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I'm conflicted about the idea of getting emotionally involved with at man. There are sacrifices that must be made when one becomes half of a unit. Looking back, I realize that with every partnering, I've had to give up a part of myself. Sure, I just haven't met "the right one", but how many times must I fail?

I have always compartmentalized things to keep things simpler. Two FB pages. Many CS accounts. The work me and the home me. Just so family and co-workers are safe from my real thoughts, the ones that make people uncomfortable. To allow a partner to know all of me is a frightening thought.

So, my conflict is with loneliness and freedom from worry of those I become attached to. Then there's the investment of time and emotions that make me want to continue with relationship that clearly wasn't working.

So, today, I'm on the fence for trying it again. Im prepared to climb off the fence but the fear is overwhelming. Sometimes I'm certain I'm not cut out for it. Then, the selfish, lonely me wants to give it a try.

Conflicted

After all, it seems that some can be rude and still comment on the other person’s blogs As if, it’s all water under the bridge. Meanwhile, in reality, I don’t give a f*ck if that person loves or hates me.

The self-importance some think they have is of little importance at all.

So, since I am shameless, I shall update you on my recreational sex interest.

I have transitioned to confidant/wing man

To be continued in comments
I need to formulate my thoughts on this

Wouldn't you know it. Just the other day I was thinking that I've never had a flat tire on my car.
What a fool.
So I discover I have this flat tire, and I try to drive the old truck only to discover that the new fuel line I put in last year has disintegrated and gas is leaking all over the engine. So I go to fix the flat (15 minutes, right?) and of course the wheel nut were put on by Superman on his day off. 45 minutes later dripping sweat and covered in dirt the wheel nuts are off, but I discover the alloy rim that seemed so cool at the time is stick to the car like it's been welded on. Anyway, an hour later I'm done, and I go into the house, rummage around in the pantry until I find an old bottle of high fructose corn syrup, and I CHUG it.

Have a nice day.

Never, never, never, never, never, never, ever, ever, lost your head for a va*ina.

This is an account of something that almost happened to me not that many years ago.

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Might as well get it over and done with, I thought, she isn’t going to let up until we’ve been. So we finally went on the long promised trip to the coast; wife and I. It was okay once we were under way; the weather was fine, the roads weren’t too busy and all seemed well with the World.

After an hour or so we were enjoying the beautiful North Yorkshire landscape and remarking on the charm of picture postcard villages as we passed through. No need to rush, nothing to worry about, no time table to rule us; I couldn’t think why I had been putting it off. Then, out of nowhere -and I do look in the rear view mirror quite regularly- six unnecessarily big motorbikes shot past us with a most alarming roar; they alarmed the living day lights out of me.

“F.UCKING LUNATICS!” I screamed at them, following up with a ten second blast of the horn.

They were in the far distance when they had become “crazy bastards”, and long gone by the time my heart rate had returned to normal.

I drove on, approaching each bend in the road hoping to see a flashing blue light and six mangled motorbikes on the other side of it. This, of course, I did not see, and had to make do with imagining it. We passed a road sign that read Bridlington 15 miles. Even now, at my ripe age, I still feel a twinge of excitement at my first glimpse of the sea.

With ten miles to go we passed a roadside restaurant with six motorbikes standing outside. “WANKERS!” I yelled at the riderless objects. Their riders didn’t hear me, of course, but my wife certainly did, as the force of the exclamation was enough to slightly part the hair over her right ear. There was another blast on the horn, and although any bystander would not have known what it was for, I hoped the wankers would. I soon forgot about the bikers and started to think about gentle waves dissolving on the white sands of sun kissed beaches. This reverie lasted until the next road sign displaying the word “Bridlington”, when I was abruptly snapped out of it.

I was thinking about fish and chips as we drew into the harbour car park, and how we would soon be sitting on the harbour wall eating them. British seaside fish and chips, yes siree. We stepped out of the car and I had a good stretch to the sound of screeching seagulls and the smell of fish. Yay! we’re at the seaside.

My back was to the car park entrance when the shiver ran down it, but I didn’t need to turn and look to see what was making the deep, vibrating growl that caused it, although I still did. They came gliding into the car park like ravens and stopped directly opposite us. Six leather bound riders dismounted and turned to face us, and although I couldn’t see their eyes through their visors, I knew they were all looking at me.

Oh the relief when they took off their helmets and I saw that those of them who still had hair were crowned in snowy white. Two of them walked round in small circles, slightly bent at the waist and holding their backs. There was a moment of slight anxiety as they all strode purposefully towards me, but they all hurried on past in a dash towards the public toilets at the edge of the car park. Wankers, I thought to myself.

A Woman's Loyalty is tested when a Man has Nothing. A Man's Loyalty is tested when a Man has Everything. All was good between you until the above mentioned took place. If you have the upper hand, are you still treating Him/Her the same way? Same to the lower hand, are you being treated the same?

To live in the USA? Probably similar to those living in other like countries.
I will speak for myself using info shared by my family and coworkers.
I lent 20 to my coworker for gas and she used a credit card to put 10 in gas to last me until payday. We bring extras to work if there’s a buy one get one free to share.

My water and other utilities are scheduled for shut off. I’ve no WiFi for over 2 months.

I own my home so don’t qualify for health or food benefits.

I pay my taxes, follow the law and survive.

I thought that’s what everyone did. It doesn’t matter where I live. I imagine I would still make minimum wage and be behind on bills.

I am free though. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. If I did, I wouldn’t have my loyal friends and know what it is to share and help others in need, first hand. I wouldn’t have ridden in the mountains of Colorado, cycled Vermont, exhibited art in California, bought from farmers markets in the Midwest, kayaked Minnesota lakes and walked the beaches of two oceans.

Truly, why are you here? There are some good ones but always far away. There are profiles that stoke the fires
Too far away to make fires real
Why are you here?
To tease and recluse, to attract and reject?
I cannot sleep with such thoughts, enlighten me

I’m bingeing on TV. I watched a favorite movie “Used Cars”. I’ve done 2 loads of laundry, not in my bath tub. I have WiFi! The artificial light has improved my mood and the furnace has warmed my hands up.

Tonight I will shower and climb into a clean bed-my reward for paying this bill.