I don't know if "Mr Right" exists. But I believe that Mr Okay who will love you imperfectly exists.
No relationship will every fully meet all expectations, hopes and dreams because no person is ever perfect.
I think that if we are truely honest with ourselves, and really "look in the mirror", then if we can see that we are not perfect, we must expect that our partner, or potential partner will also not be perfect.
For me, I had to change what I was looking for, because when I "looked in the mirror" I realised that I was actually looking for the wrong things, and the wrong personality types that caused friction eventually between us.
So I realised that I had to filter and even change my criteria for a partner.
Wow, was I surprised when I did that. There were so many suitable people that I was flabbergasted. I just didn't realise.
I am not in a wonderful relationship with one of the most amazing ladies that I have ever met. She is not perfect, but man, is she quite a few steps up from my ex, who goes to church every week, but is nothing like what she pretends to be.
The older we get, time seems to go faster. There is a mathematical answer to this reality. When we are 5 years old for example, then one year of our life equates to 20% of our entire life experience. But when we are 50 years old, then one year of our life equates to only 2% of our entire life experience.
So time seems to get faster as we get older. Because we have lived more of it, and each day represents less of our entire life experience....
How I wish that this ideal was true. Unfortunately it is control that makes the world go around. Love should be the thing that makes the world go around, but look at this world. There really is not a lot of love on show in many places.
There are many types of love, and I think that it is these many types of love that need to function in harmony that bring about lasting happiness.
Love takes two people, one person can love and it will do no good, unless another accepts this love, and responds to this love.
So love is a relationship, whether it is friends, lovers, compassion, humility, or sacrifice. Love needs others responding positively to it to make a difference in this world.
I used to be the same. Up to all hours on the computer. But when I am with my fiance, I have no need to be on the computer, because I am with her, so I would go to be at a reasonable hour, provided that she was by my side. And we would sleep. It is the best feeling ever to go to sleep with the touch of your loved one. And to wake and know that feeling was not a dream.
How I miss her, and so here I am on here again, until the time that we can be back together again.
Interesting how what caused the fall of the third cherubim that is mentioned in the bible is this being's "beauty" and "splendor".
"and I destroyed you, O guardian cherub, from the midst of the stones of fire. Your heart was proud because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor. I cast you to the ground; I exposed you before kings, to feast their eyes on you. "
I think that we do not understand beauty, and our world has been indoctrinated to view as beautiful the sames things that this fallen Cherub thinks is beautiful. Thus we make judgements based on external beauty and often disragard others who do not meet these external standards.
And indeed this fallen Cherub and the standards used by this world are beautiful. Just because something becomes corrupted does not mean that it loses its beauty.
I feel so sad that so many judge their self-worth on this external value system. For example, my fiance is incredibly beautiful, yet in her society, she and her peers cannot see her beauty. Here in my society, I am not considered "beautiful" (handsome), yet in her society, I had young girls going weak at the knees over me because I am considered very handsome.
I think that this is a good thing to consider, and to put into perspective. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and it behooves us to make sure that our eyes are looking through clear lenses and not cloudy lenses, as if often the case....
There is nothing wrong with large ages gaps, but as people get older, the differences become more apparent.
In 20 years time, you would be 46 and she 66. Love would be love, but there then might be differences as to how each of you view life and want to live life.
Add another 10 years to that and the differences might become even more apparent as old age sets in.
I always view a relationship as long-term, not short-term, so I look at age differences and think about 10, 20, 30 years time.
I have chosen a woman close to my age to love and we are engaged. She is not quite 3 years older than me.
Because of our similar ages, I think that we will be able to grow old together and keep in sinc during our changing life phases as we grow old together.
Many probably only look at the now moment. With me, a relationship is not only now, but forever into the future, God willing.
It is very hard for a lot of people to present their real self on the internet. I mean this medium is made for making up an alter ego.
I chose my fiancee based on "love at first insight". I didn't take her photo as gospel. Her photo was true of her, but when she was younger.
She has a real complex where she cannot see how beautiful she is now, and so she felt that to attract a man of worth, she had to present something she no longer is.
I don't blame her for this, or any other that does this. I accept people for who they are, and I accept people's friendship even if I'm not all that interested, because for me, every human being is beautiful and of worth in some way.
I don't expose myself to potential danger, or to delusion. But using many tools that I found filter my selections, i have found many good friends here on CS, and I have found my soul-mate who I am engaged to now.
We must invest something, but in all honesty, I told my now fiancee that I really liked what was developing on the internet, but that we had to spend real time together to make a proper and real evaluation of our suitablity and mutual attraction.
Some might find this forthrightness confronting, but remember this medium lends itself to alter egos, and self delusion of who and what we are and who and what others are.
If I point the finger to blame someone else, I find that I have three fingers pointing back at me from my own hand.
If we remember that when we judge someone else, it is often because we see (and do not like) the same things in ourselves, but we do not admit these things to ourselves.
This has been my learning and experience growing and changing and loving.....
Your friend's plight and story is a difficult one, yet with noble intentions. Yes it is difficult living in one country while one's soul-mate or partner lives in another country.
For me it is about love, not money, not freedom. My fiance is in another country to me. I can only visit her once or twice each year. We are working on applying for a visa that will allow us to be together.
I am happy to move to her country, but she wants to move to my country. So this is what we are applying for her to do. There are always ways to achieve such goals, and having lived in the UK, it is no different there to here where I live now.
I think that your friend could find a way if he really wanted to find a way. And the exchange rate between the currencies means that he can send a lot of money to his family, relatively speaking for little money in the UK.
In the UK, I thought that if a man is working there, he can have his family live with him.
Surely documentation for his wife can be found to meet the needs of UK immigration. It must exist somewhere in India. He would have needed such documentation to be able to live and work in the UK himself. Unless he is an illegal immigrant, and working illegally and this is why he is not earning good money as an engineer.
I had a friend who was working in the Uk and he was able to bring his whole family with him, on his work visa. If he loves his wife, and he is an engineer (that is a good job that pays quite well in the UK) then I do not understand why he cannot have his whole family live with him in the UK, like my friend did when he was working there for years on a work visa.
My friend then moved to the USA and again, he was able to take his whole family with him to live there as well.
So I am not sure why he cannot have his family come and live with him in the UK.
My fiance is also having to provide much documentation to my government, but this does not worry us. We both are doing what must be done for us to be together.
But my previous comment still stands. Love is not bothered by the sacrifice it must make for another. So if he loves her, he will do whatever it takes. Even if this means living in a system that he does not like. And does this relate to the cast system in India?
My experience is that some things just happen. There is no reason. But bad experiences can be used for good outcomes for those involved. And if you believe in God and the writing that are said to be inspired by the Spirit of God, then all things work for good for those who are the household of God.
I personally don't think that ourselves are always trustworthy, so it is always good to get the input and advice of family, friends, and those whom one respects.
In relationships, it takes two to be together, but only one to pull it apart.
There are innocent victims in relationships that go bad. And there are callous, selfish perpetrators of a relationship's destruction.
My costly experiences have given me a different viewpoint to your "everything happens for a reason".
Sometimes things just happen. Like accidents. Nobody wants them to occur, they just do.
Things are really good, I mean really really good. I have met my soul-mate. She is a traditional Chinese woman, conservative, yet unconventional and not afraid to show her affection in public. She is fearless, yet timid and a real lioness when she thought that I was being taken advantage of in Fuzhou.
We are now applying for a Prospective Marriage Visa for her to be able to come and live here in Australia and of course, for us to marry.
I miss her very much now that I am back in Australia, but we keep in touch every day by phone and email.
I'm going back as soon as I can get another passport and visa. I've already started to bring some of her stuff to Australia, and we're looking to container ship other stuff from her home to here.
So I think we are doing okay. She is amazing, a bit like you, I think.....
Are you entitled to love and be loved? Yes. My question for you is "will it happen"? and my answer is "I don't know". I found love, but not in my own country. I was rejected by my own kind. But I have found friends who are girls in other countries and love from a woman who is from another culture and country.
You are on the sick list.... since when did that matter unless you allow it to matter. Each of us have our difficulties to bear and to endure, but what matters is how we think about these things. So think positively about your life. Think about the good things, and allow the bad things to have acceptance.
Love is like prospecting for gold. It is rare and precious and very hard to find these days.
It can be done, but you must persevere and you must knock on many doors. You must be prepared to face rejection with a smile.
Then one day perhaps, you will find love like I did. When I least expected it and from a place I would never have thought to look....
Yes forgiveness is a wonderful gift that we give and can receive. The resurrection of the Christ indeed happened on a First day of the week, but his crucifixion did not happen on Easter Friday!
Of the prophecy he gave of his death, he was to be in the grave 3 days and 3 nights. So he raised to life dawn of Sunday... So if we count back 3 nights and 3 days, what day do we get that he died on? Hint: It is not Friday.
This is just one example of how the story has been celebrated incorrectly.
Oh, and forgive me for pointing this out....
Also where does a rabbit and eggs fit into the story of the death and resurrection of Christ? Answer: They don't.
Oh, and forgive me for pointing this out as well.....
Able bodied people find it really hard to find a loving, caring and passionate partner, so don't think you're alone or that it has to do with being in a wheelchair.
It is the nature of modern western humanity to be self-centred, and superficial.
Keep on trying and make friends. Friendships can lead to wonderful relationships.
Will she pay you while you are being a tour guide? What I mean is if she is going to still pay you your wages and pay for your trip, and you got on okay with your boss, then I can't see a problem.
But if you do not like you boss, and she will not pay you your normal wages while you are being a tour guide for her and her family, then I would not do it.
The other things to consider is:
Would her family like the same places that you liked?
Do they have similar tastes as you?
Can you put up with a bunch of screaming kids trailing around?
Is she looking for free child-minding service while on holidays?
Answer these questions and then see how you feel....
As the world changes, so do the value systems of people. Friendship that you talk of is very rare. It has always been rare.
When you were young and beautiful, you might thought that it was easy to make/find friends, but if they were with boys, then I bet the boys were thinking of something else other than being friends!
True friendships can often be counted on the fingers of one hand. You know the ones. You can turn up at their place any time and they will accept you into their home, you can ask to borrow money and they will lend it to you, they are there to support you when you go through tragedy.
I have some of these friends, but they are rare to find.
Also, as we get older we also change. And as we change, we attract different sorts of people and we don't like some things that we used to like when we were young. Also our memories play tricks on us. I remember a movie I watched when I was young and I thought it was wonderful. I had to opportunity to watch it again recently, and I wonder what I ever saw in it.
This example is of many things that happen as we grow older and change.
I understand your lament and question, but the reality is that true friendship is rare. Just like true love is also rare.
Well I think that eventually an LDR has to become a coupling with one or the other choosing to leave their home town or their country to live together as partners.
Friendships can continue through cyber-space, telephone calls, etc. But this is not relationship in the sense of two people living together, sharing their lives in real, sharing the bathroom, sharing living arrangements, etc. You know, the real stuff.
How much communication is healthy depends on the couple, the commitment, and the intention.
Until my GF is granted her VISA to live with me, we talk every night for an hour or so, as well as email.
But this is just us. Others do things differently. How much you may need to communicate with your chosen partner if you are in a LDR is between you and your partner.
If you feel uncomfortable with the amount of communiation or the frequency (or the lack thereof) then this is something for you and your partner to discuss and come to an agreement about.
Ultimately, LDR must move on to become real, or it will die a natural death. It is just a matter of time, money, and red-tape.....
I think for me, it is the fact that I'm getting older that is the issue. I don't care what others think.
But I have changed an no longer want to do the stupid and crazy things that I did in my youth.
Maybe you feel restricted by peer pressure, I certainly don't.
For me every stage of life is different. Sure I like to have fun, but now fun is defined differently.
My body is saggy in spots it never used to be, so out of self-respect, I don't want to expose it to many people any more.
But that is me. If you worry about what others think, they will rule your life. Live in the freedom you have and choose what you choose because you choose it. But be considerate of others as well.
It is sad when there is the death of a relationship. Death always brings with it grief.
No relationship is destined to die except that one or both people involved refuse to breath life into it through their own selfishness, greed, and lack of true love.
But with every death, there is always those left behind grieving and wishing that things might have been different.
It is never a good thing for a relationship to die. Death is always a horrible thing, but perhaps more so for a relationship that involves children. It is never a clean break in these circumstances. Children will eventually spend time with both partners, and the ghost of their past relationship will always haunt them every time they look at their child.
Halv0 Blog Comments (196)
RE: single and lonely
.... woops, am tired and didn't proofread what I typed.I am in a wonderful relationship now.... Just thought I'd clarify that..... Sorry for the typo.....