When Parenting Skills Don't Match... (18)
wikkedAjax, Ontario Canada655 Threads 4 Polls 6,091 PostsIn your opinion...what do you think the chances are of a new relationship with a "blended" family surviving if you don't see eye to eye on parenting?
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Honestly don't think it will last. You have to be in sync on certain things or it will cause chaos. If you let your kids do certain things or he lets his kids do things yoiur kids can't do there will be resentment on the kids parts.
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If you don't see eye to eye on the crucial areas such as punishment and rewards, it will be soooo difficult...children first...you are all they have right now...if you force a relationship on them that isn't working they will hold it against you and possibly end up in the same position
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Where is Brittney Spears when you need her?
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i read your profile...
short but i must appluad you on the frankness of it...
i too believe we are who we are the shameful as well as the prideful...
short but i must appluad you on the frankness of it...
i too believe we are who we are the shameful as well as the prideful...
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It can be tricky and difficult, but it isn't impossible as long as you respect each other, and find some middle ground.
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Blending a family or even adding one to a family takes a lot of work adn communication with everyone.
Adluts need to decide ahead of time what each others boundries are adn who is in charge of what areas, both parenting and everyday duties. All this needs to be decided and agreed on before hand. My father was remarried and I have 2 ste sisters. My sister ran off to be with my mother becasue she wasnt daddy little girl anymore. I eventually went to my moms just becasue dad moved my senior year and I wasnt honest with him or myself when he started talking about it.
It can work but needs to be a great deal of commnication wth everyone. Kids have to know the rules and adults have to know each others rules and boundries. Most importantly adults have to respect each other and never argue or counter each other in front of the kids.
its never easy but it is a doable thing...
Adluts need to decide ahead of time what each others boundries are adn who is in charge of what areas, both parenting and everyday duties. All this needs to be decided and agreed on before hand. My father was remarried and I have 2 ste sisters. My sister ran off to be with my mother becasue she wasnt daddy little girl anymore. I eventually went to my moms just becasue dad moved my senior year and I wasnt honest with him or myself when he started talking about it.
It can work but needs to be a great deal of commnication wth everyone. Kids have to know the rules and adults have to know each others rules and boundries. Most importantly adults have to respect each other and never argue or counter each other in front of the kids.
its never easy but it is a doable thing...
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It won't last unless you can comprimise on things. It will only lead to resentment of your partner, children or both.
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Welcome back, Urs.
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it can work , if there is good communication and both partners are willing to bend
you can't expect your partner to raise their children your way, and they can't expect you to raise yours their way.
my last b/f and i were totally different in our parenting styles......he was one of those afraid to parent his children because they would not want to see him if he was too strict or didn't buy them things.....i on the other hand am strict, sometimes too strict...but we figured out ways to make it work......he learned to give his kids some rules(and found that i was right when i said they would love/respect him more and treat him better if he did give them rules) and i learned to relax with my boys and give them more freedom
it does work, it's not easy and it takes lots and lots of communication......but i believe it can survive...i did it
you can't expect your partner to raise their children your way, and they can't expect you to raise yours their way.
my last b/f and i were totally different in our parenting styles......he was one of those afraid to parent his children because they would not want to see him if he was too strict or didn't buy them things.....i on the other hand am strict, sometimes too strict...but we figured out ways to make it work......he learned to give his kids some rules(and found that i was right when i said they would love/respect him more and treat him better if he did give them rules) and i learned to relax with my boys and give them more freedom
it does work, it's not easy and it takes lots and lots of communication......but i believe it can survive...i did it
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Hi Ursula...long time!
Compromise sounds like the right answer here. Such a complicated issue.
Compromise sounds like the right answer here. Such a complicated issue.
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Simple solution.
Put the kids up for adoption.
Put the kids up for adoption.
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Medical experiments says I!!!!!
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Hmmm... good question.
I think if you didn't see *Eye to eye* then .. yeah it probably would 'become' a problem...
I think though.. the key would be respecting each others *ways* of parenting.. and backing them up.. respecting them .. (as long as it wasn't nasty)...
Keeping your trap shut and letting them get on with it.. not undermining them.. (we all have different things we allow and don't)
and if you felt the need to say something.. then do it AWAY from the kids.. so that you could come up with some middle ground between you.. so that the kids never saw anything other than a *United front*.
I think if you didn't see *Eye to eye* then .. yeah it probably would 'become' a problem...
I think though.. the key would be respecting each others *ways* of parenting.. and backing them up.. respecting them .. (as long as it wasn't nasty)...
Keeping your trap shut and letting them get on with it.. not undermining them.. (we all have different things we allow and don't)
and if you felt the need to say something.. then do it AWAY from the kids.. so that you could come up with some middle ground between you.. so that the kids never saw anything other than a *United front*.
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to add:
Undermining a *parent* (whoever you are) is NOT a useful thing.. I think it only gives the children *doubt*... and that should NEVER be there.
(providing you are a good parent of course)
Undermining a *parent* (whoever you are) is NOT a useful thing.. I think it only gives the children *doubt*... and that should NEVER be there.
(providing you are a good parent of course)
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A "blended" family with different parenting styles is a recipe for disaster. Been there....done that....yada yada yada....
These things need to be planned out before the "blending"...JMO
These things need to be planned out before the "blending"...JMO
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I could never "justify" arguing with someone over how to raise their own children...but if i'm not comfortable with certain behaviours and too afraid to voice my opinion, then it stands to reason that this relationship would not survive.
Also, not sure if "parenting issues" is necessarily something you can really work out in the start of a relationship. I believe at first both parties are willing to "give in" to the other in order not to rock the boat, but only when its applied to "real life" and "real living" can one really say for sure....
And oh yes....
guys ....nice to see you all too!!!
Also, not sure if "parenting issues" is necessarily something you can really work out in the start of a relationship. I believe at first both parties are willing to "give in" to the other in order not to rock the boat, but only when its applied to "real life" and "real living" can one really say for sure....
And oh yes....
guys ....nice to see you all too!!!------ This thread is Archived ------
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Created: Nov 2007
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