Most Viewed Travel Blogs (264)

Real estate prices should be dropping sharply in the Gaza Strip by this time next week. The population density will probably also be a lot less which means you will have plenty of room at the beach to spread out your blanket if you don't mind the smell of not collected corpses.

Last night I activated my euro card, and got an automated phone call giving me the PIN. I wrote it down carefully.

Today I cleaned house like a whirling dervish, then went upstairs to pack my bits and bobs ready for my euro holiday. I put the card in my travel purse and then thought hmm, where's the PIN.

Tidy desk. BULGING bin bag.

No worries. Good grief, my memory would really be slipping if I couldn't remember a simple number for 24 hours. 9925, that was it. But just to be on the safe side - went to the ATM and asked for my balance. The ATM said politely that it couldn't help me and returned my card.



So then I unpacked the entire bin bag and finally found the piece of paper which said - 9925. You sodding evil foul nasty crappy ATM, gonna get you. And your little dog, too.

It's all a plot, you know. Machinery is out to get us. Skynet is imminent and no-one knows where John Connor is. Just saying.

Memory challenge, just for fun. Did you notice both films I referenced? Okay, you'd maybe have to be pretty old to remember the first ...

Even better if you could you use a quote or reference from a film in a comment

Off to Cape Town for 10 days tomorrow

Not a holiday, I’ll be stuck in the office most of the time. Normally I’d spend free time with the team on the spot but this time I’m going in to find out who had their hand in the cookie jar.

I know Natal and Gauteng well but haven’t spent much time in the Cape. Suggestions? Anyone know how to get hold of Cat?

I had the dream again last night; the same dream I have had for countless nights; the dream that haunts my waking hours. I am on a packed rush hour bus travelling through a busy city centre and I am naked from the waist down, save for a pair of muddy walking boots. All the seats are occupied and I am forced to stand in the aisle, right next to an attractive young woman whose thumbs are moving like lightening on the keys of her smart phone. Is she snap chatting about me? She gives away no sign of even noticing my presence, but what must she be thinking?

I didn’t really have that dream, but I know I will, one night.

We are so fortunate to have 11 official languages. How many do you have? We can think in one language, sanitize our thoughts in another, express ourselves in a third and deny our statements in yet another and still have 7 other languages in reserve. We are probably the most politically correct nation in the universe. We don’t talk about ‘black-outs’ anymore when the power fails; we refer to it as ‘previously lit’ places.

To save time, I will answer a few frequently asked questions.

No, we don’t live in mud houses.

No, we don’t have lions roaming in our streets.

Yes, there are still some whites.

No, we have no cattle straying on our highways.

Yes, some of our roads have potholes.

Yes, our government does create jobs.

No, our police force is not very effective

Yes, we have free public transport.

Yes, we have skyscrapers.

Yes, we have satellite TV

Yes, we have a reasonable degree of literacy.

Ok, now that I have answered all the shit questions, let’s get serious. If you have any other questions about South Africa, I’d be glad to answer them.

Bear up, it is small Saturday.

A story I wrote today.

A molosce was clinging to a rock at low tide when a seagull came down.
"oh don,t eat me seagull i,m alone but if your hungry there are lots of others up stream"

"well well" said the seagull" your a clever molosce you can speak seagull"

"yes Ive been listening to your calls to one and other and I,ve learnt to speak your language"

" well i,m also very clever so because we,re both clever can we become friends" said the seagull

"oh yes please I want to travel I,m bored just clinging to this rock allday I,d like to fly to another rock can you take me in your beak.

So the seagull and the molosce became friends for a long time and together travelled by air to many many new rocks all over the world.
Flyme1.

The first part of this story was written sept 1916.
See the end of the comments please you will see the postscript to this story written today 10th Aug 2019.

Some more stuff about this story I,ve written today 14 Oct 2019 you,ll find at the end of comments.

Pago Pago airport has apparently stopped pre-booking seats and started weighing passengers they think are overweight.

Way to start your holiday? Hey, you, fattie? On the scales please. Okay, we have to change your seat or you'll tip the plane sideways ...

Tactful!

Why not instead allow some wider seats in the middle of the plane, and make stating weight (including cabin luggage) part of the on-line checking-in process, then you can offer the seats available to those with unusual needs.

If you were huge, you wouldn't mind that, much better than being wedged and squeezed into the average tiny space? Hell, the international SPCA wouldn't allow animals to travel in the allocated space we get crammed into for hours. A bigger seat would be bliss for a bigger person.

(Any time the airlines want to allow for passengers over 5 foot tall, and offer more leg room, would also be seriously ace. )

Right now, that's only targeting larger passengers and we've all had that moment when you see someone who can barely squeeze down the aisle towards where you are sitting and you start the traveller's prayer, please not next to me please not next to me oh bugger!

But airlines, sure you have to adjust the trim of the plane, sure if you get a team of rugby players you want to spread them around the plane. But fair's fair. Offer slightly roomier seats to plus-size passengers, don't just ruin their holiday before it started?

Yesterday I was in Orgiva, a small town in the Alpujarras and did have my camera. I'm not a good photographer, though.

Pics - Orgiva is hot enough to shade its main street - I do enjoy the effect when towns do.



This particular bit of road is watched over by this gent. I have no idea who he is. I did walk round him looking for a plaque.



The reason I was in Orgiva was to put my 9-year-old UK car through the first and vital stage of becoming a 9-year-old Spanish car - the ITV test. Since its last MOT in the UK it has driven to and around Spain, been used as a mini truck for building supplies, lived in the street and been bumped and scraped and peed on by dogs and crapped on by birds and not had a single service. It passed. Damn I love this car.



The ITV station is not in Orgiva, but nearby in the mountains. I don't know what other advantages the site may have but the view is good while you wait your turn



and now for something completely different. I live in a town, without a garden, and the townhouse has 10 foot walls. I have some plants in my atrium, at least 40 yards from the nearest garden, and they have been there a couple of months. These chives have died and I think this is the culprit but - how the hell did he get here?



I did say I'm not a good photographer.