A Troubled Friendship ( Archived) (33)

Hi everyone. Just wanting everybody's feedback on a friendship that is as dizzying as an out-of-control carousel. I have known a lady for almost 20 years. So much of the time we are so comfortable with who each other is it keeps the relationship going and flowing. And, she's someone to talk to at length, which helps us both with those lonliness blues that rear up from time to time. Here's the story: She moved to another state and is having problem after problem with housing situations. She had a splendid opportunity--the home owner was away much of the time, she had her own room with bath, a storage area, full use of the kitchen and outdoor pool and patio area. Problem was she spread herself all over, taking advantage of rooms that didn't belong to her, etc... Of course he didn't like it at length, and not only asked her to leave but reimbursed her the money just to get her out. I was a namby pamby and let her ramble on about it on the phone. The next shared housing went far worse--she got herself into a legal hassle with that home-owner, another woman. Again, I was not honest. (She hangs up when one doesn't agree, anyhow). Now, she is in another bad housing situation. To boot, she brings dogs and cats into the rental agreement, amazingly even finding such opportunities. She does not get that it is difficult to do so. She brushes everyone off as being crazy if they do not tolerate her shenanigans. Just before I went into the hospital, she called and told me of another rental agreement she is contemplating. The rent is very fair for the area. However, she found out how much the actual payment is, and thinks she can hound him down to half of his payment, and wondered if I thought that was a good idea. I was truthful ("No") and when she persisted in trying to twist my arm to agree with her, I wouldn't. She hung up on me in mid-sentence. This is not the first time, but may be the last. She is quite nasty to me at times; I have overlooked it. Just wondering what some of you might think of all this. Thank you.

That was very nice of you. I had forfeited a bit of character (honesty about how I felt) for the sake of somebody to talk to. It was unhealthy. I still pray for her, and hope she will come to understand that people cannot be so easily discarded. I am thinking she probably knows deep inside that something needs to change. I mean, she's had so many negative experiences with being a house sharer, even when it has been HER house. She doesn't have the financial ability to screw around about it, either. (In order to live reasonably, she MUST share). Perhaps necessity will be a better teacher than any person could be.

My idea of having a good, close friendship with someone, is that you can say whatever you want to and they listen, they don't have to agree or like what you say. And that goes both ways.

That's not happening there.

Okay. I'm awake now. Thanks. I cannot allow this negative relationship to continue.

Its not a healthy one for you to be in.

good luck Bud