If I hadn't fallen off the porch... If I'd told my mother about my brother and his girlfriend... If I'd called my big brother May 9th, 2001... If I'd left that damn cord alone... If I'd gone to college fresh out of high school... If I'd kept my first job... If I'd fought more.....
I think I've already got too many huge "What if" moments...
Yea, flavored coffee is great now and then, but definitely not everyday... And my town feels like Purgatory at times. lol It's too small, too drunk, and about to be overrun by tourists next weekend.
Screw buying coffee at some fast food or donut place... I'll have my 5 lb. can for $5.99 from bottom dollar, and use my saved cash for cocoa powder and flavored creamers. (Just made myself a hazelnut mocha coffee. )
I was trying to combine two very prominent parts of my personality. I am often very sarcastic (or snarky). But I am also prone to relating to the emotions of others. The latter is sometimes more a curse than a blessing, though.
First and foremost, I listen to those who have my best interests at heart. Sure they make mistakes and might be wrong at times, but they don't want to see me hurt. Also, they tend to have more experience than I do.
I understand exactly what you're saying. I've battled depression since I was a child, and only in the last few years have I been able to manage it chemical free. But I'm not going to say you have depression, as I have no authority to do so. What I will do is give you some very simple tools that I've used and found effective. Firstly, find a quiet place you can sit for maybe twenty minutes, and just take some deep breaths. Focus as much as you can on your breathing. I like to do this outdoors, in the fresh air. The scents and sounds can be very soothing. A great add-on for this is to close your eyes, and visualize yourself exhaling black vapor. This represents the negative energy you've built up. as you inhale, imagine breathing in a white vapor to symbolize gaining positive energy. As you do this, you should feel your mind and body relaxing and the tension leaving you. It sounds a bit silly, but it's worked for me a lot. Another tool I use is aromatherapy. This will make your environment calmer and easier to be in. You can use the scents as a perfume or in an oil burner. I use a combination of jasmine, frankincense, and myrrh oils. I use a few drops of each in an oil burner, and fill the rest of the basin with water. Placed on a high surface and left alone, it should permeate a room and need refilling about once a week. I highly suggest doing a little research on what scents have certain uses and properties, as there are many upon many that can produce a calming and uplifting effect. I would also suggest playing some soft music, as that can be very healing. You can find all kinds of music on Pandora or shoutcast.com. I, personally, like the Healing Stations on shoutcast, but you should browse and find something that suits you. I hope something that's been offered can at least take the edge off until you find yourself in a more stable headspace. However, I would also seek counseling if this depressed mood doesn't stop soon. If nothing else, you could have someone to vent to. Good luck.
More than anything, I want someone I can trust. I want someone I can reveal all of my weaknesses to who will understand what a gift it is. I don't mean that egotistically, by the way. What I mean is that it will take a lot for me to let my guard down completely. Love, I can give easily. Trust, however... That's something I rarely give. So to earn my trust is to earn the deepest level of my heart. So there you have it... I want to find someone I can trust without fear.
Depends how savvy Torchwood and UNIT are... Of course, we could be saved by the Doctor... Again. But if I start hearing mechanical screams of "EXTERMINATE" I'm shooting myself. Same with "DELETE".
I don't see love as being simple. It means taking a huge risk and being vulnerable. It means allowing someone to know your weaknesses, and praying for all you're worth that they don't use them to hurt you. Love is trust and affection and respect and complete honesty. Those can be very frightening things. I only hope I get to trust someone that much someday and have it work out...
Nothing Else Matters by Metallica It describes my idea of the perfect love...
A Tout Le Monde by Megadeth There's just such a beauty in the sadness of this song. It's just gorgeous.
But there are so many songs that speak to me... Turning Tables by Adele really grabs my heartstrings these days. As does Someone Like You, but for a completely different reason. I've also had Reflections by Christina Aguilera on my mind recently.
I suppose if you look at the lyrics and emotions of these songs, they can give you some insight into my mindset. Whatever it might tell you, first and foremost, I love the feelings in each of these songs.
I actually like guys with piercings... Granted, I also like guys with longer hair, so... But I really don't get why people gauge their earlobes... That's one thing I've never understood.
Also, I can cook a few things... But I'm always terrified that I'll screw it up, so I only started wanting to learn a few years ago. I can bake, though. And it's getting to be the season. and I HATE baking from a box.
As much as I would love to have a fruit and yogurt smoothie everyday, I can't afford to get fresh fruit all the time. But in the absence of, I have been eating yogurt on an almost daily basis with breakfast. Got to say, it really does make my day better. Along with my Multi Grain Cheerios.
If you're open to suggestions, I highly recommend aromatherapy. That's one of the tools I use to fight depression and anxiety. Some really great scents for stress are jasmine, frankincense, myrrh, vanilla, lavender, bergamot, heliotrope... There are probably thousands of scents for anti-stress, and calming the mind. I suggest looking them up, if you're interested.
You don't even have to burn the oils, and it's more cost-effective if you don't. What I do is I put a few drops of whatever oil I'm going to use in the basin of my oil burner, and fill the rest with water. I put that up on the highest surface in my bedroom, and the scent lasts about a week. I also know where you can get great quality essential oils for really great prices on ebay, if you need.
I really do recommend using aromatherapy. It's effective, has no side effects, and it makes your home smell lovely. Good luck, my dear. :)
I understand exactly what you're saying. I actually just realized that in the past few years, I've gotten sick a lot less than I used to. The reason, as I now acknowledge, is that I started taking control of the depression I've battled since the age of nine. I refuse to take medication for it again, as I have found holistic treatments that do a better job of helping to control my depressive episodes.
I have also been eating a lot healthier, which definitely factors into my physical health. It helps emotionally, as well, since I have lost over 40 lbs. since I decided it was time to get my life under control.
Overall, I feel better, I look better, and I live better than I ever have in my life. This is all because I got determined to live a better life, but more importantly, I decided to get healthy. The mind is an incredible thing.
I don't remember when this started, but when I do the dishes, I have to arrange them in a very precise order before I wash them. Watching anyone just take the dishes one by pone from the sink and wash them has actually made me get mild shakes a few times. I know it's odd, but it's something I don't think I could ever change.
Also, when trying to sleep, it's very difficult to shut my mind off. One tool I've been using that works, though, is to simply think the word "Everything" and let my mind drift from there. Unless I'm completely exhausted and beyond coherent thought, I can't sleep without doing that. I also can't sleep in complete silence, but I've heard that's more common than I once thought.
Considering that this is my second go at schooling, I do think that age plays into it somewhat. However, I think what's more influential is if you have passion for the subject you're studying. I'll use myself to illustrate this. My first shot was for Information Technology. I wanted to deal with software and programming. I took it because my family was pressuring me and because I thought that since I seem to grasp technology fairly easily, it would be something I could accomplish. I was nineteen when I tried this, and my mentality was a lot different than it is now.
Last year, I decided to pursue a subject that has fascinated me since I was a teenager, and something I have a lot of love for. I am currently working toward a bachelor's degree in psychology. I have been through a lot of difficult times in my life, so I know how hard it is to see that it can get better. I love helping to show others that they have the strength to get through the bad times. I love knowing that I've eased someone's mind, even if only a little, and even if only for a moment. I feel that it's a lasting gift to help them through even one moment of pain.
So to reiterate, I believe that the biggest factor to look at when choosing a field of study, online or on campus, is whether or not you have a love of the subject. Does it spark your curiosity, your creativity? Does the thought of that subject fill you with an energy that little else can? Ultimately, is it something you can be content doing for at least a good portion of your life?
If I hadn't pulled that cord twenty years ago, my life could have been drastically different... But I often wonder if I'd have become the person I am. Probably not. And that's a terrifying notion.
SnarkyEmpath Forum Posts (67)
Interesting, though....
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Have a
RE: are you prepared to meet God when you die.....?
Nah. I'm alreadyplanning to reincarnate on Gallifrey.Barring that, I think I'd rather go give Lucifer some new ideas...