Please remember that its not your responsibility to get her to understand anything. You can only help people who are willing to help themselves in the end. You are there for her. You have already done a lot for her. If you can show her GP your concerns that will be a bonus but you must let it in his/her hands then. I dont mean you abandon your friend; chat to her on the phone and listen to her problems and still be there for her but dont think you have to find the solution. Only she can do that in the end and you cant make her do it.
This might sound harsh, but you are not responsible for fixing her. You getting stressed about her and her problems when you can do little for her will only lead to trouble. It sounds to me like you need to step back a little and mind yourself in this.
If the meds dont suit her then she should insist her doctor changes them. She may be able to do that if she has your support. There are a lot of different meds for depression out there and different ones suit different people. The ones I take knock my friend out and the ones she takes make me into a walking zombie. However, taking the ones that suit us make us feel ourselves. I am surprised that her doctor hasnt changed them already if she is reluctant to take the ones she is on.
I love Christmas too and it doesnt have to be too expensive. We can choose how much we spend. I am starting to get my gifts now to spread out the cost a bit but am cutting down on the amount spent out of necessity. However, the thoughts and feelings put into choosing the gifts are the same as ever.
However, on sincerity; I have to say that it does not seem to be an integral part of these forums, or at least of the subjects that are brought up. My own feeling is that KB had a legitimate point to make and he tried to make it. Whether he sincerely wanted to find the answer to a dilemma is moot.
All I can say is that I found it interesting and I thank him also for his polite responses to my posts.
I think the point of the thread was more about how to deal with getting into that situation in the first place and not about what to do when you are actually in it. I understand that the dilemma was the feeling of not being able to deal with the emotions that it would bring up. I certainly dont believe that the OP was being selfish in bringing up the question. If one was to read back over his posts he does state that if he was with someone who was diagnosed as terminal he would try to be the best boyfriend that he could be. However, he did question whether it would be advisable to become attached if you knew at first meeting that the person was terminal.
Its quite an interesting question but one which is obviously very sensitive.
Although I think I understanding your point, I also think I wouldnt care to be the ill person thinking that the person I loved was only staying with me because of Christian charity. Love, when it is present, precludes any basic duty. I would prefer is someone stayed with me because they wanted to not because they "should".
So you are asking if it would be morally ok not to allow yourself to fall for someone who is terminal? I think we all have to decide what is for us. Some people can handle that scenario, some people just may not be able to. However, it could happen that you wouldnt have a choice when you meet them and they just sweep you away. If you cant fall for them because they are ill then you are not in love with them.....dilemma over. If you do fall for them then its a no win situation; if you leave them you lose them anyway.
To be honest, when it happens, I dont think you will have much of a choice. The heart wants what the heart wants.
However, I think you shouldnt let yourself feel tied up in knots over a situation that may never arise. Its all very well bringing up the possible scenario in a thread but dont think you can seriously make that sort of decision before you have to. I think you have to live life in the moment and not try to answer all lifes questions before they are put to you.
Wouldnt you always want to have hope that they will beat the illness that is killing them? It does happen. I would say that he was in remission for some of the time since he was first diagnosed.
We all have a death sentence. Dont want to sound facetious but none of us gets out of this alive. Its not a case of if we die but when and as we get older, life becomes more and more precious.
The only way to minimise hurt and pain in your life is to actually feel it and not deny it. Try it - it really works. It feels crap to begin with but there's nothing like it in the end.
As for the subject of the thread...I would make the most of the time I had with a special person and risk the pain. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. Corny I know but, for me, its true.
Thanks again to everyone for their support and kind posts.
Compared to other peoples problems my little accident is no worse than a scraped knee. The car can be repaired and no one was hurt, and that is a lot to be grateful for. I have already been laughing about it
Will be thinking and praying for those two boys in the next few weeks. My heart goes out to their parents but I believe there are more successes than failures with childhood cancers these days so, Please God, although the road will be tough, it will have a good ending.
I would prefer to be able to look myself in the eye when I wash my face in the morning. Cheating insurance companies is nothing to be proud of. Cheaters never prosper.
Thanks for the advice, H. I really dont know what to do in these circumstances. I am just waiting for the shock to abate before calling my insurance company so I can give them the details clearly.
I wouldnt put myself through the bother of suing if I didnt need to. I will watch myself carefully and take a visit to the doctor and/or physiotherapist if necessary. Hopefully, I will have no ill effects. Even the shock seems to be wearing off now but I will have to see how I feel when I get behind the wheel again. I can imagine getting a bit nervous about it.
Am a bit shaken but fine. I was stopped behind someone turning right, not far from home and she came right into the back of me. I saw her coming but couldnt believe it.
LadyBlackAdder Forum Posts (2,355)
RE: Depression - Serious thread please!
Please remember that its not your responsibility to get her to understand anything. You can only help people who are willing to help themselves in the end. You are there for her. You have already done a lot for her. If you can show her GP your concerns that will be a bonus but you must let it in his/her hands then. I dont mean you abandon your friend; chat to her on the phone and listen to her problems and still be there for her but dont think you have to find the solution. Only she can do that in the end and you cant make her do it.Best of luck
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