Needed or Wanted??? (101)
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Whats confusing you menu? 
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I think you are right JB. It is far better to want to be in a relationship than to feel you have no choice and need to be there. I have seen it first hand, my Mother and Father never had a nice word to say to each other for the 40 years they were together. My Mam and I have talked about this since my marriage failed, she was an incredible support through the whole thing, with encouragement and support, not wanting me to have the life she had.
She married in a time when once a woman married she had to give up work and was totally financially dependent on my Father.
She married in a time when once a woman married she had to give up work and was totally financially dependent on my Father.
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jbibiza: Whats confusing you menu?
I just like using Emoticons.
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I cant remember anyone's parents splitting up when I was
a kid. Not saying that's a good thing though.
Hi JB
a kid. Not saying that's a good thing though.
Hi JB
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jbibiza: A friend and I were talking the other day about how in some ways it's much tougher for men in regards to relationships.
In our parents and grandparents day women didn't really have a choice, especially if they had children. Good paying jobs weren't available and they were expected to stay in a marriage regardless of the situation.
Now women are told to become educated, assertive and capable and in doing so this has raised the bar in their expectations in a partner. If they don't like the situation they're in there's nothing to stop them from leaving.
In many regards I find this to be a positive change not only for women but for men as well.
In the past women stayed because they NEEDED the man. To me it seems more important that we stay because we WANT the man.
But maybe I'm wrong in thinking this... Maybe men feel it's more important to be needed.
What do you think?
In our parents and grandparents day women didn't really have a choice, especially if they had children. Good paying jobs weren't available and they were expected to stay in a marriage regardless of the situation.
Now women are told to become educated, assertive and capable and in doing so this has raised the bar in their expectations in a partner. If they don't like the situation they're in there's nothing to stop them from leaving.
In many regards I find this to be a positive change not only for women but for men as well.
In the past women stayed because they NEEDED the man. To me it seems more important that we stay because we WANT the man.
But maybe I'm wrong in thinking this... Maybe men feel it's more important to be needed.
What do you think?
This is really a deep and broad topic jbibiza. If I wasn't furiously pounding beers, I'd answer this to the best I can because this is a subject that drives me and something I have invested a lot of time and energy into.
We all want to feel needed and confirmed---that is a basic psychological drift. The roles and dynamics of a relationship have dramatically shifted since the 70's and men and women have experienced a lot of problems in this process---as the data would dictate in regards to divorce rates in the Western societies.
You mentioned expectations jbibiza, can you elaborate more about these expectations please. Expectations can work for and against us depending on our belief systems as to what constitutes our ideal partner.
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In my Psychology class the teacher said that "Men marry their queen, their daughter or their mother."
Their queen is someone they can put up there on a pedestal and admire.
Their daughter is someone that needs them to take care of them, someone who looks up to them.
And of course their mother is someone who takes care of them and makes sure everything is ok for them.
Their queen is someone they can put up there on a pedestal and admire.
Their daughter is someone that needs them to take care of them, someone who looks up to them.
And of course their mother is someone who takes care of them and makes sure everything is ok for them.
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Most of the couples here stay in marriage all life and im sure that 80% of the have real problems and shouldn't be together.Growing up here and living here i can see bad sides and good sides of that and im still kinda torn between two cultures (east and west) or lets say two different time periods
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How about from your Dad's point... Do you think he would have been happier out of the situation?
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jbibiza: How about from your Dad's point... Do you think he would have been happier out of the situation?
I am presuming you mean that for me.
To be honest I dont think my Dad knew how to be happy, he was a troubled soul who spent his time in work or in the pub.I never knew anything of him other than him coming home and wrecking the house, we lived in fear of him. To be totally honest when he died all I felt was relief.
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StressFree: This is really a deep and broad topic jbibiza. If I wasn't furiously pounding beers, I'd answer this to the best I can because this is a subject that drives me and something I have invested a lot of time and energy into.
We all want to feel needed and confirmed---that is a basic psychological drift. The roles and dynamics of a relationship have dramatically shifted since the 70's and men and women have experienced a lot of problems in this process---as the data would dictate in regards to divorce rates in the Western societies.
You mentioned expectations jbibiza, can you elaborate more about these expectations please. Expectations can work for and against us depending on our belief systems as to what constitutes our ideal partner.
We all want to feel needed and confirmed---that is a basic psychological drift. The roles and dynamics of a relationship have dramatically shifted since the 70's and men and women have experienced a lot of problems in this process---as the data would dictate in regards to divorce rates in the Western societies.
You mentioned expectations jbibiza, can you elaborate more about these expectations please. Expectations can work for and against us depending on our belief systems as to what constitutes our ideal partner.
By expectations for me it means that I actually enjoy being with him... I can provide the material things for myself so my reason to be with someone is that my life is better because they are part of it.
So there has to be a balance in doing thungs for each other and with each other...I certainly don't want someone around who comes home from work, kicks of his shoes and grabs the remote...
I sure these expectations vary from woman to woman
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That's fine from a traditional standpoint...but now you have a whole new crop of women who don't fit these traditional roles
newinsouth: In my Psychology class the teacher said that "Men marry their queen, their daughter or their mother."
Their queen is someone they can put up there on a pedestal and admire.
Their daughter is someone that needs them to take care of them, someone who looks up to them.
And of course their mother is someone who takes care of them and makes sure everything is ok for them.
Their queen is someone they can put up there on a pedestal and admire.
Their daughter is someone that needs them to take care of them, someone who looks up to them.
And of course their mother is someone who takes care of them and makes sure everything is ok for them.
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jbibiza: A friend and I were talking the other day about how in some ways it's much tougher for men in regards to relationships.
In our parents and grandparents day women didn't really have a choice, especially if they had children. Good paying jobs weren't available and they were expected to stay in a marriage regardless of the situation.
Now women are told to become educated, assertive and capable and in doing so this has raised the bar in their expectations in a partner. If they don't like the situation they're in there's nothing to stop them from leaving.
In many regards I find this to be a positive change not only for women but for men as well.
In the past women stayed because they NEEDED the man. To me it seems more important that we stay because we WANT the man.
But maybe I'm wrong in thinking this... Maybe men feel it's more important to be needed.
What do you think?
In our parents and grandparents day women didn't really have a choice, especially if they had children. Good paying jobs weren't available and they were expected to stay in a marriage regardless of the situation.
Now women are told to become educated, assertive and capable and in doing so this has raised the bar in their expectations in a partner. If they don't like the situation they're in there's nothing to stop them from leaving.
In many regards I find this to be a positive change not only for women but for men as well.
In the past women stayed because they NEEDED the man. To me it seems more important that we stay because we WANT the man.
But maybe I'm wrong in thinking this... Maybe men feel it's more important to be needed.
What do you think?
My mother says she she stayed in her marriage because of her children and her father told her when she was geting married that "once you go, you are not coming back, for better for worse". So when my dad died I suggested to my mom to remary. She said, "No, no way. For him to ask me where is dinner? I am enjoying my freedom and independence". I was shocked to hear that.
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Kalimera: I am presuming you mean that for me.
To be honest I dont think my Dad knew how to be happy, he was a troubled soul who spent his time in work or in the pub.I never knew anything of him other than him coming home and wrecking the house, we lived in fear of him. To be totally honest when he died all I felt was relief.
To be honest I dont think my Dad knew how to be happy, he was a troubled soul who spent his time in work or in the pub.I never knew anything of him other than him coming home and wrecking the house, we lived in fear of him. To be totally honest when he died all I felt was relief.
Yes...I'm sorry you had such a hellish situation.
We all know that in general the changes have been good for women...I'm trying to see how they may be good for men as well.
Do you think your father might have been a different person had the threat of losing his family been an issue...or if his actions were his way of dealing with his own unhappiness, not that it would excuse the behavior.
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jbibiza: Yes...I'm sorry you had such a hellish situation.
We all know that in general the changes have been good for women...I'm trying to see how they may be good for men as well.
Do you think your father might have been a different person had the threat of losing his family been an issue...or if his actions were his way of dealing with his own unhappiness, not that it would excuse the behavior.
We all know that in general the changes have been good for women...I'm trying to see how they may be good for men as well.
Do you think your father might have been a different person had the threat of losing his family been an issue...or if his actions were his way of dealing with his own unhappiness, not that it would excuse the behavior.
I dont think the threat of losing his family would have made any difference, he didnt see that he was doing anything wrong. As we got older and tried to tell talk to him about it he accused us of lying about what he had done the previous night, we even taped him on a rampage once(tape-recorder, no videos then)but it just made things worse as he turned on my Mother refusing to believe it was him. His behaviour did lose him his family on a way as when we all became adults we had very little contact with him.
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markizamkd25: Most of the couples here stay in marriage all life and im sure that 80% of the have real problems and shouldn't be together.Growing up here and living here i can see bad sides and good sides of that and im still kinda torn between two cultures (east and west) or lets say two different time periods
I'm in a simaler situation...I was raised in a very traditional home but in a modern time...it can get very confusing!
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jbibiza: A friend and I were talking the other day about how in some ways it's much tougher for men in regards to relationships.
In our parents and grandparents day women didn't really have a choice, especially if they had children. Good paying jobs weren't available and they were expected to stay in a marriage regardless of the situation.
Now women are told to become educated, assertive and capable and in doing so this has raised the bar in their expectations in a partner. If they don't like the situation they're in there's nothing to stop them from leaving.
In many regards I find this to be a positive change not only for women but for men as well.
In the past women stayed because they NEEDED the man. To me it seems more important that we stay because we WANT the man.
But maybe I'm wrong in thinking this... Maybe men feel it's more important to be needed.
What do you think?
In our parents and grandparents day women didn't really have a choice, especially if they had children. Good paying jobs weren't available and they were expected to stay in a marriage regardless of the situation.
Now women are told to become educated, assertive and capable and in doing so this has raised the bar in their expectations in a partner. If they don't like the situation they're in there's nothing to stop them from leaving.
In many regards I find this to be a positive change not only for women but for men as well.
In the past women stayed because they NEEDED the man. To me it seems more important that we stay because we WANT the man.
But maybe I'm wrong in thinking this... Maybe men feel it's more important to be needed.
What do you think?
"I" think it is WAY more important for a woman to have a great job and makes lots of money so she can afford me..
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My mother says she she stayed in her marriage because of her children and her father told her when she was geting married that "once you go, you are not coming back, for better for worse". So when my dad died I suggested to my mom to remary. She said, "No, no way. For him to ask me where is dinner? I am enjoying my freedom and independence". I was shocked to hear that.[/quote
I think we'd bensurprised how many women feel that way.
Thats kind of what i mean when i say the level of expectation is higher...it's no longer acceptable for a man to provide just the material necessities and come home and have the household revolve around his needs.
I think we'd bensurprised how many women feel that way.
Thats kind of what i mean when i say the level of expectation is higher...it's no longer acceptable for a man to provide just the material necessities and come home and have the household revolve around his needs.
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Created: Feb 2010
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In our parents and grandparents day women didn't really have a choice, especially if they had children. Good paying jobs weren't available and they were expected to stay in a marriage regardless of the situation.
Now women are told to become educated, assertive and capable and in doing so this has raised the bar in their expectations in a partner. If they don't like the situation they're in there's nothing to stop them from leaving.
In many regards I find this to be a positive change not only for women but for men as well.
In the past women stayed because they NEEDED the man. To me it seems more important that we stay because we WANT the man.
But maybe I'm wrong in thinking this... Maybe men feel it's more important to be needed.
What do you think?