Why do some people purposefully humiliate others? (78)
truheart1941: nick buys them off me.....even underwear with holes inthem.........
Oh, Tru! Will you stop cutting willy vents in my undies, please?
When we create threads, we are inviting people to comment on them.
We should expect a spectrum of differing views and opinions.
That is not someone attempting to humilate, for the simple fact of having a view that may not align perfectly with yours.
And one can expect that if you blast them with an angry outburst, they may have something to say about that.
As you know, I've been the recipient of one of your odd outbursts, but I did not humiliate you or come back and treat you in kind.
We should expect a spectrum of differing views and opinions.
That is not someone attempting to humilate, for the simple fact of having a view that may not align perfectly with yours.
And one can expect that if you blast them with an angry outburst, they may have something to say about that.
As you know, I've been the recipient of one of your odd outbursts, but I did not humiliate you or come back and treat you in kind.
The conflict here comes from some seeing their own self from the inside and argue from that perspective and some seing the other's self from the outside and argue out from that perspective.
Very interesting.
You don't disagree, you just don't understand each other and that is the reason
Very interesting.
You don't disagree, you just don't understand each other and that is the reason
If one posts on a public forum, one must expect opposing viewpoints.
opposing viewpoints is not bullying. It is simply that other people disagree with one's viewpoint.
I have had many people disagreeing with my point of view on here. I may not agree with them, but I usually respect them. Some I may find silly, and I would counter their argument.
But do I take it seriously? Do I consider it bullying? No.
If I were unable to accept differing viewpoints from different people from different cultures, I would not post.
opposing viewpoints is not bullying. It is simply that other people disagree with one's viewpoint.
I have had many people disagreeing with my point of view on here. I may not agree with them, but I usually respect them. Some I may find silly, and I would counter their argument.
But do I take it seriously? Do I consider it bullying? No.
If I were unable to accept differing viewpoints from different people from different cultures, I would not post.
jono7: humiliate: to make (someone) feel very ashamed or foolish.
this is the definition for humiliate. but ya see... no one can make you feel something. it's an inside job. you choose how you feel....yanno...
sooo...
change your perception, change your reality.
when one personalizes things that are not personal, that's a choice.
when one can not separate an opinion from a person..that's another choice.
to misinterpret banter...another choice...
just as complaining, judging or using double standards are all more choices...
do you see where i am going with this?
being a victim, is a lifestyle choice as well.
this is the definition for humiliate. but ya see... no one can make you feel something. it's an inside job. you choose how you feel....yanno...
sooo...
change your perception, change your reality.
when one personalizes things that are not personal, that's a choice.
when one can not separate an opinion from a person..that's another choice.
to misinterpret banter...another choice...
just as complaining, judging or using double standards are all more choices...
do you see where i am going with this?
being a victim, is a lifestyle choice as well.
I get where you're coming from Jono, and I agree with you that no one 'makes' us feel a certain way.
I do feel uncomfortable with statements about choosing to be a victim, however.
It has connotations of people being responsible for for being abused. Y'know, something's creeping me out about 'she was asking for it' with these statements about choosing to be a victim. I think we have to be careful about how we word this stuff.
It's possible that some people have been victimised and it takes time to work through that stuff. I'd be wary about coming across as blaming someone for that.
jono7: humiliate: to make (someone) feel very ashamed or foolish.
this is the definition for humiliate. but ya see... no one can make you feel something. it's an inside job. you choose how you feel....yanno...
sooo...
change your perception, change your reality.
when one personalizes things that are not personal, that's a choice.
when one can not separate an opinion from a person..that's another choice.
to misinterpret banter...another choice...
just as complaining, judging or using double standards are all more choices...
do you see where i am going with this?
being a victim, is a lifestyle choice as well.
this is the definition for humiliate. but ya see... no one can make you feel something. it's an inside job. you choose how you feel....yanno...
sooo...
change your perception, change your reality.
when one personalizes things that are not personal, that's a choice.
when one can not separate an opinion from a person..that's another choice.
to misinterpret banter...another choice...
just as complaining, judging or using double standards are all more choices...
do you see where i am going with this?
being a victim, is a lifestyle choice as well.
Hi jono I do agree with the being a victim part.
I know of someone in my own neighborhood who is always making themselves out to be the victim regardless of the situation.It's their way of control and maniplutive.It's like poor lil ole me.
Ccincy: Hi jono I do agree with the being a victim part.
I know of someone in my own neighborhood who is always making themselves out to be the victim regardless of the situation.It's their way of control and maniplutive.It's like poor lil ole me.
I know of someone in my own neighborhood who is always making themselves out to be the victim regardless of the situation.It's their way of control and maniplutive.It's like poor lil ole me.
hiya Ccincyit's a good way to avoid responsibility as well...
i just wanted to add here, i do believe there are real victims of circumstances beyond their own control. that's not who i am talking about here... i'm referring to those folks that choose being a victim as a lifestyle choice (as exampled in your post).
mollybaby: Or maybe they just use playing the victim as their way of controlling?
You got it molly that what I was talking about.
jono7: hiya Ccincy
it's a good way to avoid responsibility as well...
i just wanted to add here, i do believe there are real victims of circumstances beyond their own control. that's not who i am talking about here... i'm referring to those folks that choose being a victim as a lifestyle choice (as exampled in your post).
it's a good way to avoid responsibility as well...
i just wanted to add here, i do believe there are real victims of circumstances beyond their own control. that's not who i am talking about here... i'm referring to those folks that choose being a victim as a lifestyle choice (as exampled in your post).
Figured that was what you were referring to when I read your post.
People who humiliate others have deep issues in themselves they have not resolved or even may not want to ,,born out of fear,
Their only way they seem to able to hide behind their own insecurities is to excerpt power over others who they can easily manipulate and humiliate,
Their only way they seem to able to hide behind their own insecurities is to excerpt power over others who they can easily manipulate and humiliate,
Ccincy: You got it molly that what I was talking about.
I have met enough of them in my life to recognise and avoid them
mollybaby: I have met enough of them in my life to recognise and avoid them
So have I cause I'm related to some.
peachmelba: People who humiliate others have deep issues in themselves they have not resolved or even may not want to ,,born out of fear,
Their only way they seem to able to hide behind their own insecurities is to excerpt power over others who they can easily manipulate and humiliate,
Their only way they seem to able to hide behind their own insecurities is to excerpt power over others who they can easily manipulate and humiliate,
some people may be just plain cruel .
peachmelba: some people may be just plain cruel .
Yes peach I agree and they have no empathy towards no one.
peachmelba: some people may be just plain cruel .
May be a personality disorder or just something in their genetic make up dosnt have to be from troubled childhood or failed relationships that has caused them to be bitter nor does it have to be because they were victims themselves,
Some people do feel more powerful in themselves humiliating others ,to some it's normal maybe they have seen this kind if behaviour growing up and were victims themselves,
Reasons are wide and varied,,
jono7: hiya jac
i think you're quite right here.
but the thing is...
i don't get to act out all over the place just because someone now reminds me of someone else in my past ...
at some point, we need to take responsibility for ourselves.
there are only two choices:
act it out or
work it out.
my heart goes out to those that are acting out...
cuz...don't we all act out till we choose to work it out...?
i can't think of a single person that having previously identified as a victim, didn't enjoy life much more once they identified and processed some things...and became able to be more active rather than re-active in their own lives.
and i'm not saying this lightly as i am also aware that not all folks receive equal opportunities, or support, for dealing with previous victimization. as well, we're in a culture that loves to re-victimize the victims.
i think you're quite right here.
but the thing is...
i don't get to act out all over the place just because someone now reminds me of someone else in my past ...
at some point, we need to take responsibility for ourselves.
there are only two choices:
act it out or
work it out.
my heart goes out to those that are acting out...
cuz...don't we all act out till we choose to work it out...?
i can't think of a single person that having previously identified as a victim, didn't enjoy life much more once they identified and processed some things...and became able to be more active rather than re-active in their own lives.
and i'm not saying this lightly as i am also aware that not all folks receive equal opportunities, or support, for dealing with previous victimization. as well, we're in a culture that loves to re-victimize the victims.
jono7: hiya Ccincy
it's a good way to avoid responsibility as well...
i just wanted to add here, i do believe there are real victims of circumstances beyond their own control. that's not who i am talking about here... i'm referring to those folks that choose being a victim as a lifestyle choice (as exampled in your post).
it's a good way to avoid responsibility as well...
i just wanted to add here, i do believe there are real victims of circumstances beyond their own control. that's not who i am talking about here... i'm referring to those folks that choose being a victim as a lifestyle choice (as exampled in your post).
I agree with you but some people are gentle unassuming souls and can be humiliated by another's and are not mentally stronger enough nor have it in their character to deal with such people who very cleverly and subtly humiliate them in any way they see fit ,
It's a subject I feel very sensitive about ,,,I have seen others who have been mentally unwell and humiliated by another,or rather I should say I have heard about it and also elderly folks have become victims of it,
Shame on those that do it ,
Yes I know thete are reasons why people humiliate others but that's not much consolation to a victim as to the reasons why,,victims need to be come fist and removed from the perpetrator so thete is no contact
don't tell me I don't know,lay down your sword and shields.peachmelba: I agree with you but some people are gentle unassuming souls and can be humiliated by another's and are not mentally stronger enough nor have it in their character to deal with such people who very cleverly and subtly humiliate them in any way they see fit ,
It's a subject I feel very sensitive about ,,,I have seen others who have been mentally unwell and humiliated by another,or rather I should say I have heard about it and also elderly folks have become victims of it,
Shame on those that do it ,
Yes I know thete are reasons why people humiliate others but that's not much consolation to a victim as to the reasons why,,victims need to be come fist and removed from the perpetrator so thete is no contact
It's a subject I feel very sensitive about ,,,I have seen others who have been mentally unwell and humiliated by another,or rather I should say I have heard about it and also elderly folks have become victims of it,
Shame on those that do it ,
Yes I know thete are reasons why people humiliate others but that's not much consolation to a victim as to the reasons why,,victims need to be come fist and removed from the perpetrator so thete is no contact
i agree with you. some folks are more sensitive than others, just as some folks misinterpret things more than others, while still others are already in a weakened state. and everyone of them has their reasons.
i am not supporting the intentional attempt to humiliate/harm someone. i would hope that folks choose compassion first.
having said that, i am talking about folks who choose to remain victim, don't want to change, and live their life from a victim stance. and many do.
where does one draw a line in the sand with this?
how far do we alter our own behaviors to avoid being put in a position that someone may misinterpret and use to fan their victim fire?
(that's how PC got carried away...me thinks...)
People who do this suffer from over inflated egos, and in order for them to maintain that they have to attack others, it somehow in their minds gives them power when in fact it only shows others the caricature of who they are.
jono7: i agree with you. some folks are more sensitive than others, just as some folks misinterpret things more than others, while still others are already in a weakened state. and everyone of them has their reasons.
i am not supporting the intentional attempt to humiliate/harm someone. i would hope that folks choose compassion first.
having said that, i am talking about folks who choose to remain victim, don't want to change, and live their life from a victim stance. and many do.
where does one draw a line in the sand with this?
how far do we alter our own behaviors to avoid being put in a position that someone may misinterpret and use to fan their victim fire?
(that's how PC got carried away...me thinks...)
i am not supporting the intentional attempt to humiliate/harm someone. i would hope that folks choose compassion first.
having said that, i am talking about folks who choose to remain victim, don't want to change, and live their life from a victim stance. and many do.
where does one draw a line in the sand with this?
how far do we alter our own behaviors to avoid being put in a position that someone may misinterpret and use to fan their victim fire?
(that's how PC got carried away...me thinks...)
Very well said
Also, people who 'play the victim' as opposed to being real victims, can actually take on the role of bully.
These people make others around them feel guilty and made to feel like They are being bullies, as they other person plays the victim.
mollybaby: Very well said Also, people who 'play the victim' as opposed to being real victims, can actually take on the role of bully.
These people make others around them feel guilty and made to feel like They are being bullies, as they other person plays the victim.
These people make others around them feel guilty and made to feel like They are being bullies, as they other person plays the victim.
That's the kind of person I've been speaking not the ones who are an actual victims play the victim and are bullies.
The person I was speaking of make others feel guilty and made to feel as if they bullies and themselves to be the victim.
It's all about control.
jono7: i agree with you. some folks are more sensitive than others, just as some folks misinterpret things more than others, while still others are already in a weakened state. and everyone of them has their reasons.
i am not supporting the intentional attempt to humiliate/harm someone. i would hope that folks choose compassion first.
having said that, i am talking about folks who choose to remain victim, don't want to change, and live their life from a victim stance. and many do.
where does one draw a line in the sand with this?
how far do we alter our own behaviors to avoid being put in a position that someone may misinterpret and use to fan their victim fire?
(that's how PC got carried away...me thinks...)
i am not supporting the intentional attempt to humiliate/harm someone. i would hope that folks choose compassion first.
having said that, i am talking about folks who choose to remain victim, don't want to change, and live their life from a victim stance. and many do.
where does one draw a line in the sand with this?
how far do we alter our own behaviors to avoid being put in a position that someone may misinterpret and use to fan their victim fire?
(that's how PC got carried away...me thinks...)
Yes I agreed with you some don't know how to be any other way than being a victim and support is needed for people like this because it is a hard to break that vicious circle of victim to surviver ,,some do not know any other way and need all the support they can get ,
peachmelba: Yes I agreed with you some don't know how to be any other way than being a victim and support is needed for people like this because it is a hard to break that vicious circle of victim to surviver ,,some do not know any other way and need all the support they can get ,
Counciling ,cognetive therepy ,victim support are necessary for a victim to even acknowledge that they have been a victim.
jono7: hiya jac
i think you're quite right here.
but the thing is...
i don't get to act out all over the place just because someone now reminds me of someone else in my past ...
at some point, we need to take responsibility for ourselves.
there are only two choices:
act it out or
work it out.
my heart goes out to those that are acting out...
cuz...don't we all act out till we choose to work it out...?
i can't think of a single person that having previously identified as a victim, didn't enjoy life much more once they identified and processed some things...and became able to be more active rather than re-active in their own lives.
and i'm not saying this lightly as i am also aware that not all folks receive equal opportunities, or support, for dealing with previous victimization. as well, we're in a culture that loves to re-victimize the victims.
i think you're quite right here.
but the thing is...
i don't get to act out all over the place just because someone now reminds me of someone else in my past ...
at some point, we need to take responsibility for ourselves.
there are only two choices:
act it out or
work it out.
my heart goes out to those that are acting out...
cuz...don't we all act out till we choose to work it out...?
i can't think of a single person that having previously identified as a victim, didn't enjoy life much more once they identified and processed some things...and became able to be more active rather than re-active in their own lives.
and i'm not saying this lightly as i am also aware that not all folks receive equal opportunities, or support, for dealing with previous victimization. as well, we're in a culture that loves to re-victimize the victims.
Yeah, some people just don't have the resources to work things out and with most of us stuff takes time.
If it didn't take time, we'd be accusing people of anti-social personality disorder, or something.
Just because someone is at a different stage of survival, it doesn't mean they're 'playing' the victim. I just really, really don't like that expression at all.
jono7: humiliate: to make (someone) feel very ashamed or foolish.
this is the definition for humiliate. but ya see...
no one can make you feel something. it's an inside job.
you choose how you feel....
yanno...
sooo...
change your perception, change your reality.
when one personalizes things that are not personal, that's a choice.
when one can not separate an opinion from a person..that's another choice.
to misinterpret banter...another choice...
just as complaining, judging or using double standards are all more choices...
do you see where i am going with this?
being a victim, is a lifestyle choice as well.
this is the definition for humiliate. but ya see...
no one can make you feel something. it's an inside job.
you choose how you feel....
yanno...
sooo...
change your perception, change your reality.
when one personalizes things that are not personal, that's a choice.
when one can not separate an opinion from a person..that's another choice.
to misinterpret banter...another choice...
just as complaining, judging or using double standards are all more choices...
do you see where i am going with this?
being a victim, is a lifestyle choice as well.
Hi Jono and I do remember a quote a bout it.
“No one can humiliate you without your consent.”
Eleanor Roosevelt.
and be sure not to mistake gentle teasing among friends....sometimes it is hard to know where that line is.
For whatever their back story is, ultimately people just get some kind of thrill or rush out of humiliating others and they desire and crave it, its gets them the attention they want while placing bad attention on the other thus giving them power and control.
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The fact is, you can't take any kind of opposing opinion. So don't cry about criticism when you yourself are guilty of it
U r definitely first in line on using criticism.
Thanx for telling me about banning people.