Is physical punishment good for children? (79)
blathin: Ah sorry, I didn't realise your mother was afraid of him...god the poor woman..she was between a rock and hard place I suppose....but no judgement from me....I just hope he hasn't passed on any of demons..and that they died with him xx
No way. Once my Dad died, most of my family celebrated. Not counting my sisters and brothers family. Just mine as they experienced how he was. I'm still scarred but I don't hide anything from my kids if they ask me questions. I do break down and cry sometimes when they ask me questions of when I was a little girl. They know the gist of it. The crying just lets the anger out but my kids still want to know more and more.........
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IF you look across nature I don't think you be able to find any other animal that dos not use some form of physical checking - even domestic cats and dogs will give unruly offspring a nip or a cuff sometimes.
Man IS an animal and we actually share quite a lot with other animals - the major difference being perhaps the unimaginable cruelty displayed by Man to his fellow creatures ... hunting for sport, as an example, where the chase is more important, and killing creatures outside of the need for food. I experienced the same kind of upbringing that was 'normal' for the era in which we were living ...
The difficulty that I see in these debates is that they tend to be asking people to commit extremes 'either / or' and they demonise parents who consider physical chastisement as an available tool.
The thing about the usefulness tools is always the competency of the person who uses them.
A child does not NEED to be controlled - they need to BE TAUGHT and they need to be taught in a manner that's appropriate to their age and development.
It MIGHT be kinder SOMETIMES to deliver a short sharp smack to a child and 'get the matter disposed of promptly' in a physical manner than to subject a child to the mental torture (and it IS a form of torture when the child does not understand 'why' they are being 'time outted' ) that drags on, and is dragged out and raised again and again by a parent.
IF the punishment is delivered IMMEDIATELY the wrong act is done the child, it's explained to the child exactly WHY they were punished then the behaviour is less likely to be repeated. BUT IF the child is threatened and threatened and threatened with punishment they'll treat it as a game and then feel horribly affronted when the day comes that the parent delivers NOT a short sharp shock, but out of anger and frustration BEATS the child.
Pointless to attack parents who see the short sharp smack as being primitives - they ARE 'doing the best with what they know'
Big part of 'correction' is what happens after the event ... IF the parent harps on and on then the child will suffer mentally. IF the parent 'deals with the matter and then it's closed off' then normal life resumes ... the child learned something.
BUT when parents constantly harp on and on and on ... the kids tend to become introverted and fearful thaything they say / do will be disapproved of ... and just look around how many kids no longer have any conversation with their parents ?
Of course it's NOT that simple to solve ... humans are not simple creatures after all !
Man IS an animal and we actually share quite a lot with other animals - the major difference being perhaps the unimaginable cruelty displayed by Man to his fellow creatures ... hunting for sport, as an example, where the chase is more important, and killing creatures outside of the need for food. I experienced the same kind of upbringing that was 'normal' for the era in which we were living ...
The difficulty that I see in these debates is that they tend to be asking people to commit extremes 'either / or' and they demonise parents who consider physical chastisement as an available tool.
The thing about the usefulness tools is always the competency of the person who uses them.
A child does not NEED to be controlled - they need to BE TAUGHT and they need to be taught in a manner that's appropriate to their age and development.
It MIGHT be kinder SOMETIMES to deliver a short sharp smack to a child and 'get the matter disposed of promptly' in a physical manner than to subject a child to the mental torture (and it IS a form of torture when the child does not understand 'why' they are being 'time outted' ) that drags on, and is dragged out and raised again and again by a parent.
IF the punishment is delivered IMMEDIATELY the wrong act is done the child, it's explained to the child exactly WHY they were punished then the behaviour is less likely to be repeated. BUT IF the child is threatened and threatened and threatened with punishment they'll treat it as a game and then feel horribly affronted when the day comes that the parent delivers NOT a short sharp shock, but out of anger and frustration BEATS the child.
Pointless to attack parents who see the short sharp smack as being primitives - they ARE 'doing the best with what they know'
Big part of 'correction' is what happens after the event ... IF the parent harps on and on then the child will suffer mentally. IF the parent 'deals with the matter and then it's closed off' then normal life resumes ... the child learned something.
BUT when parents constantly harp on and on and on ... the kids tend to become introverted and fearful thaything they say / do will be disapproved of ... and just look around how many kids no longer have any conversation with their parents ?
Of course it's NOT that simple to solve ... humans are not simple creatures after all !
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Tulefell: No.
If you have to resort to it, you failed as a parent.
i am a successful survivor of childhood battery. If I were to take the time and effort, I could write a block-buster best seller..I am NOT kidding. Even given this, I am not convinced that a correct use of corporal punishment would not be beneficial. I understand the view of not hitting, etc...I guess I would still like to see individual families decide. Still, kids shouldn’t be battered...it is unfortunately too vague, still. JmoIf you have to resort to it, you failed as a parent.
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secretagent09: Beating with a belt/stick shows that the aggressor is angry. A smack on the bum to teach that what the child did might harm them.
My father beat me to a pulp with a belt when I was 8 years old. He beat me again with a belt when I was 12. Those beatings didn't teach me anything other than to be afraid of him which I was all my life.
I guess he learned the art of beating a child when his father beat him which I know he did.
My mother used to slap me alongside my head. When my father found out that she did that he warned her "don't ever hit the kids".
One day my sister was visiting me. She saw that my daughter had picked up matches that were in an ashtray and she slapped my daughter's hands. I walked into the room while she was doing that and I let loose on my sister to never hit my daughter again. I understand why she did it....I might have done it too......but she didn't have the right to hit somebody else's child.
When a parent expresses physical punishment on a child it is the parents way of showing disappointment in the child which inadvertently is the parent's disappointment that they slipped up on teaching that child something important.
I can relate to all that! My father beat me to a pulp with a belt when I was 8 years old. He beat me again with a belt when I was 12. Those beatings didn't teach me anything other than to be afraid of him which I was all my life.
I guess he learned the art of beating a child when his father beat him which I know he did.
My mother used to slap me alongside my head. When my father found out that she did that he warned her "don't ever hit the kids".
One day my sister was visiting me. She saw that my daughter had picked up matches that were in an ashtray and she slapped my daughter's hands. I walked into the room while she was doing that and I let loose on my sister to never hit my daughter again. I understand why she did it....I might have done it too......but she didn't have the right to hit somebody else's child.
When a parent expresses physical punishment on a child it is the parents way of showing disappointment in the child which inadvertently is the parent's disappointment that they slipped up on teaching that child something important.
And parents beating their kids, it doesn't only show their anger, but their superiority and authority!
In other words..they're in control!
Using communication and psychology would certainly work better!
The same as with dogs.
People beating their dogs only get frightened and nervous dogs who end up being hand shy.
You can see when a dog is not happy coming to his owner when called.
Same with kids!
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Lasagna: Yes or No ?
Some say children are more obedient when they get physical punishment, this could make them less prone to getting into trouble in the future, others say it traumatizes the child and could even make them violent. What does the law say in your country regarding this practice?
Is kicking ases to ignorant and dumb adults working? Some say children are more obedient when they get physical punishment, this could make them less prone to getting into trouble in the future, others say it traumatizes the child and could even make them violent. What does the law say in your country regarding this practice?
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AI_1984: I can relate to all that!
And parents beating their kids, it doesn't only show their anger, but their superiority and authority!
In other words..they're in control!
Using communication and psychology would certainly work better!
The same as with dogs.
People beating their dogs only get frightened and nervous dogs who end up being hand shy.
You can see when a dog is not happy coming to his owner when called.
Same with kids!
Can't agree with you there D, if you never slap a child there is a good chance you'll have a generation of selfish and irresponsible young people.And parents beating their kids, it doesn't only show their anger, but their superiority and authority!
In other words..they're in control!
Using communication and psychology would certainly work better!
The same as with dogs.
People beating their dogs only get frightened and nervous dogs who end up being hand shy.
You can see when a dog is not happy coming to his owner when called.
Same with kids!
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snowlynx: Can't agree with you there D, if you never slap a child there is a good chance you'll have a generation of selfish and irresponsible young people.
Have you got kids Snowy?
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AI_1984: Have you got kids Snowy?
No, but I was one once.....
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snowlynx: Can't agree with you there D, if you never slap a child there is a good chance you'll have a generation of selfish and irresponsible young people.
What a dreadfully sad (and appalling) thing to say. My heart goes out to any child who has to grow up with any parent who would think the above....------ This thread is Archived ------
blathin: What a dreadfully sad (and appalling) thing to say. My heart goes out to any child who has to grow up with any parent who would think the above....
Like I mentioned earlier in the thread, it's an act of violence, not out of hatred but out of ignorance.------ This thread is Archived ------
blathin: What a dreadfully sad (and appalling) thing to say. My heart goes out to any child who has to grow up with any parent who would think the above....
I'll pass on your concerns to my kids 
I remember getting the odd smack as a kid, it was rare and I knew I must have done something wrong to warrant it so in that way I learned my lesson.
That is for the vast majority of kids. Unfortunately there are also bad kids, bad people start off as bad kids and the signs are there to see. The only way is to thrash the badness out of them. It won't make them better people but at least they will learn to fear and less inclined to do bad things to others.
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bodleing2: Like I mentioned earlier in the thread, it's an act of violence, not out of hatred but out of ignorance.
Can I ask b if you ever got smacked as a kid?------ This thread is Archived ------
snowlynx: Can I ask b if you ever got smacked as a kid?
Yes you can. The answer is, that was the middle of the last century, quite irrelevant today, many have moved on since then.------ This thread is Archived ------
snowlynx: No, but I was one once.....
And so was I ! But...I never inflicted on my kids...nor animals...what I was subjected to when i was a kid.
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blathin: What a dreadfully sad (and appalling) thing to say. My heart goes out to any child who has to grow up with any parent who would think the above....
Exactly!And I'm relieved to see this is not just an Irish practise.
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bodleing2: Like I mentioned earlier in the thread, it's an act of violence, not out of hatred but out of ignorance.
Exactly! 
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snowlynx: I'll pass on your concerns to my kids
I remember getting the odd smack as a kid, it was rare and I knew I must have done something wrong to warrant it so in that way I learned my lesson.
That is for the vast majority of kids. Unfortunately there are also bad kids, bad people start off as bad kids and the signs are there to see. The only way is to thrash the badness out of them. It won't make them better people but at least they will learn to fear and less inclined to do bad things to others.
"They will learn to FEAR...oh..the magic word! I remember getting the odd smack as a kid, it was rare and I knew I must have done something wrong to warrant it so in that way I learned my lesson.
That is for the vast majority of kids. Unfortunately there are also bad kids, bad people start off as bad kids and the signs are there to see. The only way is to thrash the badness out of them. It won't make them better people but at least they will learn to fear and less inclined to do bad things to others.
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AI_1984: "They will learn to FEAR...oh..the magic word!
Fear is an important part of life, we all fear the consequences of doing wrong, unless you think you can create Nirvana hear on earth, which has never worked.------ This thread is Archived ------
AI_1984: And so was I !
But...I never inflicted on my kids...nor animals...what I was subjected to when i was a kid.
Well if you feel that what you were subjected to as a child was wrong then of course you wouldn't do it to your own kids. What I had was a good experience from my parents and one that I would have used if I had had children.But...I never inflicted on my kids...nor animals...what I was subjected to when i was a kid.
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If you have to resort to it, you failed as a parent.