It is a question I have often seen asked here, so I thought I should say, the answer is, Yes, web dating can actually work but only if you are seriously looking, and well, perhaps if it is in your Kismet.
New girl contacted me from the other side of the world and based on experience I was suspicious. So was she but, mirroring my guarded approach could have been a ploy. However, she asked for nothing and the relationship grew. We were constantly in touch and it gradually became evident that not only were we a good match but really liked each other. In the end I got on a plane, well several, and arrived on her doorstep. What can I tell you, she is everything I thought she was and so very much more. I'm deliriously happy, very glad I came and not in a hurry to go anywhere.
I have lived in the country all my life and suddenly find myself in the middle of a big city! That in itself is strange to me but I can live with it, no problem, if it means I can be with her. In the words of the song, 'love is all you need.'
Perhaps I should also mention that this is across languages as well. I speak French and English, she speaks Spanish and only a coupla words in English so the whole courtship has been conducted in Spanish. Thank you Google Translate in it's many forms, especially the new Gboard 'translate as you type' feature on your cell. I can of course, now speak adequate Spanish which, has come on in leaps and bounds, being in an environment where it is my only option for communication without resorting to an App. And the added bonus is that learning a new language, amongst other things, keeps Alzheimer's away.
Life is, as always, good. Thank you Universe.
Best wishes everyone and good luck to those who are seriously looking.
I ask this because New Girl and I were just chatting and she told me she knew people who said that they loved each other but didn't respect each other. She could no more understand how that was possible than I can! What do you think?
I'm just passing by the way because I had to ask this question!
Parting shot, I have to go, I may be in love, too early to tell yet I guess. And this site is sooooo addictive, compulsive even, so I'm off for a while, to work and talk to my new (potential) love, who is not on this site. And for those who bemoan the apparent fact that there is no one in their area. New girl is four thousand miles away from me and doesn't even speak the same language. She found me, I wasn't even looking in her direction.
So Toilet death. Somebody should have told Elvis about this!
Although it doesn't get much press (for obvious reasons), a disproportionately high number of people (usually older men who are in high risk categories for heart disease) die on the toilet. This is at least partly due to problems some older men have with constipation. Although this causes them to generally spend longer on the toilet, that's not the problem. The problem is that people in this situation tend to "push" harder and longer than they should in what is effectively Valsalva's manoeuvre. This added pressure on the intestines and colon corresponds to an added pressure in the abdominal and thoracic cavities. The vena cava, (major veins leading back to the heart) are normally "held open" by the "negative pressure" (lower than atmospheric... the same reason a hole in the chest wall can kill you so quickly). When the pressure increases it pinches the vena cava closed and the blood can no longer go back to the heart. Consequently, the barroreceptors which measure blood pressure on the arterial side of the heart, notice a drop in pressure (due to the fact that blood is no longer being pumped) and so they trigger a "sympathetic response" that causes blood pressure to spike. The combination of blood pressure spiking (which can lead to stroke or other problems) and lack of blood being pumped to the heart (which starves the heart for oxygen and eventually can trigger a heart attack and/or heart failure).
The rule is don't push, Cough! Not because the toilet door lock is broken but because it has the same expulsion effect without the risk of killing ones-self.
Bye for now kids, be good while I'm gone and no bickering.
Google has just informed me they are updating their privacy policy, not to worry, they say nothing will change! Well of course not! They will continue ripping off our private details and following us wherever we go. Use Duck Duck Go instead people.
Inspired by the wonderful, talented and eminently desirable, Daniela.
I was just going to mention this on Daniela's blog, but you all know how I rabbit by now, so I thought I'd bore you all away from there.
I have had peptic and duodenal ulcer problems on and off for most of my life so that's why I'm a pescetarian (Fish eating vegetarian) The stomach problems were the only reason I changed. Only afterwards did I find that they live thirteen percent longer than meat eaters and longer even than Vegerarians or Vegans! Anyway I only recently discovered that the only safe oils to fry with are Coco oil and Avacado oil, the others turn carcinogenic after reaching their relatively low smoke point. Olive oil is best but has a low smoke point and extra virgin is lower still so don't cook with it.
Spreads are generally more of a problem than butter because they contain trans fats which give you high cholesterol. I've found two safe ones but they're French so you need to check yours out.
You can make an interesting spread substitute out of fresh garlic. We all know there are a million reasons for having plenty of garlic in the diet so here is my version of garlic butter. Eight big bulbs or a dozen smaller ones, peeled and blended into 500mil of extra virgin olive oil. In a cold fridge it will become solid and work as a spread.
Also. My dogs have three meals a day, and in the midday well 15.00 feed, they get a teaspoon of garlic each. This means I never have to give them a chemical wormer or pay the vet. Perhaps I should also add they are never ill except when fed Canilou which made Cookie vomit about six hours after he had been fed. Something wrong with that stuff so I don't use it.
Talking of vets, we don't do re-vaccinations because that is simply an earner for vets and unnecessary in my opinion. I was vaccinated as a child, never needed it again! The difference being if I need vaccine the government has to pay, if the dog does I have to pay. Not rocket science to work that one out is it.
The French, until the fifties used to make garlic necklaces for their kids, if they got worms. It would get rid of the worms in about a week. Why not eat it you ask? No idea. But it worked. And a bit of useless information, if you touch your finger on the garlic spread I described above, and wipe it on the soul of your foot, your breath will smell of garlic within an hour proving that you don't have to eat it to get the benefits. Or, if you have a partner who doesn't like garlic but you do, do the foot trick with him or her and they won't notice when you have eaten it.
An o gr as mic cream substitute is coconut milk or cream! Mmmmm I love it, though I had to try a couple but quickly found the one I really like. The coconut taste is not strong like I expected and I resisted using it for years because I don't like coconut! This I really do and it keeps well in the fridge!
I'll shut up now, more another time maybe, if I get inspired!
You're about to do something and you get that little voice in the back of your head whispering 'don't do it.' but you go ahead anyway. Have you ever done that?
Well I did recently and ignored that little voice! Hah! It earned me got a good kicking this morning and I still haven't recovered consciousness fully yet. Now the little voice is going, 'Idiot, told you, maybe you'll listen next time. Haha!'
The thing I dislike most of all, is going to bed and finding I didn't put the clean bed linen on when I washed the bedding!
I only this year understood what true love is and have only just now realised why I am here, on this site. For someone my age this is a revelation that has been a long time coming. I was directed here by an acquaintance because of the blogs, articles and forums, and I knew I was here to learn something but I didn't know what.
I have gone through life in a myopic state as far as marriage, family and relationships were concerned. Possibly everything I ever did, was done without benefit of being able to see what it was, exactly, that I had done. It is not that I didn't really see everything, because I did and I always knew from being a child, that everything one does is subject to perceptions, but it is my perceptions which I now question. For example; if one puts the same information into ten different computers, one would get ten answers exactly the same, however, if one feeds the same information to ten different people, one would receive ten different perceptions of that information. None, or all of which, may be correct in their own way.
Men will often say that women are illogical because they have a different perception of things and yes, many people will allow that one must take into account other peoples point of view. It is however, not where they are looking from, that may be different, but their whole perception of events. People on apposite sides of a stadium watching a match of some kind will certainly have a different point of view but that is not what is relevant. It is the perception of the events witnessed which is important.
A very dear friend recently sent me an acapella song, on the pretext that it was really good acapella. The song was, “give my love to your new lover” but the penny didn't drop! We were lovers once but are very good friends still and have been so for many years now, providing support whenever needed. Even there, I believe I have been remiss and can think of at least one instance when she needed support and I didn't give it because of my stilted viewpoint, warped perception and in that instance, bigoted attitude. Anyway, the coin did drop eventually and I realised why she had sent the song.
Since my marriage broke up and that, I now realise, was entirely my fault, I have had a number of relationships, trying to find my new soul mate. Some were short term by agreement, especially the ones with much younger women. Others were potentially good relationships which could have blossomed but I wasn't satisfied for whatever stupid reason and ended them, on occasion cruelly, I now realise. The two most recent were the opposite, I even proposed to one of the girls who laughed and said, “I should have thought you'd had enough of that!” Each in turn dumped me and I was so badly hurt, not being able to understand what had happened, or why. Then, recently, when I was writing, which is what I do for a living these days, I found one of my own characters was giving me a slap round the head and making me look at what I had done. She sowed the seeds which helped me to now see, how self centred and blind I had been. And that was simply a scenario I was creating, in a book, which I am still writing. Because it is a love story, I came to this site to learn whatever it was I needed to know. Or if you like, I was sent here by the Universe because I wasn't understanding the information I had in my head.
Now perhaps, you will be able to see that I couldn't possibly have met my next soul mate before, because I wasn't ready, and would probably have hurt her and cast her aside like I did everyone else. How and why my ex-wife hung on for so long I will never understand, but much credit is due to her for such steadfastness and loyalty to an imbecile.
Contd
I need to explain that a favourite quote of mine is, 'when you are up to your arse in alligators, it is often difficult to remember, that the objective was to drain the swamp.' It is a convenient excuse, and the following is quoting from a comment I made on another Article. I use it here to explain what this idiot now realises he needed to learn.
You see, after twenty nine years, I found myself busy with the alligators. I forgot to cuddle her in a morning and be grateful for all the wonderful things we had. I forgot, how important our relationship was, I forgot that she too needed support. I forgot to thank her and be grateful for all she did for us. I forgot everything and gradually she simply slipped away. I was grateful it all ended amicably, with no acrimony and that we parted friends, but even so, I couldn't see that it had been my fault. That I had dropped the ball! That it was me who forgot everything, and of course a relationship is unsustainable if one of you has to carry it alone!
It was not until now, another fourteen years later, when we no longer have a place in each others lives, that I understand. Now, this very morning, I walk along the river bank where we once walked together, and I pass the secluded places where not that many years ago we made love in the grass, under the sunshine, basking in the warmth of a love which by that time had endured better than twenty five years.
It suddenly became clear to me, that there were no alligators, there was no swamp, I had no commission to drain it, it was all simply a warped perception. What I did have however, was a very small obligation. That obligation was to never forget what a beautiful thing is was that we had! To never forget it needed just a little nurturing, to never forget to carry my part of it, to never forget to say I love you, well done, or thank you for being a part of my life.
So yes, it is important to understand how to make a relationship work, but it is vital never to forget that you know how, or forget that small obligation. As I stand alone on the river bank, I can only say Thank You Universe, for giving me the opportunity to learn that important lesson.
And I would like also to thank you guys for being here to teach me. I've not been here on the site a week yet and already I learned to pull together all the information I had held for so long but not been able to accept, because I had the wrong perception. We never stop learning, but it did take me rather a long time.
As a friend reminded me today, you don't always see what is happening or what effect you are having at the time. It is easy to be wise in hindsight! She also said that maybe I was being too hard on myself to which I responded; On the subject of taking too much on board, I look at it like this; over the years, I have had a number of car accidents, one or two were even funny, one I swear the Universe stepped in on my behalf, however, the point is, that there is not one instance where, if I had done something differently, been more aware, taken notice of that sound, not been changing a CD, rested when I was tired, whatever, where I couldn't have avoided it. Every single one I could have avoided absolutely! Never mind the other drivers or their culpability, I could have ensured it didn't happen, though for whatever reason I allowed it.
My marriage and my life were the same. Now, I know it was Kismet, it was time for us to part, I know it had to happen for us to move on to the subsequent classes which were already planned. Even so, the fact remains, I could have made it work, I could have brought it back from the dark pit it had fallen into, but I didn't. I didn't take enough notice of what was happening around me or see that I was the architect of it all.
So what is true love? The point at which we started. It is when you care so much about someone that their happiness is more important to you, than your own, even if it means letting them go kindly.
It made me catch my breath and gave me that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I thought I was over this! 'Oh come on!' I thought, 'you really need to get past this!'
I was washing clothes and bedding this morning and as it came to folding the socks, I thought it was time to swap for the summer socks now. I got out the bag and as I was taking them out and putting them in the drawer, I noticed there were several that she had folded in that carefree elvish way she had and it reminded me of her laughing about how many socks I had. And I thought about her laugh tinkling around the room, and her pretty smiling face and ….. I won't say I'm a mess again, not quite in tears, but it was a blow to the solar plexus!
Today was my good friend Dédé's 50th birthday and it had been bothering him for some time that he would soon be arriving at that date. I don't understand why exactly but it is clearly some kind of dreaded watershed in his mind because he has been reminding me of it for about eighteen months now. However, he was happy enough today but that, I'm sure was enhanced by the copious amount of alcohol he imbibed.
It is a forty minute drive to my house from his, on little winding roads with no traffic save me. They pass through the beautiful Breton countryside, and it is a lovely spring day for one to enjoy all that there is. I again find myself thinking how lucky can I be, thank you Universe!
My life is good because I wish it to be so, because I appreciate the even the small things which come my way. It could be improved only by the addition of a girl whom I love and who loves me, but the lack of said girl doesn't make me sad or spoil my enjoyment of something which I perceive as beautiful.
I'm sure if I tried I could think of some negative things, to spoil that perception of perfection, but why would I want to do that? I could for example think how much older than my friend I am but that would be pointless, meaningless in fact. He may not live to be my age, many haven't, he may live to be older than I am now, but then so shall I and I am excited by all the things which can be learned and my friend is not.
So was I like that when a young man of fifty? No! I appreciated the things in my life then, as I do now, but did, sometimes, loose sight of just how lucky I was, and that, my friends, is how I come to be here, on this site.
CestMero Blog (11)