If it doesn't feel right. . . .

Lets say i've met the perfect man for me, i spent some quality time together and everything else went just like i planned it to be.
But, some how . . . It doesnt feel right, as if he got something to hide from me.
Then i tried to ignore that woman instinct of mine with positive thinking, but still, the feeling won't go away.
So, i decided to try to notice every single detail that happen, past and present, i go all the way back to the time i first met him and try to figure out what i've missed.
Still, i found nothing is wrong with him.
But my guts telling me to leave, some how i felt like i dont trust him.
Despite my wild huntch, everything else's is good . . .
Can you advice me what to do?
Some say until' there's a hard fact, proof of his wrongly existance, i should just ignore my feelings. .
But some say, women have killer instinct regarding to their partner or spouse, they tend to know if some thing is wrong. .
I do love him how ever, but i love myself more.
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Comments (30)

Bravo, Kasih! Listen to your gut. If it turns out that your instincts are wrong, he will forgive you. How could he not? You are an amazing woman. I think I would lay low and watch for awhile, see if anything surfaces that would explain the feelings that you are having. Honoring oneself is the only really sane thing to do.wave
They have a saying in our country and I think it may apply to you...

"You want your cake and to eat it too."

It means you can't have it both ways. Sounds like you love him but your not ready to give up looking for someone else.

So "IF" that is the case, it reminds me of two more saying...

"He who hesitates looses."

and

"Haste makes waste."

Guess you have to pick which saying you like...

Good luck with your choice.

Mike
I did not listen to my gut....After many years I found out I was right.

I suffered a lot because of it.
Dont know if it helps much!
jack
I agree with Miss Venus and would also like to add another input based on a personal past experience where I've found myself just as you described above.. It all had nothing to do with the great guy at all, it was all my stuff. I didn't feel worthy of him, felt I wasn't good enough and so my mind played up on me, worries, fears and a bunch of sabotage acts on my side. Personal I do believe that relationships are meant to stir up and bring our stuff to the surface so that we can deal with it and facilitate mutual healing. After all, JMPF and another input, all the best
Well have you talked to him about what you feel? I am sure you can bring the discussion up in a way that won't be too tactless. If I was you I would not ignore it because there may be something to your instincts. I would just simply ask him if he has any skeletons in the closet or even more to the point ask if he is hiding anything from you. His response even if he denies there is anything may be enlightening to you.
"Always go with your instincts". That may work for woman, but not good advice for man. I try to identify what is instinct and then use some rational thought to control them before I do something stupid.

It sounds to me like she's trying to find an excuse to dump him but she's not sure if she should. But maybe I'm oversimplifying her thoughts. I'm still working on my vibration detector.

111. I love reading your writings and theories. For real. Obviously a lot goes on inside that brain of yours and has been for years.
haha..thanks Mike! cheers Every now and then the little hampsters up there start running around cool

But yes I agree she already knows the answer otherwise she wouldnt have even posted this blog, thus proving my theory? confused rolling on the floor laughing handshake
Dear Mike
well i dont think that it is about making my choices wide open for another guy, its about great doubts and strong worry feelings i had with this guy with no obvious reason at all. . .
Thank you for ur comment Mike.
Dear Kasih,

Trust your instincts always. Even if you find out later that you were wrong. The collective benefits are way more than the losses.

Drea is absolutely right about the VIBES that we all emit. Since most people don't really know what vibes really are and how they work, people are often confused as you are now.

Just to explain a bit, people can fake appearances, behaviors and stances but not the vibes. It's a real footprint of one's thought processes and personality traits deeply embeded in the mind, heart, and soul developed over a long period of time. I always feel it when I shake hands for the first time or be in a close proximity around that person.

Over time I have learnt that I should have trusted my instncts in cases where I chose otherwise. Not necessarily in personal relationships but in all parts of life.
hug
Well, I don't know then. I would be worried if he seems to change moods like you mentioned. Sounds like he might be putting his best foot forward so to speak. A fake. That is one of the few good things about getting old, you learn how to "read" people. The wisdom. But my biggest concern would be if he started to refer to you as a brother.frustrated

I think that if it was right you would know. You wouldn't be questioning yourself. I'd dump him. When you fall for someone and it's right, you can't get them off your mind. Everything they say is exactly what you think. And even if it's not, you still think it is. That's what I call real love. Unfortunately sometimes the other party doesn't feel the same way and it's all in your head. I think they call it delusional thinking. But you can call it anything you want, it still can feel good while it lasts. I think it's the hope that it brings that makes it feel right even though you can stop and think about it rationally and spoil all the fun, you don't. If we were talking about religion, I think we'd call it faith.doh

Good night and good luck with the boyfriend concerns,
Mike

PS: Let us know how it works out if you get a chance.
Dear Jack
and following our guts is called irrasional sometimes . . . But if something bad about to happen sometimes we felt it dont we?dunno
Dear Drea
U go girl! I totally agree with u!
Yes sometimes bad people gives bad vibes. And one who love often try to ignore it.
You see it happens to me many times before, i fall, i stumble until i finally manage to get up on my feet again . But i would not be here today asking you guys what to do without going to that process first. Because sometimes what too good to be true is too good to be true . Thanks girlcheers
Dear Max mate
are right, i too agree with Drea. After a while i kindda sense that some thing is wrong, but the fact that i have fallen for him makes it so hard to think objectively. Like they say love is blind. But like mike said, he is faking it. But still i want this to be fair by talk about it like grown up do. And then i will see how he reacts. Thank you dear friend. Take care and wish me luck hug
Dear Drea,
yes you are absolutely right girl,i have known my answers. just making sure i am not doing something stupid that i might regret later. . wine
When a female member puts up a post like this, seekin sympathy and ATTENTION, all the other females suddenyy crawl out from under their rocks and post their undying support. Why?

For all those who can't interpret the original post, the key words are the final five. "I LOVE MYSELF MORE".

Which means, the young lady is narcissistic. She is NOT in love with the man, as she claims, but with herself.

I hope the guy dumps her, and finds a more worthy, less narcissistic lady to spend his valuable time with.
maupassant are you kidding me? Then again I should expect this sort of comment from someone that told another CS member they were wasting their life just because they believed in God. Kasih I can't tell you how to approach him or what to say but I do not think it would be a question that would hurt his feelings. Just be honest with him and tell him how you feel. I am probably not the best with words but I would say something like, We have been together for a while now. You have given me no reason to ask this question. I would like to know if there is anything important I should know that you have not told me about? You can choose to say it however you wish but that question is not accusatory and it is a reasonable question that you have the right to ask.
Good luck Kasih.
Ask a man ! - you must have some boyfriends, ask them.
We are not the same, and may not detect the same things. Women may be blind sometimes, and it has puzzled me. There was this dude, which I could observe in the workplace. Other men did keep a long distance. Vibes were not good. But women on the other hand, flocked around this dude. I hope he is still behind bars. Maybe women believed he would protect them, that they could handle him, or ..? I don't know. In some cases, men may pick up on something women may not do. ( and vice versa )
Dear Maupassant . .
Are right. Thank u for sharing your comment. Yes you can say i am a narsistic character, but most of all i owe it to my self to keep my self out of trouble. Thats what i love my self more actually meant.You see you do not just jump on a relationship and throw your self in, especially not if you are a girl. No matter how many numbers you have in your age or where you come from what race are you from, i believe we all deserves to be happy. Including you,him,me, and all others here aswell. handshake
Dear Canuckken. .
That is the biggest problem for me, asking without sounding like accusing him. People will think i am a mean girl but i felt comfortable with my life already, a simple life but i am happy and gratefull for it, with out any interest to get on one of those roller coaster relationship. Hmmmm,do you know where can i get one of those lie detector? Lol.

cheers
That last line you wrote is your answer. Trust me on this, dont ignore your instincts. It can be hard to let go of someone who for all the world seems like the perfect guy. I had an experience like this before. I ignored my instincts. And guess what happened? After all the telling me he loved me and would wait forever for me, he turned out to be a user. And a player. Now I'm not saying this is the case for you. But if you feel deep down that it isnt right, then maybe just give yourself a break from him for a while, after that break meet up with him again and see how you feel. If you still feel that gut instinct telling you to leave, go with it. Its hard to believe but it just means that there is something that will feel right, something amazing, waiting for you. Hope that helped hun. Best of luck!x
If the eye know not the heart,it will act against heart,and if the heart know not the mind; it will follow instincts,just as animals do! for animals follow instincts,but to men is given
thoughts and thinking in the mind !
Thats what it make men different from animals!!!

if i was a shadow,men would understand me,all those who live in example of it.
but unfortunately;i am light of THE LIGHT,therefore shadows and those like shadows understands me not, but those who are in the light build themselves; knows my voice and understand me.

nice day!
i said:
but unfortunately;i am light of THE LIGHT,therefore shadows and those like shadows understands me not,
but unfortunately i said;
mean:unfortunately,they are not in the light build.
and fortunately;Mean, i am the light of THE LIGHT..!
so don,t understand me wrong, for i given explain-ing!
I'm starting to wounder if your a paranoid crazy woman.confused I'm worried about this guy and what he's getting into...A pretty face will more then sway a man's judgement.
Mike

"In the midst of chaos, only the paranoid will survive"
Kasih!

Just relax! will ya?
Dear Jemmybear
are right. I think i know my answers but since i am also going through it i feel the need to ask second opinion just to know wheter i am just being silly or many have my problem. Thank youhug
Dear fieldr
i am sorry i dont thin i understand completely. But that voice could not just be an instinct, it is getting more and more un controlled, its like run run run. . . It is maybe a voice that non ears could heard for its not the voice of man but the voice stays inside every man . . . I wish i could explain details further with you but i cant. I just know that he is a bad guy. Thank youwine
Dear Afrikaneesence
thank you for sharing dear i guess we all have learned that looks can be deceiving but the fact that so many bad guys running freely out there chasing women like some kind of predator is driving me crazy. . . Very crazy.dunno
Dear max
how could i ever thank you my friend thank you for being there for me. GOD BLESS YOU. . .
If you have peace, proceed. If you have doubts, DON'T.
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Kasih

Kasih

Jakarta, Indonesia

Here to make friends but mostly for the blogs.
Hoping that maybe i can find someone special here [read more]

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created Jun 2010
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