What language of love do you speak? (172)
venere08Puglia and Autumn, South Australia Australia121 Threads 2 Polls 9,996 Postsvenere08: Not so, Jan. Well, I don't think that's necessarily the ...
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ColonelBogey: How can people believe in these sort of poles when it is born out of religion and making money?
If the basic principles create a better relationship between two parties how can that be a bad thing????????? 
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Ambrose2007: By the way, Langley, I wanted to thank you again for recommending that book. It's been a real eye-opener, that's for sure.
You are welcome. I think any opportunity to learn and grow is wonderful. There is another book called "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs which also talks about the relationships between men and women based on the love that she most desires and the respect he desperately needs that you may want to check out as well. I don't recall where I heard about this observation, but its interesting to note that long term pre-marriage counsellors can usually predict if a couple will be successful in their relationship simply by the way that they speak to and with each other.
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langleygirl: You are welcome. I think any opportunity to learn and grow is wonderful. There is another book called "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs which also talks about the relationships between men and women based on the love that she most desires and the respect he desperately needs that you may want to check out as well.
I don't recall where I heard about this observation, but its interesting to note that long term pre-marriage counsellors can usually predict if a couple will be successful in their relationship simply by the way that they speak to and with each other.
I don't recall where I heard about this observation, but its interesting to note that long term pre-marriage counsellors can usually predict if a couple will be successful in their relationship simply by the way that they speak to and with each other.
Right. Speaking contemptuously toward or about them to someone else (for example) is a huge predictor of relationship demise. Also, blaming them for your relationship woes tops the list. Therapist/CBT-developer David Burns (a big fave of mine!) did a study that showed "blaming the other" as the best predictor of relationship implosion.
Thanks for the Doc Emerson recommendation, Lang. I'll check it out today!
Perhaps Love Languages's most telling point for me was that though your mate does not express her love for you in ways that you recognize as love - in the ways you most crave - THIS DOES NOT MEAN SHE IN FACT DOES NOT LOVE YOU. It also works in converse: things you would only do if you'd stopped loving her does not mean that if she does those things she's stopped loving you. For example, if I didn't speak to her for weeks at a time, that would mean that I had either stopped loving her or was no longer interested. So using my behavior as a guide, I would take her silence to mean she's stopped loving me or is no longer interested. But that doesn't necessarily follow (I HOPE!!!), because I am basically an almost "compulsive communicator" - that is, I feel a power need to express myself freely and exhaustively - whereas my partner may not (and does not!) feel any such need. Still, when communication breaks down, you just never can be sure what the other person is thinking or feeling...
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Ambrose2007: Speaking of communication breaking down...
I think that verbal communication might qualify as a "love language" in itself. Dr. Chapman would no doubt call that a species of "quality time," and one could make that argument, but regardless of one's preferred classification scheme (I see no reason to believe that Dr. Chapman's scheme is written in stone), the ultimate point is to identify your and your mate's preferred love-expressions.
A problem occurs when you're with someone who's not so much into verbal communication, or who, while being into verbal communication, prefers discussing lighter, more day-to-day stuff than "heavier" more cogitative things. A person who enjoys weighty conversation on a regular basis could be a tad overwhelming to someone who prefers lighter subject-matter on a daily basis.
I think that verbal communication might qualify as a "love language" in itself. Dr. Chapman would no doubt call that a species of "quality time," and one could make that argument, but regardless of one's preferred classification scheme (I see no reason to believe that Dr. Chapman's scheme is written in stone), the ultimate point is to identify your and your mate's preferred love-expressions.
A problem occurs when you're with someone who's not so much into verbal communication, or who, while being into verbal communication, prefers discussing lighter, more day-to-day stuff than "heavier" more cogitative things. A person who enjoys weighty conversation on a regular basis could be a tad overwhelming to someone who prefers lighter subject-matter on a daily basis.
Well, my conversations tend to range from really deep to the hilariously absurd. Make them laugh and think. That's me.
It's not easy finding someone who can keep up with me on that level, though. I really miss marathon conversations like that.
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I have taken your test 4 times and each time, I got nor results...just a blank page
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PandoraX: Well, my conversations tend to range from really deep to the hilariously absurd. Make them laugh and think. That's me.
It's not easy finding someone who can keep up with me on that level, though. I really miss marathon conversations like that.
It's not easy finding someone who can keep up with me on that level, though. I really miss marathon conversations like that.
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faded_dino: I have taken your test 4 times and each time, I got nor results...just a blank page
That might just mean you're perfect, faded.
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PandoraX: Well, my conversations tend to range from really deep to the hilariously absurd. Make them laugh and think. That's me.
It's not easy finding someone who can keep up with me on that level, though. I really miss marathon conversations like that.
It's not easy finding someone who can keep up with me on that level, though. I really miss marathon conversations like that.
You have had them with someone (in a romantic relationship) then, Pannie?
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Ambrose2007: You have had them with someone (in a romantic relationship) then, Pannie?
Do nightly conversations ranging from 4-6 hours count?
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Ambrose2007: That might just mean you're perfect, faded.
I appreciate the thought, but I really don't think so
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PandoraX: Do nightly conversations ranging from 4-6 hours count?
Hell, yes. I once had those, too. God, I miss them.
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PandoraX: Do nightly conversations ranging from 4-6 hours count?
I see you own k-hounds. One of my fave breed of dogs. Not very wolf-like in disposition, I'd say. They're one of the just plain sweetest breeds I've ever been around.
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Ambrose2007: Hell, yes. I once had those, too. God, I miss them.
And that was just skype... the shared bath conversations were unforgettable.
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PandoraX: Do nightly conversations ranging from 4-6 hours count?
So what happened with this dude (if you don't mind my asking)?
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PandoraX: And that was just skype... the shared bath conversations were unforgettable.
NOoooooooooo!!! Me, too!!!!!! There was even a rubber duckie (sent to me by her) involved. Fowl-mouthed creature - prone to swearing at times - but otherwise a nice companion to our conversations (which often lasted until the water was cold!).
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Ambrose2007: I see you own k-hounds. One of my fave breed of dogs. Not very wolf-like in disposition, I'd say. They're one of the just plain sweetest breeds I've ever been around.
But they look like wolves... with hair extensions.
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Words of Affirmation 17%
Quality Time 13%
Receiving Gifts 13%
Acts of Service 27%
Physical Touch 30%
Quality Time 13%
Receiving Gifts 13%
Acts of Service 27%
Physical Touch 30%
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Ambrose2007: NOoooooooooo!!! Me, too!!!!!! There was even a rubber duckie (sent to me by her) involved. Fowl-mouthed creature - prone to swearing at times - but otherwise a nice companion to our conversations (which often lasted until the water was cold!).
Try talking until the water goes cold in a corner bathtub technically big enough for three, which has 5-inch fiberglass insulation built into the supporting wall structure, and mirrors over the slanted ceiling above. And, chocolate bubble bath.
I can run a bath in that thing and wait a couple of hours to take it, and the water is still very warm.
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PandoraX: Try talking until the water goes cold in a corner bathtub technically big enough for three, which has 5-inch fiberglass insulation built into the supporting wall structure, and mirrors over the slanted ceiling above. And, chocolate bubble bath. I can run a bath in that thing and wait a couple of hours to take it, and the water is still very warm.
Mirror tile, that is. I designed my bathroom myself...
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