Looking for feedback...almost a decade of being single and sick of it!! (long) ( Archived) (26)

I've been single for 9 years and frankly I just sick and tired of it. My last boyfriend was almost 10 years ago. Once that ended I "found" myself, found out what I like & what I won't put up with. I seem to be a magnet for unavailable men and men who want to have their cake and eat it too. I am not in any rush to jump into a relationship, but I want it to be an option. I have no desire to be a FWB or the unaware third party of a love triangle. I thank them for their honesty & shut those down immediately. With that said, I can count how many dates I've been on in the last 5 years on one hand. Every year when I catch up with my friends and they ask that dreaded question, "So are you seeing anyone special?" My answer is always no and I quickly change the subject. I have a sinking feeling that my family also thinks I am a lesbian because of this. My dad jokingly said he has given up on having grand kids. I know they mean well & they would love me regardless, but I am not lesbian. My parents don't even ask about my love life anymore.

I take pride that I have a healthy dose of self esteem and confidence instilled in me by my wonderful parents. So I know these two things are not the issues. I am generally happy, can obviously enjoy my own company and have a good amount of self-love. I am an extrovert and I have no problems being in new settings. I end up meeting someone who shares an interest anyway. I try to smile, be welcoming, be engaging. I also have observed how women who desperately want to be in a relationship act, and trust me I no where like them. They scare me and I can see why they scare men! I don't brag about myself or talk about how great I am. I am a bit overweight but started working on that in March because lower back pains. I've lost 30 pounds so far and I am working hard at it. But I was smaller than I am before and still didn't spark anyone's interest. I don't think weight isn't my issue here as people of all shapes and sizes meet others who think they are great. Looks wise, I think I am cute..but everyone has their own interpretations.

At first I thought I was being super picky or unrealistic in the things I want in someone. But I don't think I have impossible expectations: Intelligent (IQ or education does not measure this). Ambitious, career/goal oriented, has short term and long term goals, self-sustaining, believes in something bigger than themselves, worldly, respectful of other cultures, adventurous, kind. Understands why family and friendships are important.

I've tried online dating and my friends are no help. Singles events,and groups that share my varied interests. It doesn't help that I moved to a city with an 8 to 1 women to men ratio (and a huge gay male population). There might be men out there, but I don't have the right anatomy, and competition is very stiff. I've met so many single men who know they are a hot commodity because of this ratio. Men will let you know that if I won't deal with his shortcomings, there are 7 others who will. I never want to be that girl and I have no plans to start. I would love to move out this place, but the present state of the economy won't allow it.

I haven't been actively looking this entire time. But is looking always a bad thing? I think I've paid my dues to singledom. I got a dog to keep me company last year, I think she is starting of get sick of me. After a while it gets tiring doing things alone when your friends have plans. Traveling, eating and going to the movies alone isn't much fun anymore. I've had a relationship with myself for 9 yrs and I think something else could benefit from my corny jokes, my cooking, my generosity, my outlook. Most people I know have never been single for such a long period of time so I don't really feel they can relate. Thoughts?

LOL! Thanks for the beer!