IF HE LOVED ME; WOULD HE STOP DRINKING?????? (179)
This may sound selfish to some but remember that he is NOT your responsibilty... help him through this if that is what you want to do but dont feel guilty if you put your own happiness first.
It is a different case if you are married or have children together as you have made vows promising to support each other through thick and thin but this still doesnt mean you have to live in misery.
It is a different case if you are married or have children together as you have made vows promising to support each other through thick and thin but this still doesnt mean you have to live in misery.
AA in NOT for everyone. Regardless, if he were to stop drinking alone, or with AA, don't trust it. He has to stop for HIM and no one else.
I wouldn't take a chance with him.
I wouldn't take a chance with him.
there are reasons why people drink...find out why he drinks and try working on that...i can't say much my brother hit a gas truck while drunk and burnt alive...it keeps me sober...he was an alcoholic....i drank alot too but his passing showed me what can happen...so i don't over indulge anymore....
marss: there are reasons why people drink...find out why he drinks and try working on that...i can't say much my brother hit a gas truck while drunk and burnt alive...it keeps me sober...he was an alcoholic....i drank alot too but his passing showed me what can happen...so i don't over indulge anymore....
sorry to hear that bruv.. and nice to see you mate . hope your having a good day :-)~
marss: there are reasons why people drink...find out why he drinks and try working on that...i can't say much my brother hit a gas truck while drunk and burnt alive...it keeps me sober...he was an alcoholic....i drank alot too but his passing showed me what can happen...so i don't over indulge anymore....
Sometimes we have to learn lessons in life the hard way,and boy that was one of the hardest
Well done you.
thank you...i don't mind sharing it becoz it may wake someone else up...he was 26 had 2 jobs and just got his masters plumbers liscense...he was single as well...an over achiever as well...it sickened me the way my oldest brother arrived to divvy his stuff up...
Stargazy: Even if he stops drinking, do you want to spend your life with a recovering alcohlic? If it was me I would spend rest of my life waiting for him to fall off the wagon.
I didn't realise how miserable I had got until I left. Also my friends and family didnt realise how much I had changed over the years until we broke up and I instantly went back to my old self.
My boyfriend went to an AA meeting. He found it really depressing and gave up drinking straight away, but it only lasted a week or 2 and he slowly started drinking again. He only ever went to that one AA meeting, he found it so upsetting he wouldnt go to any more.
Also people are dangerous when they are drunk. He nearly burnt our house down twice from passing out drunk while cooking in middle of the night. If I hadnt woken to the fire alarm and my dog scratching the door we all would have died from smoke inhalation.
I didn't realise how miserable I had got until I left. Also my friends and family didnt realise how much I had changed over the years until we broke up and I instantly went back to my old self.
My boyfriend went to an AA meeting. He found it really depressing and gave up drinking straight away, but it only lasted a week or 2 and he slowly started drinking again. He only ever went to that one AA meeting, he found it so upsetting he wouldnt go to any more.
Also people are dangerous when they are drunk. He nearly burnt our house down twice from passing out drunk while cooking in middle of the night. If I hadnt woken to the fire alarm and my dog scratching the door we all would have died from smoke inhalation.
They certainly are dangerous. My husband got a shotgun out of the cabinet, forced me to the floor and threatened me that if I ever left him again I would be sorry.
I happen to love a guy who has a drinking problem. We are not togeather and probaly never will be. I would love to help him, but only he can help him. You only have control over one thing in life and that is you. What you think,feel,respond to things, and how you behave.That's it. If love could change someone there would be far less addicts in the world.
Jeeepers: AA in NOT for everyone. Regardless, if he were to stop drinking alone, or with AA, don't trust it. He has to stop for HIM and no one else.
I wouldn't take a chance with him.
I wouldn't take a chance with him.
AA is not a cure. It is a tool with a supportive group to show alcoholics that they are not the only one in dire straits. Those who have an AA sponsor do better then those who don't.
Yes, AA is very depressing because all you see are drunks, dirty drunks who smell, don't shave, women don't wash their hair, they look like a sorry mess. But they are people who need help.
Go to a VA hospital and you'll really see people in dire straits with no legs or arms; no legs and no arms, no eyes, all people who need help. Some spouses divorce the vet and some stand by them in marriage or divorce.
It's all a choice by the person who isn't an alcoholic. I couldn't live with him for safety reasons but I chose to support him after the divorce when we lived apart. I have no regrets as he was very worthwhile my efforts.
marss: there are reasons why people drink...find out why he drinks and try working on that...i can't say much my brother hit a gas truck while drunk and burnt alive...it keeps me sober...he was an alcoholic....i drank alot too but his passing showed me what can happen...so i don't over indulge anymore....
montecito: AA is not a cure. It is a tool with a supportive group to show alcoholics that they are not the only one in dire straits. Those who have an AA sponsor do better then those who don't.
Yes, AA is very depressing because all you see are drunks, dirty drunks who smell, don't shave, women don't wash their hair, they look like a sorry mess. But they are people who need help.
Go to a VA hospital and you'll really see people in dire straits with no legs or arms; no legs and no arms, no eyes, all people who need help. Some spouses divorce the vet and some stand by them in marriage or divorce.
It's all a choice by the person who isn't an alcoholic. I couldn't live with him for safety reasons but I chose to support him after the divorce when we lived apart. I have no regrets as he was very worthwhile my efforts.
Don't know what Meetings you went to!Yes, AA is very depressing because all you see are drunks, dirty drunks who smell, don't shave, women don't wash their hair, they look like a sorry mess. But they are people who need help.
Go to a VA hospital and you'll really see people in dire straits with no legs or arms; no legs and no arms, no eyes, all people who need help. Some spouses divorce the vet and some stand by them in marriage or divorce.
It's all a choice by the person who isn't an alcoholic. I couldn't live with him for safety reasons but I chose to support him after the divorce when we lived apart. I have no regrets as he was very worthwhile my efforts.
montecito: AA is not a cure. It is a tool with a supportive group to show alcoholics that they are not the only one in dire straits. Those who have an AA sponsor do better then those who don't.
Yes, AA is very depressing because all you see are drunks, dirty drunks who smell, don't shave, women don't wash their hair, they look like a sorry mess. But they are people who need help.
Go to a VA hospital and you'll really see people in dire straits with no legs or arms; no legs and no arms, no eyes, all people who need help. Some spouses divorce the vet and some stand by them in marriage or divorce.
It's all a choice by the person who isn't an alcoholic. I couldn't live with him for safety reasons but I chose to support him after the divorce when we lived apart. I have no regrets as he was very worthwhile my efforts.
well,some of them might be Alcoholics too!Yes, AA is very depressing because all you see are drunks, dirty drunks who smell, don't shave, women don't wash their hair, they look like a sorry mess. But they are people who need help.
Go to a VA hospital and you'll really see people in dire straits with no legs or arms; no legs and no arms, no eyes, all people who need help. Some spouses divorce the vet and some stand by them in marriage or divorce.
It's all a choice by the person who isn't an alcoholic. I couldn't live with him for safety reasons but I chose to support him after the divorce when we lived apart. I have no regrets as he was very worthwhile my efforts.
careful venus you could have your way with me....
If the individual is an alcoholic, the only way the individual will stop drinking is to make the choice for him/her self to stop. There is nothing that will compel the individual to stop unless the individual truly wants to quit.
Not love, not family, not a job, nothing but the individual's own choice....
Not love, not family, not a job, nothing but the individual's own choice....
marisoll: my new boyfriend has a tendency to blow all his money on wine, spirits and all when he gets paid.... thank god that I do not depend on him financially, otherwise I would be homeless.
He has promised to stop drinking soooo many times that I cannot count that high and I feel like my heart cannot believe him anymore....
If he really loved me he would have stopped drinking, right?
He has promised to stop drinking soooo many times that I cannot count that high and I feel like my heart cannot believe him anymore....
If he really loved me he would have stopped drinking, right?
Short answer , NO!
If he is an alcoholic, Be prepared for a lot of misery if you keep him in your life. Its your choice, but whether he loves you or not, he will not stop drinking.
Celebrate instead of drinking, even if it is every night.
Change the mind set and make it something that you both can celebrate.
Go with him and pick and choose what wines you will have for each meal and why you should drink it.
If he drinks and becomes someone else RUN!
Both my parents drank and I could not run!
My father when I was young and my mother when I was older.
Love is acceptance, forgiveness and understanding.
Change the mind set and make it something that you both can celebrate.
Go with him and pick and choose what wines you will have for each meal and why you should drink it.
If he drinks and becomes someone else RUN!
Both my parents drank and I could not run!
My father when I was young and my mother when I was older.
Love is acceptance, forgiveness and understanding.
Conrad73: Don't know what Meetings you went to!
exactly....I went to many meetings, I may have seen a few, and I was going sometimes three times a day. It wasn't for me. I stopped for me, and thanks to CS I've got things to do with my time other than sit around talking about drinking. felixis99: no. he can't stop. he has a disease and needs treatment. it has nothing to do with his feelings for u one way or another - it is beyond his control. Do not support him financially in anyway, until he realizes he needs treatment and seeks it, nothing will ever change
Silly me, I married an alcohlic. I disagree with calling it a "disease". To me that gives them an excuse to keep drinking. If you have a disease its not something you can help. If you are addicted to something that you can help.
Get out of the relationship asap. They arent going to change inless they truely want to. If he actually puts in the effort to change then stand behind him and give your support 100%. If he's not putting in the effort dont waste your time cuz you arent going to change him. Love has nothing to do with it.
marisoll: my new boyfriend has a tendency to blow all his money on wine, spirits and all when he gets paid.... thank god that I do not depend on him financially, otherwise I would be homeless.
He has promised to stop drinking soooo many times that I cannot count that high and I feel like my heart cannot believe him anymore....
If he really loved me he would have stopped drinking, right?
Love is very strong, very powerful. Usually I would say to just walk away, but for some reason I cannot explain I encourage you to try and help him. This is going out on a limb for me, and please don't ask me why, because people who party and waste money like that turn me all the way to off. But for some reason, he deserves a chance. Just what I'm feeling. (You must really love him to be concerned enough to ask us). I must say he is lucky to have you. I wish you the very best in this. He has promised to stop drinking soooo many times that I cannot count that high and I feel like my heart cannot believe him anymore....
If he really loved me he would have stopped drinking, right?
Conrad73: well,some of them might be Alcoholics too!
Not sure what you mean Conrad. I don't understand your comment. If you're referring to AA members, everyone in AA is an alcoholic except spouses of members who go with the member for support.
rohaan: Love is very strong, very powerful. Usually I would say to just walk away, but for some reason I cannot explain I encourage you to try and help him. This is going out on a limb for me, and please don't ask me why, because people who party and waste money like that turn me all the way to off. But for some reason, he deserves a chance. Just what I'm feeling. (You must really love him to be concerned enough to ask us). I must say he is lucky to have you. I wish you the very best in this.
That's exactly my point. You have to really care about a person to go through the nightmare life that an alcoholic causes.amahlala: If the individual is an alcoholic, the only way the individual will stop drinking is to make the choice for him/her self to stop. There is nothing that will compel the individual to stop unless the individual truly wants to quit.
Not love, not family, not a job, nothing but the individual's own choice....
Not love, not family, not a job, nothing but the individual's own choice....
Conrad73: Don't know what Meetings you went to!
I thought I explained it, but I guess not.
I went to AA meetings with my husband to support him. It was HIS choice to go to the meetings. I didn't drag him there.
Jeeepers: exactly....I went to many meetings, I may have seen a few, and I was going sometimes three times a day. It wasn't for me. I stopped for me, and thanks to CS I've got things to do with my time other than sit around talking about drinking.
So your post demonstrates that AA doesn´t work for everybody. I really don´t have any personal knowledge in the matter, but from reading threads and posts over the years there seems to be no hard fast rule or solution for either the alcoholic or the partner/family. Some swear by AA, others such as yourself, not.
Perhaps those of you on the thread who have, bravely in my opinion, made public here that you have had alcohol issues in the past could be a bit more enlightening rather than posting glib one line comments? It would be helpful for people such as the OP who are dealing with such a relationship.
JAN_is: So your post demonstrates that AA doesn´t work for everybody. I really don´t have any personal knowledge in the matter, but from reading threads and posts over the years there seems to be no hard fast rule or solution for either the alcoholic or the partner/family. Some swear by AA, others such as yourself, not.
Perhaps those of you on the thread who have, bravely in my opinion, made public here that you have had alcohol issues in the past could be a bit more enlightening rather than posting glib one line comments? It would be helpful for people such as the OP who are dealing with such a relationship.
Perhaps those of you on the thread who have, bravely in my opinion, made public here that you have had alcohol issues in the past could be a bit more enlightening rather than posting glib one line comments? It would be helpful for people such as the OP who are dealing with such a relationship.
I didn't read that anyone had the problem other then Jeepers.
Personally, I didn't appreciate the glib comments from a certain person who I very much respect.
HonestlyCountry: Silly me, I married an alcohlic. I disagree with calling it a "disease". To me that gives them an excuse to keep drinking. If you have a disease its not something you can help. If you are addicted to something that you can help.
Get out of the relationship asap. They arent going to change inless they truely want to. If he actually puts in the effort to change then stand behind him and give your support 100%. If he's not putting in the effort dont waste your time cuz you arent going to change him. Love has nothing to do with it.
Get out of the relationship asap. They arent going to change inless they truely want to. If he actually puts in the effort to change then stand behind him and give your support 100%. If he's not putting in the effort dont waste your time cuz you arent going to change him. Love has nothing to do with it.
yes I understand your POV and am inclined to agree, actually. Except I think of addiction as a disease but NOT an excuse- whether a disease of the mind or a biochemical short circuit, certain people cannot drink. period. I do understand and as I said agree with you to a certain degree - and agree that the term "disease" is somewhat controversial - it is definitely not a disease like a cold where u take a pill and it goes away...thereby I cannot agree that the alcoholic has a choice- the control of their disease is something they must learn as it is beyond their control until they choose to seek help
felixis99: yes I understand your POV and am inclined to agree, actually. Except I think of addiction as a disease but NOT an excuse- whether a disease of the mind or a biochemical short circuit, certain people cannot drink. period. I do understand and as I said agree with you to a certain degree - and agree that the term "disease" is somewhat controversial - it is definitely not a disease like a cold where u take a pill and it goes away...thereby I cannot agree that the alcoholic has a choice- the control of their disease is something they must learn as it is beyond their control until they choose to seek help
Perfect Felix. You definitely understand the disease.
marisoll: my new boyfriend has a tendency to blow all his money on wine, spirits and all when he gets paid.... thank god that I do not depend on him financially, otherwise I would be homeless.
He has promised to stop drinking soooo many times that I cannot count that high and I feel like my heart cannot believe him anymore....
If he really loved me he would have stopped drinking, right?
He has promised to stop drinking soooo many times that I cannot count that high and I feel like my heart cannot believe him anymore....
If he really loved me he would have stopped drinking, right?
I believe it depends from how much he is involved with you or with alchool. but if he is used since years in drinking........it'll be very difficult for him to quit..... if he still has blood into his veins instead of wine.....he ought to stop to honour your love......Best wishes
marss: careful venus you could have your way with me....
Now wouldnt that make me the luckiest chick on planet earth
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I didn't realise how miserable I had got until I left. Also my friends and family didnt realise how much I had changed over the years until we broke up and I instantly went back to my old self.
My boyfriend went to an AA meeting. He found it really depressing and gave up drinking straight away, but it only lasted a week or 2 and he slowly started drinking again. He only ever went to that one AA meeting, he found it so upsetting he wouldnt go to any more.
Also people are dangerous when they are drunk. He nearly burnt our house down twice from passing out drunk while cooking in middle of the night. If I hadnt woken to the fire alarm and my dog scratching the door we all would have died from smoke inhalation.