Why it can be good to be a bad mother. (35)

May 31, 2009 5:52 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
lint874
lint874lint874Leeds, West Yorkshire, England UK3 Threads 1 Polls 414 Posts
My brothers and my sisters often say that we had really bad parents.

And according to the traditional, conventional view of parenting they were awful parents.

But, looking back on it now, I can see that they did so many of the important things better than conventional parents.

And as I say to my brothers and sisters: "The proof of the parent is in the adults they produce."

All of my brothers and my sister are law-abiding, well adjusted, successful adults.
May 31, 2009 5:54 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
guiriman
guirimanguirimansouth of milan, Lombardy Italy53 Threads 6 Polls 2,128 Posts
lint874: My brothers and my sisters often say that we had really bad parents.

And according to the traditional, conventional view of parenting they were awful parents.

But, looking back on it now, I can see that they did so many of the important things better than conventional parents.

And as I say to my brothers and sisters: "The proof of the parent is in the adults they produce."

All of my brothers and my sister are law-abiding, well adjusted, successful adults.


hi Lint .. you make a very good point .. and welcome to the EU forum
Jun 1, 2009 12:53 AM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
smoky
smokysmokyUnterland, Zurich Switzerland266 Threads 6 Polls 9,412 Posts
Excellent thread Sommer!thumbs up

Ja, I always say Parents are just grown up children doing their best to act like grown-ups, and they never had any real training or experience to guide them, so they just doing the best they can.

When I hear people moaning about their "terrible childhood" they had and blaming that for their faults and failures ....... my reply is "Okay, so you had a terrible childhood, aren`t you glad you survived it and are now grown-up?"
Jun 1, 2009 2:34 AM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
CuspofMagic
CuspofMagicCuspofMagiclight, South Australia Australia278 Threads 7,904 Posts
Sommer- I suppose you could have been a really 'Bad Mother" and harboured Anger instead of guilt and used confrontation as your coping mechanism, not co operation
Jun 1, 2009 5:08 AM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Amaryllis
AmaryllisAmaryllisBrussels, Brussels (Bruxelles) Belgium5 Threads 421 Posts
In response to: I am a bad mother. I can say that without feeling guilt and await the scandalised responses from Good Parents.

I am not a great or good parent, I am a parent with children that I have enjoyed immensely, but I have never claimed that I am a good mother.

Bad mother??? Damn right I am and I am proud to be one!

Up for discussion folks...

Hi Sommer!

I am not a parent nor will I ever be, but I can tell you about how I was brought up by my mother and grandmother.

My sister and I never really did have much freedom to enjoy our childhood just like our peers did. We were never permitted to go to parties and socially mingle much with other people. We went to school, to church, or we stayed home by ourselves, reading our lessons. We excelled in school and we received praises from other children's parents.

My sister did not seem to mind because she was very special. I resented it. I felt very envious of the other kids who were having so much fun.

Looking back, I realized later that it was indeed for the best, under the circumstances. We did not end up getting married so early like the rest and had a dozen kids. We became what they wanted us to be. And that, I have to thank them for.. with all my heart.

So you see, it's not bad to do what you as a parent think best for your children. Children may not understand the restrictions you impose on them now, but when they grow up, they will.
Jun 1, 2009 5:14 AM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
X_REBEL
X_REBELX_REBELNorth Shore, Auckland New Zealand9 Threads 921 Posts
Amaryllis: Hi Sommer!

I am not a parent nor will I ever be, but I can tell you about how I was brought up by my mother and grandmother.

My sister and I never really did have much freedom to enjoy our childhood just like our peers did. We were never permitted to go to parties and socially mingle much with other people. We went to school, to church, or we stayed home by ourselves, reading our lessons. We excelled in school and we received praises from other children's parents.

My sister did not seem to mind because she was very special. I resented it. I felt very envious of the other kids who were having so much fun.

Looking back, I realized later that it was indeed for the best, under the circumstances. We did not end up getting married so early like the rest and had a dozen kids. We became what they wanted us to be. And that, I have to thank them for.. with all my heart.

So you see, it's not bad to do what you as a parent think best for your children. Children may not understand the restrictions you impose on them now, but when they grow up, they will.


Siestog!crying Threads like these belongs in the home for the "old age people"...sigh
Jun 1, 2009 5:20 AM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Amaryllis
AmaryllisAmaryllisBrussels, Brussels (Bruxelles) Belgium5 Threads 421 Posts
X_REBEL: Siestog! Threads like these belongs in the home for the "old age people"...

laugh Ah, Rebel comfort

Ik ben oud, mijn jongen..
Jun 1, 2009 5:30 AM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
X_REBEL
X_REBELX_REBELNorth Shore, Auckland New Zealand9 Threads 921 Posts
Amaryllis: Ah, Rebel

Ik ben oud, mijn jongen..


So you were one of those girls who didn't like playing with dolls?
roll eyes laugh
Jun 1, 2009 5:39 AM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Amaryllis
AmaryllisAmaryllisBrussels, Brussels (Bruxelles) Belgium5 Threads 421 Posts
X_REBEL: So you were one of those girls who didn't like playing with dolls?


Oh, I had a lot of pretty dolls and lots of other girlie nice things .. nothing boyish or masculine in my surroundings .. just feminine, frilly things.. I would even put dress on the cat laugh

Did you?
Jun 1, 2009 5:56 AM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
X_REBEL
X_REBELX_REBELNorth Shore, Auckland New Zealand9 Threads 921 Posts
Amaryllis: Oh, I had a lot of pretty dolls and lots of other girlie nice things .. nothing boyish or masculine in my surroundings .. just feminine, frilly things.. I would even put dress on the cat

Did you?


Nahhh...only threw the cat in the swimming pool as a kid, cause people told me cats can't swim...they were all so wrong... laugh

The more men i talk to, the more i believe my "doll theory" ... roll eyes
Jun 1, 2009 6:27 AM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Lagoona22
Lagoona22Lagoona22Bugibba, Majjistral Malta161 Threads 11 Polls 10,711 Posts
I was once called a "bad mother", but it was in New York, and it probably had little to do with my parenting skills...


giggle
Jun 1, 2009 6:58 AM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
venere08
venere08venere08Puglia and Autumn, South Australia Australia121 Threads 2 Polls 9,996 Posts
Lagoona22: I was once called a "bad mother", but it was in New York, and it probably had little to do with my parenting skills...


A great opening sentence for a "Silhouette" novel...drinking
Jun 1, 2009 7:19 AM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Amaryllis
AmaryllisAmaryllisBrussels, Brussels (Bruxelles) Belgium5 Threads 421 Posts
X_REBEL: Nahhh...only threw the cat in the swimming pool as a kid, cause people told me cats can't swim...they were all so wrong...

The more men i talk to, the more i believe my "doll theory" ...

Ja, I know you are not the braafste, mijn stoere jongen ..

.. but I know better comfort
Jun 1, 2009 8:58 AM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria133 Threads 4 Polls 12,414 Posts
Do you know? I have had five mails telling me I am not a bad mother and I must not feel guilty for the wrongs things I did towards my kids.

For goodness sakes. What is wrong with people? I am not feeling guilty for anything I have done towards my children, apart from the time when my daughter told me she wished she was adopted because I toed up the door handle so she couldnot get out of her room.

And yes, I know it is a fire hazard before all the 'good parents;' come and tell me that.

I am declaring myself a bad parent, I am saying that it is okay and no person should ever feel guilty for admitting that sometimes, being a parent pisses us off.

I got fed up of reading bedtime stories every night. I was fed up of the mess in my kitchen when the kids baked cakes and I was damn well fed up when my son was projectile vomiting over and over again.

Yes, I was. For all the 'Good Parents' who mailed me, sorry, I couldn't be arsed to mail you back individually. Because I am a terrible friend too.

Cheers!
Jun 1, 2009 4:32 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
wooffy
wooffywooffyClose to Antwerp, Antwerpen Belgium9 Threads 832 Posts
Sommerauer71: Do you know? I have had five mails telling me I am not a bad mother and I must not feel guilty for the wrongs things I did towards my kids.

For goodness sakes. What is wrong with people? I am not feeling guilty for anything I have done towards my children, apart from the time when my daughter told me she wished she was adopted because I toed up the door handle so she couldnot get out of her room.

And yes, I know it is a fire hazard before all the 'good parents;' come and tell me that.

I am declaring myself a bad parent, I am saying that it is okay and no person should ever feel guilty for admitting that sometimes, being a parent pisses us off.

I got fed up of reading bedtime stories every night. I was fed up of the mess in my kitchen when the kids baked cakes and I was damn well fed up when my son was projectile vomiting over and over again.

Yes, I was. For all the 'Good Parents' who mailed me, sorry, I couldn't be arsed to mail you back individually. Because I am a terrible friend too.

Cheers!
















Amazing that people didn't get it Sommer. I include myself in your list of bad parents. I did some awful things with my kid. When he was 14 I grounded him for 14 days in July. He was not allowed to go out of the house. Strangely he accepted the punishment. The group of kids he was hanging out with at the time considered it weak and ignored him after that. They all started smoking got into drugs had run-ins with the police and none graduated from school. On the other hand my son became a top notch programmer. Hmm 20 20 forsight not hind sight. I recognized the danger and reacted to it.
Best decision of my sons life. But I was a terrible parent then. Even my wife did not agree.
It always feels good to be right head banger applause
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