The Aura of Female Mystery as it Relates to Communication (202)
If you are a romantic person, which I think women are more inclined to be than men, it is not very romantic having to spell out your every desire and need. Perhaps the silent aura of mystery is all part of her patient waiting game.
Ambrose2007: I have encountered the "carrying something heavy now and waiting for you to jump in and help me" syndrome many, many times, C. And the scenario you've described seems familiar to me.
In my experience, women love to hint at stuff. When I want something, however, there's no freaking hints. I will spell it out pretty much exactly.
I have found that really, really frustrating, and I wonder what is the root cause for this difference in behavior and attitude.
In my experience, women love to hint at stuff. When I want something, however, there's no freaking hints. I will spell it out pretty much exactly.
I have found that really, really frustrating, and I wonder what is the root cause for this difference in behavior and attitude.
Dangerous to assume but I assume you are kidding what's in bold cause I have helped you time and time again in certain situations young man...
I agree with you that women like to hint rather then ask. In my own life, I hint because I'm afraid to ask. The root of it is that I was taught not to ask through my father and husband. It was a mans' world and I had no reason to question it which I explained earlier.
If a man keeps trying to change the way women think, he is probably going to be unhappy. I thought men joke about "just going along with whatever she says", for simple things. That's a smart man cause he knows not to make waves.
I don't know what to tell you J. When I know what makes a man tick, that's what I work with. I don't find it important enough to analyze everything in depth..
montecito: J, not everything needs to be analyzed in depth. You've heard that "less is more".. I don't think it's that complicated once you accept that men and women think differently and it seems that you know that. As I posted in two earlier posts, women are detail oriented, men are projected oriented. Women want to talk about the problem, men want to fix it. If he has to read her mind, he can't fix it.
You say you are looking for a "real difference". How much more real can it get. Women want men to read their minds. I would say that men also expect women to read their minds when we ask "What's wrong" and he says "Nothing".
You say you are looking for a "real difference". How much more real can it get. Women want men to read their minds. I would say that men also expect women to read their minds when we ask "What's wrong" and he says "Nothing".
I'm not sure how often that's the case, C. I think men often mean by that: "I'd prefer not to discuss it because it makes me uncomfortable," and if you press them, rather than receiving gratitude you may more often than not trigger resentment. Men by and large just don't like talking about their emotions.
Now if it were ME saying "nothing," than yes, you oughta get out your shovel and start diggin'!
Now women...I would guess that when a woman says "nothing" she chomping at the bit to have you press her and ask about her feeling. Not always, however!!
RDM59: If you are a romantic person, which I think women are more inclined to be than men, it is not very romantic having to spell out your every desire and need. Perhaps the silent aura of mystery is all part of her patient waiting game.
Probably so, RD.
I have the feeling there are many motivations for this kind of behavior. Sometimes it's doubtless part of a test. Sometimes it's game-playing. Sometimes it's the belief we just oughta know stuff if we care about them. Sometimes there may be the assumption that if they are thinking and see things that surely we ought to be seeing those things as well.
I'm not sure how often that's the case, C. I think men often mean by that: "I'd prefer not to discuss it because it makes me uncomfortable," and if you press them, rather than receiving gratitude you may more often than not trigger resentment. Men by and large just don't like talking about their emotions.
Now if it were ME saying "nothing," than yes, you oughta get out your shovel and start diggin'!
Now women...I would guess that when a woman says "nothing" she chomping at the bit to have you press her and ask about her feeling. Not always, however!![/quote]
You can be sure she's waiting for you to say, what's the matter and if you don't she interprets it that you don't care. Sounds simple but it's really important to go that extra step no matter how much you want to get away from it.
Now if it were ME saying "nothing," than yes, you oughta get out your shovel and start diggin'!
Now women...I would guess that when a woman says "nothing" she chomping at the bit to have you press her and ask about her feeling. Not always, however!![/quote]
You can be sure she's waiting for you to say, what's the matter and if you don't she interprets it that you don't care. Sounds simple but it's really important to go that extra step no matter how much you want to get away from it.Ambrose2007: Probably so, RD.
I have the feeling there are many motivations for this kind of behavior. Sometimes it's doubtless part of a test. Sometimes it's game-playing. Sometimes it's the belief we just oughta know stuff if we care about them. Sometimes there may be the assumption that if they are thinking and see things that surely we ought to be seeing those things as well.
I have the feeling there are many motivations for this kind of behavior. Sometimes it's doubtless part of a test. Sometimes it's game-playing. Sometimes it's the belief we just oughta know stuff if we care about them. Sometimes there may be the assumption that if they are thinking and see things that surely we ought to be seeing those things as well.
Tests, quizzes, game-playing ...... I thought that's what pubs are for ....
See ya ....
....
RDM59: Tests, quizzes, game-playing ...... I thought that's what pubs are for ....
See ya .... ....
See ya .... ....
Come play words wit me.....
montecito: Come play words wit me.....
Well I was thinking more on the lines of a game of pool or darts monte. Go get your dungarees and sneakers on and let's go out sink a few beers and raise some hell .....
RDM59: Well I was thinking more on the lines of a game of pool or darts monte. Go get your dungarees and sneakers on and let's go out sink a few beers and raise some hell .....
Well I know a pub you quite like ...http://youtu.be/fwmPbFGY_tI
patmac: Well I know a pub you quite like ...http://youtu.be/fwmPbFGY_tI
OOOPS That seems odd....
RDM59: Well I was thinking more on the lines of a game of pool or darts monte. Go get your dungarees and sneakers on and let's go out sink a few beers and raise some hell .....
My kinda date when I don't have to dress up. If it wasn't for the miles, I'd be there. Wait, I have an idea..
montecito: My kinda date when I don't have to dress up. If it wasn't for the miles, I'd be there. Wait, I have an idea..
He cheats at Pool Monte.....WATCH HIM....
Ambrose2007: Probably so, RD.
I have the feeling there are many motivations for this kind of behavior. Sometimes it's doubtless part of a test. Sometimes it's game-playing. Sometimes it's the belief we just oughta know stuff if we care about them. Sometimes there may be the assumption that if they are thinking and see things that surely we ought to be seeing those things as well.
I have the feeling there are many motivations for this kind of behavior. Sometimes it's doubtless part of a test. Sometimes it's game-playing. Sometimes it's the belief we just oughta know stuff if we care about them. Sometimes there may be the assumption that if they are thinking and see things that surely we ought to be seeing those things as well.
So what you are really saying J is that it is all about them aren't you !
Cannae wait for the next time Pat ......
Great atmosphere that place ..... I need another hit soon ....
leo1shay: So I prefer to be my self, and even if it cost's me a perspective partner, the one that will like me, will at least like me for me and not some imagination picture I will present to her . . . . . FULLY AGREE
thank-you
thank-you
oh yeah...you prefer... what about him..,.???
patmac: He cheats at Pool Monte.....WATCH HIM....
Yeh, that's right I cheated..... 5 times in a row I seem to recall and you still never spotted it .....
montecito: My kinda date when I don't have to dress up. If it wasn't for the miles, I'd be there. Wait, I have an idea..
.... now don't forget your cue and arrows. You do have your own of course, don't you ..... ... that's my kinda gal ... Ambrose2007: It has often been suggested that women in general have greater expectations of mind-reading from their significant others than men in general do - that is, they expect their mates to understand what they mean and what they want without explicitly expressing those meanings or wants.
Sometimes this is called "mind-reading." Lately, I've been wondering, as a sort of corollary, if women prefer vaguer kinds of statements and perhaps even an aura of mystery.
First, do you believe that women in general are more inclined to adopting a partial shroud of mystery, composed in part by more vague statements and other selective information-withholding, than are men?
My own experience with women is that this is indeed the case. I'm not sure, however, why it is. I have some speculations, but I'll leave them to later.
Sometimes this is called "mind-reading." Lately, I've been wondering, as a sort of corollary, if women prefer vaguer kinds of statements and perhaps even an aura of mystery.
First, do you believe that women in general are more inclined to adopting a partial shroud of mystery, composed in part by more vague statements and other selective information-withholding, than are men?
My own experience with women is that this is indeed the case. I'm not sure, however, why it is. I have some speculations, but I'll leave them to later.
Hello J........I can only speak for myself on this one and base it on my relationship experience....I can see how some would "label" communication problems between men and women as women expecting their men to be mind readers because women are by nature (biologically) more emotionally aware/in tune than men....By being so, we sometime assume our men are aware of something that seems very obvious to us when, in reality, they are completely unaware.....By "assuming" this, we become hurt, frustrated, angry, withdrawn, whatever, if they do not automatically react appropriately to whatever it is that is bothering us.....When this happens, the problem becomes compounded because now the couple is at odds with each other.....This type of "non communication" has not existed in all of my relationships because some men are highly sensitive to mood and pick up easily and it has existed to varying degrees in other relationships......Bottom line is early on in the relationship we need to "learn" our partner and act accordingly....It's a bit like the "hot" button thing...it doesn't take men or women long to "learn" where each others hot buttons are....Same thing is true of emotions, we can "learn" to read our partners body language and open dialogue accordingly...
RDM59: Yeh, that's right I cheated..... 5 times in a row I seem to recall and you still never spotted it .....
Yep magic.....Must have been.....either that or the beer.....
leigh2154: Hello J........I can only speak for myself on this one and base it on my relationship experience....I can see how some would "label" communication problems between men and women as women expecting their men to be mind readers because women are by nature (biologically) more emotionally aware/in tune than men....By being so, we sometime assume our men are aware of something that seems very obvious to us when, in reality, they are completely unaware.....By "assuming" this, we become hurt, frustrated, angry, withdrawn, whatever, if they do not automatically react appropriately to whatever it is that is bothering us.....When this happens, the problem becomes compounded because now the couple is at odds with each other.....This type of "non communication" has not existed in all of my relationships because some men are highly sensitive to mood and pick up easily and it has existed to varying degrees in other relationships......Bottom line is early on in the relationship we need to "learn" our partner and act accordingly....It's a bit like the "hot" button thing...it doesn't take men or women long to "learn" where each others hot buttons are....Same thing is true of emotions, we can "learn" to read our partners body language and open dialogue accordingly...
We learn the hot spot so fast cause we want to ....the other stuff we simply just don't want to learn.....if we do there goes a perfectly good excuse for not understanding 
RDM59: Cannae wait for the next time Pat ......
Great atmosphere that place ..... I need another hit soon ....
Great atmosphere that place ..... I need another hit soon ....
26th August.......Sounds good to me....
I really don't see the confusion.....men are right women are fickle ....as soon as the women accept this we can all move ahead.... 
Ambrose2007: Exactly what are you trying to say, CC?
It's funny. My grandmother was totally a straight-shooting lady on many subjects. You had no trouble knowing how she felt on certain subjects.
But when came to more relationship-emotional subjects...not so much. She'd hint but not explicate.
It's funny. My grandmother was totally a straight-shooting lady on many subjects. You had no trouble knowing how she felt on certain subjects.
But when came to more relationship-emotional subjects...not so much. She'd hint but not explicate.
I'm trying to say that we don't just sit around like two bumps on a log and stare at one another or out in space.It's called communictaion.
We talk and if there's something wrong we come right out and tell each what it is.And none of this "I don't know" and "Nothings wrong crap to hide our true feelings.
I don't bang pots and pans around like another poster posted.My guy doesn't just sit there like a stoned man.When we ask each other what's wrong we answer with a straight answer.
patmac: 26th August.......Sounds good to me....
Yep, me too .......
..... 
grizzwald: We learn the hot spot so fast cause we want to ....the other stuff we simply just don't want to learn.....if we do there goes a perfectly good excuse for not understanding
You really do want to stay single, don't you Grizz?!??!I will file that alongside your expert tuition on
How tae pull yer pudden....Another thing you mastered so well
patmac: 26th August.......Sounds good to me....
Shall I bring my own pool stick? 
RDM59: .... now don't forget your cue and arrows. You do have your own of course, don't you ..... ... that's my kinda gal ...
My own cue..
Are the arrows to throw at Obama.. I was just listening to this fiasco in Washington where the President made an agreement and then tried to change it at the last minute. Both sides walked out like little children that didn't get they way. They don't want to play anymore. I need lots and lots of arrows....
grizzwald: I really don't see the confusion.....men are right women are fickle ....as soon as the women accept this we can all move ahead....
You're not single so you can get away with that but not for long.
Just wait till she reads this and you'll find out how fickle she is..
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Exactly what are you trying to say, CC?
But when came to more relationship-emotional subjects...not so much. She'd hint but not explicate.