when I dated; I also said what was on my mind. My thought was "lets cut the crap and get to the point." Guess I learned that from being around men so much in the military.
Yeah, I've known a few "frank" women in my life, that's for sure. We have to keep in mind that even if there do exist gender-related personality traits, there are massive amounts of differences between individuals. As Monty Python's "Brian" once pointed out: "We're all individuals. We're all different."
It takes a brave and very special person to reply: "I'm not!"
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Pretty groovy..Im in the great white working my butt off