Women.....a potential is talking to their ex. ( Archived) (18)

Would you want a "potential" that speaks hateful words about their and never admits any wrong doing in the demise of their relationship/marriage.

OR

Would you want a "potential" that has nothing bad to say about their EX except for "it simply did not work out" and admitted they also played a role?

I must say.. I get along so well with my ex.. I get so sick of all of the phone calls. and so is her husband!!
Not a joke for once.

Yes... Just give her my phone number!

Thanks everyone for your input..

I kept in touch with one of my ex as we were very good friends (that is how we broke up, we were more just friends than a couple).

But something odd happened - when I told her I was getting married, she started to call more often about this and that, all sorts of reasons. Well, I did not actually think about it very much as I took the calls, but my bride to be asked me if those calls always were that frequent.

I protested, I told her she knew very well what level I had with that ex and so on. There was nothing flirty with the calls at all, more "needy" somehow, but then again, we always had called each other when we had an issue with something.

But little by little I started to see a pattern; what was going on was close to stalking; somehow the ex found new reasons to call at the most unexpected hours. Finally I told her to ease off a bit with all the calling, I wanted time with my fiancé and she was starting to feel bad about all these calls and I did not want that.

I did a "test"; I told her we were going for dinner, which we were, and that I was going to keep the phone silent.

And sure enough, right there, in the middle of that dinner, the phone rings. Well, I look at my fiancé, I realised that her jealousy really did make sense. I did not answer the call.

But the calls continued, with just 5-10 minutes in between. After four calls I had enough, and I asked my fiancé to answer. She did, telling my ex I was on a short run out of the restaurant, but she could leave a message. Listening across the table, I then hear my ex say that it was nothing important and that she would call back later. Nothing important? And calling six times in an hour for that???



So, next time my ex called, I was pretty upset, I told her so and asked what kind of friend she was to do everything she could to create an uncomfortable situation for me and my fiancé, when she knew was and she knew what we were doing that night?

My fiancé was right and I was wrong, I thought it all friendly when it was in reality a (sub-?) conscious try to saw a split into my new relation or at least to increase her own right to me.

Now I know my Andreea better than I did back then, I know she tells me when she feels jealous and she does not behave erratically when she does. If I knew that then, we would have saved a few very tense weeks. It has never ever been a problem since, not even when I am here writing online among all you females here

So... innocent and all, make sure that the current partner feels comfortable with it, because if not, the reason could be they see something we refuse to see and the price can be way too high.

A lot of the posts here don't seem to be responding to the actual question asked, so I guess I'll join the crowd.

I believe relationships are complex enough without the added complication of "exes" involved. Of course, the nature of that involvement can range from conversations once a year to daily communications, and the nature of those communications can vary from extremely casual to extremely intense/intimate, so it all depends on the degree of the involvement. In general, I think it best to minimize socializing/contact with one's exes. A romantic relationship - especially in the first phases - requires enormous amounts of time and energy, and one's former partners can be an undesirable distraction or worse (as in Tater's case).

Excellent, Mike. I was thinking of something similar from my own experience.

I don't see any hard and fast rules here, but I would merely point out that the potential for negative effects certainly exists for those who maintain close contact with their exes.