When i decided to start "dating"...even made the decision to do it the "modern" way...join an internet dating site...I thought it would be sooooo easy...
I mean i would list all the qualities i consider "attributes"...I mean I don't think i'm all that, but i do think i'm passable to say the least...I'm intelligent and have fine qualities...as do alot of people...
So a year later...heartbreak after disappointment...I have to ask myself how did this become so difficult??
Anyone else out there who thought this would be easy...find someone looking for the same things as you..be compatible...etc etc...just to find that its so much easier said (thought?) than done...
By and large, I think it's because so many people on dating sites have unrealistic expectations. And I don't think they REALLY have those expectations but they put those expectations (those nearly impossible expectations) on others so that THEY can avoid relationships and, thereby, blame others for their own issues when it comes to forming those relationships.
Wickked wrote: "Anyone else out there who thought this would be easy...find someone looking for the same things as you..be compatible...etc etc..."
I never thought it would be easy. Of course, I'm seeking a fairly eccentric woman so that comes as no surprise to me.
One of the things that I seek in a woman is a desire to stay home. A genuine homebody. Someone who actually PREFERS to stay home and actually LOVES IT! Just like I do.
That right there cuts my options down to very few women. I was hoping that by using the Internet I could reach into the homes of homebodies that I might not otherwise be able to meet. In other words, going out socializing is where you're going to find homebodies because homebodies aren't likely to be out socializing in the first place. So it was my sincere hope that the computer would get me into the homes of the homebodies.
So far, it hasn't worked the way I had hoped.
Unfortunately, finding her may prove to be almost impossible. And that's a real shame because once found, I feel very confident that the actual relationship part of it will indeed be wonderful.
When I joined this site, I was separated and not really available to date yet.
After my divorce, I really hoped that I would encounter an intelligent, witty male on the site who would think I was wonderful.
AND, we would have things in common...
Then I tried to sign up at eHarmony because I wanted to increase my chances. I answered their LONG questionnaire which they use to match people up with a compatible person.
They rejected me, saying I was one of the 5% of their applicants who matched NOBODY
It was then that I realized that I am unique and I probably will not find someone who I can date, at least not online!
But online friends have been more than enough to make me a happy camper
Online dating is like having a blind date with some who lives miles away!
You never run into them at the grocery store, feel the attraction and track them down. Or see them in a class at school and try to sit behind them. Or meet them on a plane going somewhere.
The attraction is more likely to be an illusion, which can never be made real unless the parties meet in person.
I think most set themselves up to fail. Not always knowingly, but still the same result.
Between not being willing to take the chance...being selfish in the endevour...and generally not REALLY knowing who we are and what we want....BAH...good luck!
Its really not that difficult if you truly want it. Joanie is ok with who she is, so she will always be ok, in a relationship or not. others not as comfy in their own skin will keep having one failed and/or miserable relationship after another.
amen Wikked!!! i was sittin' home,alone,again...when i said sc--w this! n walked over to the computor to check out E-harm..y figurin', like you,that i might as well"get w/the program" n join the rest of the world in the internet realm of the"dating game"! TO NO AVAIL!!! it was a tremendous blow to my,already fragile,wounded ego. the internet dating scene is a whole new ball of whacks!! i stayed w/ that site for awhile b-4 findin' C.S. where i soon found that people tend to be deceitful consistantly..no matter where you go(human nature?) so i stayed away for awhile(to lick my wounds) till i decided to give the "rest" of the male race a break n not assume the worst of ALL of them over a few cruel ones! i have watched n listened(n tried to give a little advice!)as people go through the painful process of gettin' to know one another in the hopes of makin' that,ever elusive,desired connection!and here i sit, still SINGLE in front of this exasperating machine w/ it's cold laughin' heart..hoping against hope that "the man of my dreams" will find me floundering around in this ocean of lonely hearts and pluck me out,dry me off, and heal my broken heart n soul.....yes Wikked... i feel the "thought this would be easier" syndrome. best wishes to you Beautiful Lady...may God soon bless you w/ the man of your dreams
I don't think i set my "expectations" too high...at my age i think that i have set my expectations on what i feel i am of deserving of because i know what i have to offer in return...
It may be that we are looking for that "loving feeling" too soon....
My experience has been that for as much as men think women don't know what they want...i have found the opposite!! Their profiles and discussions with you say one thing...then as soon as you're "involved" with them...you find a completely different person...and generally it's THEM that don't know what they want out of a relationship...or are not ready to "committ"...or whatever the flavor of the month is....
I'm not here to waste anyone's time...and i don't want anyone to waste mine...at the same time I will not "settle" for anyone, and i certainly don't want to be with anyone who feels they had to "settle" for me...
I CHOSE to be on a dating site...I wasn't FORCED to be on one..sometimes i wonder if SOME men out there think that women on dating sites are "desperate"...
How many times have we all been told "if it comes easy we wont' appreicate it??". but how long and hard must we work and wait?
the thought stuck me, if I was this picky when buying a house.... I'd be living a cave to this day. Are we all in general afraid of the hurt that that has always followed our attempts at this elusive thing called "Love".
I have no definitive answer, I only have my tenacious belief in for everyone theres someone...good luck to us all, Oh yeah and...
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I mean i would list all the qualities i consider "attributes"...I mean I don't think i'm all that, but i do think i'm passable to say the least...I'm intelligent and have fine qualities...as do alot of people...
So a year later...heartbreak after disappointment...I have to ask myself how did this become so difficult??
Anyone else out there who thought this would be easy...find someone looking for the same things as you..be compatible...etc etc...just to find that its so much easier said (thought?) than done...