Have you ever dated…
Since becoming a CSer, I’ve been asked by quite a few ‘candidates’ whether I’d ever dated/been with a ‘white’ guy before. After answering them, I'd usually counter with “Have you ever dated/been with a ‘black’ woman before”? However, whether the answers I received varied or not, the answer that I gave didn’t. It was always “No, I haven’t”. And, at first I wondered why such a thing should matter. After all, even though it’s important what he looked like, I was more concerned about what he was like on the inside.Why should that matter? For the same reason that any other question is posed on any other topic – age, height, weight, physicality, religion/spirituality, etc – it’s an obvious CONCERN.
Why would one ask about something like dating a white/asian/black/hispanic/other, if there weren’t concerns about compatibility? I’ve reasoned that perhaps some socio-cultural and religious differences, ascribed to each group, may be deterrents. For example, lore (and maybe Science also
) has it that black men are better ‘endowed’ than white men, so that if a woman who has only ever dated black men begins dating a white one, he would have concerns about her expectations of him, sexually.Yet another concern may be food and music. White food preferences vs Black food preferences – bland vs well-seasoned, flavourful and somewhat spicy. Rock, pop, classical and country vs jazz, rhythm & blues, hip-hop and funk. Perhaps at a younger age before marriage (the first one, at least
), aspects within those realms could significantly affect compatibility, but I could only guess at why these would matter at age 55 and up. 
There are lots of things that I haven’t tried yet; some aren’t worth the risk (physically), and others aren't worth the money. But, there are still some things that are worth trying now that I’m older, and have the emotional strength and independence it takes to ‘live’ by the possible consequences of choices that may not pan out. So, the very next time that I’m asked that question, I’m resolved to answer, “Not yet, but you can be my first”.
Comments (16)
The outer layer is just that, and I'm very happy when people do not live up to stereotypical
ideas unless it's done for joke and only once in a while.
I was less open minded when I was younger and I did have more prejudice in me, yes.
I was less open minded when I was younger and I did have more prejudice in me, yes.
"to do" it with a _ lady and surely this was for bragging
rights and not dating
compatibility research.
If younger the man seem to review your past dating
history by your " numbers",
a serial dater or picky.
I am honestly still not sure
what the point is in either.
Prowress if not the same as
charm or masculinity.
Sometimes I'd rather not know what's "trending".
Didi Have fun today, sorry I'm called a way.
U know, it's pretty widespread, and it goes both ways.
Some of what made me come around was all the lovely youtubers and here is one:
If you have the time, watch how the song grows on her
(an 8.5 min long instrumental song by Metallica, a classic by now).
U know, it's pretty widespread, and it goes both ways.
Some of what made me come around was all the lovely youtubers and here is one:
If you have the time, watch how the song grows on her
(an 8.5 min long instrumental song by Metallica, a classic by now).
Maybe this better then:
I haven't dated a black man mostly by choice. I also haven't been approached by a black man and I'm glad about that because I would have refused the date and it would probably hurt his feelings so I'm glad that I haven't been approached.
Up to the age of 20 I lived in a neighborhood of black people. We were the only white family. Blacks visited our home and I walked to school with a girl. Even though we socialized with black families I knew that my father would beat the heell out of me if I even chatted with one by myself. And he did just that. I was sitting on the steps of a neighbor across the street talking to a man much older than I was. When I went home my father beat me with a belt just because I was talking to the guy. I don't know if that set a subluminal message to my brain to never get involved with a black man or if I just think people should stick to their own color.
What I find interesting here in North Carolina is that the majority of mixed relationships are white women with black men, not the other way around.
Now not interested in dating, just enjoying being single.
The older you get the wiser you get at dating.
The only thing that I can say is there has to be chemistry, communication, respect, trust, and common interests that combined can engage the relationship to endure love to the fullest.
Best of luck to you....
Maybe this better then:
I haven't dated a black man mostly by choice. I also haven't been approached by a black man and I'm glad about that because I would have refused the date and it would probably hurt his feelings so I'm glad that I haven't been approached.
Up to the age of 20 I lived in a neighborhood of black people. We were the only white family. Blacks visited our home and I walked to school with a girl. Even though we socialized with black families I knew that my father would beat the heell out of me if I even chatted with one by myself. And he did just that. I was sitting on the steps of a neighbor across the street talking to a man much older than I was. When I went home my father beat me with a belt just because I was talking to the guy. I don't know if that set a subluminal message to my brain to never get involved with a black man or if I just think people should stick to their own color.
What I find interesting here in North Carolina is that the majority of mixed relationships are white women with black men, not the other way around.
As for the mix of "white women with black men", that has been more accepted than 'white men with black women' for centuries. I believe that it's because of the patriarchal nature of many societies, allowing men that privilege over women, which is in harmony with the ever-present "double standard".
The older you get the wiser you get at dating.
The only thing that I can say is there has to be chemistry, communication, respect, trust, and common interests that combined can engage the relationship to endure love to the fullest.
Best of luck to you....
SM
Growing up in multi-cultural Miami, my answer is yes.
There is a saying "Once you go black, you'll never go back"
For many reasons (that I won't divulge in this blog) I disagree with that.
I do have one fond memory that happened 34 years ago. A coworker from Trinidad was here on a student visa. The money for school ran out and she was paying an immigration attorney to help change her status.
The woman was much younger than me and her focus in life was very different. We almost crossed the line a few times, but it was best to keep the friendship. We both moved on from that company but only met a few times after.
On a Carnival in Miami, she met a German man who was here on vacation. They corresponded and eventually moved to Germany to be with him and marry. She kept in touch with me by letter and a few calls and I always felt she was crying out for having made a wrong decision. Not long after, they divorced. She got as far as learning German and becoming a citizen.
The It's been 20 years now. No more letters, no more calls.
Growing up in multi-cultural Miami, my answer is yes.
There is a saying "Once you go black, you'll never go back"
For many reasons (that I won't divulge in this blog) I disagree with that.
I do have one fond memory that happened 34 years ago. A coworker from Trinidad was here on a student visa. The money for school ran out and she was paying an immigration attorney to help change her status.
The woman was much younger than me and her focus in life was very different. We almost crossed the line a few times, but it was best to keep the friendship. We both moved on from that company but only met a few times after.
On a Carnival in Miami, she met a German man who was here on vacation. They corresponded and eventually moved to Germany to be with him and marry. She kept in touch with me by letter and a few calls and I always felt she was crying out for having made a wrong decision. Not long after, they divorced. She got as far as learning German and becoming a citizen.
The It's been 20 years now. No more letters, no more calls.