Halfway to the next step.
I have found a pair of sandals that will cling lovingly to the shape of my left foot and stay on without trying to fold the toes under or leave me with the odd sensation of wielding a quarterstaff at the end of my leg.It is sheer bliss not to have to look down every few steps to make sure I am fully shod. Although numbness and lack of feeling have turned out to be ver 'flexible terms' - i can feel hot, cold, pain if pressed deeply, although it is more and more the bones that feel, not flesh, I could cut myself and not notice till I smelled the blood - enhanced sense of smell is one of my new super powers! I cherish both my feet, especially the one currentlly with its mind elsewhere.
When this all began, like many I had gingivitis, tinnitus, arthritis.Markers of time, benign neglect, the wear and tear of living in a loud rushy world that bowls past us if we let it.
My periodontist would be hard put to find a pocket by a tooth right now, my gums cling tightly, not a trace of inflammation, gleaming healthy pink -and when I lick the back of my hand - the easiest way to check for scents of infection or thrush - my mouth smells like morning breezes off the sea.
My ears, for the first time in decades do not ring and hiss playing back the damage from recording gunshots in independent movies, unrehearsed bellows from method actors who whispered in rehearsal the occasional rock concert and tractor ride.
I turned my head unthinking and totally painlessly all the way to the left, the rotator cuff injury loosened by whaterever healing is starting to take place inside my cells and even the quiet snowflake tinkle of osteo in my neck is faded to a murmur.
Other random things are how incredibly efficient my digestive system has become,I digest everything I eat, producing neat, clean packages of fibre for disposal approximately every twenty four hours.
And today , well yesterday, I rested. Just ran the clippers over my hair bringing it to my usual cooler crop - it has rained all night so perhaps the weather is moving. I cooked a fresh vegetable fritatta with okra zucchini, tomato and onions and it was delicious.
My approach to meds is just what i really need so I am protecting my stomach from the steroids with food rather than antacids, I have everything on stand by and have discussed with my neuro how best to do their slash and burn to clear the ground for reconstruction and repair that is my job.
Sometimes in the morning when I sit outside with my morning meditation I feel hands wrap around my fingers and other voices weave with mine. My eyes just fill with gentle tears that wash out the things I am letting go of, those things I really do not need, that none of us need really.
In about an hour I will probably be sulking because showering is a major undertaking with only one side of the body enthusiatic about jumping about, but even there I have a routine in place. It's not much fun any more but it won't be forever either and clean and cool matter a lot.
Five more head shots. Tomorrow and Sunday off to give my 'normal' brain a chance to knit itself back together while visitors get to drag their sorry asses out of my brain stem taking all the tacky 70's decor with them.
So many miracles in every moment. And they are always happening I suspect. We just are not watching.-
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