Help, need advice
I met somebody here 1,5 years ago, an Irish guy. We had a lovely relationship. When I had a fought with my cancer, I told him that I'm not forced him to stay, he deserved to be happy but he insist to stay. And suddenly he ask me to step into "married" life. I was think in that time that he only joking to cheers me up but he's serious.We had plan on it that this year we will do that. But suddenly last month after valentine day, Irish woman bombarding me with messages that she had slept with my boyfriend. I check on her, and guess what she's married woman and has 3 kids and still live with her husband. She said she contact me cause she's pregnant and she's grieving (I'm not sure what the meaning of grieving cause Irish English has a different meaning) about the baby. I confronted him and he admit it happen in 2011 before I'm with him. I'm not angry just sad with heart broken, but I accept that human made a mistakes sometimes so do I. He said he knew he made a mistakes and have to gain my trust and he will prove it to me that its not gonna happen again. And we still continue our plan.
A week later, when I thought everything was over, that woman contact me again and said that she's pregnant and don't want me to tell my boyfriend. I asked her when she last time slept with my boyfriend and she said October last year. I asked her again how can she sure that its my boyfriend baby and she said she only slept with my boyfriend. I confronted my boyfriend again and he's so angry with that woman. Once again he insist to stay with me.
Gosh, I'm so confuse now. I love him to a bit and I ever promised that I will not said goodbye or leave him unless he's the one who said that. But I can't trust anybody now, not him or that woman.
I tried to make my boyfriend angry and said that I still in this site and another Irish guy like me too but I broke his heart. I told him that I made a lot of contact with guys to make he angry and leave me but he not angry at all. I don't know what to do now. I know its up to me but I can't think anymore. Please give me advice
Comments (31)
Maybe its true, he's kind of that guy but like I wrote I made a promise that I will never say good bye or leave him unless he's the one who say that to me. I always keep my promised. I tried a lot of things to make him angry to me and leave me but never work. In fact he's jobless for almost 2 years now, so he's no money at all but it doesn't not a big deal for me.
Yes I know what you mean. He already has a son from his ex and he paid child support for the child. I might be can guess why he want to be with me, cause I can't have kids cause I have this cancer and I don't want it too. That's why he insist with me.
The problem Ed, I ever promised to him and I always keep my promised. I already did things to make him angry but he's not angry at all.
Thank you Ed, I will think how to say good bye to him
Good luck!
Let me point out 2 other items you just mentioned. You DO have to be concerned he is unemployed! And he doesn't get mad because he is using that as a subtle control over you. If you get married it will become a larger issue!
Those are 2 very important considerations! And, yes, I support your decision to leave! It may hurt now but you will be very happy in the future
Tried to do that. Its hard cause each time I felt suspicious to him. I felt in my heart that he is the "right one" but my brain won't accept that
Thank you for your advice
I've been thinking about that this few weeks. Like I wrote before, my heart said to stay but my brain wont accept that. Need to win the battle in my self so I can make the right decisions for me. Thank you for the advice, will really think about it
Sometimes our heart leads us into the wrong direction and we need to take a minute and think things over. From what you have said this man has made you very unhappy a couple of times and maybe will do it again. If he really cared about you he would have not been so inconsiderate. You are still a young and a beautiful women. Find someone who cares about your happiness and will treat you with the respect you deserve.
Thank you for your time. Actually I'm happy with him. But when I knew what he did, its broken my heart. I can forgive but its hard to forget. I know I need to think over it again and I try but now I'm in dead ends. Thank you once again, I will take time to think of it now
Thank you
I too have cancer. I will say a special prayer for your issue and for your healing!
Amen!
I knew I should leave him since the first time I knew what he did to me
Thank you for the advice, will really think about it
I knew you are nice guy since a long time ago I joined this blog. Thank you once again. My prayer also for you too
Amen.
Guess some of friends who already give your advice in here already good, you just need to more ure to your self about him, if you havent sure yet better not force to ur plan about marriage.
Sometimes what you thing yoh know well it isnt the true one, but we all do support for your happiness, and wish for your cure
Thank you. Will try to do that
yes I did met some of his family. I knew what people told here try to help me cause I asked for their advice.
I just have to think it again, like I wrote before, my mind boiled and seems like have dead end.
Thank you for your time and advice Lavina
And sorry with some typo wrote it from mobile
Well novita only you what is best, good in your life, if you still with him then you have know what it will be in the future with all those issue. Take a decission when you know what you should do, dont because your promise or other else force, but because you are ready and sure.
I will really think about it cause its a big decision to end up everything. The reason why I kept my promise is I don't want him back to his depression. It will end up his life. And I don't have heart to hurt anybody.
Thank you once again and I will really think about it again
You said you promised not to leave him and you are gonna keep that promise until maybe forever. But is it reasonable enough to keep that promise? Have you met in person and see how he act in everyday life? The internet thing is way different than that of the personal one. What he may write/type in his keyboard may be different in what he thinks and acts.
He is unemployed for years now, and he has a child to support? How he is supporting them both? Just few questions, and I do not ask for answers. Just I am wondering.
Love can be all so blind. I have been into that road. Give my all, to the point of being selfless. But its not right because in the end you'll suffer the pain that you have caused not just to yourself but to others (in cases).
We can give advices but it is you who will be making the choices Novi.
Thank you. I know he can't always responsible for his action. But that's why we have partner right? Stand together in good or bad. Forgive and forget. I can forgive but the hard part is forget. Thank you anyway, will really take time to think about it again
@Ummka
Thank you. I never think about physical appearance, for 1,5 years together he treat me so good. I just surprised that it can be happen. Never think about it before, i guess i just shocked.
Thank you anyway for the advice, really appreciate that
I'm sorry if i wrote about this. My brain boiled, can't think anymore. Dead end for me. Need help and advice, and thank you for all the advice that I got.
As a woman, I always suspicious about him now, but i also let he do whatever he want. Last time i told him i gave him a freedom if he want to date with or sleep with a woman who near with him. I don't need to know about it anymore. He still don't want to let me go. I know I don't have to keep my promise, i just don't want me who's the one who said goodbye, let him to say that to me. I want him to hate me and leave me. I really don't have heart to hurt anybody.
Thank you for your advice, really appreciate that
Thank you. But I'm not married yet so I don't think I need married counselor. In this time I just in the dead end cause my head boiled to think how he can hate me and leave me.
Thank you anyway for your time and advice
yes I knew people from different country here trying to help me cause I asked help and I say thank you to all of them and really appreciate it. My problem is I don't want to be the one who said goodbye to him cause I don't like to hurt anybody. My last paragraph in my blog, I wrote that I tried so many things to make he angry and leave me. So you are wrong if you said I still in love with him. There's a love but not like the first time before.
I'm not defend him but he never asked money from me, not even a penny. I offered him money to pay his son creche but he refused. It happened several time.
This few weeks feeling like in hell for me. My brain boiled, my heart broken, felt like dead end. I just don't want to make a bad decision and try to stand in his position to feel what he feel. I don't need a dna test cause I don't care who's child is it, they were born innocent.
Yes, I know I'm the one who have to make a decision. I will really think about it now. Its hard things to do. Thank you for your time and your advice. Will really think about it now
Pray that you will be revealed the real truth over this matter