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things not to say to a police officer

You may just get one to smile or a quick trip to the pokey with one of these:

Is that your nightstick, or are you just happy to see me?

Wow, those cruisers must be really fast for you to catch me. I must have been going about 130.

Really, officer, there is nothing of interest hidden in the upholstery of my car.

That's a really nice gun. Wanna see mine? (Then reach for it really fast.)
I'll bet I can take you.

You guys all take bribes, right? How much?

You drive like my grandma.

Nice uniform. Says, "Village People" to me.

I was just going with the flow of traffic ... across the median like that.
I don't have breath on my beer, ossiffer.

How about I just buy two hundred tickets to the Policeman's Ball? You can mail them to me.

Listen, I'm really good friends with the President of the United States, so why don't we just forget about this whole thing, okay?

Smell? Oh, um, there was a piece of rope caught fire inside the car, that's all.

Those beer bottles? They were open when I bought them.

I can get out of those stupid handcuffs faster than you can say, 'Houdini.'

Nice haircut. You look like Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise.

What are you, deaf? I said I was not speeding.

Nice boots. Do they come in mens?
And you don't have to worry, I have nothing hidden in any of my orifices.



hug
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Shy guy

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.” To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?”
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Relationships: A Question Of Balance

One of the most beautiful qualities of an intimate relationship is the give and take of energy that occurs between two people. In the best-case scenario, both people share the talking and listening, and the giving and receiving of support, equally. Occasionally, within any relationship, the balance shifts and one person needs to listen more, or give more. Generally, over a long period of time, even this exception will take on a balanced rhythm; we all go through times when we take more and times when we give more.

However, there are also relationships in which the balance has always felt one-sided. You may have a friend whom you like, but you have begun to notice that the conversation is always about their life and their problems and never about yours. You may also have a friend who seems to require an inordinate amount of support from you but who is unable or unwilling to give much in return. Over time, these relationships can be draining and unsatisfying. One option is simply to end the relationship, or let it fade out naturally. Another option is to communicate to your friend that you would like to create a more equal balance in which your concerns also get some airtime. They may be taken aback at first, but if they are able to hear you, your friendship will become that much more sincere. They may even thank you for revealing a pattern that is probably sabotaging more than one relationship in their life.

A third option is to simply accept the relationship as it is. There are many one-sided relationships that actually work. One example of this is a mentor relationship in which you are learning from someone. Another example is a relationship in which you are helping someone who is sick, disabled, or otherwise needy. In these instances, you can simply be grateful that you are able to help and be helped, trusting that the balance of give and take will even out in the big picture of your life.
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Let God Have His Way with You

There are times when we feel so hurt, confused, angry, frightened and scarred that we isolate ourselves to keep from inflicting our own emotional upheaval onto others. When this happens, pick up your Bible and take hold of a Companion Who will never leave or forsake you, whether you’re standing on the moon or in the depths of Death Valley.

Pray these passages aloud to yourself and imagine the times and the circumstances in which the words were originally uttered, then equate them to your current situation. May you find comfort, encouragement and a way forward as a result of your time with the Holy Spirit.

Bible Passages to Read When You Need:

Security and Protection: Psalm 91
Help: Psalm 142
Someone to take care of you: Psalm 112
Courage: Psalm 56
Shelter and Protection: Psalm 31, Psalm 69
Healing: Psalm 40:28-31; Isaiah 53:5-6
Comfort: 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Bible Passages to Read When You Feel:


Crushed: Isaiah 57:15-16, 18-21
Broken-Hearted: Isaiah 61;-3
Angry: Proverbs 29:22; Proverbs 30:33; Proverbs 29:11; Proverbs 15:1;
Depressed: Matthew 26:36-39
Vulnerable: Isaiah 41:10-13; 2 Corinthians 1:11
Lonely: Matthew 26:36-40, 26:47-56

Bottom Line: Wherever you are, wherever you’ve been, Jesus has always felt your hurts, trials, suffering and pain. Because He suffered and died to pay the full penalty for your sins, take comfort in knowing that His victory has paved and gilded heaven’s road for your own eventual triumphal entry. You’re right on time. He knows exactly where you are because He’s right beside you. Be not afraid. You’ll come through the “refiner’s fire” blessed to be a blessing to others. Take your time. You’re not late. He is pleased to see you making your way through the valley of the shadow of death with determination and courage.
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Choosing Love

Love is often presented as the opposite of fear, but true love is not opposite anything. True love is far more powerful than any negative emotions, as it is the environment in which all things arise. Negative emotions are like sharks swimming in the ocean of love. All things beautiful and fearful, ugly and kind, powerful and small, come into existence, do their thing, and disappear within the context of this great ocean. At the same time, they are made of the very love in which they swim and can never be separated. We are made of this love and live our whole lives at one with it, whether we know it or not.

It is only the illusion that we are separate from this great love that causes us to believe that choosing anything other than love makes sense or is even possible. In the relative, dualistic world of positive and negative, darkness and light, male and female, we make choices and we learn from them. This is exactly what we are meant to be doing here on earth. Underlying these relative choices, though, is the choice to be conscious of what we are, which is love, or to be unconscious of it. When we choose to be conscious of it, we choose love. We will still exist in the relative world of opposites and choices and cause and effect, and we will need to make our way here, but doing so with an awareness that we are all made of this love will enable us to be more playful, more joyful, more loving and wise, as we make our way. Ultimately, the choices we make will shed light on the love that makes us all one, enabling those who have forgotten to return to the source.

This world makes it easy to forget this great love, which is part of why we are here. We are here to remember and, when we forget to remember again, to choose love.

Note: This IS what A Course in Miracles is all about. I love that blue book! I am learning so much!
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concentrate the mind on the present moment

Everything you have is present. Past is gone, future is an illusion, it may change in a moment. Only present is real. If you take off the veil of illusions, you will be able to enjoy the beauty of the present moment. Our life is so different, but it is so beautiful. Happiness, sadness, laugh, tears, life, death - all these components make the perfect world. Concentrate your mind on a present moment - and you will understand the greatest mystery - the beauty of being.


rose
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~The Om Poem~

I will pray
Pray for humanity
Not preach righteous word with no follow up
Like a poet on a power trip
Instead,
I'm gonna pull my knees under me
Sit her on mother earth
and give my spiritual presence to her
I will pray
Not religiously, not righteously
But inside from my hear
In tune with all around me

I will pray
Pray for the starving children
That one-day they will eat at a table
That never empties
I will pray
My hands high above my head
Praying for peace
That no mother will have to watch her son go to war
No wife will live without a husband
No child will loose a father
And I will pray
that someday we will all get a piece
of economic pie
and life will be more
than the best car, house, summer house
the things we seem to need,
but instead.
community understanding each other
and I will pray

I am not going to bend my knees
Give in
Let all this hate break me down
No, instead I'll preach love something
We can give and receive
Love benefits us all
And with it changes what we see
Ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes and a nose

Instead we see
Black, white, Asian, Arabic, Jewish and so many more
It should no longer be race religion, but love
Until then I won't let my heart cry
But I will try to heal it

Then here
Sitting in the rain
Letting the earth tears rinse me
Cleanse me
Free of my fear
Free of my spite
So I can dance
Barefoot in prayer
Naked in prayer
Baring my soul
The most beautiful thing I possess
For all the world to share



~Daft Poet~
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dreams

Dreams are the seeds of life
The essence of our being
Plant them
Nurture them
Love them
And you may wake up one day to find
That all of your dreams
Are immersed within the dreams of God


rose
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making her happy

I believe that the easiest way to make a woman fall in love with you everyday is to remember that little things mean the most. A good relationship doesn't require roses everyday or fine wine and chocolates.

We women are simple. Roses every now and then are fine but for everyday, they would get boring and expected. I have some ideas for you that are simple and will mean a lot.

1. A post it note saying I love you placed somewhere where she will find it.

2. A nice romantic card, hand made even better, placed on her pillow when she wakes up.

3. A nice hot cup of coffe or tea, when she is sitting trying to relax.

4. A foot or neck massage maybe when you are watching t.v together.

5. Picking a movie to watch that you know she loves but you might not be crazy about.

6. Turn off the television and talk about when you first met or remembering something she did that was special to you and reminding her of it.

These are just a few ideas. You should also remember that good relationships are good because both people are happy. The big basis for a healthy relationship is keeping communication and honesty at the top. You should also keep in mind that when in a healthy relationship, you and your partner are one, but there should also be time for independence like guys or girls night out.

Always remember, the simple things mean a lot especially when she knows your heart is in it.




bouquet
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Things to do on an Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask “Got enough air in there?”

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you’re embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: “You’re one of THEM” - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY “I wonder what all these do?” And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: “I have new socks on.”

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: “Is that your beeper?”

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: “This is my personal space.”

14) WHEN there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn’t you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say “Hi Greg, How’s your day been?”

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: “That’s mine!”

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don’t exist.

22) CALL out “Group hug” then enforce it.


grin
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Dream has been Lost

The big city was shaken by the latest news: A dream has been lost. This has been denounced to the authorities but no clues have been found. The situation is dangerous. The victim feels that his heart does not want to go on beating any longer. The doctors are saying that if the dream has not returned within 24 hours, the blood will freeze. A dream has been lost. Who can find it? The most developed nations have been asked for help, but nothing could be done. Now, something has happened, the police found something. Many dreams have been lost in different cities of the world. And many safety measurements have been taken, which are as follows:

“Never stop loving.” “Do not hold grudges.” “Always,tell the truth.”
“Forgive.” “Forget about violence, look for friendship.” “Transmit peace.”

For at least five times a day:
“Show your happiness.” “Smile”
“Give hugs and caresses”

Latest news: The dreams have been found. An astronomer in a distant town found many of the dreams in the moon and others in the stars.
The news has brought great relief to the owners. Now, they will take the necessary measurements to make the dreams come true safely. The advice of the heart specialist is to have an extensive therapy for the rest of the life, which means, not to lose any dream but rather to make it come true.
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In the silence of my heart.

How many times have we sat at a distance and had a thought of judgement on our minds? Many times right? I know I am guilty of it. But the Bible reminds us of the importance of not placing judgement on others. God is the final judge, and we should make every effort to remember this. We are called to love one another, not to judge one another.

Every day we should be pursing God more and more. I am in a constant pursuit of knowledge, wisdom, patience, and love. Looking back I am so thankful and amazed that God will not always give us what we ask for… He knows better than each and everyone of us, and He is our ultimate protector and provider. He knows better than to give us a momentary wish and fill a momentary desire, rather, through our waiting He will teach us patience and perseverance. God delights in giving us gifts.

I am blessed in my season of waiting. I am called to seek and to serve. To minister and grow. I pray that one day I will be able to pour my heart completely into missions & ministry, and hopefully one day that will be with my husband [deep deep prayer of my heart, that I must completely surrender to God's will]. God already knows this plan. I don’t, I have no clue it feels like. I know the desires of my heart, but I know I must be patient in waiting. I want to pour my life out to kids, to minister to them, and help them grow and experience the everlasting love of Christ. Whether that be through camps, outreaches, medicine, photography, sports, God wherever you lead, I will follow.

I hold some prayers in the silence of my heart. God you know them, and I’ve been blessed to have several friends that I can share them with. I lift these prayers up to you, I surrender my heart today, and everyday. It is a choice that I am willing to make on a daily basis, because I know the Kingdom is greater than any earthly desire. I surrender. I pray for your help to look beyond my heart, to look beyond my dreams and my visions, to seek your face, to show your love, to be deeply committed to something bigger than I on my own can possibly fathom. I pray that you prepare my heart for what is to come this summer, and throughout this year. I pray for strength, for endurance, for complete trust in you Father.



rose
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