The Unfading Beauty of a Person's Character

While you might be attracted to someone's "outsides," what you will experience over the long haul is their "insides."

In other words, many things we can readily see on the outside of a person are "beautiful" to us. Think of some that might draw you to a certain person:


- physical appearance

- intellect

- charm

- humor

- achievements

- people skills

- accomplishments

- talents

- style

- manners

- status

- degrees

- career

- tastes

- spiritual appearance

- economic standing

- power

- fame


These things might initially attract you- and even create excitement. Many of them are wonderful things. Beauty is attractive. Brains are interesting, as someone's accomplishments, career, and education. Learning about people and the fascinating things they have done all make for fun and interesting conversation and interaction. A person who has achieved power in business, politics, entertainment, and education can be fascinating. Hearing the story of what people do and how they do it, and their special talents that got them where they are can be fun- fun fascinating, attractive, interesting, sexy. This is all well and good, and it is part of getting interested in a person.


But getting interested in someone and enjoying him or her in the long haul are two entirely different things. The only things that last are in a person's character. Or, I should say the only thing that makes a relationship able to last is a person's character. You cannot "experience" someone's advanced degrees, for example. You can only experience your admiration for them and be attracted to that quality. But the power of that wears off. Hear that again: The power of all that wears off. But, someone's insides, their character, their makeup is what you are going to experience in a relationship, long term. And past a date or two, that is what you should be looking at very, very hard.

To "desire," to "want," to "open up your heart," and beyond that, "to give yourself" or make a commitment," are things that should only be done with someone of good character.

People who are good for you are going to have a threefold effect over time:


1. You end up closer to God. This person does not take you away from God. This does not mean that he sees himself as a spiritual giant. It means that he shows you more of who God is- God's love and God's nature- as a result of your relationship. He lives God's ways, and you can experience God together.

2. You end up closer to others. You are a more relational person and grow in your capacity to relate to others. You trust more, not less. You are more open, not shut down or kidnapped to just this relationship. You have grown in your relational capacities as a fruit of being with this person.

3. You become more of yourself. Instead of a person causing you to lose parts of yourself to be around her, the relationship helps you find more of who God created you to be. You expand, grow, stretch, and become better and more whole "you," not less of you.


So, hold on to your heart in dating. Learn, experience, and have fun. Only give your heart to someone who deserves it. It is a precious commodity. Good people are a "safe deposit box" for the treasures of your heart. Only store them there, with good characters to whom you can truly trust your treasures. If you do that, not only will your treasures be safe, but their value will grow. That is the person you are looking for, the one whom you can give your heart.



How to get a date worth keeping: Henry Cloud



God bless everyone, at CS!