Do feel comfortable telling your other half everything??? ( Archived) (43)

If you tell everything its getting back to you like a boomerang,I know about it, be sure. Still I would do it again since I can't keep things and thoughts hidden, so its better I have no partner, nothing to tell and no problem.

I find it really sad that you and Anctus have been hurt so badly by unscruplous women. It almost hurts me to watch you post sometimes. I would wish better for both of you.

I have no secrets. If anyone asks I tell them. It keeps things simple and honest. My maxim is, if you don't want to know, don't ask.

I find that it is not that people use what you have told them against you, it is that they use lies based on what you told them to hurt you. And really, if there is no real truth in it, then it shouldn't hurt, just piss you off a little for a while.

What they say always says more about them than it does about you. People who know and love you won't believe it anyway.

In answer to your question Phoenix, I talk about all subjects will all people. If they are not at a level to understand, or if they don't agree and shun me, or if they think I am crazy, so what?

It truly doesn't bother me, except in the fact that I sometimes despair of finding someone who is as broadminded as I am, in the ways that I am, and has as wide a range of subjects to discuss as I have, with maybe the experience to back their opinions up.

That would be nice, but I know it is a long shot and hardly likely to happen, so I just accept what I get and be happy with it.

Yeah sure until your partner finds out and consider that as an act of non trust in him, and chuck you out of the window like a flying saucer.
Ask no questions hear no lies, is a proverb, but whoever applies it to a relationship must be an idiot, because you cannot love somebody that you don't know,,,,,or maybe there are some idiots that can actually do it!!

i told my ex everything

now she took the bank accounts
house
cars
kids
bonds
gold

wish i kept mu mouth shut

Oh yes it did. I never had the experiences I talked about. So don't include me as I have not included you in any of that.

No secrets no lies applies to me and for any eventual partner. If she does'nt like it, she leaves.,,,,before she starts.
But I will never settle for any woman doing things behind my back. Did you say you had another word for secret?

So your policy ”No lies, no secrets” did you good? Glad for you. (Looks like you are the only so far )Though given the degree of rage you’ve told me off for abortions (?), cheating (?), what was there more (?), one can easily assume that it’s your experience, and you are talking about me. Otherwise how could you know about it, and why it made you so angry?

As to another word for secret… I believe I’ve written it: my precious memories. Though don’t know why do you need second, third or fourth word for “secret” as you are not to employ it in your relationships.

And by the way, I want the answer on my question: Why do you allow yourself to tell me off for something I never did?

Tulefel,you are what you are,a private person,as it is your right to be,though it may have been better to express it as
" I prefer to keep certain things to myself".As it is,your post came across,not just to Anctus,but to me and maybe others too,as a little aloof.

" I,ve got a right to my secrets...." may interest you to know that is more or less exactly(contradiction in terms I know)what my first ex said to me when I challenged her about her affair.Not your fault,I KNOW,but a bit too close to how adulterous people(men and women)express themselves when caught at it.

"As a woman...." well yes,we all know that women have a problem talking openly about certain matters (female plumbing for one)but I,m sorry,this comes across as a little arrogant,like women have some special dispensation to have potentially harmful,hurtful secrets.Perhaps you ought to have been a little more specific to avoid any misunderstandings.

As for " men just don,t understand....refuse to understand....don,t want to know..." Again,without wishing to cause you any offence,this sounds somewhat arrogant and nis way in the centre of the adulterous ballpark.


" My husband/wife doesn,t understand...I,ve got special needs...he doesn,t want to know...." I know its not what you said,but it,s close and is classic adulterers dialogue. Now I am not saying that you are arrogant nor adulterous,just that perhaps you might have chosen your words a little more thoughtfully.Maybe it aint your fault,maybe you are an innocent abroad and weren,t aware of the things I pointed out,but in view of my explanation,I fully understand Anctu,s response,and maybe you too will understand.I don,t believe Anctus was having a go at you personally so much as what it was you said.

Now then,that one dimensional bike you,ve got......

To Elley:

Arrogant, aloof, bad choice of words… Language barrier!

Taken from a different angle… perhaps it’s what I am, and hence being myself, ie being frank didn’t do me any good this time either.

You’ve got your experience, I’ve got mine, we can leave the subject at that level. Though I have to admit that the words “there are matters that men just don’t understand, and there are matters that men refuse to understand, and hence don’t want to know” ‘ve been generated by my (less precious) memories from co-existence with a stronger half, and the base for my “general” conclusion is a very few men I’ve known close.

But on the other side, the bon ton on this fair forum is extrapolation of one’s limited experience across the galaxy, so I just kept in line, didn’t I?

No I did NOT say you were those things,just that that is how you,re words may be heard without clarification. Pluralist experience, perception and expression and meaning can cause big misunderstandings.

After my recent experience on this thread, I can say that it doesn’t have to be your ex, dumb or revengeful or otherwise… And it doesn’t have to be that you’ve disclosed too much information about yourself… It’s enough for a complete stranger to dislike you for some reason, to make up monstrous lies about you and then scream it all over the world.


Would it be too ambitious to conclude that it’s not about what and how much you tell the other, it’s up to your counterpart what they will make of it?

Hi People,
I am not a kind of Drama Queen like this one:

so I voted - Yes!

Good post.Yes we need to filter what we tell and choose our words carefully,or say nothing,esp if it is not apt.

Fixing things....ahhhhh.Sometimes women tell men things just to get them off their chest.However,because men are pre-programmed to fix things they often see this unloading as a request to fix the thing. Men can become angry when their efforts to fix are rejected

" Well if you don,t want me to fix it why the hell are you telling me about it ?"

And women become angry too " I don,t want you to fix it,what do you think I am,a dummy ? I just want you to listen." Listening is not something lots of men do very well. Mind you,men can read maps better than wimmin.