Perhaps he does it for balance? My wife of blessed memory needed more and more help with balance, the older she got (she was 18 years older than me). And, somebody in their 90's likely have a much different perspective than we do nowadays.
Since I became a gray-beard, many women have held doors for me, even when I gave no indication of needing it. I always thank them, as any gentleman would and should do. Holding doors, etc, has never been about "making points," nor is it to prove you are or are not a gentleman/lady. It is a simple courtesy that one does for another, with no need for anything in return, but a simple, "Thank you."
The only incident I've ever had is when I first moved to the town I'm in now. I held the door for a woman, and she scowled at me, "I can get the door myself! I don't need you to get it for me!" So, I just let it go, and went on my way. I don't remember if my wife was with me, but she likely was. It was over ten years ago. I always thought that was very rude of her.
There's a Jewish midrash that states there are different levels of tzedakah (charity):
lowest -the person gives openly to an known individual, and the individual knows who gave -the person who gives anonymously, but knows who they are giving to -the person who gives, but doesn't know who it is going to, but the recipient knows - the person who give anonymously to one who receive anonymously highest
Thus, as you state, if neither person knows who the other is, it is considered the highest form of charity. However, one must not refuse to give in the first three manners, just to deny such a person charity, just so one can attempt to attain a higher level. Thus, it is always very appropriate to help someone in the store, etc. I do it all the time as a matter of course, if a person needs it and would be happy to receive it.
I watched a youtube video recently of a boy who jumped out of the car and was standing by the door of a store. The mom was taking video, because he wanted to open the door for an older lady. It appeared the kid wanted to be seen on video, as he was watching the camera more, and almost missed his chance to open the door for the lady, lol.
If someone becomes untrustworthy, then it is not me but them. Whether they steal from me, lie to me, or tell lies about me, or they are guilty of a serious betrayal, it is on their head, not mine. It may be hurtful to trust someone that isn't trustworthy, but the adage applies, "Burnt once, shame on you; burnt twice, shame on me!"
I disagree with the person that said not to trust anybody that is suspicious of everybody. It is the job of police to do exactly that, but often we should, or would like to trust them (the police).
My rule is similar, but is actual hard-won wisdom: Don't trust anybody that doesn't trust you. See, you can suspect somebody, but find that your suspicions are completely unfounded. But, assuming that you are a trustworthy person, if someone automatically doesn't trust you, then they "have a trust issue." That is usually a serious implication. Sometimes it will be that the person that doesn't trust you, doesn't distrust you because what you have done, but rather they don't trust you because they know what they would do in your place, and they therefore find it impossible to trust somebody in such a position. Thus, don't trust anybody that doesn't trust you. Life is rife with examples, at least in my life.
If given a position of trust, I always do my best to do what is right. I am, by most people's definition, therefore trustworthy. It is those that break such a trust, that break their own spine, or back. They don't break ours, though we may feel hurt by it.
A good example of the above is scammers on here. We see a new person. Are they a scammer, or are they completely trustworthy? Well, it is well-know that those that trust them automatically are often the ones that get taken to the cleaners. Thus, we are all "skeptical," until we find reason to think otherwise. So, skepticism is, especially in this case, very healthy. But, if you talk to that person, and they know you've been here a long time, and therefore, by definition, haven't be caught scamming anybody, but they don't trust you, what should you think? They're new; you're "proven." I would submit that you shouldn't trust them. But, that isn't the whole story. Because we all know that scammers act as if they are the most trusting people in the whole world, and therefore you should trust them. Thus, they try "turning the tables," or, as I put it, they "muddy the waters." Then, you can't readily see the truth. Once the waters are "muddied," then you can see who is causing this, and again, logically conclude that being distrustful is a wise course of action, until the waters are again clear.
As the OP inferred, the heart isn't very good at sorting out the trust issues, therefore let your brain help out. But, as we all know, the literal truth is that the heart has absolutely no part in our feelings, or thoughts. But the brain can speed up or slow down the heart base on its level of alertness and concern. So, the heart is only acting like the speedometer in the car. The driver chooses to press their foot to the floor, the speedometer is going to rise very quickly. That is the function of the heart. When we "feel" the heart race, or the absence of racing denoting calm, we attribute it to the heart, but it is the brain doing all the work. The heart just does what it is told.
The brain isn't always logical nor reasonable. The heart therefore becomes a metaphor. We place our fears or triumphs in a place we call "heart." Not the organ that pumps blood, but the place in the brain that can cause the heart to race or to stay calm.
Trust issues occur with those that "steal candy from babies," or act in any way that betrays are realistic expectations.
The OP also said, "The heart runs on faith and the mind runs on logic." But, as I illustrated, that isn't true. Both faith and logic are all in the mind.
May I suggest a hobby? One that doesn't include CS?
Here's a few:
painting poetry fiction writing phlebotomy (brings out your inner vampire) etc
I'm sure others can make suggestions too? Anybody else here want to help out pedro27? If so, just reply to this comment and make what additions you see fit.
I Judaism it is a given that men and women are different, and each has different roles in life, specifically/generally, women bear children, men work to bring income to the household. Some go too far with the specifics, but I don't.
But, I do, very much, draw the distinction that men and women are different. Clothing, for instance. Men should not wear women's clothing, make-up, etc, and visa-versa.
As a man, I very much enjoy being stronger. But I do like a woman that has strength, both inner/emotional strength, as well as physical strength. But being able to lift and move things she isn't able to, I think is a great advantage of being male.
Another advantage of being male, is not having to give birth and nurse a baby. It would interrupt work, and cause a possible loss of income. I was quite proud to let my wife stay at home and work there, rather than having to seek employment, just so we could make ends meet. Some of her family and friends tried to make her feel bad about it, but we both enjoyed it. It did have the negative effect of taking us many, many more years to finally buy a house, but we made it, in the end. I really feel for those that have no choice, and both parent have to work. Very sad. (But, it is also nice, when both are able and willing.)
I won't mention what the advantages of being a woman might be. That is for women to say.
Yes, Judaism has accounted for "birth defects" that cause one's gender to be indeterminate. But, except in those cases, we don't agree with one choosing to become, supposedly, another gender. Again, this applies to Jews, not the secular world, unless it affects us directly. And again, I defer mentioning any advantages or disadvantages to those that were born as such.
There are. But some of us spend more times looking for a spouse than here in the blogs. And the best ones get ran off before they're here more than a week, very often.
As I implied, every case is different. My situation was polarized. My grandfather was great, but not my grandmother. She was nice, but she abandoned my grandfather, which I never accepted. He had polio when he was a child. He was the most fair man I've ever knew. I do my best to emulate him in every way, with respect to fairness. Same for my mother and father, but my mother was the good person, dad just abandoned the family, even though they never divorced (he just had mistresses that everybody knew about, and money that should have gone to the family, went elsewhere, so we grew up as if we were very poor).
Truth. As it says in many places in the Torah, bribery is the purview of the unjust. I've seen the corruption of money first-hand in recent months. It turned decade-long friendships into meaningless chaff, etc. Truth can't be bought at any price. It takes wisdom and honesty to see and achieve it.
Yes, but since my life was on the line, it all worked out okay. I still think she only took me to the hospital so she didn't kill me at home, lol. But it turned out well for me. ;)
Yeah. When I was a kid, I was in church with mom and my brother and sister. I looked up at her, due to the preacher's discussion, and asked, "Why aren't we called Jews anymore?" I thought my mother was kill me right then and there. She turned red-faced and replied, "They're the ones that killed ******" (The church's man-deity).
Oy! I never did that again! (She said the same thing when I became Jewish, lol!)
I got appendicitis in High School. When I came out of the surgery and the doctor was talking to me, he told me I wouldn't have lived through the night. I was having hallucinations, my fever was so bad. I knew something was bad wrong and had to do something about it. I called my mother. She didn't want to take me to the hospital, so I used profanity in front of here. Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. So, I guess I saved my own life by using a little profanity in front of my mother. I never liked having to do that, but being deleterious from fever didn't seem to have the needed effect on her. I don't even remember what word I used, but it worked.
In the Beginning, G-d created the Heavens and the Earth.
"In the Beginning" refers to space, time, Heaven, Earth. "G-d created" proves that H- exists outside of time, space, Heaven, and Earth. G-d couldn't create time, the Heavens and the Earth, if He was within them. That would be like saying a chicken gave birth to itself, like what the church does with their man-deity: not a possibility.
So, G-d existed "before"? But that doesn't make sense either, because time didn't exist, since there was a "beginning". Then, G-d exists outside of time, Heaven, and Earth, outside of space. We have no concept what that means. We are G-d's creation(s). H- said that no one may see H-m and live. It isn't because G-d is "hiding". H- does no such thing! It is because we are incompatible with what H- is, H-s existence. It is a bit like accelerating protons towards the heaviest unstable element, until one makes contact and there is a huge release of energy, which causes more impacts, which releases even more energy. We all know the concept. Much like the paragraph lengths that I have written here, becoming exponentially larger. We came from G-d. We are all made of "G-d stuff", whatever that is. H- can interact with us, but we cannot interact with H-m, lest we die: G-d exists outside of time. (And space.)
One who has no heart, would cry if he truly knew what is was he was missing: love. This knowledge, some of us would call wisdom. So, if men can't cry, it is because they lack wisdom.
It is easy to say of a stone, it can't cry, it has no feelings. Those that have no feelings for their fellow human beings, are like a stone: without feelings, without wisdom.
So, what is a man that can't cry? A man without heart, without feelings, without wisdom.
You're not from the US, so why aren't we hearing about what is it like where you live? That would be much, much more interesting. Polls aren't always accurate, although many do try. And why quote a poll, anyway?
Kids die too. I've lost people I knew, from a very young age. No, they hadn't been friends for decades, but it still put the fear of death in us, and hurt. I lost three close friends, just during Covid. And, here I still am. Car wrecks take their share too, as does cancer, and other diseases and illnesses.
Yes, as we age, the probability starts to approach 100%, that you will meet the same fate. My wife of blessed memory was 18-years older than me. It had absolutely no negative effect on our relationship, whatsoever. Until she died of cancer. That ripped my heart out, and my friends all abandoned me. It is a cruel world, the world of prejudice.
Prejudice can easily be defined as the lack of wisdom.
I've marked every response to this thread with a thumb up or down, depending on whether they were prejudice or not. There was one that wasn't either way, but that is normal. But, as this thread shows, most are very bigoted against their elders: shame on them!
Much wisdom is in the Torah. It says, "Stand before the gray-beard," and respect your elders and parents.
I've respected my elders from a very young age. We all should, even as we become elders ourselves. I consider myself wise now, but it is very, very difficult to attain wisdom: being smart, isn't enough. Without the help of elders, one is likely to fail in the endeavor. (Many, many die of old age, having never attained wisdom.) But, the lack of wisdom displayed by the world, and especially on this site, clearly demonstrates that people don't seem to have any idea as to why wisdom should be pursued, or even what it is.
Seeing the lack of wisdom in the world makes the heart ache more than does death: death is our fate, wisdom is our choice. Why would any chose the former, over the latter?
Iyyov Forum Posts (253)
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Head polishing...
RE: do you do kind things for others?
Perhaps he does it for balance? My wife of blessed memory needed more and more help with balance, the older she got (she was 18 years older than me). And, somebody in their 90's likely have a much different perspective than we do nowadays.Just a thought.
Iyyov