How do we learn to trust after bad relationships

Trust him again.

You hit a wall and thats when you begin to trust again...because there is no other way. I remember parting ways with my university sweet heart. The break up was durable but the scars cut deep. I spent the next 5 years playing it safe. I often found myself never going for the one but settling for someone I was emotionally safe with. Then I realized something. There are no guarantees in life. For one reason or another, these relationships fell apart too even though I wasn't emotionally invested as before. I still fell..got back up..fell and got back up again. So, it came to the point where I realized that if the concrete was going to be my best friend, I thought I might as well hit it hard and for a darn good reason too. No one likes to get hit but if there is no other way around it, I prefer to have a good story to tell. It was then that I realized that...I always got up...no matter what....I always got up. The sun always rose and life kept moving foward. Don't get me wrong. I still have trust issues in terms of trusting other people but, through my ordeal, I learned
to trust myself. If it doesn't feel right, I'm the one that breaks off. Life's too short. Don't you agree? One day..I'll find that one and if I don't, it doesn't matter. Its the journey that inspires people not the end result. Listen...without the journey, there's no hope. Without hope, there's no reason to try. Without no reason to try, you beomme a prisoner in your own prison. You see...you keep trying no matter what because win or lose your still in the game and I think thats the reason we are all on this site.

I hear you on this one, I have had a traumatic experience with trust also...but there is a way forward. I will say though that what works for me may not work for anyone else, but maybe it will...

The first part of it is recognising we have a trust issue in the first place, and for all the cliches of not tarring everyone with the same brush its not about them, its about 'us' so that said its really is just taking one day at a time. If you know there is potential with someone and he feels the same, have the conversation with him, explain how you feel but also let him know that its something you are working on day by day. most men do seem to understand and are ok with supporting someone on that, at least the good ones!

The biggest lesson I learnt was literally what MY limits and expectations were in any relationship, soon as I was honest wtih myself I learnt to stand for them, walk/back away from someone who is not of the same thinking but I never, ever try to change someone just because I happen to like them, that causes more distrust when they stand up for themself...we all have to grow at our own pace.

In time it does get easier, making friends, male and female is a big part of my life but getting to know how people work helps me understand the relatinships (of all kinds) in my life and value/delete them!

Hope that helps some :)

Debs

My sincere advice: please in the name of almighty god, stay single. I am sure you won’t have any trust or other issues again.

Trust your self to know you can over come anything that may come out of the relationship you are thinking about investing in and dont move to fast always at your pace and what you are comfortable with
trust is earn and gain
try putting one step in front of the other and live in the moment of the day dont worry about next week or next month

Well it's all about learning, and I think you should have by now, looks like your whole thinking and attitude has to change. Number one is don't be so trusting people who come into your life have to earn your trust the same as we have to earn the trust of others ., this is why rule 1) do not rush in to a relationship , build a solid foundation first there is know need to get ripped of as a guy in your age group should not need your financial input! if he does then he is not much of a man and he is not good for your life.

We are all good at reading the signs but tend to ignore them , this time really be true to your self ask your self what it is you really want and settle for nothing less, or you may as well stay alone . Rule 2) don't expect to meet the right one the first date other wise you set your self up for dissapointment , your attitude should be go for coffee and just see what happens its all about testing the waters and please don't be what he wants you to be, really just be yourself and if he does not like it to bad say see you later as for sure he is not the right one for you .

Main thing you have to put your self out there and forget the past its gone , start a new life and a new you with a new attitude ok ,do not bring up old relationships when with another man he will only pretend to listen as who needs to listen to anyone who dwells in the past men prefer a woman who knows what she want,s and has a little mystery about her self ok , good luck hope I have helped a little .

good girl , thats a great start.

It is as all say a process. Being carefull. I am extremely carefull with who I let in my life and what information I give out. When you are with the right one trust will grow with the relationship. Don't worry about trusting again. When the pupil is ready the teacher will appear