choices
I spent yesterday finally getting my over fifty discount card - my sister went with me. My goodness, we are both old enough to be grown up now!Many of the things I will need to do in the coming months will be less expensive if I wave a BARP card at them (no, not a misspelled eructation!) and the savings go as high as twenty % depending on the company.
THe game plan is back to a thursday morning appointment at the hospital which will include a bronchoscopy and they may fish for cells in my lung tumour.
On the subject of fish, there is a picture on my profile of a fish, no barbels so probably NOT a walking catfish, that likes to spend time out of the water. Side fins, no dorsal fin, fish tail, about six inches long overall, If you know what it is, please tell - my new distraction
This will mark my entry into the healthcare system as a non private patient which will be a blessing. Worrying from test to test and one consultation to the next about how you're going to pay is not conducive to a healthy balanced attitude to deal with disease.If admitted to hospital I may end up going for CAT scans at 3:00 a.m but I am awake then anyway.
Knowing two doctors who admit that chemo & radiation are in my future is a great help. I can explore how to marry my preferred treatment methods, acupuncture, holistic medicine, and how they can support me with what western disciplines do so well. Slash and burn not to put to fine a point on it and not meant to disparage or decry either.
I have spent the last few weeks in pieces. A lung, a brain, a brain stem, a tumour or four, a shadow on a screen that shows a picture of a part of me, and have found it to be very debilitating as I keep having to turn myself back into myself so I can move forwards.
I cannot heal in pieces. I must be all together, all on the same page with clear and truthful knowledge of what is, what might be, how else can I decide which things to follow, which things to ignore? I choose life and years of sunrise in my future. It does not mean i will get it. All that matters is that I choose it.
Not every wish is granted, sometimes the answer to a prayer is no. Acceptance does not demand you turn your face to the wall. Surrender means you join the winning side!
A word that gives me strength is never empty, a smile is never wasted, even in the dark.