Janmei Blog Comments (314)

EL: The Way of the World

Hi howle. We raise our children to be independent adults who can find their own way in the world too.

As to Famous Oppressive Chinese Family Culture..

If it means children should respect and take care of their parents, the sons should, the daughters should, then I agree with it. My sister has been in Canada more than 10 years, she found that many white people do not take care of their parents, as a result, they end their life lonely in old folks' home. But not many Chinese old people in Canada face this fate.

If it mean “become closer to his family than your own. And you will have to respect his parents wishes and look after them in their old age, probably ahead of your own blood family”, and you disagree with it, and then I agree with you and I am against it strongly. My parents do not have sons, so I always think that if I marry a man, then I should take care of his parents, but who to take care of my own parents. In my definition, it is unfair to become closer to his family than my own. It should go both ways, that is, two families go closer to each other, not only the girl should go closer to the boy’s family. And if you think Famous Oppressive Chinese Family Culture means this aspect, and then I can tell you that I am still single because of this reason. I have some friends around me. If I agree, perhaps one of them has become my bf or husband. But whenever I think of ““become closer to his family than my own”, I will lose my mood to fall in love with them. Don’t you understand? I was born in this cultural background, I am against, so I have no other way to go. But I can solve this problem by choosing to forget it.

No, I am not going to find westerners. If you know how I and many of us think about westerners, you will know that, ha ha, no, we don’t want to find westerners. My sister has been in Canada more than 10 years but still single. Not easy to find the right Chinese man. Some white men are after her. But she refused. She said too many differences. Not because they are not good, or their life attitude or culture are not good. Just because too many difference. Difference about life attitude, habit, views, customs, and so on.

Ha ha it seems that you know us very much.

EL: The Way of the World

Hi calmheartseeks. Finally you point out the gist. Yes. “flock to that which has something we desire or is of benefit to us, and forget or abandon that which does not.” It is this thing I want to write in this blog. But somehow, other comments go other ways. But fine, different sharp eyes can read different things.

The way of the world. In Chinese we call it “the warmth and the coolness of life and society”. But when I search the translation, it becomes “the way of the world” or “every dog has its day”.

I hope your mother healthy and happy!

EL: The Way of the World

fine. as i have said, the world is diverse, people are different. though i disagree with something, yet i still view it as objective as possible. when the east culture comes across to the west one, i wouldn't judge the west culture according to the east standard.

EL: The Way of the World

Yes, Mike I respect your and howl’s beliefs too. Actually I respect those who know how to respect others. Actually I quite appreciate those who can voice out their own opinion in a polite and appropriate manner. That is communication. From this we learn from each other. The world is diverse, people are different. If all the people had the same opinion, how boring it would be!

There is no absolutely right or absolutely wrong. People hold different opinions due to different culture background, life experience and so on. Different places have different things. That is what makes the world wonderful.

I guess the basic root in this question is how we consider our parents. If we consider them as burden, then what you said is right. Not to be the burden of the one you love. But if we don’t consider them as burden, but the ones who can not be divided from us, then things will be totally different.

It is not contrary. Taking care of them is not contrary to having an independent life. Many families can live in this way in harmony. That is, the young children take care of their old parents, but also have their own independent life. Sometimes because of their old parents can give them some help, they can do their career more successfully. It is not contrary. Of course, some family can not have this harmony.

I also wonder if the westerners are really so independent. How1. I met several westerner boys on this site. From 19~28. from USA. From UK or other nations in Europe. They are students, or take a job outside, or even do some small business. But they still live with their parents or one of their parent. However, I have been living alone outside in two cities which are far far away from my hometown, far away from my parents since I was 19, from 2005. So who has more independence?

Hi hugh1! Thanks!

EL: The Way of the World

so i hope your daughters do not consider you as a burden.. i do not consider my parents as a burden. because of them, i don't feel so lonely in this world, expecially when i am down.


friends, bf, husband will make you not so lonely in this world. yes, it is true. but one day, becaues of the uncertainity of life, they will leave or betray you. but parents will never betray or abondan you.

they make the children feel warm and cozy and safe inside, in return, children make them feel warm and cozy and safe inside.

EL: The Way of the World

well i do not live as a westerner but my aunt and her family live among the westerners in North America. she said there are many many extremely lonely old people there. they are forgotten and live a miseable life at their old age. i hope when you are old, you won't be like those poor old people... oh no. every dog has its own day, should this sentence be used in this situation?

EL: The Way of the World

thanks john. i hope you and your girlfriend are well!

EL: The Way of the World

"the rather oppressive Famous Chinese Family Culture can make it difficult to have an independent life."

ha ha... you make me laugh out loudly and can not stop! welcome here, to see whether we are living an oppressive life without independence.

EL: The Way of the World

He he. How1e. your this sentence “For too long Chinese children have been taught to feel grateful to their parents and grandparents for giving them life, mostly thanks to that guy Confucis.” and this sentence “And really its time for China to live in the 21st century, not 5,000 years ago.” do really make me laugh.

So you think some of us feel grateful to our parents just because we were taught to be like this? Ha ha do you understand the relationship and the feelings between parents and children? Ha ha.

Parents take good care of us and in return we take good care of them, what is wrong about it. I guess that is something beyond the teaching of Confucis or the culture which is very very “out-of-date” 5000 years ago. That is something all living things possess and understand. Animals understand, Chinese people understand, white people, black people and red people understand.

EL: The Way of the World

lol. i am alone in shenzhen, my sister is alone in FS, my parents are at hometown. in this festival, i can not join my family either.

yes, shenzhen is close to hk, but if i want to go to hk, first i have to go back my hometown, which will take me nearly one day in a bus, to some places for the passport or such kinds of things. then only after having this passport, can i go to hk. lol. i only have 2 days for the festival.

lol. some good things had better not to lose, or else the society will become bad.

as a westerner, perhaps you will never understand such kind of things: we feel grateful to our parents, not only because we were taught to be like this by the Confucius, but because we love them, in the way they love us.

that is not only related to the "culture" or the "teaching" you mentioned or oppugned. that is also about the human beings' basic feelings and responsibility. the old's today is the young's tomorrow.

EL: The Way of the World

Hi all.

Hi jack. Thanks. I feel sorry for him too.

Hi mike. Yes some have none. I will call him more often in the future.

Hi 10k. hmmmmm.. so which way will you decide to die? Tell me so that I can call the policemen first.

Hi how1e. good question. I have been waiting who will ask such kind of questions. Actually not only you, but also many Chinese young people, are wondering the same question: Why we can not join our family members in such kind of festival?

Reason 1: young people go to other places to work, to earn money, and it is far, but the festival is short. We only have 3 days, some only 1 day. But the journey in the train will take 2 or 3 days. so can not go home!

The way to solve this problem: now the ruler-makers suggest that we should have more days in such kind of festivals, so that we can go home. We welcome this way.

Reason 2: Why my grandpa is alone? That is because he is in HK, but we are in mainland. He can come home easily, but we can not go there easily.

One of my uncles and his family are in HK too. They asked grandpa to join them. But grandpa is too old and he doesn’t want to walk so much. Tired. So why my uncle doesn’t go to join my grandpa? That is because the son does not love his old father when his old father becomes old. That is the change of the “Famous Chinese Family Culture” you mentioned, Not only you, but also many Chinese people begin to notice the loss of this family culture. Time changes, society changes, so people’s hearts change, the culture changes.

WX: Tsangyang Gyatso, This Life

Morning, Billy.

Ha ha I guess when we were caught by the policeman, we do not want to see them again.

Yes, they come and they go. That's why I find what Buddha said is good.

Perhaps when we leave hospitals, we do not say: see you later. we want to say: I do not want to see you again.

So, see you later!!!

WX: Tsangyang Gyatso, This Life

hi hi !

Hi Ben. Thank you. Yes, new beginning. If no end, how comes the beginning?
I thought you have left this site. now you come back.

Hi Mike. Thank you for your praise. I think I just copy what Buddla said and what Tsangyang Gyasto said here. borrow their wisdom. The ones who are deep are Buddla and Tsangyang Gyasto.

RE: Helicopters and Dirigibles

Hi RevWhiteWolf!
Thank you for your comment. i just saw it today.
this blog reminds me of movie "The Pearl Harbor". I watched it several times. and i like the background music very much !!!!

WX: The Vanishing Shaolin Monasteries & the Monks

Hi RevWhiteWolf! Thank you for your comment. Yes, time changes, and we change too.

WX: His Parents

well. why do i find some adults spend lots of money on their children but not a cent on their old parents?

RE: Tears taste salt........

hi melodyy. i think sometimes we need to be a fighter but sometimes we need to be a joy seeker.

enjoy our life.

yes, tears taste salt, but sometimes tears come because of joy.

WX: His Parents

hi Billy. i mean... when they become old, and unable to take care of themselves, their sons will abandon them, either leave them in the streets, or leave them in another single small room, do not take care of them, but their sons live in another good places.

perhaps this is a little common in your country or other countries, as you said there are many single lonely old people in your area. but this is not normal in China. this phenomenon occur in a large number only in recently years. media report them. yea, though the media is , i still read news.


the media use "empty nest" or "void nest" to describe the more and more old people who are left and forgetten by their children once they grow up. for thoussands of generations, when people become old, they will live with their children, grandchildren in China. this is a tradition. but it changes now. perhaps you can not understand it easily, because our culture background is a little different.

do you know the crow? it is their habit for the adult crow to take care of their old crow mother. when the crow is young, its mother feed it kindly. and when the little crow grow up and its mother becomes old, unable to fly to find food, the grown-up crow will feed its weak old mother in return. it is true.

RE: The Vanishing Cowboy- Myth or Reality

Hi RevWhiteWolf!

Good blog. Though i can not understand it completely due to some vocabulary out of my comprehension.

i think not only cowboys are vanishing, but also many people, such as those who master some handcraft skills. they know how to make good traditional things with their handcrafe skills, but in modern times some factories can produce lots of other luxurious things, so we do not need their things made by their handcraft skills. so they vanish. and many many traditional things, cultures, stories are gone with them.

as to the cowboys, i do not know them very well. but i guess, not many people are willing to be cowboys.

vast expanses of grazing land .. i always want to live in these places, though i know in my life i will never have this chance.

WX: His Parents

Hi Billy. I don’t know what it is like in your country or in other countries. But here, things seem to change very quickly and change to a bad way.

Parents brought up children and in return, when the children grew up, they took care of their old parents.. this has been existing in my country for thousands of years. And before, it was very common to see that in a big family lived grand-grandparents, grandparents, parents and children. Yes, maybe in some’s eyes, it is a heavy burden. I can understand. But, the old’s today is the young’s tomorrom. If we abondan the old, then when we become old, we will be abondaned by the younger.

In 1980 my grandparents were still living with their three sons. They spent their last years with their sons in several simple houses. Later they died with their sons and daughters holding their hands. This is the thing my dad told me.

And my another grandfather (mom’s dad) is 82 year now, living in Hong Kong. My uncle's sons are doing business and building their family in North America and my uncle can immigrate there to be with his sons too. But my uncle chooses to stay in HK to take care of my grandfather.

Things should be like this. It has been existing for thousands of generations. But now things change. Guess, how miseable it will be if an old man is driven out of his children’s home by his beloved children. When his children were still kids, the old man must love them with whole hearts.

RE: Confused

you are good-looking i have to admit. but you are too young. 20. i am 24 and this age is considered to be old in the east and this age is considered to be an age when i need to get married by the easters. but i still do not want to be trapped by marriage... how free to be single! though others all want to scare me to the wall of marriage.

WX: The Man Who Threatened to Kill Himself

thank you calm. now i have learnt something from your comment. for me i can not write some complicated sentences. even when i write in chinese, i write very short and simple sentences as i do not like long and complicated sentences very much. as i have said, others eyes are very sharp. yours too.

WX: The Man Who Threatened to Kill Himself

and if i was wrong because of "chosen the wrong subject to express my thoughts" as you said, then my brain would be something wrong because of thinking too much, jumping from one event to another far topic?

but that is really what i was thinking at that time. he did not make me think about "desperation" or "death", or "cried out for help", but "the ways people go to become famous".

perhaps my brain has too many "bends", as a result, others do not understand.

WX: The Man Who Threatened to Kill Himself

it is like this:
the man threatened to jump ---
finally he doesn't jump ---
reporters and journelists takes his photos and put him on newspaper ---
more people know him and our building ---
though he just wanted to reach some goal but not being famous, yet he is known to more people and he becomes a little famous for his "brave" behavior ---
this event reminds me of the ways people want to be famous (many people do this).

i think this plot is not so difficult to understand. after this event, some colleagues talked about the ways people want to be famous. they all understand. just try to bend your thinking, then you will understand.


ps. this man did not want to jump. everybody knew it by his action. and the reality proves.

and i don’t think reporters are lower than novelists in the form of life. I think some reporters write much better than some so-called novelist.

WX: The Man Who Threatened to Kill Himself

!! Drea. There is some borderline between being cold-hearted and being objective.

Death… yes, a fascination with it. I guess only when we die do we know what it is.

The media… Yes, in a sense, it is a tool, to guide people to certain ways, and avoid certain ways. But now internet is common, so people can know more things by using the internet.

Well it is not wrong to want to be famous. A female writer says that if you want to be famous, you need to be famous in the early of your life. She was famous when she was a young girl. Her name is Zhang Ailing. She was famous because of her real talent in writing.

But the problem is that, not everybody can have this real talent to become famous… so they choose so werid ways.

!!

WX: The Man Who Threatened to Kill Himself

and as to unsympathetic and sympathetic. i sympathize those who are really miserable, but not those who play with people's sympathy. no matter it is in the real world or on the internet, some people like to play with people's sympathy. they can get some "benefit" because people "sympathize" them. actually harsh words are better than those "kind" words which comfort them or pity them.

WX: The Man Who Threatened to Kill Himself

10k. hi. I am fine. How have you been? Long time no see.

Billy. Hi. I guess some Chinese media are the same as yours. That is the way they make money. Once I worked as a trainee in a newspaper. I think those journalists are very misearable. They all look for some news things to write, or else they will be scolded by the main editor. Finally one bridge collepsed, and they seemed to find some gold… as to the “women gossip”, perhaps it suits my tastes. Ha ha.

WX: The Man Who Threatened to Kill Himself

Yanner. Yes, under immense depression. People under immense depression will not hesitate to jump. That is why we all think that that man won’t jump. He stood there for nearly 2 hours until people left.

Swordfish44. yes, you get what I want to say. Yes, that is the way the journalist makes their money. I agree with you completely. Perhaps nowadays some people do not feel hungry in their stomatch, but they feel hungry in their brain, so they want to read those weird things… to fulfill their hungry brain. That is abnormal..

Carobnjak3. so let’s say it objectively. The fact is, that man does not jump. What you say is just “if”. If he really jumps, I wouldn’t read this blog, as I have written “death” before, I do not want to repeat the same topic. What I want to write is, this accident reminds me of this weird phenomenon. Anyway, you show your kind heart. That is good. Many people are indifferent nowaday, our world need more people like you.

WX: The Man Who Threatened to Kill Himself

no, not All of them want to be famous.

some do that, because they do not want to live. see those workers in the FOXCONN. they jumped off immediately, within one second, before everybody knows it or before everybody can stop them. just one second. they really want to die. if they could stand there for a little longer time, perhaps they would get some help. but no. just one second.

some do that, because they need help. as i have said, extreme ways may solve problems, but on the whole, not good. want help? you can sit down, discuss. but not scare others by threatening to kill themselves. of course, if they really do so, we need to help them.

some do that, because they want to be famous! with interenet and news media so common these days, the next day, everybody knows them!

thanks you for making me rethink.

WX: The Man Who Threatened to Kill Himself

anyway you are kind to try to help him. if he really wants to jump, i want to help him too. i am not so cold heart. just because he pretended to jump on the 3th floor, sometimes sat there, sometimes walked, sometimes ate, which made us think that he was just playing some tricks... for some aims. to reach some aims by threatening to do something.

and the reality proves that. finally he walked down after the journilists and people left.