can you be friends with your ex-lover? (77)
RebeccaWYR: If you love sb very much, but somehow you break up with him/her, would you still make friends with him/her, or not?
For me, defintely no
It depends on emotional attachment if there is any...For me, defintely no
yess ,depend on the situation..
krisha: yess ,depend on the situation..
Yes I could cause I don't hold grudges.
darren9030: My ex girlfriend is my best friend in the whole world & my ex wife is also a close friend so obviously everyone's different on this subject
if so, why would you broke up
somechick: Yes I could cause I don't hold grudges.
Well, that really isn't the issue, Anna. It's a question of the wisdom of maintaining such a friendship...
I just rather walk away. It just seems easier for me. So hell no. was my answer.
I think it depends on the situation and why you broke up. I am friends with one of my ex's, and i value his friendship
Ambrose2007: Well, that really isn't the issue, Anna. It's a question of the wisdom of maintaining such a friendship...
The OQ was can you be friends with your ex-lover? and I answered the way I did.This was my feelings on this.Someone else said hell no and to me that's holding a grudge. No matter how someone has done me wrong I don't hold grudges it's not how I am.I've a very forgiving person.
somechick: The OQ was can you be friends with your ex-lover? and I answered the way I did.This was my feelings on this.Someone else said hell no and to me that's holding a grudge. No matter how someone has done me wrong I don't hold grudges it's not how I am.I've a very forgiving person.
if sb i love hurt me, then the more i love them, the more i hate them.
i think love and hatred is necessarily connected
RebeccaWYR: then in what kind of situation would you become friends with ex
If the split was amicable and if there are children involved, they are already losing a parent in the living environment it's important that their welfare comes first.RebeccaWYR: if sb i love hurt me, then the more i love them, the more i hate them.
i think love and hatred is necessarily connected
i think love and hatred is necessarily connected
I was taught by my parents not to hate anyone caue it's such a strong word.I had someone hurt me once but I didn't hate them I forgave them instead.Forgiving them was more of a release for me.
RebeccaWYR: If you love sb very much, but somehow you break up with him/her, would you still make friends with him/her, or not?
For me, defintely no
For me, defintely no
Only if she was 6 feet under
somechick: I was taught by my parents not to hate anyone caue it's such a strong word.I had someone hurt me once but I didn't hate them I forgave them instead.Forgiving them was more of a release for me.
ya, it's nice to forgive those who hurt you, but you still love or not
My ex's husband occasionally drops her off at
my house so she can visit me. He usually picks
her up a couple of hours later.
Another ex quite often invites me round for dinner,
in fact I'm off for a weekend away with her and some
other friends in a few weeks.
Another one lives on the west coast of Ireland, I visit
her now and again.
These people are good friends of mine but I feel no
emotional attachment whatsoever other than friendship.
my house so she can visit me. He usually picks
her up a couple of hours later.
Another ex quite often invites me round for dinner,
in fact I'm off for a weekend away with her and some
other friends in a few weeks.
Another one lives on the west coast of Ireland, I visit
her now and again.
These people are good friends of mine but I feel no
emotional attachment whatsoever other than friendship.
RebeccaWYR: ya, it's nice to forgive those who hurt you, but you still love or not
Of I loved them.
somechick: I was taught by my parents not to hate anyone caue it's such a strong word.I had someone hurt me once but I didn't hate them I forgave them instead.Forgiving them was more of a release for me.
And hate or not is one thing, but be friends or not is another
somechick: Rebecca Of course I loved them.
somechick: The OQ was can you be friends with your ex-lover? and I answered the way I did.This was my feelings on this.Someone else said hell no and to me that's holding a grudge. No matter how someone has done me wrong I don't hold grudges it's not how I am.I've a very forgiving person.
Well, it's unfortunate she didn't ask the right question (obviously people can be friends with ex-lovers). There are certainly very good reasons for not maintaining a friendship with an ex-lover that have absolutely nothing to do with holding a grudge.
bodleing: My ex's husband occasionally drops her off at
my house so she can visit me. He usually picks
her up a couple of hours later.
Another ex quite often invites me round for dinner,
in fact I'm off for a weekend away with her and some
other friends in a few weeks.
Another one lives on the west coast of Ireland, I visit
her now and again.
These people are good friends of mine but I feel no
emotional attachment whatsoever other than friendship.
my house so she can visit me. He usually picks
her up a couple of hours later.
Another ex quite often invites me round for dinner,
in fact I'm off for a weekend away with her and some
other friends in a few weeks.
Another one lives on the west coast of Ireland, I visit
her now and again.
These people are good friends of mine but I feel no
emotional attachment whatsoever other than friendship.
Ah, it's time for our perennial head-butting on this subject, G.Okay...but your pattern of hanging out and being buddy-buddy with many of your exes would change if you were in a serious romantic relationship, true? (I mean, time-constraints alone would guarantee that, no?)
I've remained friends with all my x-lovers and still occasionally socialize with them and more .......
If you sincerely had a friendship with someone , shouldn't you keep that part despite differences that made the relationship fail ?
If you sincerely had a friendship with someone , shouldn't you keep that part despite differences that made the relationship fail ?
Ambrose2007: Ah, it's time for our perennial head-butting on this subject, G.
Okay...but your pattern of hanging out and being buddy-buddy with many of your exes would change if you were in a serious romantic relationship, true? (I mean, time-constraints alone would guarantee that, no?)
Okay...but your pattern of hanging out and being buddy-buddy with many of your exes would change if you were in a serious romantic relationship, true? (I mean, time-constraints alone would guarantee that, no?)
To some degree Jeff I suspect that would be the case,
but having spent the last twelve years without a
serious relationship, its difficult to say.
Either way I would still remain friends, but I guess
the level of interaction would adjust accordingly.
Single is simpler.
bodleing: To some degree Jeff I suspect that would be the case,
but having spent the last twelve years without a
serious relationship, its difficult to say.
Either way I would still remain friends, but I guess
the level of interaction would adjust accordingly.
Single is simpler.
but having spent the last twelve years without a
serious relationship, its difficult to say.
Either way I would still remain friends, but I guess
the level of interaction would adjust accordingly.
Single is simpler.
I agree single is much simpler.....but it depends on how you grow...I am now still friends with my ex of 20 years after he left me and my childern for someone else.....
Dosnt make him a bad person we just grew apart and pressures and stress distanced us....I am glad in time it has worked out this way after all he is the father of my children....Men have a weakness....but all is not lost....forgive and move along...
RebeccaWYR: if so, why would you broke up
Because some people are better as friends than they are lovers. We used to argue when we were a couple but now if we meet to go shopping or whatever we get on great .
jvaski: I've remained friends with all my x-lovers and still occasionally socialize with them and more .......
If you sincerely had a friendship with someone , shouldn't you keep that part despite differences that made the relationship fail ?
If you sincerely had a friendship with someone , shouldn't you keep that part despite differences that made the relationship fail ?
I've been reading responses like this, and I think I may be seeing a pattern here. My question is - and I don't intend this as a knock against you or Graham, this is pure Science Jeff - but is it not possible that one reason some people continue actively socializing and relying on their exes is that it's easier, both emotionally and financially - and also in terms of commitment - to have such friendships as opposed to the risk-filled, heart-rending, emotionally involving affair of attempting to develop and maintain a committed romantic relationship?
bodleing: To some degree Jeff I suspect that would be the case,
but having spent the last twelve years without a
serious relationship, its difficult to say.
Either way I would still remain friends, but I guess
the level of interaction would adjust accordingly.
Single is simpler.
but having spent the last twelve years without a
serious relationship, its difficult to say.
Either way I would still remain friends, but I guess
the level of interaction would adjust accordingly.
Single is simpler.
Okay, then...here's the million dollar - well, adjusting for inflation and your currency, billion pound - question: Do you think it's possible that actively maintaining friendships with your exes might constitute a barrier to some degree to a serious romantic relationship/commitment?
I like to think that I have the maturity to be friends with an ex........
I'm not sure if I do though.
I think it may be a case of torturing yourself with the "what if".
In saying that, I am friendly enough with two.
Just accepted that we'd make better friends than partners.
I'm not sure if I do though.
I think it may be a case of torturing yourself with the "what if".
In saying that, I am friendly enough with two.
Just accepted that we'd make better friends than partners.
More Threads
1830's Music
Feel Good Music
Happy Birthday MysteriousGirl80
other can see but not you
everything is changing
Don Shits-In-Pants!!!
rarotonga
Sleepy Don!
How far is too far?
your personality
More Threads
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
It's interesting to see two seemingly diametrically opposed viewpoints on this subject by roughly equal numbers of people. Clearly people's experience with friend-exes varies wildly.
I'm fairly confident one can say that if your intent is to find someone with whom you can enjoy a long-term or permanent romantic relationship, then your association with exes needs to be of a very limited nature, since an ongoing in-depth/intimate relationship with an ex will necessarily interfere both time and energy-wise with the development of a serious romantic relationship, which requires a considerable devotion of time and energy.