The Art of Female Lies (63)
Marivanna_the_II: I do not believe there is a huge gender difference.
Any lie starts off not with a person that says a lie but with their evaluation or a receiving party if the latter is capable of understanding. Then it becomes very easy:
Need to know basis and cut the crap.
So before you say anyone lied to you ask yourself if you were in the position to comprehend and/or strong enough to take it.
That is far as relationships go; lies for monetary/political/etc gains have pretty straightforward explanation.
IMHO
Any lie starts off not with a person that says a lie but with their evaluation or a receiving party if the latter is capable of understanding. Then it becomes very easy:
Need to know basis and cut the crap.
So before you say anyone lied to you ask yourself if you were in the position to comprehend and/or strong enough to take it.
That is far as relationships go; lies for monetary/political/etc gains have pretty straightforward explanation.
IMHO
Yes.......... I think I remember the words to a song that had this line:
'Would I lie to you, baby?'
I would hope I was strong enough to take it......... finding out the truth after somebody has lied hurts far more.
I believe that many people lie because they do not wish to hurt the other person with the truth.
rusty_knight: I believe that many people lie because they do not wish to hurt the other person with the truth.
Nah, deep inside and more honest: to spare any kind of 'flight debrief' for yourself under a musk of caring.
Marivanna_the_II: Nah, deep inside and more honest: to spare any kind of 'flight debrief' for yourself under a musk of caring.
???? I didn't quite understand that!
Marivanna_the_II: Nah, deep inside and more honest: to spare any kind of 'flight debrief' for yourself under a musk of caring.
Lengtly explanations and justifications of past actions.
Under pretence.
For it takes lots to admit ones fault; willingly or not [not even realising] one tends to blame circumstances or other party for their own wrongdoing.
Quite so.....well put...
Marivanna_the_II: Lengtly explanations and justifications of past actions.
Under pretence.
For it takes lots to admit ones fault; willingly or not [not even realising] one tends to blame circumstances or other party for their own wrongdoing.
Under pretence.
For it takes lots to admit ones fault; willingly or not [not even realising] one tends to blame circumstances or other party for their own wrongdoing.
Marivanna_the_II: Lengtly explanations and justifications of past actions.
Under pretence.
For it takes lots to admit ones fault; willingly or not [not even realising] one tends to blame circumstances or other party for their own wrongdoing.
Under pretence.
For it takes lots to admit ones fault; willingly or not [not even realising] one tends to blame circumstances or other party for their own wrongdoing.
You are quite right Marivanna ....... however I would go even further and add that Some people have little knowledge of their own actions and lack perception of their own char.......
Good point too Ghost....I love threads like this, really gets you thinking.....don't want to change the theme, but maybe "Lies" in general would've been more useful......lies between 2 people are one thing, but how about those who lie to themselves!!.....in other words, they live under the influence of their own illusions..!!....conciously or subconciously....your opinion please.....
ghost007: You are quite right Marivanna ....... however I would go even further and add that Some people have little knowledge of their own actions and lack perception of their own char.......
Marivanna_the_II: Lengtly explanations and justifications of past actions.
Under pretence.
For it takes lots to admit ones fault; willingly or not [not even realising] one tends to blame circumstances or other party for their own wrongdoing.
Under pretence.
For it takes lots to admit ones fault; willingly or not [not even realising] one tends to blame circumstances or other party for their own wrongdoing.
I agree. It's hard to blame oneself, but it often true......then one has to learn to live with the truth and the guilt, then one has to learn to forgive oneself - and then one has to learn to like oneself again before another person can learn to like you too! Right?
"The Art of Lies" is not gender specific ... humans lie because they can communicate with words. Animals dont lie because they use body language. We also use body language and those with deep insight and good basic instincts can pick up the lie to the words uttered.
Those that lie to themselves... I think they are categorised as "Sociopaths"? They run their lives with no regard to others feelings, and change their minds according to their own feelings.... very dangerous people generally, as they can be very convincing and people are inclined to believe them in their ardency.
Those that lie to themselves... I think they are categorised as "Sociopaths"? They run their lives with no regard to others feelings, and change their minds according to their own feelings.... very dangerous people generally, as they can be very convincing and people are inclined to believe them in their ardency.
Manolito: nah, between 2 *partners* there is no room for the smallest lie. There is a causal relationship between being honest and being happy (withing a relationship), pretty mathematical to be proven too! Let me just put it this way: If you find yourself in a situation where you realise that you need to lie about something that your partner would not have the heart (or strength) to understand, you must immediately ask yourself in front of the mirror.
-" wtf am i doing here?"
You should have long left. You failed to find the understanding and love you need in your life.
I know many people will disagree with me on this, but its just the way i see it. Someone might say ok, what IF i am happily married, never had to lie about anything and after many years something happens that is beyond my control and i have to lie about it as to not hurt my spouse...
I think the above statement to be a heep of b/s (pardon) because if you find yourself there, let me tell you: You were not happily married, maybe you just didnt know it. this is stuff for soapoperas and novels, not life. Also, little or big lies, they dont *just* start one day like that, after of years of truthfull divotion. Thats another inconsistency with the human nature: They are either always there or they are not. Maybe at first they are *litle white lies*, just on the very thin red line of lieing, where someone would not count them as lies (it doesnt mean they are not). Under life's circumstances, the need for a bigger lie might occur...
As i said, thats just the way i see it, for me happy relationship+small lies cannot coexist.
-" wtf am i doing here?"
You should have long left. You failed to find the understanding and love you need in your life.
I know many people will disagree with me on this, but its just the way i see it. Someone might say ok, what IF i am happily married, never had to lie about anything and after many years something happens that is beyond my control and i have to lie about it as to not hurt my spouse...
I think the above statement to be a heep of b/s (pardon) because if you find yourself there, let me tell you: You were not happily married, maybe you just didnt know it. this is stuff for soapoperas and novels, not life. Also, little or big lies, they dont *just* start one day like that, after of years of truthfull divotion. Thats another inconsistency with the human nature: They are either always there or they are not. Maybe at first they are *litle white lies*, just on the very thin red line of lieing, where someone would not count them as lies (it doesnt mean they are not). Under life's circumstances, the need for a bigger lie might occur...
As i said, thats just the way i see it, for me happy relationship+small lies cannot coexist.
excellent,couldn,t have put it better myself.
smoky: "The Art of Lies" is not gender specific ... humans lie because they can communicate with words. Animals dont lie because they use body language. We also use body language and those with deep insight and good basic instincts can pick up the lie to the words uttered.
Those that lie to themselves... I think they are categorised as "Sociopaths"? They run their lives with no regard to others feelings, and change their minds according to their own feelings.... very dangerous people generally, as they can be very convincing and people are inclined to believe them in their ardency.
Those that lie to themselves... I think they are categorised as "Sociopaths"? They run their lives with no regard to others feelings, and change their minds according to their own feelings.... very dangerous people generally, as they can be very convincing and people are inclined to believe them in their ardency.
You got both my ex,s to a T
smoky: "The Art of Lies" is not gender specific ... humans lie because they can communicate with words. Animals dont lie because they use body language. We also use body language and those with deep insight and good basic instincts can pick up the lie to the words uttered.
Those that lie to themselves... I think they are categorised as "Sociopaths"? They run their lives with no regard to others feelings, and change their minds according to their own feelings.... very dangerous people generally, as they can be very convincing and people are inclined to believe them in their ardency.
Those that lie to themselves... I think they are categorised as "Sociopaths"? They run their lives with no regard to others feelings, and change their minds according to their own feelings.... very dangerous people generally, as they can be very convincing and people are inclined to believe them in their ardency.
Wellput Smokes,well put.
Elley: Sorry Jan,it aint working.There,s no room for a lie,not in my life.Your logic is beautifully flawed.
Ok my logic may be flawed to you Elley.Perhaps those of us who haven't had to deal with hurtful, life changing lies and only little white lies are more forgiving.
Marivanna_the_II: I do not believe there is a huge gender difference.
Any lie starts off not with a person that says a lie but with their evaluation or a receiving party if the latter is capable of understanding. Then it becomes very easy:
Need to know basis and cut the crap.
So before you say anyone lied to you ask yourself if you were in the position to comprehend and/or strong enough to take it.
That is far as relationships go; lies for monetary/political/etc gains have pretty straightforward explanation.
IMHO
Any lie starts off not with a person that says a lie but with their evaluation or a receiving party if the latter is capable of understanding. Then it becomes very easy:
Need to know basis and cut the crap.
So before you say anyone lied to you ask yourself if you were in the position to comprehend and/or strong enough to take it.
That is far as relationships go; lies for monetary/political/etc gains have pretty straightforward explanation.
IMHO
Telling the truth is important at all times in a relationship.
If to the question "how many lovers did you have in the past" a woman answers "60", whether it be the truth or a lie, I would say no thank you. Not interested to be number 61.
So maybe that is why women feel compelled to lie, because first they act, sometimes foolishly and without giving it much thought, then realise that their behaviour is unacceptable and have to cover for it.
Same for women who have had babies who were given up for adoption, or those who had abortions, and who would never reveal that to anyone.
The problem with these liars is that if I had to discover the truth, no matter how far I would be in a relationship, I would feel compelled to terminate the relationship, not for the occurrence, but for the dishonesty of lying, and for the dishonesty of being so secret about such an important happening.
I am sure many will disagree with me, so please come forward those who do.
antcus: Telling the truth is important at all times in a relationship.
If to the question "how many lovers did you have in the past" a woman answers "60", whether it be the truth or a lie, I would say no thank you. Not interested to be number 61.
So maybe that is why women feel compelled to lie, because first they act, sometimes foolishly and without giving it much thought, then realise that their behaviour is unacceptable and have to cover for it.
Same for women who have had babies who were given up for adoption, or those who had abortions, and who would never reveal that to anyone.
The problem with these liars is that if I had to discover the truth, no matter how far I would be in a relationship, I would feel compelled to terminate the relationship, not for the occurrence, but for the dishonesty of lying, and for the dishonesty of being so secret about such an important happening.
I am sure many will disagree with me, so please come forward those who do.
If to the question "how many lovers did you have in the past" a woman answers "60", whether it be the truth or a lie, I would say no thank you. Not interested to be number 61.
So maybe that is why women feel compelled to lie, because first they act, sometimes foolishly and without giving it much thought, then realise that their behaviour is unacceptable and have to cover for it.
Same for women who have had babies who were given up for adoption, or those who had abortions, and who would never reveal that to anyone.
The problem with these liars is that if I had to discover the truth, no matter how far I would be in a relationship, I would feel compelled to terminate the relationship, not for the occurrence, but for the dishonesty of lying, and for the dishonesty of being so secret about such an important happening.
I am sure many will disagree with me, so please come forward those who do.
Antcus, I'm not going to disagree with you but you have a problem or concerns which are clear from your posts on varous threads tonight.
Nobody can give you the answers you're seeking here on CS.
Jan1305: Antcus, I'm not going to disagree with you but you have a problem or concerns which are clear from your posts on varous threads tonight.
Nobody can give you the answers you're seeking here on CS.
Nobody can give you the answers you're seeking here on CS.
Jan, I am plucking the brains of the contributors, and I know that nobody is going to give me the answers, but I keep on reading the comments
Thanks for your understanding. You are right.
antcus: Jan, I am plucking the brains of the contributors, and I know that nobody is going to give me the answers, but I keep on reading the comments
Thanks for your understanding. You are right.
Thanks for your understanding. You are right.
I hope you find the answer, or at least help to enable YOU to find the answer.
smoky: I agree with Dragonfly here. If you truly love someone - why would you want to drag every last item out of their brain and heart? It does not sound like you (Antcus) are a person with much empathy towards what women sometimes have had to endure?
I have had traumatic experiences which I choose to forget about. Should I be in a relationship and not mention them .... well! ....what exactly does my past have to do with the present or the future?
Would you prefer your beloved partner to re-live their traumatised past in order to satisfy your inquisitive ego? I believe that anyone insisting on this, and getting ready to flee should their partner reveal something "unacceptable" to them, is someone who should rather choose to live on the peripharies of life and to not get involved with real live vulnerable human beings.
I have had traumatic experiences which I choose to forget about. Should I be in a relationship and not mention them .... well! ....what exactly does my past have to do with the present or the future?
Would you prefer your beloved partner to re-live their traumatised past in order to satisfy your inquisitive ego? I believe that anyone insisting on this, and getting ready to flee should their partner reveal something "unacceptable" to them, is someone who should rather choose to live on the peripharies of life and to not get involved with real live vulnerable human beings.
Yes you are right in saying that certain things bring about pain to remember, just imagine to narrate to an unexpecting lover, but is it not also true that not knowing about them is not knowing your partner? And in a truthful and deep love relationship, can there be secrets? And when there are, can a true love story survive? Getting to know these facts from somebody else, what would you call that? A bullet hole in the heart? This is nothing personal, but I would want to know whom I am in love with, whatever it takes. I would want to know before it gets to a point of great hurt to seperate, but hiding from me such grave facts is like telling me she is Ursula Andress when she is just Jackie Smith. A completely different person whom I might not like.
Some people don't mind getting involved with people with prison records, others do. Discovering such a thing by not being told about it, gives one a totally different impression of that person, which might not be acceptable. Nothing in this is of a personal nature or because I lack empathy. Those who know me, know otherwise.
antcus: Yes you are right in saying that certain things bring about pain to remember, just imagine to narrate to an unexpecting lover, but is it not also true that not knowing about them is not knowing your partner? And in a truthful and deep love relationship, can there be secrets? And when there are, can a true love story survive? Getting to know these facts from somebody else, what would you call that? A bullet hole in the heart? This is nothing personal, but I would want to know whom I am in love with, whatever it takes. I would want to know before it gets to a point of great hurt to seperate, but hiding from me such grave facts is like telling me she is Ursula Andress when she is just Jackie Smith. A completely different person whom I might not like.
Some people don't mind getting involved with people with prison records, others do. Discovering such a thing by not being told about it, gives one a totally different impression of that person, which might not be acceptable. Nothing in this is of a personal nature or because I lack empathy. Those who know me, know otherwise.
Some people don't mind getting involved with people with prison records, others do. Discovering such a thing by not being told about it, gives one a totally different impression of that person, which might not be acceptable. Nothing in this is of a personal nature or because I lack empathy. Those who know me, know otherwise.
Okay, so I`m not realy qualified to comment here .... Because I usually have the opposite problem.
.... Men have told me they have been in prison, when they haven`t been....Or they been in prison for something dramatic, when it was only something petty. .... Or they are qualified pilots, then I find they got less of a road driving licence than I have ...Or they own a yacht, when in fact it is a canoe. ... Or their ex was realy ugly, and I find she is a beautiful woman actually. ..... They "used" to own a this, or a that, or whatever, and they never actually owned anything. Never mind hiding anything, they got nothing to hide!
Maybe, to get back on topic here, the deep dark secrets will come out in time. No one in their right mind blurts out every single thing in their past in the beginning of a relationship?
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Any lie starts off not with a person that says a lie but with their evaluation or a receiving party if the latter is capable of understanding. Then it becomes very easy:
Need to know basis and cut the crap.
So before you say anyone lied to you ask yourself if you were in the position to comprehend and/or strong enough to take it.
That is far as relationships go; lies for monetary/political/etc gains have pretty straightforward explanation.
IMHO