if he beat you while you were pregnant ? (83)
vonney: Again I have to say sorry, but that very comment shows how little you understand what it is like when someone you love and who claims to love you abuses that love in the worst way.
morgan5: well said vonney they can be loads of reasons why a women stays in these kinds of relationships and unless you have experienced it it's impossible to understand
Well for me i was in that situation..
No excuses for me to stay..
You hit me once your gone..
I was pregnant he it and pushed me..
he was out the door..
What reasons would i stay..
None at all
rasgumby: the right option was not there.......
Honestly, If you have to ask.. you need to get some help.
Honestly, If you have to ask.. you need to get some help.
I have discussed this post with my girlfriend and we have written it together. If you want to know why I am here and have a girlfriend read my profile and hers.
When my girlfriend and I met, I thought that she was shy, very shy, but I thought she was worth sticking around for so I did. We, like other couples spoke about our past relationships, but she would not tell me much about her marriage or her x husband.
I noticed nothing different about her on that day, until she sat on the floor, hung her head and started to talk about her marriage, how he had for years told her she was useless and worthless, and how she was lucky he put up with her. Hitting her does not describe the physical and metal torture that he put her through for years. And those details are not for here.
But one day something in her stirred and while he was out, she broke a window climbed out of the house and walked into the town to the local police station.
Of coures he spent time in prison, of course they divorced of course she lived in fear for another 20 years.
What I find very difficult to understand is that she still says that she loved him and in a certain way still loves him, not his actions but a person that she did fall in love with.
This is why she stayed because regardeless of all the horror, she loved him. And this is why she wants to post this, because to leave a violent and abusive relationship the person has to accept that they have feelings for the other person, but that they can not live in an abusive situation. They have to say Ilove or have loved you but that I am now making a decision to leave regardless of how I feel about you.
The right thing to do is to leave and take legal action against him, but it will be one of the most difficult things you will do in your life; gather support from family, friends, professional people and then step into your new life. Good luck.
If you are going to be in a relationship with a person who has been abused you need to be patient, stand still and let them come to you in their own time, love them quietly, gently and in their own time, never leave them in doubt that you are there for them, and argue in a whisper, sitting down, without moving your arms.
When my girlfriend and I met, I thought that she was shy, very shy, but I thought she was worth sticking around for so I did. We, like other couples spoke about our past relationships, but she would not tell me much about her marriage or her x husband.
I noticed nothing different about her on that day, until she sat on the floor, hung her head and started to talk about her marriage, how he had for years told her she was useless and worthless, and how she was lucky he put up with her. Hitting her does not describe the physical and metal torture that he put her through for years. And those details are not for here.
But one day something in her stirred and while he was out, she broke a window climbed out of the house and walked into the town to the local police station.
Of coures he spent time in prison, of course they divorced of course she lived in fear for another 20 years.
What I find very difficult to understand is that she still says that she loved him and in a certain way still loves him, not his actions but a person that she did fall in love with.
This is why she stayed because regardeless of all the horror, she loved him. And this is why she wants to post this, because to leave a violent and abusive relationship the person has to accept that they have feelings for the other person, but that they can not live in an abusive situation. They have to say Ilove or have loved you but that I am now making a decision to leave regardless of how I feel about you.
The right thing to do is to leave and take legal action against him, but it will be one of the most difficult things you will do in your life; gather support from family, friends, professional people and then step into your new life. Good luck.
If you are going to be in a relationship with a person who has been abused you need to be patient, stand still and let them come to you in their own time, love them quietly, gently and in their own time, never leave them in doubt that you are there for them, and argue in a whisper, sitting down, without moving your arms.
spiceygamble: Bury the body... then leave.
''~> ... oops, are my horns showing?
''~> ... oops, are my horns showing?
I'd sure hate to be on your bad side, E. Your abs alone should be registered as deadly weapons!
without moving your arms - how touching........ how understading - how right.............
Ecowarrior: I have discussed this post with my girlfriend and we have written it together. If you want to know why I am here and have a girlfriend read my profile and hers.
When my girlfriend and I met, I thought that she was shy, very shy, but I thought she was worth sticking around for so I did. We, like other couples spoke about our past relationships, but she would not tell me much about her marriage or her x husband.
I noticed nothing different about her on that day, until she sat on the floor, hung her head and started to talk about her marriage, how he had for years told her she was useless and worthless, and how she was lucky he put up with her. Hitting her does not describe the physical and metal torture that he put her through for years. And those details are not for here.
But one day something in her stirred and while he was out, she broke a window climbed out of the house and walked into the town to the local police station.
Of coures he spent time in prison, of course they divorced of course she lived in fear for another 20 years.
What I find very difficult to understand is that she still says that she loved him and in a certain way still loves him, not his actions but a person that she did fall in love with.
This is why she stayed because regardeless of all the horror, she loved him. And this is why she wants to post this, because to leave a violent and abusive relationship the person has to accept that they have feelings for the other person, but that they can not live in an abusive situation. They have to say Ilove or have loved you but that I am now making a decision to leave regardless of how I feel about you.
The right thing to do is to leave and take legal action against him, but it will be one of the most difficult things you will do in your life; gather support from family, friends, professional people and then step into your new life. Good luck.
If you are going to be in a relationship with a person who has been abused you need to be patient, stand still and let them come to you in their own time, love them quietly, gently and in their own time, never leave them in doubt that you are there for them, and argue in a whisper, sitting down, without moving your arms.
When my girlfriend and I met, I thought that she was shy, very shy, but I thought she was worth sticking around for so I did. We, like other couples spoke about our past relationships, but she would not tell me much about her marriage or her x husband.
I noticed nothing different about her on that day, until she sat on the floor, hung her head and started to talk about her marriage, how he had for years told her she was useless and worthless, and how she was lucky he put up with her. Hitting her does not describe the physical and metal torture that he put her through for years. And those details are not for here.
But one day something in her stirred and while he was out, she broke a window climbed out of the house and walked into the town to the local police station.
Of coures he spent time in prison, of course they divorced of course she lived in fear for another 20 years.
What I find very difficult to understand is that she still says that she loved him and in a certain way still loves him, not his actions but a person that she did fall in love with.
This is why she stayed because regardeless of all the horror, she loved him. And this is why she wants to post this, because to leave a violent and abusive relationship the person has to accept that they have feelings for the other person, but that they can not live in an abusive situation. They have to say Ilove or have loved you but that I am now making a decision to leave regardless of how I feel about you.
The right thing to do is to leave and take legal action against him, but it will be one of the most difficult things you will do in your life; gather support from family, friends, professional people and then step into your new life. Good luck.
If you are going to be in a relationship with a person who has been abused you need to be patient, stand still and let them come to you in their own time, love them quietly, gently and in their own time, never leave them in doubt that you are there for them, and argue in a whisper, sitting down, without moving your arms.
Thank you. You brought me to tears remembering things I had put in the closets of my mind. I am more hopeful now that there really are decent men out there who can understand.
Tamarin: Trish...gosh someone who thinks the same as me...the blows did not hurt as much as the things you where called and accused of.. the air was blue with the swear words he yelled... this disrespect from someone who said they loved you hurt most...
He didnt ever love me, I see that now - he could never love me and every step out of there he belittled me but his words didnt echo my behaviour, they echoed what he wanted my behaviour to be - Im a good girl but to listen to the stuff that guy said you would not think so - but I know....
Yep there is decent men who understand and are patient and kind and think about how to act with you out there...
Their auto male pilot will want to beat the crap out the guy who inflicted this on you but that is just male talk..
The hardest question I have had from guys since is but did you have no self respect and you have to sit and explain it is not about having self respect...
I have made sure I also tell guys straight away so they know what baggage they are dealing with...
One on this site was great and the guy I know now has been just fab...he never pushes the subject but sits and listens if I want to talk and just always says I can not imagine what you went through and just gives me a hug...
There are good guys out there and there is a future much brighter..we have survived ..a little older, not so naive and wiser!!!
Their auto male pilot will want to beat the crap out the guy who inflicted this on you but that is just male talk..
The hardest question I have had from guys since is but did you have no self respect and you have to sit and explain it is not about having self respect...
I have made sure I also tell guys straight away so they know what baggage they are dealing with...
One on this site was great and the guy I know now has been just fab...he never pushes the subject but sits and listens if I want to talk and just always says I can not imagine what you went through and just gives me a hug...
There are good guys out there and there is a future much brighter..we have survived ..a little older, not so naive and wiser!!!
go no excuses at all. Get help?
no excuses at all. Get help?
cristina: go no excuses at all. Get help?
Exactly.
I have posted this before but just feel like this may be a good place to post it again.
What have you done to my heart?
What have you done to my heart?
It used to be open, like a rose in full bloom
It used to sing at the sound of your voice
And dance when you entered the room
You hid the monster so well
The one that deep inside you did dwell
The one that I tried to ignore
But he came out each time we closed the front door
And he would stamp on my heart
Pulling the petals further apart
Till nothing was left in my breast
Just the cold hand of fear clutched at my chest
What have you done to my heart?
It used to be so full of light
Now what’s left is wrapped up in chains
And if someone gets close it takes flight
What have you done to my heart?
What have you done to my heart?
It used to be open, like a rose in full bloom
It used to sing at the sound of your voice
And dance when you entered the room
You hid the monster so well
The one that deep inside you did dwell
The one that I tried to ignore
But he came out each time we closed the front door
And he would stamp on my heart
Pulling the petals further apart
Till nothing was left in my breast
Just the cold hand of fear clutched at my chest
What have you done to my heart?
It used to be so full of light
Now what’s left is wrapped up in chains
And if someone gets close it takes flight
Took me 7 years to walk out the door, was too scared to do it and only left after he gave me permission to leave.
trish123: without moving your arms - how touching........ how understading - how right.............
Simple things like throwing my arms in the air would terrify her, so I learnt to sit down, keep my hands on my knees and talk very quietly to her. She after learnt that no matteer how much we disagreed on anything she was not going to be frightened, or hurt.
trying to Hug her by suddenly throwing my arm around her would have her in a ball on the floor covering her head. Where as me saying give us a cuddle love would warn her that my movements were not aggressive. I can now just hug her, cuddle her and hold her withot any reactions, even a bout of road rage throwing my arms in the air, is now not a threat to her .
But if anyone male is about shes beside me, if someone is drinking a lot shes beside me, if there are a lot of men in our house, even though she knows them, she is beside me.
She stopped hiding food around the house about 2 years ago, though our cupboards are always overlfowing with food, shes stopped hiding the kitchen knives and she wont have a lock on a door inside the house.
She now comes up to me looks me in the eye and tells me she disagrees with me, and whatever we are disagreeing about suddenly means nothing to me, because what she has become is the most beautiful woman I have ever met, I respect and admire her for changing her life and for how hard she has had to work at it.
And sometimes at night she cries herself to sleep and I know the demons are back haunting her again.
And by the way, yes leave, do not let nothing stop you. My daughter got beat when she was pregnant with twins and lost them.
kitty01: Took me 7 years to walk out the door, was too scared to do it and only left after he gave me permission to leave.
wow
kitty01: And by the way, yes leave, do not let nothing stop you. My daughter got beat when she was pregnant with twins and lost them.
I must admit, I wonder and friends have accused - if I stay alone because Im afraid - I know I couldnt take another beating but I also know that that isnt what relationships are about - this is why I always advise people to know their prospectives really well...........
jampet: surprised at you Jeff
i have never been physically or mentally abused by a partner- so cannot begin to pretend i know how it feels, though to have it happen while pregnant must add so much more trauma to it- the risk of harm to your baby/ yourself, as well as the worry about how to support yourself and him/her if you leave.
I like to think of myself as strong- but as ecowarrior described, some feelings are not rational. If someone seems to have two characters, the wonderful caring, tender loving person you fell in love with, and the mean, hurtful pain inflicting one that can appear- maybe rarely, but still..... I can imagine it would still be hard to leave that relationship, if you are not strong, as you are also leaving behind the one that seemed to be so good for you.
while i may on occasion think- why would you stay with someone that hurts you?? I can understand that sometimes it is not that simple.
If however, they touched one of my kids ( unborn too) they wouldn't see me for dust, and I'd probably be giving RobbieM a call!!
i have never been physically or mentally abused by a partner- so cannot begin to pretend i know how it feels, though to have it happen while pregnant must add so much more trauma to it- the risk of harm to your baby/ yourself, as well as the worry about how to support yourself and him/her if you leave.
I like to think of myself as strong- but as ecowarrior described, some feelings are not rational. If someone seems to have two characters, the wonderful caring, tender loving person you fell in love with, and the mean, hurtful pain inflicting one that can appear- maybe rarely, but still..... I can imagine it would still be hard to leave that relationship, if you are not strong, as you are also leaving behind the one that seemed to be so good for you.
while i may on occasion think- why would you stay with someone that hurts you?? I can understand that sometimes it is not that simple.
If however, they touched one of my kids ( unborn too) they wouldn't see me for dust, and I'd probably be giving RobbieM a call!!
Yeah, Jampie, that was one of my very dark jokes...they can be rather dangerous, I've found, but sometimes irresistible. I mean, really, is the OP's question even a question? If you have to ask if it's okay to be beaten when you're pregnant...
It's like asking if it's okay to shoot someone if they're wearing a plaid shirt or something (well, okay, maybe in that case).Yes, seriously, I'm very familiar with the two-character situation. Often an abuser will be charming as all hell in the beginning, and then just plain hell later. But far more insidious and problematic is the abuser who actually has a charming, decent side, which can manifest alternately or even simultaneously with mean, abusive behavior. The partner is being pulled and pushed every which way but sane by that kind of behavior.
Sorry about my uber-droll humor, A.
the last reply was to you Eco
not used to this new system yet.......
not used to this new system yet.......
tropikalkween: well you didn't actually add this as an option so i have to post it! i would act like everything's fine then while he's sleeping i would take a baseball bat and beat his butt crazy first THEN GO! HA!
He's dead
vonney: Not at all hun, my living on and being happy without him is enough for me, and drives him mad lol
Ecowarrior: I have discussed this post with my girlfriend and we have written it together. If you want to know why I am here and have a girlfriend read my profile and hers.
When my girlfriend and I met, I thought that she was shy, very shy, but I thought she was worth sticking around for so I did. We, like other couples spoke about our past relationships, but she would not tell me much about her marriage or her x husband.
I noticed nothing different about her on that day, until she sat on the floor, hung her head and started to talk about her marriage, how he had for years told her she was useless and worthless, and how she was lucky he put up with her. Hitting her does not describe the physical and metal torture that he put her through for years. And those details are not for here.
But one day something in her stirred and while he was out, she broke a window climbed out of the house and walked into the town to the local police station.
Of coures he spent time in prison, of course they divorced of course she lived in fear for another 20 years.
What I find very difficult to understand is that she still says that she loved him and in a certain way still loves him, not his actions but a person that she did fall in love with.
This is why she stayed because regardeless of all the horror, she loved him. And this is why she wants to post this, because to leave a violent and abusive relationship the person has to accept that they have feelings for the other person, but that they can not live in an abusive situation. They have to say Ilove or have loved you but that I am now making a decision to leave regardless of how I feel about you.
The right thing to do is to leave and take legal action against him, but it will be one of the most difficult things you will do in your life; gather support from family, friends, professional people and then step into your new life. Good luck.
If you are going to be in a relationship with a person who has been abused you need to be patient, stand still and let them come to you in their own time, love them quietly, gently and in their own time, never leave them in doubt that you are there for them, and argue in a whisper, sitting down, without moving your arms.
When my girlfriend and I met, I thought that she was shy, very shy, but I thought she was worth sticking around for so I did. We, like other couples spoke about our past relationships, but she would not tell me much about her marriage or her x husband.
I noticed nothing different about her on that day, until she sat on the floor, hung her head and started to talk about her marriage, how he had for years told her she was useless and worthless, and how she was lucky he put up with her. Hitting her does not describe the physical and metal torture that he put her through for years. And those details are not for here.
But one day something in her stirred and while he was out, she broke a window climbed out of the house and walked into the town to the local police station.
Of coures he spent time in prison, of course they divorced of course she lived in fear for another 20 years.
What I find very difficult to understand is that she still says that she loved him and in a certain way still loves him, not his actions but a person that she did fall in love with.
This is why she stayed because regardeless of all the horror, she loved him. And this is why she wants to post this, because to leave a violent and abusive relationship the person has to accept that they have feelings for the other person, but that they can not live in an abusive situation. They have to say Ilove or have loved you but that I am now making a decision to leave regardless of how I feel about you.
The right thing to do is to leave and take legal action against him, but it will be one of the most difficult things you will do in your life; gather support from family, friends, professional people and then step into your new life. Good luck.
If you are going to be in a relationship with a person who has been abused you need to be patient, stand still and let them come to you in their own time, love them quietly, gently and in their own time, never leave them in doubt that you are there for them, and argue in a whisper, sitting down, without moving your arms.
You are a wonderful man and just felt the need to tell you..You are both lucky to have found each other...All the best to both of you....You brought tears to my eyes sharing her story-Thanks because I know how hard that is....
leave but shoot him in the butt before you go 
trish123: I must admit, I wonder and friends have accused - if I stay alone because Im afraid - I know I couldnt take another beating but I also know that that isnt what relationships are about - this is why I always advise people to know their prospectives really well...........
it is so sad that some spoil relationships not just with themselves but with others ( talking about both male and female here).
I have never been abused, so have never entered into a relationship with the slightest thought in my mind that they could, potentially, do that. I see, however, that for people like you, that have experienced this awful thing, that it must be hard to see a person as only a kind loving person, but that every man is a potential beater.
My only suggestion is that you take things very slowly with a new guy- get to know him and also his friends, both male and female. I realise that there aren't always outward signs, but surely, if he has had an abusive past, someone must know about it. Terrible, I know to have to 'vet' partners, it is hard enough to meet someone without that added worry, but i do wish you luck. There are decent men out there- lots of them, I really hope you meet one.
I realise that men can also be abused
Americanproud: Thank you. You brought me to tears remembering things I had put in the closets of my mind. I am more hopeful now that there really are decent men out there who can understand.
Thats why we discussed it, and shared it with you, talking about it helps my girlfriend take back her life, and helps others move on with their lives.
there are nice men out there, if they dont want to go at your pace, they are not right for you. The slightest wiff of controlling you move on to better things.
Ambrose2007: Yeah, Jampie, that was one of my very dark jokes...they can be rather dangerous, I've found, but sometimes irresistible. I mean, really, is the OP's question even a question? If you have to ask if it's okay to be beaten when you're pregnant... It's like asking if it's okay to shoot someone if they're wearing a plaid shirt or something (well, okay, maybe in that case).
Yes, seriously, I'm very familiar with the two-character situation. Often an abuser will be charming as all hell in the beginning, and then just plain hell later. But far more insidious and problematic is the abuser who actually has a charming, decent side, which can manifest alternately or even simultaneously with mean, abusive behavior. The partner is being pulled and pushed every which way but sane by that kind of behavior.
Sorry about my uber-droll humor, A.
Yes, seriously, I'm very familiar with the two-character situation. Often an abuser will be charming as all hell in the beginning, and then just plain hell later. But far more insidious and problematic is the abuser who actually has a charming, decent side, which can manifest alternately or even simultaneously with mean, abusive behavior. The partner is being pulled and pushed every which way but sane by that kind of behavior.
Sorry about my uber-droll humor, A.
no worries Jeff- I figured that.
tina_olson: You are a wonderful man and just felt the need to tell you..You are both lucky to have found each other...All the best to both of you....You brought tears to my eyes sharing her story-Thanks because I know how hard that is....
Thank you for the compliment, she taught me how to be with her and how to understand what had happened to her, so I am mearly what she made me.
If you find it hard to talk about what has happened to you, or even to admit it to yourself, write it down. At first she told me things that were general such as he kicked me or he broke my arm. Then when she wanted to tell me in more detail it got more difficult, so she would write me notes and letters and leave them for me where only I could find them, under the pillow, in my pocker or she would post them to me in NZ from Ireland.
It made it easier for her to talk to me. I kept these letters and we have used them aspart of a book she is writing covering this time of her life.
Shes wonderful as are you ladies here who have told of your experiences
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My ex has also told me how her current man grabbed her by the throat in an arguement.
I have told her if there is a repeat i will be there as soon as i can get there, and i will tear him to to peices.
This man has been put on notice, and she's apparently told him one more and it's over.
If this man hits my child you will be reading about me in the newspapers, as i will kill him.
Before he passes as well he will know the feeling of what pain really is like though.
Enough said, but every waking moment for me now is wondering if my child is being hit secretly?