Grieving Mother trying to move forward in life. ( Archived) (21)

I lost my son eight years ago to cancer. (No "sorrys" or "he's in a better place" are needed or required)

I am finding that I have been having a very hard time moving forward with life. My son was my world and it was basically just the two of us because his father chose to work than be there for us. We were together, but he couldn't deal with our son being sick. He later left me because I got cancer and had to have a hysterectomy. He wanted "real" children, he didn't believe in adoption. Needless to say my self esteem is very low, but I am working on that.

I guess what I am looking for help with is how you to have fun again. I have been so cooped up in my little shell that I have basically been stuck in my grief. Everyone has moved forward and I am struggling to catch up. I have tried to go out with some co-workers and friends, but I don't find myself relaxing and enjoying myself. I have a tendency to be wary of males and I don't trust easily because of past experiences. I don't know who I am anymore. I was Mom for four wonderful years, and now I have to figure out who I am and what I want out of life.

I would appreciate any suggestions on how to get out there again. I don't do the bar thing and I can only go to the bookstore so many times.

Thanks.

Hi Happy

Some great people here and just jump in the threads, you will soon make friends

hi julie,,,wish I had the right answer,,bottom line is it lies within each of us

All I can say is open your heart and try again. I know, easier said than done. Just hang in there. Nice to meet you, I am MJ.

Julie life can give us some hard times. We have a choice on how we deal with them. Before I continue I should let you know me a bit. I lost my home to hurricane Katrina just 89 days after I moved into it. That same year I lost my Mother to a heart attack. Within a few months my only brother and my wife died from lung cancer. We get tested to see how strong we are.

I went to some grief counseling sessions. One that turned me around was when some nice ladies were expressing their grief in the lost of their loved one and stated he had been gone for five years. I saw the pain in their eyes and heart. I knew then that I did not want to be like that for such a long time. Yes I had pain. Yes it is hard. But I decided then and there I was not going to be controlled by grief forever. I have elected to smile. I have elected to look for the good in everything. I get up in the morning and seek new and exciting things to get involved. I volunteer at a soup kitchen. I became an assistant scoutmaster. I go to Church. It does not matter what you do, but do it. Get out of your house and move.

Decide you are tired of being sad and change. You have the power to do it.

hey julie tho I have been only on here for a couple of weeks, it seems a great place to chat on many things and there are lots of good caring people from every where for you to make some new friends.

any way just thought I would say hi

Julie, you have made an effort just by joining CS and posting in the forums.
I noticed you reside in a small community, but is there a larger town nearby to join a support group, if that would be of interest to you?

Julie, I'm Merky. Nice to meet you. I have to agree completely with John's post. Of course everyone has to grieve at one point or another with such losses. BUT what you do/where you go/who you are is all up to you in the end. You've stated that you are not looking for "sorrys" and the such as being petted. Well, if I may be so bold Julie, keep taking positive steps forward. Such as you have done here by coming onto this site to meet others and/or search for your next love. You have so much more life to live. But you just need a boost in how to live again. You are a very strong lady. Much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Stumbling blocks "can be" turned into stepping stones. Get out of the house. Look up at the sun in the sky. And live like there is no tomorrow.