The Aura of Female Mystery as it Relates to Communication (202)
almera03portsmouth, Hampshire, England UK11 Threads 3,913 PostsAmbrose2007: That's exactly what I said, so I'm not sure what the "N0" is aimed at.
Because you talked about holding things back. You talked about not wanting to hear mundane things about her day or life. Or not trusting with your own problems. When a problem is sharred, you're not asking for help in dealing with it but showing trust in sharring it.
BannerMan53: My Aura is my best part !!
Oh lawdy! Now are YOU going to pay for my years of therapy I need because of this? 
Ambrose2007: That's exactly what I said, so I'm not sure what the "N0" is aimed at.
I'm not answerng for AL but you implied that he doesn't want to hear everything that's on her mind when you said:
"Well, I think Almera was probably speaking in general principle. What I suspect he means is that one should not, in principle, have feelings/thoughts which one does not share with one's partner"
But he said he does want to hear everything, i.e., if she wants to tell him how she baked the cake, etc.
If you can't open up your heart to your SO then who in the heck can you feel safe or trust to open it to?
almera03: Because you talked about holding things back. You talked about not wanting to hear mundane things about her day or life. Or not trusting with your own problems. When a problem is sharred, you're not asking for help in dealing with it but showing trust in sharring it.
Sharing is caring, and trusting another is one of the most endearing qualities someone could ever have.
montecito: It's different AL but I congratulate you for having the patience.
Listening techniques are critical to a relationship.
Anybody can listen....but does the person "hear" what the other person is saying.
Women talk in detail but he's probably tuning her out.
He tells her something and she's probably reading between the lines.
UGH !!..
I agree, there is a difference between hearing and listening. Its not easy to listen and not have an agenda on what your hearing.Listening techniques are critical to a relationship.
Anybody can listen....but does the person "hear" what the other person is saying.
Women talk in detail but he's probably tuning her out.
He tells her something and she's probably reading between the lines.
UGH !!..
Sharing, caring, trust, partners. I keep reading through all of this and sort of realized (mini-revelation for me) that although we all want a partner to share, care, trust with and for or are looking for what we consider a 'soul-mate', that it is possible that we can never truly be "the end-all and be-all" for just one person.
I have two very wonderful, close friends, that could be considered my "soul-mates" if analyzed by what they give to me and by what I give to them in terms of sharing, caring and trust and yet one of them is my sister and the other lives a few hundred miles away from me.
Like everyone, I would enjoy having a partner in my life but I don't believe that I can be everything to that potential partner nor would I expect that potential partner to be everything to me.
I have two very wonderful, close friends, that could be considered my "soul-mates" if analyzed by what they give to me and by what I give to them in terms of sharing, caring and trust and yet one of them is my sister and the other lives a few hundred miles away from me.
Like everyone, I would enjoy having a partner in my life but I don't believe that I can be everything to that potential partner nor would I expect that potential partner to be everything to me.
amahlala: Sharing, caring, trust, partners. I keep reading through all of this and sort of realized (mini-revelation for me) that although we all want a partner to share, care, trust with and for or are looking for what we consider a 'soul-mate', that it is possible that we can never truly be "the end-all and be-all" for just one person.
I have two very wonderful, close friends, that could be considered my "soul-mates" if analyzed by what they give to me and by what I give to them in terms of sharing, caring and trust and yet one of them is my sister and the other lives a few hundred miles away from me.
Like everyone, I would enjoy having a partner in my life but I don't believe that I can be everything to that potential partner nor would I expect that potential partner to be everything to me.
I have two very wonderful, close friends, that could be considered my "soul-mates" if analyzed by what they give to me and by what I give to them in terms of sharing, caring and trust and yet one of them is my sister and the other lives a few hundred miles away from me.
Like everyone, I would enjoy having a partner in my life but I don't believe that I can be everything to that potential partner nor would I expect that potential partner to be everything to me.
Well, that's a whole 'nother question, AM.
No one can be everything for someone else. But they can be the most important things - and I count among those "closest confidante."
almera03: Because you talked about holding things back. You talked about not wanting to hear mundane things about her day or life. Or not trusting with your own problems. When a problem is sharred, you're not asking for help in dealing with it but showing trust in sharring it.
I didn't say that. I was speaking of the *obligation* to tell everything, not the obligation to listen should someone wish to speak about such things (whatever one wishes to speak of).
Of course one should be willing to listen to mundane things or whatever one's partner wishes to discuss ad infinitum (note I didn't say ad nauseam
). But good, honest communication doesn't necessarily require telling your partner everything - just the most important things about one's thoughts and feelings.I wouldn't count, for example, a thought about my SO looking fat in a dress as being something which requires my honest comment.
montecito: I'm not answerng for AL but you implied that he doesn't want to hear everything that's on her mind when you said:
"Well, I think Almera was probably speaking in general principle. What I suspect he means is that one should not, in principle, have feelings/thoughts which one does not share with one's partner"
But he said he does want to hear everything, i.e., if she wants to tell him how she baked the cake, etc.
"Well, I think Almera was probably speaking in general principle. What I suspect he means is that one should not, in principle, have feelings/thoughts which one does not share with one's partner"
But he said he does want to hear everything, i.e., if she wants to tell him how she baked the cake, etc.
There is no logical conflict between these two sentiments.
Ambrose2007: I didn't say that. I was speaking of the *obligation* to tell everything, not the obligation to listen should someone wish to speak about such things (whatever one wishes to speak of).
Of course one should be willing to listen to mundane things or whatever one's partner wishes to discuss ad infinitum (note I didn't say ad nauseam ). But good, honest communication doesn't necessarily require telling your partner everything - just the most important things about one's thoughts and feelings.
I wouldn't count, for example, a thought about my SO looking fat in a dress as being something which requires my honest comment.
So who judges what is important or not, you or her. How many times have relationships broken down because one person didn't think it was important to share something.Of course one should be willing to listen to mundane things or whatever one's partner wishes to discuss ad infinitum (note I didn't say ad nauseam ). But good, honest communication doesn't necessarily require telling your partner everything - just the most important things about one's thoughts and feelings.
I wouldn't count, for example, a thought about my SO looking fat in a dress as being something which requires my honest comment.
There are many ways to express how someone looks in a dress without the need to call them fat. If your problem is her size, that could say more about your lack of tact and communication skills than her weight.
Ambrose2007: Well, that's a whole 'nother question, AM.
No one can be everything for someone else. But they can be the most important things - and I count among those "closest confidante."
No one can be everything for someone else. But they can be the most important things - and I count among those "closest confidante."
Might be a whole nother question but kinda does have bearing on the whole communication debacle/debate/mystery...blah...blah...blah!
almera03: So who judges what is important or not, you or her. How many times have relationships broken down because one person didn't think it was important to share something.
There are many ways to express how someone looks in a dress without the need to call them fat. If your problem is her size, that could say more about your lack of tact and communication skills than her weight.
There are many ways to express how someone looks in a dress without the need to call them fat. If your problem is her size, that could say more about your lack of tact and communication skills than her weight.
This is getting tiresome.
The person who wishes to say something of course determines what is important to him or her. I've said absolutely nothing to suggest otherwise.
We can't even agree without arguing, it appears. I guess that shouldn't be surprising.
amahlala: Might be a whole nother question but kinda does have bearing on the whole communication debacle/debate/mystery...blah...blah...blah!
Yeah, it's pretty hard to completely isolate any question of this type. In fact, I'd say it's impossible. The best one can hope for is to stay on relevant subjects, which this is one.
Ambrose2007: Right - I think sometimes it's a very good idea to attempt to work stuff out on your own, to avoid bugging your SO about everything...especially things which really stem from your own issues rather than anything she's doing.
If you ask for the Zeus's honest truth, of course you have no one to blame but yourself if you don't like answer (even if you really, really want a particular answer). And I tried not to hold it against my SOs. Part of me certainly respected them for telling me an unpleasant truth. Even while I was crying in my beer, it still led me to trust them more because they were willing to level with me. That meant to me that I could count on their honesty - and that when they said things I did like they were also being honest.
Too much drama? Perhaps we should allow CC, our drama-less relationship guru, to prescribe drama-free people to us?
The sad truth is that drama in our relationships is co-created. If you're experiencing that, you are part of its cause, even if you want to believe it's the "other guy," it ain't.
When I hear someone say "I'm not into drama," I always want to retort: "Then don't help create it." To paraphrase POGO: "We have met the Drama Queen/King, and He/She is us."
If you ask for the Zeus's honest truth, of course you have no one to blame but yourself if you don't like answer (even if you really, really want a particular answer). And I tried not to hold it against my SOs. Part of me certainly respected them for telling me an unpleasant truth. Even while I was crying in my beer, it still led me to trust them more because they were willing to level with me. That meant to me that I could count on their honesty - and that when they said things I did like they were also being honest.
Too much drama? Perhaps we should allow CC, our drama-less relationship guru, to prescribe drama-free people to us?
The sad truth is that drama in our relationships is co-created. If you're experiencing that, you are part of its cause, even if you want to believe it's the "other guy," it ain't.
When I hear someone say "I'm not into drama," I always want to retort: "Then don't help create it." To paraphrase POGO: "We have met the Drama Queen/King, and He/She is us."
Ambrose to which CC were you referring to?
There is another CC besides myself.
kidatheart: I'd say it was spot on.
I'm kinda thinking my coffee hasn't kicked in yet and I'm teetering on the edge of grumpy
Ambrose2007: This is getting tiresome.
The person who wishes to say something of course determines what is important to him or her. I've said absolutely nothing to suggest otherwise.
We can't even agree without arguing, it appears. I guess that shouldn't be surprising.
You presume so much, perhaps that's your mistake in relationships. And I see you're a man of little patience.....The person who wishes to say something of course determines what is important to him or her. I've said absolutely nothing to suggest otherwise.
We can't even agree without arguing, it appears. I guess that shouldn't be surprising.
Your very good and putting words into others mouths and speaking for them.
I wasn't aware I had to agree with you, was that what you wanted and because I haven't you imply I'm tiresome, that's a lovely trait to have. I also wasn't aware I was arguing, I am though putting across my opinion and replying to your posts, isn't that the point of a thread.
amahlala: I'm kinda thinking my coffee hasn't kicked in yet and I'm teetering on the edge of grumpy
At least you're able to recognise that in yourself, and you didn't ignore me. Two important things in any sort of relationship, realising we're not always at our best, and still managing to communicate.
kidatheart: At least you're able to recognise that in yourself, and you didn't ignore me. Two important things in any sort of relationship, realising we're not always at our best, and still managing to communicate.
Ah..you heard me and I didn't even have to whinge about it!
Ambrose2007: There is no logical conflict between these two sentiments.
There doesn't have to be a conflict J.
AL handles his relationship differently then you do.
It's not a conflict but rather different opinions.
montecito: There doesn't have to be a conflict J.
AL handles his relationship differently then you do.
It's not a conflict but rather different opinions.
Because I've learnt that what I deem as unimportant she could deem as very important.AL handles his relationship differently then you do.
It's not a conflict but rather different opinions.
amahlala: Ah..you heard me and I didn't even have to whinge about it!
No whinging neccessary, the message was quite clear.
almera03: Because I've learnt that what I deem as unimportant she could deem as very important.
I need to check your profile AL. How far is Hampshire form New Jersey...
kidatheart: No whinging neccessary, the message was quite clear.
montecito: I need to check your profile AL. How far is Hampshire form New Jersey...
I've been following his posts so far and to me he comes off as a very caring man.
montecito: I need to check your profile AL. How far is Hampshire form New Jersey...
Far too far at times and not far enough at others Im not into the mind reading thingy...Open communication is key for me 
venusenvy: Im not into the mind reading thingy...Open communication is key for me
Kinda like hi stranger...
Desertguy49: Kinda like hi stranger...
Desert guy!!!
venusenvy: Desert guy!!!
How's everything ???
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