What language of love do you speak? ( Archived) (172)

Scottish..

I guess I would suggest to you, G, that words are in fact a form of action. It's not like any kind of physical affection could ever compensate, for instance, for being verbally abused, right?

I'm just saying that these kinds of black and white divisions - and here I'm a little critical of Graham's parsing out all these love languages as they truly are in some way independent - don't really exist.

That being said, I certainly do believe that people vary significantly in their needs for particular kinds of love-expressions. You would rather being touched and fondled and done-dirty to then be told you're nice or cute or whatever, I do understand and appreciate that.

Right now I'd happily trade complete silence for a loving touch, believe me! (And yes, at some point I WILL stop whining about it! Maybe not today...but soon.)

You are what you do - not what you say

So easy to tell a man or woman what they want to hear

Harder for some to give up their time

Thats very true

I guess my problem with this whole set-in-stone language idea is that I observe what my particular guy does as expressions of his caring and then pay attention to that behavior. That's how I know if he gives a damn, and when he displays that behavior it makes me feel good.



Of course, in any good relationship, you both adapt how you express affection somewhat to meet the needs of your partner.

You are entitled to whine. I know what you thought you had........

I am not sure that I like the Doc having those categories as indepandant. I believe they are inter-dependant.

For instance if someone truly loves you, they will want to tell you nice things, touch you, do things for you, and be intimate in all the ways there are. One leads into the other naturally.

Whether someone is more into one way of bonding than other, does not discount any of them as being inter-dependant.

It just means that if my man likes touch more than gifts, or affirmations, he might respond better to touch when the chips are down, and it is nice to know that in advance.

For someone else it might be dialogue that makes things right......

For me, I listen better when my hand is held........

Yeah, it reminds me of those tests where some of the answers seem pretty much equal, and it just gets a tad arbitrary choosing one or the other. I think the truth is, Pan, that people are complex and not so easily pigeonholed - and some people are more complex and less pigeonholey than others.

So again, I think the important thing is identifying what things make you and your partner happy and then acting on them. Our very own Nanners is an excellent example of how that ought to be done.

Ambrose never commented on my scores.

Ok I'm through whinning now.

Heh. It's good to have some company, at least (but I think you hid your profile for awhile, and that might've influenced me?).

I don't find a lot to comment on regarding these scores. In some ways they all seem similar enough not to set people too much apart. The only pattern I've noticed is that people don't seem to rate "receiving gifts" and "services" very highly.

You have an interesting relationship - one which seems unusually good, Cc. I hope that continues! (And I'm envious!)