Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

LMAO!!! A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door. She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club." The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asked her, "You have a bike?" The little old lady said, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway. The biker asked her, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady said "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker is impressed and asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?" The little old lady said, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."

.Marie and Tony were just married, and they're spending their honeymoon night at her mother's house.
Maria, being a good Italian girl, is a virgin, and has never seen a naked man.
The newlyweds go upstairs and start getting undressed.
Tony takes his shirt off, and Maria shrieks and runs downstairs
where her mother is making some tomato sauce.
"Momma, momma! Tony has a hairy chest!" cries Maria.
"Men are supposed to have hairy chests, go back upstairs."
So Maria sheepishly goes back upstairs.
When she gets back, Tony starts pulling off his pants, and again,
Maria shrieks and runs downstairs.
"Momma, momma! Tony has hairy legs!"
"Men are supposed have hair legs, go back upstairs."
And back upstairs she goes. When she gets back,
she watches Tony pull off his socks and notices he's missing three toes on his left foot.
Once more, Maria runs downstairs.
"Momma, momma! Tony has a foot and a half!"
"Stir the sauce, honey, momma will handle this."
.............................. Wow................................................

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,
"You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?" The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream. So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes." So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, "You now have 3 wishes." I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger."
She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What will be your second wish?" I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. "We then made love for hours!" Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?" I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

The nurse:
When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy businessman learned this the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an o*al thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!" She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a daffodil."

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."
"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?" she asked.
"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."

DR's Fakes, Frauds, and Phonies....

Kind of quizzical that the fellow who calls DR and myself a liar would post this profile:

"I have completed a postdoctoral fellowship; biochemically studying the protein domains of fibronectin. After this, I lectured & performed research at a major university for a decade (microbiology, genetics, biology,)"....

Occupation

"Retired early from teaching & doing research at a major university."

Yeah, right......LOL

If anyone can cooberate this profile based on their experience with Soupy and his commentary,
please call the Smithsonian...they're still looking for the primordial link between man and monkey. Soupy is about as tall as a monkey, so we may have a match.

Yep, here he is;

Click on the photo to shrink it down



The Kansas City Royals baby.

What ? That's not the one they've been talking about ?

Andy Borowitz's column, a timely response to Mueller's only press meeting, which happened earlier today

Today in The New Yorker;



Trump didn't even write his own books. He hired ghost-writers to do them.

Come on, you know that song.

Some people had fun inventing new lyrics for one prior.
This one could use a change too.

"If loving you is wrong,
I don't want to be right."

Really ? If it's wrong aren't there better options ?
So, if you like, lets try out some other lyrics for that second line.

For instance;

If loving you is wrong,
what's your sister up to ?

"If loving you is wrong,
I'm visiting the health clinic."

If loving you is wrong,
it IS you, not me.

If loving you is wrong,
I'll find someone right.

If loving you is wrong,
how about if I spank you instead ?

If loving you is wrong,
do I get partial credit ?

If loving you is wrong,
would hating you make it right ?

If loving you is wrong,
lets enjoy it anyway.

Add your own suggestion, if you like, or just enjoy those who do.

10:40 am today in; The New Yorker



Oh, I imagine many of the shots will not be taken with cameras.

Well, I suppose it was just a matter of time, before Trump totally sold out the US.
It follows suite after he let the 3 Russians in to bug the White House, as one of his
first 'diplomatic' ventures upon residing in the oval office.

So, now in reality, Trump will celebrate the 4th of July with a parade of tanks.
Because nothing says July 4, 1776 like tanks.
Hitler would be proud.