It Hurts So Bad (27)
diogenesLongview, Texas USA69 Threads 7 Polls 4,761 PostsThe past two weeks, my daughter has refused to go with me for visitation. I don't know why she has suddenly started behaving this way, and it's killing me inside.
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How old is she?
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How old is she?? I ma sure it is prob an easy explanation! Ask your ex adn see if she knows why
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4 years old next Sunday
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why do you think she doesn`t want to go with you?
Something seems off to me.
Something seems off to me.
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Also, what is your normal visitation, and have you always seen her at those times?
How long have you been divorced from her mother?
How long have you been divorced from her mother?
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Don't take it out on yourself.
It probably has nothing to do with you.
She's probably more concerned about separation from her mother. Whether somebody said something she doesn't understand or perhaps she's just becoming aware.
As much as it may suck, try doing something with her and her mother. It will ease the tension. Her world is still pretty small.
It probably has nothing to do with you.
She's probably more concerned about separation from her mother. Whether somebody said something she doesn't understand or perhaps she's just becoming aware.
As much as it may suck, try doing something with her and her mother. It will ease the tension. Her world is still pretty small.
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Some of the possible reasons:
She's getting tired of being dragged from place to place to place. (i.e. Gandma's, Great Grandma's, babysitters, daycare, Daddy's house etc.)
She has a very strong bond with her Mother, Sister, and Brother.
Her Mom was irresponsible about the exchange. (She brought her new boyfriend, and my daughter's brother and sister along to the mall. So maybe my daughter thought she would be missing out on some fun if she went with me.)
I don't know what to do. I refuse to be a "Disney Land Daddy". So I'm not going to bribe her to go with me. I don't want to force her to go with me, and drag her off kicking and screaming through the mall. So I just said goodbye, went out to my car and cried like a baby.
She's getting tired of being dragged from place to place to place. (i.e. Gandma's, Great Grandma's, babysitters, daycare, Daddy's house etc.)
She has a very strong bond with her Mother, Sister, and Brother.
Her Mom was irresponsible about the exchange. (She brought her new boyfriend, and my daughter's brother and sister along to the mall. So maybe my daughter thought she would be missing out on some fun if she went with me.)
I don't know what to do. I refuse to be a "Disney Land Daddy". So I'm not going to bribe her to go with me. I don't want to force her to go with me, and drag her off kicking and screaming through the mall. So I just said goodbye, went out to my car and cried like a baby.
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I feel your pain, I had a similar experience. It is a terrible feeling.
You really need to talk to the ex and then both you and the ex talk with your daughter. you have got to work this out. that little girl needs time with her dad. You do have to make it fun for her, but that doesn`t mean taking her to Disneyland.
Just spend real quality time with her, play with her, watch her favorite movie and be interested. It`s all about her, you have to make some sacrifices for her sake. When it`s all said and done and she has grown up, she will always have those memories, so you really don`t lose in this.
Show her lots and lots of love. She needs it.
You really need to talk to the ex and then both you and the ex talk with your daughter. you have got to work this out. that little girl needs time with her dad. You do have to make it fun for her, but that doesn`t mean taking her to Disneyland.
Just spend real quality time with her, play with her, watch her favorite movie and be interested. It`s all about her, you have to make some sacrifices for her sake. When it`s all said and done and she has grown up, she will always have those memories, so you really don`t lose in this.
Show her lots and lots of love. She needs it.
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I'm currently going through the same thing, but my kids are a bit older at 18 and 23. Of course, it's no longer visitation, it's just visiting with the old man. As I discovered over the years, children go through several phases in their relationship with the non-custodial parent. A few tips that might help you:
1. Try to find that "special" thing they enjoy doing and do it sparingly,
making them try some things you also enjoy so you'll find mutual
interrests to share together.
2. NEVER say anything negative about the other parent or their pardner,
This backfires just about every time. Just be respectful and when they
want to talk about it, be a good listener, but avoid comments.
3. Don't be afraid to just ask them. Kids are painfully honest.
4. Be prepared to accept the unhappy fact that some children just never
do come around to one parent. I know that's painful, but in the long run
you have to avoid chaseing after them or you'll be saddled with that
reputation and expectation the remainder of your life.
Hang in there, keep in touch with them, and sooner or later they will come
around.
1. Try to find that "special" thing they enjoy doing and do it sparingly,
making them try some things you also enjoy so you'll find mutual
interrests to share together.
2. NEVER say anything negative about the other parent or their pardner,
This backfires just about every time. Just be respectful and when they
want to talk about it, be a good listener, but avoid comments.
3. Don't be afraid to just ask them. Kids are painfully honest.
4. Be prepared to accept the unhappy fact that some children just never
do come around to one parent. I know that's painful, but in the long run
you have to avoid chaseing after them or you'll be saddled with that
reputation and expectation the remainder of your life.
Hang in there, keep in touch with them, and sooner or later they will come
around.
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The main thing is that you will always be there for her, maybe she is excited with her birthday coming up.
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it dose sound like she would feel like she was going to miss out on something if she left with you...been in a simmalar situation with a stepdaughtrer and found out all that was wrong was she wanted to go to the park with friends.......setting up a quiet exchange place and letting her know way ahead of time this is whats going to happen might help.......and letting her know maybe that she will not be rewarded for acting like that you know like no treats for her acting out or something like that JMO
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hey well one possible reason could be is if your ex is saying anything bad about you behind your back....and if not that
then she is just confused and is hating to have to choose went thru the same thing she loves and I know its hard but youll make it and she will come along and relize just how much she missed her daddy
then she is just confused and is hating to have to choose went thru the same thing she loves and I know its hard but youll make it and she will come along and relize just how much she missed her daddy
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Well you can't give up on your daughter!! always let her know that you love her no matter what and if you can call her if that is possible.
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I think the worst part is that she brought the whole family, like she was trying to make it seem like your daughter would miss out on something by going with you. Its like she did it on purpose. 
My roomate and her husband are going through something similar with his son, and they just decided last time to just take his son anyway, and as soon as they were out of sight of his mom, he quit crying.
My roomate and her husband are going through something similar with his son, and they just decided last time to just take his son anyway, and as soon as they were out of sight of his mom, he quit crying.
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sorry to hear about the troubles with A.... she's a sweety and i have seen how much she adores u... i know she loves her daddy.... being small is tough in a divorce situation, maybe u are right too about being transposed to different locations, give her a little time, then maybe just agree to meet in a more quiet place...and without all the other folks....
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I appreciate all of your attention and comments. I have an appointment today with the Attorney that is representing the best interest of my daughter in the custody case. We'll see what happens.
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the idea of doing something with their family is a good one
become integrated into or as a part of the new situation
not forever just for a foundation in her mind
its a tuff job but someones got to do it
you have the resources-you can do it
even if its 15 20 mins at a time
stopping by to sit on the porch with her and the other siblings
or have a coke w/ either adult thats home...
i dunno-yer creative
ask for their support in simple efforts and document everything
become integrated into or as a part of the new situation
not forever just for a foundation in her mind
its a tuff job but someones got to do it
you have the resources-you can do it
even if its 15 20 mins at a time
stopping by to sit on the porch with her and the other siblings
or have a coke w/ either adult thats home...
i dunno-yer creative
ask for their support in simple efforts and document everything
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Ive been there and done that!The most common reason for this,The baby is scared!It is all new to them.And most of the time,The mother has more to offer the child at the time(brothers,sisters and playmates).Truthfuly the child gets bored at dads house.Talk to friends,neighbors and family,Set up play dates for her.Grandparents are always a great help.Make it fun for them at your house.And I promise,Things will change!As she gets older she will realize,the things you have done for her and it will bring you even closer!My daughter and I do everthing togeather now!Hang in there!!Good luck
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Hi babe I do feel for you but as everyones already said she will always want and love her special daddy...kids go through phases hun and maybe this is one, but sometimes bless them they get confused....you seem an absolutely wonderful caring daddy I just wish my kids dad had been half as loving as you .....he always let them down bless them......just keep your chin up.....I will try and make you laugh on here..lol hugs xxbabsie
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Created: Oct 2007
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