Migsy??? Are you back here??? Oooohhhh. I'm gonna tell bf.... not.
Good to see you back. I relly like your generic sillouette pic. It really shows off that glowing smile of yours.
I think that cultural differences can be good for a relationship to grow both people, or it can make a relationship very difficult if both don't understand that allowances have to be made for cultural difference.
I think you know a lot about being in a relationship with someone from a different culture and I think you have a lot of wisdom that you can share on the subject.
How do I handle 'cultural' difference? I put on a stupid look and stare blankly at my fiance. If that doesn't work, then I pretend and say "I don't understand". If that doesn't work, then I revert to speaking heavy Aussie slang. That usually confuses her and the cultural difference goes away...... ha ha ha....
Like most things, emotions, mind-sets, and every other thing to do with being human have good points for it, but also it can be bad in certain situations.
Just like anything, for example fire. Fire can warm you, dispose of some forms of rubbish, etc, so while it is in check and controlled by somebody, it is a wonderful servant. But it is a terrible master and consumes everything when it breaks free of control and becomes the master.
So to is our emotions and mind-sets. While we control them, they serve us well. We all get down at times and suspicious at at times. But it is when these emotions and mind-sets take over and control us that they become horrible masters of us, preventing us from taking the calculated, risks (using wisdom of course) that we must take to grow, and to love others.
I believe it is a balancing act. These emotions and thoughts and that intuition is there for a purpose and should be considered, but in conjunction with researched information that we need to use to make a final decision.
Cynicism is a mind-set. It can be controlled, but often it controls those who let it. This is sad, because it will take away from them life and opportunities to love.
Go with your feeling or intuition... if something doesn't feel right, listen to it.
I think that if one is interested with someone on this site, it is a really good idea to get the advice for friends and family, because they can see things that we can't when we are emotionally involved and invested in something.
Just don't shrug off your feelings or intuition. If you have it, it is there for a reason. Listen to it, within reason of course, and get the help / opinion of others to help you decide.
In matters of the heart, it is always good to keep your feet on the ground while your head is in the clouds....
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
Each of us can focus on failure, or fatigue or the myriad of things that pull us down, but if we focus on whatever lifts our minds up.... a beautiful picture, a loving kindness done, anything that is positive.... this will help us to keep on trying to reach our goals, and to not give up.
Don't give up, keep on keeping on, and just like a long distance racer, our bodies might scream but we just push on through to the easier times of rest and restoration....
Keep your chin up, look forward, and keep on going. The sun never stops shining, even if we cannot see it for the clouds....
I really hope your trip goes well. Once you have met face-to-face, you will have a better idea of your right course of action.
I am engaged to my fiance that I found on this site.
Agreed, that there is no need to stay here, but for me, while I am away from my fiance (we are waiting for the appropriate visas to be processed - could take up to 12 months) I have decided to stay here because I have many friends here.
It is safe, and I don't want to lose touch with many people I have become good friends with.
Actually, I have some now that I chat with and keep in touch with through facebook, etc.
So even though you don't need this site and it has fulfilled its original purpose, there is scope and room to still hang out with friends you have made here.
Just thought it is worth mentioning this aspect before you both decide to 'pull the pin' after your trip.... unless you intend to stay together from then onwards.
But for me, I knew that the process I have begun was not going to be a quick and easy path. So I stay here to chat with others who encourage me while I wait until the time my fiance and I can marry and stay together without needing to be separate any more because of borders, and government red-tape.....
Yeah, I've met heaps of real people here. Actually I've met people here and now remain friends with them through Facebook and other social media.
I know that different people have different ideas for their perfect partner, but I know for sure that I could be in a serious relationship with at least half a dozen beautiful and amazing women I met here on CS.
My fiance I also met here.
What is my secret to success? Well, I firstly took a long look in the mirror and came to the realisation that I needed to change. I needed to change the people I was prepared to give a go to, I needed to change my perceptions of what made a perfect partner for me. I actually stopped contacting certain types and started contacting those that I originally had ruled out.
I also looked at what sort of women I dated in the past and why. I asked myself why none of those relationships worked out. Then I set about adjusting my expectations, adjusting my self-opinion.
I also started to be honest with myself. I wouldn't have dated me, so I started to do something about that.
All these things freed me from the same traps that brought me to failure time and time again in relationships and dates.
Well, just thought I would share this as I believe that we each need to be real with ourselves, real with what sort of a person is actually suited to us, and real with getting out there and putting in the same amount of effort as we expect others to put into us.
We must be careful to faithfully recount what is written in its context.
In the account of Joshua with the "angel" there are a couple of important things to note:
1. The 'angel' was not for them or against them. This is interesting. They were afforded no special favour from God because of who they were at this moment in time, or because of what they were doing at this moment in time. This angel did what he did and was there because of God, not because of the people, their actions, their faith even.
2. Joshua was to stand bare footed - grounded on the earth - not because of prayer, or worship, but because "the place on which you stand is holy". It was a holy place to be standing as defined by this being who had the authority to define it as such. Joshua didn't pray first, nor did he preach. He was just standing there at the place where the 'angel' was also standing, and this place was defined by God's representative at that time, as 'holy'.
Thus Joshua obeyed what instructions were given him directly by this 'angel'. He didn't pray about it, seek further guidance, or reason it out. He didn't compare it with previous 'teachings' about God and the earth. He just did what he was told to do.
This is what gave him and the people success in the overthrow of Jericho.
Astrology when worshipped, and when it controls a person's life is not good. Neither is many other things including food if it controls a person's life.
For me, when I used the atrological signs as indicators of personality traits, I found that certain astrological starsign groups were far more compatible with me, than other astrological groups.
My first wife, for instance was in an astrological starsign that is definitely not compatible with me.
My fiance and many of my friends, on the other hand, are in astrological starsigns that are very compatible with me. So I find that there is validity in using these as tools.
It is when these things are used to govern our lives that they are wrong.
After all, God put the stars in the heavens to tell the story of creation, redemption, and the gospel. He also put them there to denote times and seasons.
So there is definitely validity in the usage of astrology as indicators, but not to rule our lives.
Well, here in Australia this sort of relationship is called a "de-facto" relationship and holds the same sort of status in family law here as a marriage.
That's right, if after living in a de-facto relationship, the couple split up, the same law applies to them as to a married couple in terms of child maintenance, property settlement, and family law.
Here it is recognised as a "marriage" in many ways. For that is exactly what it is.
Sorry to bust your bubble, but there are many legal hassles should a de-facto relationship turn sour.
I'm also dubious about your opinion that 'breaking up' is easy to do in a defacto relationships. Because people who live together still bond in their soul. The breaking of that bond brings with it the same amount of grief for the non-agreeable partner and the same emotional and psychological destruction in their lives as if they were married.
Yes, it sounds like a good way to go, but the impacts of a de-facto relationship mimic marriage in so many ways, that in my country it is consider under the legal processes to be 'marriage'.
One of the reasons that the eternal wisdom had in strongly recommending a single relationship for life, is that we take our baggage into the next relationship and compare.
We look at innocent gestures, etc, and compare them automatically with previous experiences, and jump to the same conclusions that are irrationally formed based on the past experiences.
So in wisdom it is very very hard to give a new person in our life a clean start.
We are like a CDR. Once it is written, it is virtually impossible to re-write it.
So the more relationships we are in and out of, the more baggage all of us bring to the next, and the more suspicious we are of behaviours that we recognise from previous relationships.
We must learn to manage our responses and not put on others what others have put on us. This is the challenge, and this is very difficult to do.
I think she was an amazing woman. But me, I find that there is only so much I can take. But nobody cares about that anyway, so let's make up positive slogans. That way we don't have to care for the oppressed, the hurting and the poor. We can tell them it is all in their mind and continue to ignore them.
People get warped perspetives as a result of trauma. Trauma can happen from any situation. Post traumatic stress can be triggered from "innocent" situations even. It is a matter of perspective.
But I believe it is not a trust issue, but a perspective issue. We trust all the time. We trust strangers more than we trust our loved ones.
Let me give you an example. You will trust a complete stranger in a bank when you hand your money over the counter. They press a few buttons (who really knows what - you can't see what they are really doing) and you leave with a piece of paper or a receipt that doesn't really mean anything.
But your perspective is that this person is trustworthy. You know absolutely nothing about them.
Often we have so much expectations of our loved ones, an no expectations of strangers, so we trust strangers more than our loved ones.
We need to put things into perspective. That is the key to it.
When I went to China recently, it was actually cheaper and better value for me to use my debit card at an ATM to withdraw local currency.
If you take cash, you get a lesser exchange rate when you exchange it, plus they take commission.
When you use your debit/credit card, you get the current exchange rate, no commission, and for me it cost me a flat rate of $5.00 to withdraw whatever amount of money I wanted in one transaction.
It saved me heaps and gave me so much more local currency to spend that taking cash and getting it exchanged.
I just informed my bank where I was going and for how long, and they made a note on my bank records.
It worked really well and I had much more local currency to spend than if I had taken cash to exchange.
I think that we must be cautious when reading of an event that happened a certain way at a certain time. Because the Holy Spirit is given in different ways to different people in accordance with how God deems fit through Christ.
At this time it was fire, at other times, it was through other means.
Remember the God's angels also appear as fire (e.g. the burning bush).
We must be careful not to read more into what is written than what is just written.
We must also remember that God has chosen and distributed the "gifts" of the Holy Spirit in differing ways, and that some of us "vessels" are for show as parts of the Body of Christ are for show. But some parts of the body of Christ are not for public view, and their role is just as important and precious and essential in the body of Christ.
For me, I received a pouring into me like water, then a washing over me like a baby being bathed.
Laugh all you who want to, but this was profound, and life changing. It is at these events that I began the warfare we are called to engage in. Am I successful most of the time. I don't know.
Some of us are front-line soldiers, some of us are nurturers, some of us are eyes to see, some of us are hands to hold up the weak.
Let us all rejoice in each other in Christ, and let us understand that we each have a unique calling, or choosing (as it may be).
God is not like man's systems. He does not create a mass product that is all the same, he creates unique products to conform to the image of his Son the way he deems fit.
Also he does not manifest the Holy Spirit the same way in all of his chosen and called ones.
Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I certainly have found my beautiful partner here on this very site. In fact I think I could have found a beautiful partner 3 or 4 times over on here.
I'm sorry that you don't find your "supermodel". Maybe what you want in a man is unrealistic. Granted men posing with alcohol, bad teeth, etc is a turn-off. But not all are like this. Personally, some women on this site could also do with looking in the mirror. Just saying that there is two sides to every viewpoint.
I am not the most drop dead georgeous bloke on this site, but it did not stop me finding quality female friends, and my fiance (who thinks me to be extremely attractive, as do many females in her area - who would have thought it)...
So, do not whinge, but get active and start looking at others. Obviously your search criteria is not working for you, so change it.
Word to the wise - be yourself. Don't worry about those who won't like you. There will always be the vocal minority who will attempt to con you that they are majority.
The majority will probably like you, but never tell you....
Don't take rejection to heart, it will happen from time to time.
And don't discount ladies that initially may seem not suitable.
I personally don't think we need to get it right, we just need to be happy with what we choose for ourselves. We need to respect that each person will never conform to our ideals because they just are not us, have not experienced what we have experienced exactly, and are subject to the millions of variations caused by all sorts of things in our world, history, and environment.
It is only complex for those who want it to be. My relationship is the easiest thing to have started, to maintain, and to be happy in.
It is acceptance - yes that's right - simple acceptance of another as she is, and this acceptance from her back to me that makes our relationship easy.
Do we understand each other all the time? No. Do we agree all the time? No. Do we each have our own foibles, and imperfections? Yes.
Do they matter? No.
I have found with my fiance that relating and relationship is easy when two people love and accept each other just as they are, and also continue to accept and love each other as we both change as time goes by.
Well, I know where you're at Teddy..... I thought about these things as well when I went to meet my fiance's family. I found out that over half the stuff I packed I never used, or needed. You'll probably do the same. No matter how hot is might be, pack at least one jumper just in case it gets cold. Unless you don't mind buying stuff on the fly.
1 or 2 pairs of shoes, don't forget a spare pair for going out.
Pack jocks, toothbrush, toothpaste, and deoderant in your carry-on gear, you never know when your luggage might go awol....
Phone - you don't need one. Not really. Well the sim anyway. If there is wi-fi where you are going (most parts of the civilized world have this everywhere for free, the airports most certainly do anyway) you just need Viber to make phone calls and text. It'll save you a packet on international roaming.... Also there are internet site that'll send a free text message to any mobile phone anywhere in the world. Use them.
Chocolates - you can probably buy them cheaper where you're going than carting them around the globe / airports. Nearly every duty free outlet in any airport will sell them. Get them just before you go through to meet your lady.
Camera and spare batteries - a must. Take plenty of pics of you and your lady together (you may need them to help prove you have met in person).
Keep all your records, don't throw away anything, airline boarding dockets, hotel invoices, everything. You may need them if you and your lady decide to immigrate using some sort of relationship visa later on to help prove that you have actually met in person.
Keep a record of all the times you phone your lady. Also print out your emails. You will need them (well, I did anyway when my fiance was putting together her visa application to come and marry me) - these will help evidence an ongoing relationship if you or your lady decide to immigrate to be together.
Travel Insurance - don't leave home without it. Even if you are fit. I ended up spending 3 days in hospital. All is good, but you just never know what might happen. Foreign food, foreign water, etc.
Definitely take a relaxed attitude - don't get uptight and you've got heaps of time to think of other things.....
Take it easy - as difficult as this might sound, it helps to keep a cool head and you can plan and problem solve better than an excited headspace....
My experiences are similar. But I found for me, I had to start looking in other places for a partner.
I discovered that I firstly had to look in the mirror and make an honest appraisal of myself. This was shocking, confronting, and revealing.
Secondly, I had to evaluate what sort of women I was attracted to and why. Were they all the same type (spiritually, or physically, or emotionally, or personality wise, etc)? Why was I attracted to them?
Thirdly, I made up my mind to change. Then I started to make lifestyle changes (whether that be spiritual, emotional, physical, or whatever) and also changed what sort of person I was looking for as my lifestyle changes took effect.
Wow, love was right there all the time, just walking next to me, parallel to me, but I was always walking a different path to it. My changes helped me to jump into the same stream where I found love.
I don't know if this advice is of any worth to you, but it certainly is my learning experience of how I found love.....
Ha ha ha. Yes, Australian language is not really English! We used to speak English, but we are trying to give it up! Ha ha ha.
Just get a translator, my GF uses one all the time when we speak but she is slowly understanding Australian. But the translator is for English, not Australian, so I have to keep on translating Australian into English for the translator!
Okay, you are not a Chinese spy. So you must be a spy for the country that speaks your 3rd language then because it is a secret. I can tell, you wear sunglasses!
Na chicky, you are not a flirt - you are funny, witty, cheeky, and like to stir the pot at times. But you are not a flirt.
Some people don't know how to take you and this is a good thing, because they need to learn about how to relate to people from other backgrounds and cultures and how not everybody here thinks with a Western perspective and slant in mind.
So keep on being who you are and how you are. I love ya (brotherly love, that is) just as you are.
And besides you are fun. And I can flirt with you and know that we are completely safe and that I won't be taken the wrong way.
Now that is a friendship that I appreciate very much.
Wow, you meet this guy and next thing he is offloading very personal stuff with you. I think that he really needs to talk with a professional counsellor.
But I always wonder about men like this. If they can talk openly like this is someone they have only just met, how come he hasn't talked about this with his wife?
I think that perhaps if they both talked about it, a solution might be able to be found, or at least an understanding could be reached.
I'm sure that if he feels this frustration, that his wife would also feel it. Women are often far more sensitive to our moods and feelings than we are.
And I agree with others, keep you nose clean or you might end up in the middle of something you don't want to a part of.
Halv0 Blog Comments (196)
RE: I dont know
Migsy??? Are you back here??? Oooohhhh. I'm gonna tell bf.... not.Good to see you back. I relly like your generic sillouette pic. It really shows off that glowing smile of yours.
I think that cultural differences can be good for a relationship to grow both people, or it can make a relationship very difficult if both don't understand that allowances have to be made for cultural difference.
I think you know a lot about being in a relationship with someone from a different culture and I think you have a lot of wisdom that you can share on the subject.
How do I handle 'cultural' difference? I put on a stupid look and stare blankly at my fiance. If that doesn't work, then I pretend and say "I don't understand". If that doesn't work, then I revert to speaking heavy Aussie slang. That usually confuses her and the cultural difference goes away...... ha ha ha....