What language of love do you speak? (172)
Goooooooooooood mornig
------ This thread is Archived ------
montecito: My husband wasn't affectionate at all. He said he showed that he loved me by putting a roof over my head and food on the table. This was in 1962 and I think that's how many men from that era felt. His attitude is one of the reasons I left him. I didn't want to marry him because I no longer loved him (I was 20 years old) but my father pushed me into the marriage because he thought my husband would be a good provider.
Well, here's the funny and for me surprising thing about these different languages. The author of "Five Love Languages" seems to believe that having different languages need not be an obstacle at all to a great relationship - PROVIDED BOTH PARTNERS LEARN THE OTHER'S LANGUAGE!!
I'm not sure if that's true. I'm fairly sure that having different love languages is not ideal, but it may not amount to much of an obstacle if both partners make the attempt to satisfy the other. I think the most important factor is wanting to do that. If you aren't willing to roll up your sleeves and "get busy" - as Nance obviously is, may Zeus bless her - then that no doubt is the most important predictor of relationship success.
In your case, your marriage might've blossomed into love if you both had been able to communicate your needs - what fills your love-tank - and worked on doing that, C.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Monte Goooooooooooood mornig
------ This thread is Archived ------
Lonely1: Words of Affirmation 10/33%
Acts of Service 8/27%
Physical Touch 7/23%
Receiving Gifts 4/13%
Quality Time 1/3%
I am set for life.
Acts of Service 8/27%
Physical Touch 7/23%
Receiving Gifts 4/13%
Quality Time 1/3%
I am set for life.
Just saw this. Really, Lonely - a score of 1 for quality time. Seems like loneliness would follow logically from not wanting to spend time together, no?
------ This thread is Archived ------
Ambrose2007:
I need to be touched every day.
I need to be touched every day.
are you saying this bromanance is woefully inadequate for your needs J.? 
PS: No offence but, I don't do tests unless I've studied and have a reasonable guarantee of +80% outcome. And I too like your pic but I'm no where near the envy of venus in this regard.
------ This thread is Archived ------
23% Words of Affirmation 7
37% Quality Time 11
3% Receiving Gifts 1
13% Acts of Service 4
23% Physical Touch 7
Well, looks like in my language of love, I have a primary language and then I'm bi-lingual ...
My results make total sense to me and explain a lot ... at times in the past, I felt may be I was too needy of this or that, but I realise I am just me and finding someone who speaks similar languages to me is the key
37% Quality Time 11
3% Receiving Gifts 1
13% Acts of Service 4
23% Physical Touch 7
Well, looks like in my language of love, I have a primary language and then I'm bi-lingual ...
My results make total sense to me and explain a lot ... at times in the past, I felt may be I was too needy of this or that, but I realise I am just me and finding someone who speaks similar languages to me is the key
------ This thread is Archived ------
EagleWoman: 23% Words of Affirmation 7
37% Quality Time 11
3% Receiving Gifts 1
13% Acts of Service 4
23% Physical Touch 7
Well, looks like in my language of love, I have a primary language and then I'm bi-lingual ...
My results make total sense to me and explain a lot ... at times in the past, I felt may be I was too needy of this or that, but I realise I am just me and finding someone who speaks similar languages to me is the key
37% Quality Time 11
3% Receiving Gifts 1
13% Acts of Service 4
23% Physical Touch 7
Well, looks like in my language of love, I have a primary language and then I'm bi-lingual ...
My results make total sense to me and explain a lot ... at times in the past, I felt may be I was too needy of this or that, but I realise I am just me and finding someone who speaks similar languages to me is the key
Well, the good doctor says it's not necessary to find someone who speaks - naturally - your same languages, but someone who is WILLING to learn your language (and you must learn his as well).
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sooo I never figured out what language of luuurv Im speaking (maybe Im having a Lucy moment)
------ This thread is Archived ------
I luv buying flowers for her, not grabing a bunch out of the nearest bucket, but hand choosing the type and her fav colours, the paper to wrap them....
I try to do it often, no special reason or date...
I figure its always best to have brownie points in the bank, ready for when I do mess up........
I try to do it often, no special reason or date...
I figure its always best to have brownie points in the bank, ready for when I do mess up........
------ This thread is Archived ------
Ambrose2007: Well, the good doctor says it's not necessary to find someone who speaks - naturally - your same languages, but someone who is WILLING to learn your language (and you must learn his as well).
Yeah!! I get that!!!
As you mentioned ealier when both are busy expressing their love in their own language and not noticing the other is expressing their love in a different language. Being aware therefore that the language they use actually reflects their own needs is rather crucial ...
------ This thread is Archived ------
venusenvy: Sooo I never figured out what language of luuurv Im speaking (maybe Im having a Lucy moment)
Or Monte Moment...------ This thread is Archived ------
Ambrose2007: I actually thought Physical Touch would win out for me, Ginger, and it was mildly revelatory - as I thought more about it - how important words of affirmation are.
These are the things that fill our "love tank," as Dr. Chapman puts it. When you've gone a long time without receiving what you long for the most in this regard (for example, I hadn't heard a word of affirmation from my former SO in MANY months!) the tank starts to run empty.
These are the things that fill our "love tank," as Dr. Chapman puts it. When you've gone a long time without receiving what you long for the most in this regard (for example, I hadn't heard a word of affirmation from my former SO in MANY months!) the tank starts to run empty.
I thought physical touch would be mine too, and found it actually was. Words of affirmation are important to me too, but knowing someone actually wants to touch me, and be with me, is way more important and gives me the message of affirmation anyway.
------ This thread is Archived ------
GingerBe: I thought physical touch would be mine too, and found it actually was. Words of affirmation are important to me too, but knowing someone actually wants to touch me, and be with me, is way more important and gives me the message of affirmation anyway.
What if you had to choose between someone who said positive things to you but wasn't terribly physically affectionate AND someone who often said negative things but was physically affectionate (I'm guessing that either one's a deal-breaker, so not sure it really matters, but still...as a thought-experiment)?
At this point, I should add, I am so hungry for physical affection (not been touched or caressed or kissed or having slept in the arms of someone I love for many months now), that I would echo Elvis Presley: "A little less conversation, and a little more action"!! Words just aren't doing it for me right now...though some kind words I've received of late have helped.
------ This thread is Archived ------
dont understand score...??..........13% w/affill.....30%..q /time...3%gifts....23%..act/servics....30%physical.touch.
------ This thread is Archived ------
EagleWoman: 23% Words of Affirmation 7
37% Quality Time 11
3% Receiving Gifts 1
13% Acts of Service 4
23% Physical Touch 7
Well, looks like in my language of love, I have a primary language and then I'm bi-lingual ...
My results make total sense to me and explain a lot ... at times in the past, I felt may be I was too needy of this or that, but I realise I am just me and finding someone who speaks similar languages to me is the key
37% Quality Time 11
3% Receiving Gifts 1
13% Acts of Service 4
23% Physical Touch 7
Well, looks like in my language of love, I have a primary language and then I'm bi-lingual ...
My results make total sense to me and explain a lot ... at times in the past, I felt may be I was too needy of this or that, but I realise I am just me and finding someone who speaks similar languages to me is the key
Perhaps, it is more about learning a new language of the two and beig able to communicate the feelings and adjust it.
Small every day's details are very important to me, a touch, a hug, a call, a smile....
I was married to a PhD for over 20 years and he would forgot our wedding anniversary (which was the same day that my birthday).
------ This thread is Archived ------
lifeisadream: Perhaps, it is more about learning a new language of the two and beig able to communicate the feelings and adjust it.
Small every day's details are very important to me, a touch, a hug, a call, a smile....
I was married to a PhD for over 20 years and he would forgot our wedding anniversary (which was the same day that my birthday).
Small every day's details are very important to me, a touch, a hug, a call, a smile....
I was married to a PhD for over 20 years and he would forgot our wedding anniversary (which was the same day that my birthday).
Agree with your first paragraph Wrote my post a bit hastily... I think.
------ This thread is Archived ------
GingerBe: I thought physical touch would be mine too, and found it actually was. Words of affirmation are important to me too, but knowing someone actually wants to touch me, and be with me, is way more important and gives me the message of affirmation anyway.
I agree with you Gin...Actions speak louder than words
------ This thread is Archived ------
Ambrose2007: What if you had to choose between someone who said positive things to you but wasn't terribly physically affectionate AND someone who often said negative things but was physically affectionate (I'm guessing that either one's a deal-breaker, so not sure it really matters, but still...as a thought-experiment)?
At this point, I should add, I am so hungry for physical affection (not been touched or caressed or kissed or having slept in the arms of someone I love for many months now), that I would echo Elvis Presley: "A little less conversation, and a little more action"!! Words just aren't doing it for me right now...though some kind words I've received of late have helped.
At this point, I should add, I am so hungry for physical affection (not been touched or caressed or kissed or having slept in the arms of someone I love for many months now), that I would echo Elvis Presley: "A little less conversation, and a little more action"!! Words just aren't doing it for me right now...though some kind words I've received of late have helped.
Someone who went around kissing me and then telling me that they have had better obviously wouldn't do at all. BUT someone who said nice things to me, but weren't physically affectionate, might be good for some, but wouldn't suit me either.
I need someone who actually wants to spend time with me, and actually likes doing that, so that by doing that, I know that they love me, (affirmation through action not words).
Everyone needs action as the ultimate affirmation that they love you.
------ This thread is Archived ------
venusenvy: I agree with you Gin...Actions speak louder than words
Definitely!------ This thread is Archived ------
This Thread is Archived
This Thread is archived, so you will no longer be able to post to it. Threads get archived automatically when they are older than 3 months.
« Go back to All Threads
« Go back to All Threads
More Threads
the way you look
Would you hire this guy - for any job?
wanting beyond need
Unions support Democrats!
Ladies
More Proof The GOP is a Criminal Organization
Kultur-multur
The GOP Representatives owned by Vladimir Putin
Democrats destroyed America
Why is this shameful?
More Threads
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
I don't think these scores are absolutely fixed. People can and do change - if not fundamentally, at least in significant ways.
I would've given short-shrift to "giving gifts" - sounds so mercenary and greedy, doesn't it? But after knowing gg and reading Dr. Chapman's book, I understand that it's not about being materialistic or greedy, but rather about perceiving gifts as symbols of one's love. I'm not sure at all, however, that all the languages are equally healthy. For example, if you're an "Acts of Service" kinda guy (and many, apparently, are), then you might show your love by spending all your time working at the office, feeling that this shows your devotion to your spouse and family.
But that's just plain crazy. Also, in the scale of things, surely communicating your feelings verbally ought to be more important, if it came to a choice, then buying roses or whatever.
But that isn't an excuse for ignoring your partner's preferred expressions of love. And I have been guilty of that to some degree (and vice versa as well).
My husband wasn't affectionate at all. He said he showed that he loved me by putting a roof over my head and food on the table. This was in 1962 and I think that's how many men from that era felt. His attitude is one of the reasons I left him. I didn't want to marry him because I no longer loved him (I was 20 years old) but my father pushed me into the marriage because he thought my husband would be a good provider.